10. Broken


When Charlie had not turned up to form that morning, Nick had been about ready to ditch the rest of the day and go straight over to the Springs' house and demand that Jane let him in. He knew this was probably not the healthiest idea he'd ever had so he merely spent the first period daydreaming about his daring escape rather than actually going through with it.

This had been better than the alternative: to allow his mind to wander through all the possibilities as to what might be up with Charlie.

Because there was definitely something up.

Nick had been proud of himself when he made it all the way through first period without sending a single text to Charlie, knowing fully well it would go unanswered.

Over an hour was apparently too long for him to keep this up though because, during the crossing time before second period, scrolling through his camera roll once again, he could not stop himself from sending the Snow Day picture.

Nick stared at the photo as it sat unread in his text thread box. He gave himself a little mental shake and stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

It wasn't until he was sitting down in his next lesson that he felt his phone vibrate. Once, twice, six times in quick succession. Trying not to get his hopes up, Nick took his phone back out.

And suddenly, it was as if a physical weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Did the room seem brighter?

NICK (10:02): Charlieeeeee! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

NICK (10:02): Don't worry about me, I'm just glad you're doing better ❤️ I knew you were having a bad day… I didn't know how to help :(

CHARLIE (10:03): i'm sorry i was so awful to you just cos i was feeling like shit

NICK (10:03): You weren't being awful in the slightest. You were just quiet and sleepy and sad.

NICK (10:03): Do you want to tell me about it?

Nick watched the ellipses with bated breath, waiting for Charlie to reply. Before he could however, Nick's teacher spied him across the room as he was about to begin the lesson.

"Phones away, please, Nick. You've already had several warnings yesterday, please don't make me give you a detention."

"Sorry, sir."

Nick slipped his phone under the desk and quickly typed:

NICK (10:04): Think about it? You don't have to. But I am your boyfriend and I do care ❤️ Let me know what you decide at break? Mr Bennett is giving me the evils…

An hour later, Nick hurried away from Sai, Christian and Otis, who were all looking as though they were about to drag him over to the playing field for a breaktime game of rugby.

He managed to avoid them spectacularly, and flopped down against his and Charlie's usual tree.

It felt a little odd to be sitting there alone, but he couldn't even hear any students nearby, let alone see them. All that went out of his mind however as he looked again at his phone -

CHARLIE (10:05): ❤️

NICK (11:01): Hi :*

CHARLIE (11:01): hi! :*

CHARLIE (11:01): so… ready to hear my story? it's not particularly exciting

NICK (11:02): I want answers please! x

CHARLIE (11:03): so basically i fainted in latin and the nurse sent me home. it was super embarrassing but i honestly really needed the rest. i've been feeling pretty down for a while now and i suppose it all just sort of caught up with me. i basically slept all day yesterday which is why i didn't reply to you… i'm fine, i promise. i feel better now, especially since talking to you ;)❤️

NICK (11:04): :( I wish I had been there for you xxx

CHARLIE (11:04): tbh i'm kinda glad you weren't. i probs looked v not cute with my face squished against the gross classroom floor

NICK (11:05): If I had been there your face would have looked v v cute squished against ME because I would have caught you! Dumb-dumb!

CHARLIE (11:05): who you calling dumb-dumb?

CHARLIE (11:05): anyway i have two pieces of news. 1 is very good, the other is very confusing/possibly terrible. which first?

NICK (11:06): Good!

CHARLIE (11:06): my dad managed to convince my mum to let me have my phone privileges again! (which is how i'm typing this right now and not being yelled at btw)

NICK (11:06): YEEEEESSS!

NICK (11:06): This has been the worst thing I've ever had to endure, I swear. Oh my God, I'm so happy!

CHARLIE (11:07): I KNOW! i've missed just being able to talk to you whenever i want xxxx

NICK (11:07): You know we're probably not getting any sleep tonight? We have too much to make up for! xxx

CHARLIE (11:07): oh definitely ;) can't wait x

NICK (11:08): What was the confusing/terrible news?

CHARLIE (11:08): well my mum has invited you and your mum to a dinner party tonight at ours

NICK (11:08): I mean I'm excited to see you but ?!

CHARLIE (11:09): ikr

CHARLIE (11:09): i think she might try to break us up…

NICK (11:09): What?! Why?!

CHARLIE (11:10): she went on this whole rant this morning about how inappropriate our relationship is and how you're inevitably going to break up with me, and that when you did it would "destroy" me and she didn't want that to happen so this dinner is to "stop this foolishness once and for all"...

NICK (11:10): What the actual fuck?

NICK (11:10): Why would she want to break us up if she thinks it would destroy you?

CHARLIE (11:11): i dunno… my mum rarely makes any sense…

CHARLIE (11:11): anyway, i have a feeling tonight's going to be a struggle so brace yourself

NICK (11:11): We'll be fine ❤️ I have no plans to break up with you! Ever! You have no plans to break up with me. We love each other. We can face your mum together, and plus, my mum will be there and you know she'll fight our side. She loves you, maybe even more than she loves me :P

CHARLIE (11:12): why are you literally the best? xxxx

NICK (11:12): I don't see how I can be, when you exist! xxxxxxxx

CHARLIE (11:12): asdfghjkl

CHARLIE (11:12): i see my bf has been replaced by a tree again. gross.

NICK (11:13): The sap master strikes again! Mwhahahaha

CHARLIE (11:13): my mistake. you're a dork

NICK (11:13): Yep! A dorky, sappy tree that's me!

CHARLIE (11:14): i'd climb you like a tree :P

By the time Nick had composed himself enough to reply…

CHARLIE (11:15): hadn't you better be getting to class now nicholas? even trees need an education xx

The bell rang to signal the end of break. Nick wished he could stay there for the rest of the day, but alas…

NICK (11:15): I do actually have to go now :( I've missed this… Talk to you at lunch?

CHARLIE (11:15): of course xxxx i love you :*

NICK (11:16): I love you too :* Get some rest! xxxxxx

CHARLIE (11:16): ❤️❤️❤️❤️

NICK (11:16): ❤️❤️❤️❤️


They were going to be eating outside at the patio table. Charlie couldn't remember the last time they had all sat around it as a family. The sudden breaking of this trend did nothing to quell his anxiety. The evening was pleasantly warm at least.

The general order for the Spring siblings was to dress "appropriately nice" for dinner. Charlie had gone for his usual black jeans. Jane hadn't had anything to say about them at all which thoroughly pissed off Tori, as she was chastised immediately for her own dark jeans.

As Tori stomped back upstairs in search of a skirt, Jane shoved handfuls of cutlery into Charlie's hands and told him to set the table.

Charlie stepped out onto the patio and found Oliver running his tractors over the tabletop in some kind of high stakes tractor race.

"Look out," said Charlie. "There's going to be some hurdles!"

"Nooo!" Oliver yelled in excitement as Charlie started setting out the place mats, right in the tractors' path.

He set down the first fork and Oliver jumped the tractors easily over it. As more and more spoons and forks were added, Oliver soon had an assault course of cutlery. He ran around gleefully, round and round the table, as Charlie cheered him on until Jane stepped out from the kitchen door.

"That's enough silliness, please, Oliver. Our guests will be arriving any minute. Charlie, you should know better than to encourage him."

Charlie fought the urge to roll his eyes but exchanged an exasperated look with his brother.

"Sorry, mum," they both chorused.

Charlie had a feeling only Oliver's innocent puppy dog eyes still worked on her.

As soon as Jane turned to go back inside, Oliver erupted into a fit of giggles. He usually cried whenever he got told off but if he had a partner in crime, it became the funniest thing in the world. Charlie grinned.

Oliver's giggles morphed into another shriek of delight as the back door slid open again behind Charlie and Nick and Sarah stepped out.

"Nick's here!" Oliver cried and flung himself into Nick's arms.

Nick bent down to hug him back. Sarah blinked in surprise at the sudden onslaught but quickly recovered from the initial shock of excitable six-year-old and laughed.

"Hi, Olly! How've you been?" Nick lifted Oliver up, the little boy still clutching his two tractors. "Is that a new tractor?"

"Yes! It's yellow!"

"I see that."

"Come here, you," said Charlie, striding over. "That's my boyfriend. I get first hugs."

With some difficulty, Charlie plucked Oliver off Nick and plonked him unceremoniously onto a chair.

"Hey! No fair!" Oliver pouted dramatically. "I got there first!"

Sarah chuckled. "I'll play tractors with you if you like."

"You will?" Oliver suddenly became a little shy, the way he always got around strange adults.

"Which one is the fastest?" asked Sarah kindly. "The new yellow one or this blue one?"

Oliver's face split into the biggest surprised grin.

A grown up who had yet to tire of his tractor obsession? Yes!

As Oliver and Sarah started up the tractor races again, Charlie turned to Nick - finally. Nick folded Charlie into his arms.

"Hi," said Nick.

"Hi," said Charlie.

There didn't seem to be the need for any other words. All of the pain and worry and relief poured through them both via their hug.

Nick breathed in deeply, his face pressed against Charlie's shoulder, and he knew Charlie was doing the same.

Having endured all of yesterday so in the dark, Nick had been craving this moment - where he could just hold his amazing, beautiful, not-dead boyfriend, and feel that he was alright, rather than just being told so.

But as he stood there, Charlie clinging to him tighter than perhaps ever before, Nick knew he had been lied to.

Charlie may be better but he was not alright.

"Charlie Spring! How many times do I need to ask? Would you please come in here and help me with the plates -!" Jane finished her sentence as she arrived at the back door.

Sarah looked up from Oliver's tractors and laughed kindly. "I'm afraid he's a little preoccupied at the moment, Jane. I'd be happy to help you."

"Absolutely not. You are a guest."

Nick and Charlie reluctantly released each other, blushing.

"Charlie. Plates. Now," Jane barked.

Nick tried to exchange an exasperated look with Charlie but he had automatically moved his gaze to his feet and obediently trudged off inside after his mother.

Nick stood there, rooted to the spot for a long moment. It had been a while since he had really seen Charlie around his mum, only having experienced her second-hand lately. That had been bad enough but now… If anyone else had spoken to Charlie like that in front of him he'd have punched them. Or at least told them to fuck off.

As Nick took a seat at the table, he was at least a little relieved to find his own feelings reflected in his own mum's expression. He would have vented to her if Oliver had not been there. He wasn't sure he could keep it appropriate for a six-year-old's ears.

Less than a minute after he had sat down, Tori arrived, looking grumpy and rather odd in a plain black skirt.

"Hi," she said. Her tone made it sound as if she had really meant to say 'I'm sorry we have all been forced to be here.'

Soon, Julio arrived, carefully carrying four plates of pasta at once, followed by Charlie who had managed only two, but looked like was struggling more than his dad. Jane followed with the final plate as well as garlic bread and they all settled down to eat.

An overly polite silence fell upon them all as they ate. Nick had found himself sitting at the end of the table, opposite Charlie but next to Jane, who sat at the head of the table, as if presiding over her royal court as a bitter queen.

Nick shot what he hoped was a comforting look at Charlie, wanting to lighten the tension he could see in his boyfriend's shoulders, but Charlie continued to nibble at the same piece of pasta he'd been working on for a while now and did not look up.

Charlie had gone into the house with his mum and had come back further into his withdrawal process than Nick had first suspected.

Nick wished he could take his hand and quietly sneak away somewhere else to eat in peace and quiet… but he knew Jane would never let them. Nick's nerves were so on edge about when Jane would inevitably begin seeing through with her plan, that he himself was finding it difficult to stomach his food.

Although, ten minutes in, Nick was starting to wonder whether Jane had chickened out. Surely, she could tell just how much the rest of the people around the table all loved and respected Charlie.

But Nick wasn't as well versed in reading Jane Spring as he had thought, because the casual conversation at the other end of the table suddenly gave her an in.

"Granted, I was a bit surprised when Jane announced her plans for this evening," Julio was saying. "I mean, it's a Tuesday for starters. Who has a dinner party on a Tuesday? But she's always been like that. Stubborn but steadfast. When she has a goal, she fights for it. That's one of the reasons why I married her."

"I suppose Stéphane was the opposite and that is why we're no longer together," said Sarah, with a laugh. "At least one of my sons avoided inheriting my ex-husband's lack of commitment."

Nick felt himself blush, especially as Charlie looked up at him with a small smile. The gleam that flickered across his blue eyes made Nick's slight discomfort worth it.

"Hmph," said Jane. "Speaking of your son's 'commitment'... well…"

Now it had come to the moment of truth, Jane at least seemed to be trying to choose her words carefully.

"I know I have made it clear how I feel about our sons' relationship lately, and I have to say, I feel it's all getting a little out of hand."

A baffled silence.

Only Nick and Charlie had been forewarned for this. Nick felt his mum tense beside him, saw Tori turn away from her food to stare at Jane, saw Julio pause for a fraction of a second, then distract himself by passing Oliver more garlic bread.

Jane took a deep breath. Charlie tensed even more than he already had been, and Nick read this as a warning of 'danger imminent, brace for impact!'

"I don't think it's a good idea for our sons to continue to see each other."

Jane seemed to notice everyone's looks of disbelief for the first time but, to her credit, she did not back down.

"I'm sure it's through no fault of your own, Sarah, but ever since your son came into my son's life, Charlie has been acting very out of character - getting into trouble and making stupid decisions that I know he would never have made six months ago."

"I'm guessing this is why we're all here on a Tuesday evening, then," Julio mumbled with an uncomfortable chuckle.

Nobody else laughed.

"I'm not sure that's entirely fair," said Sarah. "Yes, Nick and Charlie have had a few blips when it comes to being responsible lately but that was not Nick's fault alone. They are a team, and a good one, even if they do sometimes seem to share only a few brain cells between them."

Tori snort-laughed. Everyone jumped a little as she had been pretty quiet thus far.

Sarah smiled. Nick and Charlie could not help but grin at each other, sheepishly.

"Oh, I see you still find this whole thing amusing," said Jane, glaring at them all. "Well, I don't. I know my son, and Charlie has always been too fragile for his own good. It's not healthy for him to be so all-consumed by some boy who, when all is said and done, is only going to break his heart."

"I would never do that!" The words were out of Nick's mouth before he could stop himself or control his temper. "And Charlie is not fragile. He's… he's the strongest person I know."

"You sell Charlie short, Jane," Sarah agreed. "I may only have known him for a short time but, from the first day when he came to ours, I knew he was special. He managed to bring out a side of Nick I hadn't seen in a while. Even if they had just stayed friends, I would have been very grateful for Charlie being in my son's life and, frankly, my own."

Nick beamed at Charlie - he saw the tears in his eyes in the second before he ducked his curly head once again.

Charlie had discarded his cutlery several minutes ago, no longer even able to feign an appetite.

Nick extended a hand across the table and entwined his fingers with Charlie's, which had been lying limply beside his glass. Cold fingers grasped his as Charlie looked up again and gave a watery smile.

"You have raised a kind, intelligent, delightful young man, Jane. You should be very proud of him. I'm certainly very proud of my son for choosing such an excellent person to fall in love with."

Jane scoffed. "Nonsense. They are too young to know what love even is."

"I think they have it figured out better than some long-married adults I know," said Sarah.

Nick had had no idea his mum had so much faith in them, it was a little overwhelming. There was a definite lump in his throat.

Charlie was silently bawling across from him and Nick wanted nothing more than to go around the table and cuddle him.

"Exactly!" Jane exclaimed. "It's too much for him! Charlie is only fifteen! He shouldn't be wasting his energy when he has exams to pass. He's easily manipulated at the best of times but lately he has been pushed by something to behave in ways I would never have thought him capable of!"

"By you…"

"I beg your pardon," Jane snapped.

"I saw how you speak to him," Nick continued. "How you manipulate him into doing what you want because you can't bear for him to think for himself or make his own decisions. Which he is perfectly capable of, by the way! You would know that if you just -"

"I can't believe you would just sit there and let your son be so disrespectful to me at my own table," Jane shot at Sarah.

Sarah sipped her wine and studied Jane's features. Before she could say anything however, Charlie turned to his mum for the first time that evening.

"His name is Nick."

Jane could not bring herself to meet Charlie's eye, Nick noticed, even as she blinked at him in confusion.

"Yes, I know that, Charlie."

"Then why don't you say it? Nick is not just Sarah's son, nor is he just 'some boy'."

Charlie's cold rage was doing something to Nick he couldn't quite explain.

"Nick is my boyfriend, mum. I love him. He loves me. I -"

"It is not true!" Jane shouted, a little shrilly.

"It is!" Charlie shouted back, but then deflated again slightly. "I know… I know I'm stupid and I don't know what's best most of the time, but please, please trust me on this…"

"Oh, honey," said Jane quietly. "I can see just how far gone you are. You barely come out of your room, you barely speak, and don't even get me started on the eating thing!"

Nick watched in horror as, with every word Jane spat at her son, Charlie shrunk further and further into himself. The hand clasped in Nick's over the table trembled so violently that Nick's own hand shook.

"Mum, stop -"

"I will not, Charlie! Everything that is wrong with you is because of this boy who claims to love you -"

"Stop it -"

"Is that what you think love is, Charlie? Don't you see your mind is too broken to see clearly what he is doing to you?"

Nick physically saw the rest of the fight leave Charlie, saw him crumple in the battle so often raging in his beautiful head. Charlie released Nick's hand to clutch instead at his own hair.

Nick tried to channel his rage at Jane into bringing Charlie reinforcements. "Charlie - Charlie, listen to me. None of that is true. You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you."

"Stop filling his head with lies!" cried Jane. "I forbid you to say another word to him, Nick. You will not speak to him, you will not touch him while I am his mother, and unfortunately for you, that will be considerably longer than whatever this is."

"You can't honestly be serious, Jane!" Sarah gasped. "Can you not see how blinded you are by your own belief that Charlie is some kind of spineless, weak child - which he clearly isn't -"

"Don't pretend you know my child better than me, Sarah! I know you've managed to dig your own little claws into him as well as your son. He may prefer you to be his mother, but he does not get to choose -"

"Stop it!"

Charlie rose to his feet, shouting through his tears. With every word he spoke, Nick's heart cracked and crumbled.

"Y-you're right, mum. I am a disgusting, broken mess! I deserve every punishment you throw at me! But please don't speak to Mrs Nelson like that. You can treat me how you want, but not Sarah and not Nick."

"For goodness sake!" Jane got to her feet. She was shorter than Charlie but still managed to tower over him. "I will not tolerate your deviance any longer!"

She slammed her fist down onto the table, making the forks and plates rattle.

Oliver burst into tears.

Charlie flinched so violently that a sudden bone-chilling realisation came over Nick.

She had hit him before.

At some point in the past, Jane had hit Charlie.

The revelation struck Nick so horribly that for a moment he didn't realise Charlie had left the table. He looked from Charlie's suddenly empty chair, to Tori who looked as if she had just come to the same conclusion as Nick had.

Julio quietly soothed Oliver, once again pretending his family was not falling apart around him. Nick had rarely seen his own mum this angry at anyone, not even David.

Nick and Tori stood up at the same time.

"Victoria! Sit back down!"

Nick was already through the house to the hall by the time Tori caught up with him. The front door was hanging open. No words needed to be exchanged before they stepped out into the night to pick up the pieces Jane Spring had so brutally torn away from their Charlie.


Charlie didn't know where he was going but he knew he had to get away from that house, away from that woman.

His heart and head both pounded to the rhythm of his feet running down the pavement.

The night was almost completely dark. The street lights were sparse on Britannia Road, they always had been.

Distantly, he noticed his feet were leading him along the familiar route toward River Crescent.

Charlie slowed his pace as he turned the corner onto the small footpath connecting two housing estates. A single street light flickered at the opposite corner. Small stretches of grass on either side of the path were boarded by high fences.

Charlie started along the footpath, head down. His tears had long since stopped, leaving his mind so overwhelmed it felt blank. Empty but heavy.

He almost made it to the other end of the path when three figures staggered into view.

Three young men, all in their mid-twenties by the looks of them. All bigger, taller than Charlie, all guffawing drunkenly, bottles swinging haphazardly from each of their hands.

Charlie suddenly dropped back into his body.

He was not about to be hate-crimed.

There was no way out other than back the way he had come or through. He didn't know what that said about him but he'd rather face possibly getting stabbed than going back home.

Charlie ducked his head further down, hoping to blend into the darkness. He stepped sideways onto the grass to avoid the men as they passed.

He thought he had gotten away with it when a hand grabbed his shoulder.

Charlie froze, petrified.

He looked up into the stubbled face of the ruddy-cheeked man.

"Awww, it's alright, man!" the man whined loudly. "Don't be saaaad, my maaan!"

Charlie blinked, heart still racing, palms sweaty.

"Get this guy a drink! Keeeith! Gimmee that!"

"Naaaah! S'mine!"

"Keeeeith!"

Keith wasn't in much of a condition to put up a fight, so the first man easily wrestled the six pack of beers from his grasp.

"Merry Christmas, maaan!"

The man shoved the beers into Charlie's arms with such force that Charlie stumbled backward a little. But he didn't seem to be being murdered so that was something at least…

"You've gotta cheer up!" The third man chanted in a kind of sing-songy voice - it did not fit his tough exterior.

Charlie stood there, stricken, and watched the three stagger off, arm in arm, a drinking song starting up as they disappeared around the corner.

A little stunned, Charlie sank onto the grass below the flickering street light. He studied the cans in his lap for a moment, then, before he knew what he was doing, he slipped one out and began to drink.


Sarah caught up with them before they reached the Springs' front gate. She stepped out of the gate after Nick and Tori and let out a long breath.

Fury still thrummed through Nick but it was slowly turning into panic. He looked down the street both ways, trying to rein in his distress enough to think clearly. "Which way did he go?"

"I don't know," said Tori. "He didn't get much of a head start, but he's fast. Maybe we should split up to look for him."

Nick nodded quickly.

"You two search on foot," said Sarah. "I'll take the car. We'll find him, don't you two worry."

Sarah did however, look a little worried as she gave Nick and Tori's shoulders both a comforting squeeze and got into her car.

Tori looked momentarily perplexed at the physical contact, but she nodded gratefully as Sarah started the engine.

Nick and Tori set off in opposite directions. Without meaning to, Nick headed in the direction of his own house.

His mind raced with the train wreck he had just witnessed and the building dread of what shape Charlie might be in when he found him.

The fact that Nick was not the only one out looking brought him some comfort at least. It was nice to know he wasn't the only person alive who felt as protective over Charlie as he did.

The sun had only just set fully but the streets were dark and quiet. As Nick turned into the shortcut pathway between two housing estates, a shiver went down his spine.

He was suddenly very regretful that he and Tori had decided to split up.

The path was lit by a single flickering street light, bathing the concrete and grass below in an eerie yellow hue.

With a jolt, Nick glimpsed a small dark shape slumped underneath it. The shape shifted slightly and the beam of dim light fell across the boy's pale face.

Something sickening dropped into Nick's stomach from a great height and then he sprinted down the pavement, heart in his throat.

Charlie was curled up on his side, face pressed into the grass, eyes clamped shut, shivering despite the warmth of the night. Nick fell to his knees beside him and Charlie stirred weakly.

"Charlie?" Little more than a breath of terrified air. "Char?"

Charlie squinted up at him. "Nick?"

"It's alright, my love. I'm here."

Charlie let out a tiny moan. His bottom lip quivered. "I don't wanna go home."

"Oh, my love…" Nick's heart shattered. "You don't have to. You don't have to." Nick stroked Charlie's curls away from his forehead and Charlie leant into the touch. "Do you think you can stand up for me?"

"Hm…" Charlie mumbled.

He allowed Nick to assist him as he dragged himself into a sitting position, then to his feet.

Charlie swayed dangerously. Nick caught him, steadied him with an arm slung around his waist. It was then that Nick noticed the stench of alcohol, the crumpled beer can at his boyfriend's feet.

"Have - have you been drinking? Where did you get that?"

"I don't know," Charlie sniffed. "I don't remember… I'm sorry… 'm stupid…"

"Shh, baby, you're going to be okay. We're going to go back to mine, okay? Is that okay, love?"

Charlie nodded meekly.

Nick shot a quick text to his mum to let her know he had found Charlie, then sent the same to Tori.

He and Charlie started the rest of the way down the path, arms around each other. Charlie staggered slightly against him and Nick steadied him.

Charlie continued to cry and sniffle as Nick helped him into the back of his mum's car.

Nick went to pull away so he could shut the car door but Charlie's grip on him tightened in panic.

"Don't leave me…"

"Oh, Char, I'm not going anywhere, love. Just gonna go round the other side so I can sit with you. Is that alright?"

Charlie looked so terrified at the very thought but nodded bravely. "Alright."

Nick sped around the car and slid into the back seat beside him. He even slid across to sit uncomfortably in the middle seat. Charlie snuggled up right against Nick's side and Nick knew he was grateful for the extra closeness. Nick threaded his hand in Charlie's and rested them on his knee.

Sarah gave Nick a concerned, questioning look in the rear-view mirror. Nick grimaced in response.

"Let's go home," said Sarah sadly.

As they drove the short distance to River Crescent, Charlie's head fell onto Nick's shoulder and he drifted into a light snooze. Nick cuddled him closer to his side, dropped several kisses onto Charlie's forehead and then rested his own head against the curls. He allowed himself to shed a few controlled tears he had been holding back ever since he caught sight of Charlie in that alley.

When they pulled up outside the house, Charlie did not wake up. Nick hated himself for having to disturb him but it had to be done.

Nick and Sarah helped Charlie through the front door and settled him down on the bottom step of the stairs.

The short nap and the change of scenery seemed to have jogged some movement back into him because he slipped off his converse with surprising dexterity. Nick picked them up and dumped them on the shelf beside his own shoes.

"Nick…" Charlie made a kind of grabby motion with his hand toward him.

"Yes, love?"

Nick let himself be pulled closer. He wrapped his arms around Charlie's shoulders and Charlie hugged him from where he was sitting on the step.

"Don't go…"

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise, my love."

Sarah came back from the kitchen with a tray set with some crackers, grapes, a packet of ready salted crisps and a large glass of water. She stopped when she saw the pair of them.

"Oh, Charlie, we've had a night of it haven't we?" Sarah sighed. "You can take this up to Nick's room if you like. You don't have to eat all of it. You don't even have to finish anything. But please do try to drink as much water as you can. It's dangerous to drink on an empty stomach, baby. We don't want you getting poorly, do we?"

Charlie took one look at Sarah's kind face and started bawling again. "I'm so sorry…"

Sarah set the tray down on the hall sideboard and sat beside Charlie on the stairs. She rubbed soothing circles over his back as Nick settled on his other side, all the while keeping their hands clasped.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Charlie," said Sarah. "You are allowed to let others love you. Loving you is not a burden, baby. Not to me. Not to Nick. It's an honour. It's absolutely abhorrent the way your own mother doesn't seem to feel the same way."

"She hates me," Charlie gasped. "She really hates me."

"She doesn't, baby," said Sarah. "I know it may seem like it right now, but she does love you. She hasn't made it easy for you to love her lately, but she does love you. Unfortunately, sometimes love is not enough to allow some people to broaden their minds past what they think to be true. It should be. But it's not."

At that moment, Nellie came trotting in. She saw them all sitting on the stairs and plopped her head right in Charlie's lap. Charlie stroked her soft head with his free hand. His lip trembled again, overwhelmed by all the love and affection and understanding.

Charlie stifled a yawn.

"Let's take this tray up to my room, shall we?" said Nick. "Before you fall asleep here on the stairs."

"That sounds like an idea," said Sarah. "And then some much needed sleep, I'd say."

She kissed Charlie's forehead, brushed his hair back affectionately and hopped up from the step. She looked pretty weary herself. "I think it might be best if I called Truham in the morning and told them neither of you will be in attendance tomorrow. How does that sound?"

Charlie nodded sleepily. Nick hadn't even thought about the prospect of school tomorrow.

"Thank you, mum," he said. "For everything. Love you."

"Love you, baby. I'm proud of you. Get some rest." She turned to the dog. "Come on, Nellie, I think I'm going to have to break out the gin… Goodnight, my dears."

Sarah disappeared into the kitchen with Nellie, and Nick stood up to get the tray. He was relieved that Charlie did not protest against him releasing his hand. Charlie got to his feet as well, much steadier now, but still very tearful.

"You lead the way, my love. I've got this. I'll be right behind you."

Charlie led the way slowly and carefully up the stairs and into Nick's bedroom.

Nick set the tray down beside the bed, shifting several discarded school books out of the way and into a mess on the floor. He ignored it, went to his wardrobe and pulled out an old t-shirt and some pyjama shorts.

"Do you want to change in the bathroom or in here?" he asked as he pressed the clothes into Charlie's arms.

Charlie hugged the clothes to his chest, shrinking into himself once again.

"You don't have to change," said Nick. "Only if you want to."

"I'm scared…" Charlie whispered.

Nick frowned as he placed his hands on Charlie's shoulders. "What is it, Char?"

Charlie squeezed his eyes shut tight. A few tears trickled out. "I'm scared that… I don't want to… I might… I might hurt myself… if - if I'm alone right now…"

"Oh, Charlie…"

Nick could not stop the tears from rolling down his own face. He had been trying to keep it together, but this was all too much - way too much.

He tried to steady his voice again and continued to brush Charlie's hair with his fingers. "Thank you for telling me that. Would it - would it help if I stayed with you? I won't peek. I'll close my eyes the whole time if that's what you want."

Nick was so proud of Charlie when he finally nodded.

"Okay, then." Nick sat himself down on the edge of his bed and shut his eyes. He sat as calmly as he could, listening to the small sounds of fabric being dropped to the floor.

Charlie suddenly sucked in a short breath, and then became very quiet.

"Are you done?"

"No!" There was panic in Charlie's voice but Nick kept his eyes shut tight.

"That's alright. Take your time, Char. There's no rush."

Another hitch in Charlie's breath, as if he was trying not to panic. "Do - do you have a hoodie I could borrow?"

"Oh," said Nick. "Of course. They're in the wardrobe, just help yourself. I thought you'd be too warm. I should have known better." Nick let himself chuckle a little. He heard the wardrobe doors open and close.

"You can open your eyes now," said Charlie. "Thank you."

"That's okay," said Nick as he did as he was told. "Jesus, Charlie, you look so adorable."

Charlie wearing Nick's hoodies always did something to him but he had never seen Charlie dressed entirely in his clothes.

Charlie forced a weak smile.

Usually, Charlie would giggle and blush when Nick made comments like that but right now it was as if there was some kind of barrier preventing Nick's words from sinking through.

"You get comfy and drink some water, yeah?" Nick kissed Charlie's forehead. "I'll be there in a sec."

Charlie sank back against the covers and picked up the glass of water carefully with both hands. Nick noticed happily that both hands were steady now, and that Charlie took several big gulps.

Nick quickly changed into his own pyjamas. When he was done, Charlie had drunk half the glass and set it aside. He was now eyeing the tray of food beside him wearily.

Nick lifted the duvet aside so that Charlie could move under the covers. He slipped in beside him and pulled the tray onto his lap. Charlie snuggled up in the crook of his arm and let out a long sigh.

"I found your Mini Cheddars."

Nick blinked. "Oh, you did? I'd forgotten about that."

"It was very sneaky of you…" Charlie absent-mindedly traced patterns across Nick's chest. The sensation made Nick's toes tingle. "I tried to eat them. I promise I did try. It was so sweet of you… I know… I know I don't eat like a normal person. I did try but sometimes I just… can't."

"I know, love. I'm proud of you for trying. Do you think you can try again right now?"

"Maybe…"

"What if I shared with you? That way you won't be alone."

Charlie sat further upright against the headboard. Nick kept an arm around him, their sides pressed together. Charlie studied the selection in front of him for a moment, then picked up a grape. Nick followed his lead and took one too.

He waited patiently as Charlie ate it in two little bites, then ate his own.

They made it through three whole grapes before it all became too much.

"I'm sorry…" Charlie was on the verge of tears again.

"Hey, no, shh… no s-word… especially not after today." Nick set the tray back on the bedside table. "You did so well, Charlie. So well."

"I feel so stupid. It makes me feel so stupid…" Charlie mumbled as they both shuffled down under the covers.

Nick folded him into his chest and stroked his hair. "You are not stupid, Charlie."

"I know that… Most of the time I know that. It's just there's this voice in my head that gets so loud sometimes that I can't - I can't replace it with anything else or tell it to shut up when it's being mean or telling lies. Sometimes it's so loud that I believe them. Especially when my own mum speaks them aloud."

"Charlie… I'm so sorry she said all those things to you. That whole thing was… I knew she was pretty awful sometimes but I never - I don't think I ever allowed myself to imagine how bad it could possibly be."

"She's always been a little old fashioned and close minded," said Charlie. "But lately… since the cabin… she's been getting worse."

"It just doesn't make sense," said Nick. "I don't understand how she can think the things she does. It makes me sick that you have to deal with that. Every time I've walked you home - I didn't realise what I was letting you walk into."

Charlie looked up at him at that. Nick didn't have time to wipe his eyes.

"It's - it's not that bad. I'm used to how she is. I know how to handle her most of the time. Tonight was nothing new, not really… It's just usually you and your mum aren't right there to hear it all. I hate that she said all that in front of you. I hate that she refuses to see how good you are."

They both shifted over so that they were lying face to face on the same narrow pillow.

"I hate that she refuses to see how good you are," said Nick. "You deserve the world. I wish I could make it as kind and amazing as you are."

"I don't want the world," said Charlie, yawning. "I just want you."

Nick chuckled. "Now who's a tree?"

"Hm… that doesn't count. That's from a book. I didn't make that up."

"Still." Nick poked a dimple affectionately. "Sappy."

Charlie grabbed Nick's hand and pulled it away from his face. "Leave my dimples alone. What did they ever do to deserve such harassment?"

Nick pouted dramatically. "But they're too cute and poke-able to be left alone."

"They're not alone, they have each other!" Charlie managed to yell before Nick tried to attack both dimples at the same time, laughing, fingers extended. "Get off me you fiend! Ahh!"

Nick rolled Charlie over onto his back, both of them shrieking and giggling.

"You, sir, have a dimples fetish!" Charlie cried, panting.

"Nope," Nick smirked. "Just a Charlie Spring fetish."

He kissed one dimple softly, lingering to give it the attention it deserved, then moved to the other. Charlie sighed and relaxed beneath him and brought his hands up to tangle themselves in Nick's hair. Their mouths found each other and everything else disappeared.

Charlie clung to him with every last ounce of energy he had.

The kisses were firm and desperate and Nick relished in it, breathed in all that was Charlie - this boy who had walked into his life six months ago and changed his world. This boy who was still so good and true and kind even when life had given him a hundred reasons not to be.

Nick rolled them over again so that Charlie was lying on top of him. Charlie's hands did not leave Nick's hair, but in the movement of them rolling, Nick felt more than heard the sharp intake of breath.

"You alright?" Nick gasped, a little dazed.

"Hmm," Charlie hummed against Nick's mouth.

Nick's eyes widened. Charlie's right sleeve had slid down his arm almost to his elbow and beneath it -

"Charlie, are you hurt?"

"Hm… what?" Charlie looked up, realising Nick had frozen beneath him, no longer in make-out mode.

"Your arm."

"Oh." Charlie saw his arm and blanched. "It's nothing."

He quickly covered the bandage again. Only when he went to do the same to the other arm did Nick realise there were two. It was also suddenly clear to Nick what had happened. And how recently.

Charlie moved to lie beside Nick again, this time facing away from him.

"When?"

"Last night." Charlie buried his face into the pillow. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, my love…"

"But I promised… I promised I would tell you if I ever felt like that again and I didn't…"

"Hey, shh shh…"

Nick circled Charlie in his arms. He fit so perfectly against Nick like this… Nick was relieved that Charlie allowed himself to be held. He planted a kiss on Charlie's shoulder.

"What do you need right now, baby? What can I do to help?"

"This…" Charlie was crying again. "Right now. Just don't let me go."

"I'm not going anywhere, Char."

Nick buried his face in the crook of Charlie's neck and inhaled. Charlie clutched Nick's arms where they were wrapped across his chest.

He was so quiet and relaxed for such a long time that Nick thought he had fallen asleep. Nick himself had been dozing off when -

"Nick?" His voice was clear and soft.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should tell them… about the cabin…"

"What?"

"Our parents. Maybe they would understand better then… if they knew what - what we went through…"

"We'd have to go to the police…"

"Yeah, I know…"

"What about that note? Every time I think we should just tell the truth, it pops back into my head."

Nick held Charlie tighter still. Charlie squeezed Nick's arms back in absolute empathy.

"You're right… It was a bad idea. I shouldn't have suggested it. It was silly…"

"No, it wasn't. It just terrifies me - what could happen if he found out we told."

Charlie shivered, then turned around so he could hug Nick back as tightly as he was hugging him. "It scares me too, Nick. Like, I don't know if I would survive if anything were to happen to you."

"I know it would end me," said Nick. "If anything were to happen to you."

They were both quiet for a moment, thoroughly wrapped up in the enormity of their feelings, and the warmth of each other's arms.

"Let me die first or I will die twice," Charlie whispered slowly against Nick's ear.

"Is that another quote?"

"Maybe…"

"We'd better make sure we both die at the same time then," Nick breathed. "Or I will die twice."


That dinner scene was honestly so difficult to write - Jane is the worst :(

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