ikanaide! kono mune wa tsumi bukai yume mite shimau yo
Never say good bye sono hane wo kiri totte makka ni nurasu yume wo
"Don't go!" In my heart, I can't help seeing that sinful dream --
Never say goodbye. a dream where those feathers are torn out and soaked in crimson.
I rested until we reached Styx. The executioners there were powerful, but, if these where truly gods or angels, or whatever, they were unconditionally weak. You refused to talk to me, but you still helped me. It's rush in to see if I could stop an executioner from preforming a major attack, and you'd heal me if I failed, no retort added. You'd also heal Cliff. In fact, you healed Cliff more than you healed me. Maybe it was just because Cliff is more reckless than I am, but I can't help but get jealous.
I'm learning to accept these feelings as my own at this point. I've learning that they're not fake. I've been trying to come to terms with this up rising of homosexuality. But I didn't stop praying that it was just a phase, that this pain wouldn't stay. I could only pray that someday I would not love you, Albel Nox.
I grew somewhat distracted in battle and sometimes you had to drag me out and escape. Sophia would heal us, then, so that we could conserve our berries and enhancers for battle. We went through the time gate with some excelled drama and met up with that kid, Flad.
It was then that I learned that our whole life was a lie, a video game created by these beings. All these feeling, this love, this pain, all fabricated, all fake! We went through all that trouble to get into Sphere co. in order to find out if this was true, if we were just complete fakes.
It was then that we met Blair. She reassured us that we had developed minds of our own. However, she added, this made us a threat. We went to try to find the boss and stop him, but ended up in a fight for the elevator. I swear, the man we fought in that round room made me feel straight all right. Suddenly, loving you felt right, not gay. Then again, I guess the effects of seeing a grown slim man in tight clothes and lip stick would make even the century-old (kept alive due to being made of plastic) pop prince feel straight. Maybe. Nah.
In the end, we were headed for Elicoor. The Diplo came and picked us off of that God-forsaken planet. I honestly never thought I'd ever hear you say the words 'this stinks.' It sounds far too much like mid AD slang for you to be muttering, but I suppose it makes sense when you add the various variables to your planet's development along with your development on a personal level.
The little ship was crowded, seeing as we picked up Adray somewhere along the line during our adventures to and from 4D space. There wouldn't have been any space left at all if those two poor men hadn't died on top of the training facility. There were three rooms now for the five of us. The girls, Peppita and Sophia, shared. All we had to do was sort out us three, you, Adray and I. Adray was quite a scary guy, and so you and I shared. I ended up sleeping on the bench-sofa while you took the bed. It didn't quite accommodate my height, but it was alright.
We slept really well the first 24 hours, seeing as we were extremely tired. But the next 24 hours you didn't come to our room at bed-time. I heard your voice echo down the hall in a whisper. All else was asleep, nobody else could notice. I opened the door a crack and peeped around. You were standing down by Cliff's door. I could see the light of his room casting both yours and his shadows across the hallway and onto the wall.
It was true.
As his door shut and the shadows shrank, I saw your head sag, and I knew it was true. There really was something going on between you two, I was sure of it.
Shutting the door completely, I crawled back onto my makeshift bed. I tried to hold it, but the sobs came to me long and hard. I buried my face in my arms, my arms on my knees, my knees to my chest. You entered the room and I could feel your hard stare. I cried harder. You yelled at me, asking me what the hell my problem was and called me a maggot. I couldn't answer, I just wailed. It was hard to be so calm in front of everyone, and so the mix of everything I had stocked up on make me explode like that. My father's death, the tragedy on Hyda, separation from things I once knew, the end of my dreams, the end of my education, the end of my basketball team membership, the confusion of my feelings, finding out that this is all a game played by some sick 4D beings, Earth's destruction, this broken heart, it all blew up on me.
But as soon as I could, as soon as half of these emotions had me drunk on tears, I fell asleep.
The next morning arrived and I woke up groggy. I picked at the little breakfast I dug out of the fridge. We arrived on Elicoor soon enough in order to obtain the sacred orb so that we could finally get down to the bottom of all of this. You wouldn't look at me, but that was ok, I didn't want you too. I was ashamed at how childish I must've looked, how weak I was now in your eyes. I took my anger and frustrations out on the monsters we fought, all transformed by the vile wind.
We talked with the queen and we talked to Nel again. I never really noticed until then how much I missed her. Needless to say, you weren't very happy with me, or should I say, Cliff talking to her again. If you were secretly gay, why couldn't it have been with me? At least I didn't feel quite so uncomfortable, you obviously didn't have a problem with my team.
After a few attempts to make it into the shrine and quite a few trips back into town for supplies, we got frustrated and decided to wander Elicoor to explore the extent the Vile Wind's influence. We made a pit-stop in Arias, due to the free board in the lord's house. Tynave and Farleen were out fighting the executioners, so that left us with four beds. The girl's had their own room while we, the boys, split up our two beds between us. Adray had the sofa, Cliff got a bed, and you and I , being the smallest, were forced to share. Perhaps that was a side effect of the vile wind, you and I bedding together. I couldn't help but think that you hated this and would much rather be with Cliff, but I didn't argue. I did, of course, notice you had my back towards me and your front towards his side of the room.
I pretended that there wasn't much room on my side of the bed and curled up just bearly touching your back. I started muttering a soft song under my breath that I remembered from a time when Sophia dragged me to a thereat. "No one mourns the Wicked, no one cries 'They won't return...', no one lays a lily on their grave... The good man scorns the Wicked. Through their lives, our children learn what we miss, when we misbehave... And goodness knows The Wicked's lives are lonely, goodness knows, The Wicked die alone..."
"Shut up, fool." I heard you scowl over your shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I dug my head into the pillow and stared into the center of your back. But then you rolled over and grabbed at my chin, pulling me to his rubies. "I said I was sorry. It's just that I was thinking about what you said the other day and it reminded me of that song."
"Do you think that song is correct?"
I was silent for a while. "Yes, I do think it's true."
"Then you do hate me, I knew it." You tried to turn back over.
"No." I grabbed your cold shoulder and pulled you near. "I don't hate you."
"But I'm wicked."
"No, no you're not..." I held on your arm. "You're not wicked."
"Prove it."
"Kill me." I closed my eyes. I felt both two warm fleshed arms, though one was wrapped in bandages and disabled from much movement, being just something to give your claw support, wrap around my back as your lips touched mine. I was afraid to move. What the heck were you thinking! I accepted the brief kiss, but then you turned away. I felt my lip, it was bleeding. The blood was sticky on my finger tips.
You Wicked One, I will never understand.
Ame: Ok, I'm getting a bunch of reviews on how Albel is OOC. I'll explain my logic. Albel, in my eyes, wants everyone to see him as strong, unbeatable. Love would hurt that. He even says that compassion is a weakness, the reason why they lost the war. I don't really give his point of view in this. He kisses Fayt without much hesitation, but (in the next chapter) you can tell that he does get awkward around the boy when others are near. I think he'd be very confused anyway. It is a very confuseing state of loveto be in, and it must be worse for one who has never considered love since his father's death.
As far as the open-mindedness of the SD era... this is Elicoor, they're stuck in a midevil state of being. Though it is a good point. Fayt could be more open-minded and not even notice it's a taboo, or it could be like that NelxClair I read where it's perfectly normal on Elicoor. But I like awkwardness, confusion, and angst... so I nulled those variables.
Oh, and I know they probably take turns sleeping. I didn't notice that until my second time through the game that Cliff says 'I'll rest first.' But I prefer the prospect that they'd all sleep at night, sleeping on the floor and sleeping on sofas and such. My little brother and I like to go through and joke about stuff like that... We once had Fayt and Cliff in two beds and Nel in a wardrobe... yeah...
I'm sorry that this chapter sucks... I don't think Fayt would break down in tears like that... but I decided to try to pound on him like that. And I'm sorry about the song thing... I was out of ideas for this part. The next chapter is coming along better. I'm sorry these notes are so long!
