AN: Have you ever booked yourself into a dingy motel for a week to write fan fic? Because same.
Olivia knocked on his door, her tap so light she barely heard it for herself.
She was still a little woozy from the painkillers, still disorientated from broken sleep. It was somewhere around the 2pm mark, she had gone down to the kitchen before she had come to Elliot's room, spied Jackie who was making them an early dinner - or a late lunch, she wasn't sure. The smell of Moroccan casserole permeated through the house, stirring her belly into action, reminding her that it had been nearly 24 hours since she had a decent meal. The trail mix in the motel hadn't cut it.
Jackie offered her a bite while it cooked but she had declined, saying she wanted to check on Elliot first, her mind needing reprieve before her stomach did. She also still needed to call the precinct asap, to stop the search she invariably knew would be happening around her. "Got anything Cap?" She could almost hear the pain and discomfort in Amaro's voice at the fact that he lost her. Again. So soon after Lewis. Each moment that ticked by another guilt-laden minute she had to push to the back of her mind because a selfish sonofabitch wouldn't tell her what the hell was going on.
And now here she was, outside his door with his name perched on her tongue still no closer to finding her answers, her mind just flooded with new ones. She swallows his name back down, twisting the knob instead and walking into the room, no longer giving him the courtesy of notice, a part of her feeling it was no longer his right.
She spots him lying on his back, his head tilted to the side, one hand on his bare chest the other under the sheet by his hip. She watches his chest rise and fall, the patch of gauze on his stomach lifting under each sleep induced breath. Her eyes trace over the scratches that mark his throat, now appearing red raw in the harsh light of day. The scratches that she caused, the ones he made her inflict.
Her eyes flicker in response and she takes a weighted breath. Her fingers come out slowly, the tips only just brushing across the raised flesh as if she needed confirmation that they were actually real. That any part of this was. Her own body marked by his fingers, his mouth, his teeth – scratches, bite marks against her throat, marks that now mirrored his. Her fingers curled around his neck her thumb involuntarily pressing into the column, the thick muscles tripping underneath her touch before she moves her other hand across until she applies equal pressure, squeezing his throat between her hands.
His eyes snap open as he struggles against her hold but she grips harder, ignoring the feel of his fingernails digging into her flesh as disgruntled, gurgled, desperate noises escape his throat. She gives him no reprieve, just watches on blankly as he wrestles for breath, reveling in the way his throat struggles for air beneath her capture. Then she feels it, words pounding in her chest, permeating through her ears and coming out of her larynx as if they were her own.
"Lights out."
Her heart trips against her ribcage as she lets out a gasp. Her eyes snap open, her chest pounding into overdrive as she blinks against the darkness. She sits up, covers falling off her, sweat lining her hairline as her shaky hands pat beside her for the lamp. She switches it on, a flood of light pouring through the empty room as her eyes capture the clock beside her.
2:12pm.
She takes a few solid breaths. Where is she? Her mind rattles to remember. Jackie's. She's still at Jackie's. And that was just a dream. Just a dream. The room itself looks pitch black from the block out blinds, disorientating her even more so.
She is shaking, her hands rattling with a force she hasn't experienced since Lewis. She takes a deep breath, bowing over the side of the bed until her nose is steepled in her hands. Long moments pass until she is finally moving towards the bathroom ensuite connected to the bedroom and closing the door with a light clink.
Her hands press against porcelain as she takes her self in, leaning in a little closer to get a good look. Dark purple brusing outlines her nose as red marks trail down the column of her throat. She's woozy from the drugs, nauseous from lack of food. Her shaky hands turn on the faucet filling her hands with water. She takes a few generous sips before she is splashing water on her face, then she just blinks back at her reflection.
Just a dream. She repeats to herself. Just a dream.
She moves towards the bedroom door and when she makes it into the hall a flood of Moroccan casserole hits her like a wall, her mind going into overdrive. She takes the few steps towards the guest room, her unsteady hands coming out until she is twisting the knob, desperate to see if he's in the same position she had dreamt. As she steps through the room all she spies is an empty bed, covers ruffled, sunlight pouring in and lighting up the space he no longer occupied.
She takes a few shallow breaths, her lungs still unable to fill completely before she turns to walk back out. She collides with him immediately, a pang of fear shooting through her chest at his unexpected presence. He goes to steady her but she moves backwards until she bumps into the open door.
"Jesus," Elliot whispers. "It's just me," he puts his hands up in surrender.
Her eyes are wild with trepidation as she tries to steady her breath her hands moving behind her, pushing the door backwards so she has space to back up from him. But the thing that scares her the most is it no longer matters who he is, because Elliot Stabler was no longer a source of trust in this world.
And neither was she.
"Relax," Elliot tries again, his arms raised in defense indicating that he's not a threat.
"Liv.." he whispers again until she appears to be coming back down, her breathing returning to normal but her scattered gaze is focused on anything but him.
"What happened?" His irises trace hers worriedly, aching to step a little closer but knowing it will do her no good.
"I.." she begins and he watches a red flush chase it's way up her chest. "You were.." She blinks. "I was."
He's not used to seeing her like this, so rattled, so easily charged, so on edge, he's only seen this mode of hers a few times but now he's seeing something much deeper in her eyes. Similar to the terror he saw in the trailer, only this time, a much darker fear.
"Liv," he tries again.
"I'm.." she says through a breath. "I just.. I need to make a call Elliot, can you please just take me to a phone. It's been over 24 hours.." her words rattle off in panic. "I can't do this okay. I can't do this to Cragen."
He swallows, a feeling washing over him that she is going to run. For good this time. She's still not looking at him and he can see her hands are still trembling slightly beneath her hold. She folds them against her chest in order to still them and he waits a few beats before he says it.
"You know you could have left at any time," his voice drops a few octaves lower. "I told you to leave at the gas station.. and you didn't," he reminds her, treading carefully.
Her eyes flit briefly up to his before she moves them away once more.
"Look," he whispers with all the seriousness he can muster. "Let me just explain to you what's going on okay Liv," he sighs. "Then, once you know, I'll take you to a pay phone in town." Knowing at that point she will have no choice but to run anyway. "But first.. let's just eat. It's been hours and you lost a lot of blood," he whispers, treating her like a startled vicitim he's trying to coax with food.
A few beats exchange between them until he finally feels her shift.
She starts to move then, walking past him, ensuring no part of their bodies connect as she passes him in the hallway. He can still feel her fury. Still hear her anguish. Still sense her distrust. But he considers it a win because for at least another couple of hours, she isn't going to run.
TBC
AN: Oh f**k. I know. I know. I still haven't explained but I promise you the answers are coming! *Le creys* I just couldn't rush it out of them for the sake of getting it out you know. It will be worth it I promise. Please forgive me. Love you long time. Also sidebar your reviews omg. I love you. I love them. They are my crack. Your detail does not go unnoticed and I'm here for it. X
