itte kure! kono omoi me wo tojite sora e to suteru sa
Never say good bye itsu no hi ka aeru darou haruka na umi wo koe
"Tell me!" Come, close those heavy eyes and throw away the sky.
Never say good bye You'll probably get there someday, and cross the distant ocean.
Somehow I had convinced you to stay outside with me that night. I felt itchy in my new cotton clothes, fresh from the store, but I was comfortable laying out on the grass next to you.
It was odd, I never really admired the stars. They were always so close and ordinary. But they had suddenly become something beautiful.
On a planet that was just at the start of its space program, the stars were still a blanket of flickering flames in the sky.
I glanced over to see your reaction to actually just laying back and enjoying the sky. You were on your side, facing away from me, curled up and repulsing the very air.
"Hey... 'bel?" I sat up and leaned on my elbow, hesitant to reach out for you, as if touching you would freeze me.
You grumbled a little before turning slightly to look up at me as I leaned over you. "What's wrong?"
"...I'm bored. It's just a bunch of dots, what's the big deal? Why stare at it like it's amazing. We've already been there."
"Yeah... but... there's so many... somehow, Luther made all of them." I smiled, looking up at them. "He must've been pretty amazing, if we could have been friends..."
"If he hadn't been INSANE."
I laughed a little at that. It was an odd thing, being this at ease after the day's earlier events. Maybe it came so naturally because we were both free now. Free from self judgement and knowing we're equally, as you put it, insane.
"You know, he kind of looked like you." Red eyes disappeared as you closed them and rolled back over. "But you two were complete opposites."
"What do you mean?"
"He went nuts because his program was failing, or succeeding too well. You... you're much more submissive." I could hear the smirk in your voice as it carried over the crisp air. "He had intelligence on how to make things, he must have been very smart. Your opposite. But you... you can keep your temper and work things out. You're smart in your own way, don't worry," you chuckled, "Fei'."
Now I smiled brightly and you shifted, feeling the emotion and not liking it.
"I take it back. You're nothing but an idiot, fool."
Shaking my head with a laugh, I laid back down. "Why don't you lighten up, just for tonight, and enjoy yourself?"
"Why should I. It's been the same sky over my head for over 24 years. And it's been laughing at me the whole time."
"Is that why you were so eager to rush into it, then? To shove your katana in its face?"
"You do know that my blade is known for cleaving the sky in two."
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that story."
You were silent for a while, curled up in your defensive little ball. I stared up at the sky, absorbing the night.
You're a lot like... her... did you know that? It was painful to look up, those green cat's eyes filled with stars. You know, cat's eyes don't fit you. You're not sly, cunning, deceitful in the least. You shouldn't have them. Those eyes that strike, full of 'honesty' and 'kindness,' and cause a man's chest to lurch forward in pain.
You shouldn't have them.
Well, at least, you shouldn't have them around me.
She used to sit back and look at the sky too.
"Look, Albel." She'd always smile. "Someday, you're going to be there too. You'll find somebody very special and dance through the stars together." Her loving, dream-filled sigh always made a person feel distant from her while still being able to watch the fantasy in her head. She loved my father, she loved him a lot. Even as a middle-aged woman with a teenaged son, she's still swoon to see the middle-aged man in his uniform, looking so professional as he mounted his dragon.
Somehow, I had always felt left out of her affections. Sure, she always kept me by her side and told me stories of the stars. But, when my father was there, I wasn't.
As a child, the time when you're easily molded to be like your parents, I had grown to admire my father. His strength, his courage, and the way mother loved him. As a boy I was protected by my mother and my father, never really exposed to anything but sitting around the castle and fairy tales. As I grew older, I grew determined. I wanted to be like my father.
Daydreams of being a dashing knight on a dragon and waving good-bye to my darling wife took up my time instead of training for a while until I became obsessed with it and demanded my father let me join as soon as I was of age. He smiled down at me lovingly. "Fine." He said. "But you'd better get yourself ready. You, my son, will carry on the Dragon Brigade tradition. I'm proud of you. This arm," he had pat my left arm boldly, "will bring honor to our family."
That's what he said.
I trained for three years until my fifteenth birthday, and I was determined to make my father proud.
"Be careful." A voice had told me as I geared up for the ceremony. "Always be honest with yourself. Your father loves you, Albel."
I looked around and shrugged it off as my imagination. Now I can safely assume it was The Crimson Scourge.
When I had journeyed deep into the mountains, my father had followed me. He wasn't supposed to, it was against regulations. But my father cared. Then... he died.
I... I couldn't bring myself to believe it at first. One moment I was on my knees, panting, dying, watching the fiery death come. Then I heard the shout, saw the flash, and he was gone. Left as a charred pile of gore along with my left arm.
"This... This cannot be!" I cried, the proud dragon looming over me.
"Want some more?"
I grit my teeth and glanced at that which was once my father and back. "Gladly! I won't be defeated by the likes... of..." Sudden pains brought me to my knees again, my forehead hitting the dirt as blood drenched my hand.
Once the coughing subsided I could hear the shouts of two of my peers. One was quick, with his arms hooking mine and getting me out of there. "Let's go, Vox."
"Huh?" I heard the dreaded voice say. It was my father's right hand man, the scum who had been watching for his chance to take over the brigade ever since he joined. My father was a fool to ever trust him.
"We've got to get Albel to a doctor, fast. We've finished the ceremony, no reason to stick around here." The fresh young soldier already had me safely away from the dragon. He had such strength...
"But shouldn't we take care of this little problem first? He failed and he killed his father! Let's finish him!" Vox was eager to get me out of his way. I think he had always been afraid that I would steal his chance to be commander.
The young man above me smiled. "Easy wins have never been my style."
Now my enemy was smirking over me, already plotting on how he could control the rest of my life. "I have to agree with you there. I have no interest in troucing weaklings either!"
"Let's go." The greens eyes nodded now, in my flashback, blue hair falling lightly over his forehead. His strong arms supporting my body, his chest warm on my back. There, saving me, as I glared up and grit my teeth, then hid my face behind my bangs as the tears rolled with one heart-ripping scream.
"Albel!" I heard your voice, clean and urgent. "Albel, wake up!"
You shot awake in an instant. "Wh- what happened!"
"You fell asleep. You must have had some nightmare. I haven't heard that scream since..."
"Since you abandoned me on that godforsaken day." You scoffed, turning away, rejecting me. "Leaving me for dead and ignoring my plight."
"Albel..." I pleaded. "I'm sorry... But I had to..."
"YOU were the thieves! YOU were the criminals, the villians!" Snapping as you stood, you silently threatened to leave.
"Albel, someone had to end the war!"
"Vox had me convicted because of you! You could have at least... killed me! Finished me off!" You turned, in my face, heavy hand gestures cutting me off.
"But... if I had... I would never have met you." I lent you a weak smile, the best I could muster. You wouldn't accept it. I let the subject drop. "Albel, what have you been dreaming. I... it's worrying me. I want to help you, but I don't know how." Grabbing your right wrist tightly, I urged you. "You're wasting away, 'Bel. Come on, please... let me..."
You looked down at me, hard at first, then in a sort of daze, studying my eyes. "I can finally be a part of it."
"Wha-"
"Someday, you're going to be there too. You'll find somebody very special and dance through the stars together." You pointed vaguely behind you, to where the stars glittered across the rooftops. "That's what my mother always used to say. Then she'd sigh and close her eyes and dream about my father."
I smiled, giving a small chuckle to your spaced-out grin. "I bet she never thought that you'd take it literally."
With that your face fell. "I guess... I never did really grew up." A weak laugh. "I... was kind of hoping to see them along the way, dancing like she always said they did." Then your face grew completely crestfallen. "Then I could have said I was sorry."
I was startled, tilting my head as I came back. "For what?"
"For the inexperience that makes me a failure in battle," started the list. "I'm sorry for the selfishness that will now allow me to accept others, for the arrogance that makes me look down on those weaker than I, for my suspicion-filled heart that distrusts the king. I'm sorry for the rebellious nature that prevents me from cooperating with others, the jealous nature that makes me envious of those superior to me. And... for the death of my father, brought by my own impotence." Nervously you laughed, then it died with a sigh and a dead smile. "More than anything, I'm sorry for not being dead."
"Dead! But, why?"
You shook your head. "She was really, very in love with my father. When he died she... she lost it. We ran out of funds and stopped eating, stopped sleeping. She was going insane all thw while." Your eyes scanned me up until I could see straight into them, then fell. "Sh-she tried to kill me, and then killed herself out of shame for my cowardice."
"Albel..." I found my self, hesitant, winding my arms around your shuddering form, holding your face to my chest.
"Get off of me," you could have said. "I can kill you right now, fool," even would have been acceptable. But no.I don't want to have to look up and look into those eyes. I hate... I love... your eyes. Still glistening with stars as if they've never died. As if they've never betrayed me and left me alone. Never left me alone and starving, at the mercy of a king I didn't trust.
I've been suffering awful insomina (What most would call a teenage summer sleep schedule), ugh... It's 2:39 AM at the moment... I want to be in bed by 10 PM, darn it. Oh well...
Second to last chapter is up! I might add some more little extras on later, for fun. This thing will just keep growin', huh xD oh well, I don't hear complaints. I don't want to torment people into watching a finished fic.
Speaking of finished fics, Beauty and the Wicked it my newest addition and finish. Also probably the cause of my insomnia... but oh well. It's also my pride and joy. It has bits of Penna in it, too, and gives little spoilers to the next chapter... What am I going to do after the next chapter, with no (SO3) fic to complete? I'll talk about my next project next time.
Thank you all! I love you! Mmmmwa!
