Chapter 6 – Aftermath
Author's Note: In which everyone deals with the fallout of Order 66. :)
~ Amina Gila
The lull lasts only a few minutes before everything descends into chaos, but it's a different kind of chaos this time. Vader lingers in the shadows, unwilling and unable to watch as the Jedi and clones try to sort themselves – and each other – out. Something is... wrong. It's as if there's something in his mind which was there and now is there no longer.
He finds out some minutes – or hours? – later when the man approaches him again, easily spotting him despite the fact that he is, in fact, quite well concealed from random passersby. Vader thinks that he should probably leave the Temple and find somewhere else to go. He doesn't belong here, among the Jedi, not when he's not even one of them. He's an outsider, a Sith, an enemy.
The Jedi tells him that two other Jedi, Windu and Yoda, had fought Sidious. Tyrannus, who is also known as Dooku, apparently – and why does that name seem so incredibly familiar to him? – had joined him. Together, they killed Sidious, and then, Dooku had given the Jedi the code to shut down Order 66 on the condition that they let him leave. They did. It's over now. The clones are no longer fighting the Jedi, and now, it's left for everyone to sort through the mess.
Vader wishes that he didn't feel like an outsider here, because he thinks he could have been happy here. Maybe. A part of him disagrees with that sentiment, though he doesn't know why. He also learns the name of the Jedi: Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Togruta he had seen earlier is Ahsoka Tano. Something about their names is familiar, though Vader can't say what.
"What's troubling you?" Obi-Wan questions. His hand twitches like he wants to reach out and touch him, though he restrains himself for which Vader is grateful. He doesn't think he'd like to be touched by this – this stranger. Even if they used to know one another, Vader doesn't remember him anymore.
But the question. The question he can answer. "I – I don't belong here," he answers, fingers curling in his robes. "I'm not a Jedi."
"You were." Obi-Wan's voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, and Vader can keenly feel his pain. "I trained you, raised you. You were one of the best of us."
Vader lowers his head. Intuitively, he knows that he must have cared for this man, but... his memories are a blank spot. He remembers nothing, nothing at all. And the knowledge that they had, undoubtedly, once been close only makes this harder. It makes him want to avoid Obi-Wan, because he doesn't want to be compared with the person he was before this happened. "I don't remember that," he bites back, frustration lacing his words. "I don't remember anything."
"Nothing at all?"
He shakes his head. "Impressions sometimes, but..." It's difficult for him to put it into words. "My – Sidious told me that it's irreversible."
Obi-Wan's expression tightened. "He could have lied. Do you want to be checked by a healer?"
Vader wavers. He would like that, but he knows that the healers must be busy with all of those who have been wounded during the attack. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he doesn't know anymore. He doesn't know anything, and he hates that. All he knows is that Obi-Wan isn't filled with the same dark maliciousness that Sidious was. He's... calm, peaceful, light. "I feel fine," he deflects, "And I'm sure the healers are busy."
The Jedi hesitates. "They are," he admits, "But I spoke to the other members of the Council, and they are... worried. We don't know what happened to you or what the Sith did to you. For all we know, they could have been controlling you."
Some unnamable emotion tightens in Vader's chest. "They weren't controlling me," he denies hotly. "I knew what I was doing." He dares to meet Obi-Wan's gaze for a moment with angry defiance, and he sees sorrow and pain in his blue-gray eyes.
"I don't think you should be alone though," Obi-Wan replies. "I'll have Ahsoka stay with you."
"For my sake or for the Jedi's?" Vader demands a bit bitterly. He doesn't know why it stings so much; perhaps because it feels as if he's being given a babysitter. He doesn't need one. He's been fine all this time since he regained consciousness. Although perhaps it is strange that he hasn't had any dreams or flashbacks to his past? He doesn't really know though since he knows nothing about amnesia.
"She missed you," Obi-Wan says in lieu of an answer. "We both did. We –" His voice catches on the words, and he cuts off abruptly. "I'm glad you're here," he murmurs.
Vader can't say the same, so he remains silent. It was easier when he didn't feel as if he was thrown into a whole new world, one which he should know but doesn't. At least with Sidious and Tyrannus, he knew what his place and role was. Obi-Wan leaves after giving him strict instructions to wait there. He's tempted to leave, to disappear and find his way out of the Temple. Coruscant is a big planet, and he knows that he could hide easily there. But... something stops him. Perhaps it's the quiet hope that he'll be able to remember something of his past if he stays here. Perhaps it's because of the way Obi-Wan was looking at him, with such relief to know that he's here instead of with the Sith.
Ahsoka approaches him only minutes later, and Vader studies her, noting that she looks tired but relieved – happy is the wrong word, because he knows that she's mourning all those who died during the attack. He shouldn't be here. He should be – should be somewhere else. Or imprisoned. Or something. Why are the Jedi letting him walk freely when they know that he led the attack, that he killed people? Or maybe, he thinks dully, they just haven't had the time to deal with him yet, not when there are so many who need their assistance.
She studies him in silence for a moment, a half-frown on her lips, before she sighs. "Maybe we should go up to y- an apartment," she suggests. "It'll probably be more comfortable and less awkward there."
Vader shrugs. He doesn't really care, doesn't really know enough about this place to either agree or disagree. Ahsoka seems to take that as a silent consent, because she gestures to him to follow her. He does, and she leads him to a turbolift, though one which is away from the main halls of the Temple. It seems like some sort of side route. A few Jedi – okay, more than a few, but Vader is trying to ignore everyone else – give them curious or wary glances on the way, but no one stops them, thankfully.
Ahsoka pauses outside a door, keying in the code. "This was your apartment actually." Her voice is quiet, tone light, exaggeratedly so. There's something else going on here, something which he's missing. The door slides open, and they both enter.
Vader is instantly hit by a feeling of familiarity, and he instinctively knows that he's been here before. Many times. He can feel an echo of his own presence here, and if anything, it's simply jarring. To him, this place feels like it belongs to a stranger, and yet, the Force never lies. His head throbs suddenly, a pulsing pain that comes and goes intermittently. Strange. That's never happened before. But he can also feel something else: Ahsoka. He can feel her presence saturating the walls as if she was here recently.
"You said this was my apartment?" he questions, and when she nods, he continues, "Then how did you know the code?"
He's confused, mainly, but he thinks he sounds a bit more hostile than intended, because something like sadness and regret flash through her eyes. "I was your Padawan," she replies matter-of-factly as if it's a meaningless bombshell.
Vader jolts back from her, studying her with new eyes. "I – you – but I'm not that old," he protests, tone rising almost hysterically. "I couldn't have been raising a child."
Ahsoka seems... uncertain, in a way, as if she doesn't know how to respond to him. "I – it wasn't very... conventional, but you did train me. You were... young, I suppose, and I was older than most Padawans. But it worked."
He swallows, unable to tear his eyes off her. "Were we... close?" He doesn't know why he asks; perhaps it's because they're in private where nothing they say can be overheard by others.
She nods. "Very." Her voice is hushed suddenly, but she says nothing more.
And Vader – Vader doesn't know how to feel about that. She's another shadow from his past, the past he doesn't remember, the past he might never remember again. He looks at her and recognizes that she does genuinely care for him, the affection in her eyes much the same as it was in Obi-Wan's, but he is not the person she knew. He may never be again. And he doesn't want to be trapped with people who constantly look at him and want to see someone else. The mere thought makes him sick. He doesn't want to be trapped in his own shadow.
"I – I think I want to be alone for a little bit," Vader admits, not looking at Ahsoka.
She seems unfazed. "Of course. Your bedroom is through that door." She gestures, and Vader goes without looking back at her.
He feels marginally better when he's alone, and perhaps he might not feel so confused or depressed if his head wasn't suddenly throbbing so much. It's as if being here in a place which he used to know well is trying to force his memories out. Vader wants to remember. He wants to remember so much that he aches with the need, but at the same time, he fears that it'll be nothing more than a useless longing.
After a few minutes of looking around, he lays down on the cot on his side, staring blankly at the wall and trying to shut down his thoughts. The less he thinks, the less his head aches. He slips into a semi-doze after a while, and he's distantly aware of Ahsoka coming to check on him at least once. Obi-Wan comes later, and this time, he is more conscious. He opens his eyes, turning his head slightly to make out the Jedi Master in the dim lighting.
"Sorry," he apologizes, seeming torn between coming closer to Vader and backing out. "I just wanted to see how you are. Are you okay?"
Vader grunts, smothering a groan as he rolls over. "Headache," he manages, wincing slightly. "I think it's just..." He gestures vaguely at his surroundings. "This place. It's – it was familiar to me. 'S jarring my brain, I think."
"Maybe you should see the healers then," Obi-Wan points out, taking a few steps closer, though he's careful to keep his distance as if Vader is nothing more than an acquaintance to him. Vader respects that, even if he knows that Obi-Wan wants to come closer.
"I'll be fine," Vader responds dismissively. "They must be busy."
The Jedi Master's expression softens. "They are, but they always make time for those who need help. It might be best if they look at your condition and check your mind. We don't know what's happened to you."
Vader eyes him speculatively. "Is this your concern or is this the demand of your Council?"
Obi-Wan's expression doesn't change. "Both," he admits shamelessly.
Vader scowls, sitting up, but doesn't otherwise move. "I don't want to go to the healers," he says at last. And it's not only because they must be busy after the attack that he led. He feels guilty, somewhat, but he also feels totally numb. The main reason he's refusing, however, is that he doesn't want to be poked and prodded at. He feels fine, except for his headache. "There must be some other way for you to ascertain my... stability."
For a moment, it looks as if the Jedi wants to make a quip, but he restrains himself. "I can take a look inside your mind, if you want," he suggests.
He... can? Well, of course, he can. He might not be a healer, but Vader should have realized earlier that they must share a bond, because of their past history. Obi-Wan should be able to use that bond to check on him. But he doesn't know if he wants that. "Let me see," Obi-Wan practically implores. "The longer we wait, the more irreparable the damage done to your mind may be."
Vader wavers, uncertain. But, the Jedi Master is right, and even if it'll be unpleasant, it'll be even more unpleasant to never remember anything. "Okay," he whispers, feels oddly resigned. In the end, it's not as if this is really a choice, is it?
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