11. Truth
The bed was bathed in a patch of bright sunlight which streamed from the gap between the curtains. Someone must have closed them after they had fallen asleep.
Charlie woke up, pressed with his back against Nick's warm chest. Nick's arms were wrapped tightly around his waist, his head leaning comfortably on Charlie's back as he slept on.
Charlie exhaled deeply. He was so warm and comfy. If it weren't for his current throbbing headache he could have stayed there for hours.
Trying not to disturb his sleeping boyfriend, Charlie slowly moved around onto his back and reached across Nick to grab the glass of water from the bedside table.
The food tray had gone. The clothes they had left discarded on the floor yesterday had been folded neatly into piles.
As Charlie took several large gulps of water he felt very grateful for Sarah Nelson and also a little self-conscious about the fact that she had most likely seen him and Nick cuddled up in bed together…
The water was a bit warm from being sat there all night but it did soothe Charlie's head a little. He sat up, propped against the headboard, cradling the glass in his hands.
Beside him, Nick made an adorable snuffly noise in his sleep. Charlie watched fondly as Nick shuffled his arms back around Charlie's waist and snuggled his head between Charlie's side and the pillows.
He must be so tired, Charlie thought, sadly. He used his free hand to brush Nick's hair away from his face. He sat there for a long while, eventually abandoning the water to watch Nick sleep.
As he sat there, his mind slowly started to remember all that had happened yesterday. All that had been said and not said. The whole evening seemed to unravel itself in his memory like a disjointed selection of clips from a film. A horrible, depressing film, by the end of which Charlie wanted to both scream and never make another sound again.
Suddenly, the previously warm and cosiness he had been feeling was replaced with a horrible stifling heat that made Charlie's palms sweat, his breath catch and his arms itch under their bandages.
In one fluid movement, Charlie flung himself out of the covers, pulled Nick's hoodie off over his head and dropped it onto the floor.
He sat down on the edge of the bed by the window, clutching his bandaged arms as he tried to breathe.
"Charlie?"
Charlie turned with a small start.
Nick sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily at him. His hair was a mess and for the thousandth time, Charlie could not believe that Nick Nelson was his boyfriend.
"I'm sorry I woke you up," said Charlie. "I was getting too warm."
"Are you alright?"
Charlie saw the alarmed concern appear in Nick's brown eyes and his heart sank. "Did you have a nightmare?"
Nick blinked, relaxing somewhat. "Oh. No. I didn't, actually."
"That's good." Charlie smiled and found it wasn't at all forced. He had thought he was going to have a panic attack but it had dwindled quicker than he'd ever experienced before.
"Yeah, it is." Nick smiled back.
The love in his eyes gave Charlie the courage he needed to ask the question he needed. "Do you have any bandages?"
Nick had picked up the glass of water from where Charlie had left it and now looked at him quizzically over the rim.
"I kind of need to change these."
Charlie had to look away even as he showed Nick his arms. He was still very much not used to sharing that part of his life with anyone.
"Oh," said Nick calmly. "Yeah, I think there's a first aid kit in the bathroom. Do you want to go now?"
"Yes, please." Charlie stood up but kept his head down, not able to shift the shame that was clouding up around his head. "Sorry."
Nick got out of bed and stretched. "That word is banned from this house."
"I can't help it."
"I know."
Charlie sat down on the toilet seat lid while Nick rummaged around in the various bathroom cupboards. Charlie unwound his old bandages. There was a considerable amount of crusty dried blood stuck to them and he winced as he pulled the bandage away.
Nick turned around with a big red box in his hands and Charlie had to fight the urge to hide his shameful secret.
But it wasn't a secret any more, he reminded himself.
And Nick didn't seem to hate him for it.
"Do you want me to leave you to it?"
"No," said Charlie, surprised at his own certainty. "You can stay if you want. This won't take long."
"Okay."
Nick perched on the edge of the bath beside him and handed the box over. Charlie found some antiseptic wipes and set about cleaning the dried blood.
Nick tried not to stare, but couldn't help it. Seeing the true evidence of the deepest, darkest depths of Charlie's pain made it all a lot more real.
"Let me do that," he said, needing to feel like he was doing something to help.
Thankfully, Charlie let him take the wipe and continued to smooth it along the even series of red lines.
Charlie watched him work, marvelling at the gentleness and the lack of revulsion. Charlie could barely look at them himself without feeling disgusted, and yet here Nick was, face-to-face with them, and not shrinking away, but tending to them with nothing but care in his eyes and hands.
Once all the blood had gone, they both saw that the cuts had actually begun to heal quite nicely. They were still a bit red and a little sore though, and Charlie winced slightly as Nick started to try and re-wrap them with fresh bandages.
"Sorry, my love," he breathed.
"It's okay," said Charlie. "I'll do that bit."
Nick let him take the bandages but stayed seated beside him the whole time while Charlie wrapped the wounds once again. He did it so quickly and perfectly that Nick realised with a jolt that he must have had a lot of practice.
How many times had Charlie sat alone in his bathroom, learning how to wrap his own wounds?
"There," said Charlie. "I'm done. Thank y-"
Nick leant over and pulled Charlie into a hug.
They were kind of sitting in awkward positions but Charlie hugged him back.
Nick breathed through the lump in his throat, holding Charlie to him, one hand in his hair, the other clutching tightly at the fabric of his t-shirt.
"You were right," said Nick, his voice muffled against Charlie's shoulder.
"Naturally." Charlie pulled away to smile at him and took his hands in his own. "What about?"
"What you said yesterday. I think -" Nick took a deep breath. "I think we should tell the truth about the cabin."
"Really?"
"I just want you to be okay again… You really scared me yesterday, Charlie."
"I don't think I can face my parents again just yet…"
"Maybe we should… tell Officer Torrance first? If we start with her then she would probably tell our parents for us. Then we wouldn't have to tell it more than once, and it would all just be out there and done." There was a determination in Nick's eyes which was overriding the fear. "What do you think?"
Charlie kissed Nick's forehead, so grateful for his boyfriend's practical clear-headedness. "If we're going to tell Officer Torrance then we might need to stop by my house first, even if I do have to dodge my parents."
"I thought you didn't want to go home?"
"I don't." Charlie grimaced. "But there's something I need to get from my room."
"Oh… okay. Of course we can do that. Whatever you need."
But Nick was a little alarmed when he saw the sudden tension back in Charlie's shoulders. He watched as Charlie withdrew into himself once again. Nick always wished he could follow him whenever he did that, so that he wouldn't be quite so alone inside his head.
"There's something I haven't told you…"
Nick swallowed. "What is it, Char?"
Nick squeezed Charlie's hands where they had gone slack in his own.
Charlie took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. He removed his hands from Nick's and wrapped his arms around himself. Nick sat there patiently on the side of the bath. Charlie closed his eyes and let his words out in one quick breath.
"I was the one who took the gun from the river." Charlie kept his eyes closed. He couldn't bear to see the betrayal he knew would be in Nick's eyes. "I went back for it that night after we found it."
Nick felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice into his veins.
"It was so stupid and reckless and I should have told you what I was doing but I wasn't thinking. I barely knew what I was doing. I'm so sorry, Nick!"
Charlie was crying now even though his eyes were still squeezed tightly shut.
Nick slid down from the side of the bath, onto the tiled floor in front of him and pulled him into a hug once again. Charlie allowed the force of the embrace to move him from his seat onto the floor beside his boyfriend. Nick rocked him gently against his shoulder, his hand in Charlie's hair.
"I - I just wanted it all to stop," Charlie sniffled.
Nick suddenly froze mid-rock. He grasped Charlie's shoulders desperately. Charlie was horrified to notice that Nick's hands were shaking.
"Look at me, Charlie. Please, look at me."
Charlie peeled his eyes open and forced himself to look up into those familiar brown eyes that were far too consistently filled with some kind of fear or pain lately. Nick now looked at him with so much fear and heartbreak that Charlie felt faintly nauseous.
Nothing should make Nick Nelson look like that. And it was he, Charlie, who had caused it.
"Please tell me you weren't going to -"
"No!" Charlie's hands flew up to cup Nick's face, imploring him to understand. "Of course not… not really… I would never - I don't want to - I just - I'm so sorry! It was stupid… I was just being stupid…"
Charlie let his hands fall loosely onto Nick's shoulders as Nick brought his own hands up to cradle Charlie's face. He brushed away several tears with his thumbs and continued to stroke his cheeks softly.
"Please don't ever do that, Charlie." His tone was as firm and direct as Charlie had ever heard it. "Promise me you will never do that."
"I didn't mean to. The voices in my head. They had been so loud for days. They wouldn't leave me alone. I just wanted them to go away…"
"I know, baby." Nick smoothed aside Charlie's curls across his forehead.
"But I would never do that to you, Nick. I promise. No matter how loud the voices in my head get, there's always my heart. I know my heart wants me to live because it has your voice. Sometimes I can't hear it but I can always feel it, even if it sometimes takes me a while to notice or remember to listen."
"Am I being too cheesy?" Charlie half expected Nick to start teasing him but Nick was looking at him with nothing but watery-eyed adoration.
Nick gave a watery chuckle. "I'm just glad I can still help you even if I can't always be with you physically."
"You make me want to fight, Nick Nelson. You make me brave."
"I don't know," said Nick. "You were already pretty brave when we met. Who was it that managed to convince some terrified straight boy to kiss him at some party he didn't even want to go to?"
"Something tells me that terrified straight boy didn't need that much convincing. He also wasn't that straight."
"True, but he didn't know that then. What an idiot, hey?"
"No," said Charlie, poking Nick's cheek. "You're not allowed to say mean things about yourself in front of me."
"Err, excuse me!" Nick scoffed, reaching around to tickle Charlie's sides. "That's a bit rich coming from you, Mr-King-of-Self-Deprecation!"
Charlie shrieked and tried to wriggle away but Nick managed to pin him up against the side of the bath, trapped between his arms. Nick crawled further forward so that he knelt over Charlie, knees on either side of Charlie's hips.
Charlie leant back against the cool bathtub and looked up at Nick, a lump re-forming in his throat.
"I love you," he whispered. "So much."
Nick leant down so that their noses brushed. He pressed his lips lightly against Charlie's bottom lip. Charlie let out a tiny moan which got lost between Nick's whispered, "I love you, Charlie Spring." They let their foreheads fall forward and land against each other. "So, so much…"
As they continued kissing, despite his uncomfortable position, Charlie could tell Nick was hesitant to put any extra weight onto him. But Charlie pulled Nick down all the way so that he was straddling his lap.
Between kisses, Nick gasped, "I don't wanna hurt you…"
"You could never… this could never…"
Charlie entirely tangled his hands into Nick's slept-on hair, messing it even more thoroughly as he tugged and pulled at it, deepening their kisses all the while. Nick all but stifled the whine that emitted from his throat as he sucked at Charlie's bottom lip. Then it was Charlie's turn to let out a breathless noise which sent a considerable amount of heat southwards.
And then Charlie moved slightly beneath him and Nick could tell he was not alone in his arousal. Before he could stop himself, Nick's hands dropped in search of skin. They tugged at the hem of the t-shirt Charlie was wearing.
"Is this okay?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Please."
Nick did not allow himself to remove the t-shirt but his hands roamed across the expanse of smooth, flat skin beneath.
Charlie shivered under him. The movement caused them to brush against each other further still. Charlie gasped against Nick's mouth. Nick's hips moved of their own accord, desperate for friction.
Then Nick's brain turned to jelly as Charlie suddenly thrust upwards and then they both moved together and Charlie's face was buried in his neck and Nick could not get his arms tight enough around him and then everything was bright and white and "Charlie…"
They both collapsed against each other, panting in sync.
It was several bliss-filled moments before Nick sat back, suddenly very aware of the enormity of what they had just done, and of the definite stickiness in his pants.
Charlie looked up at him, eyes still heavy lidded, cheeks and lips deliciously pink.
"Are you okay?" Nick breathed. "That was…"
"A lot," Charlie said, breathless.
"God… I am so sorry, Charlie!" Nick scrambled to his feet, suddenly horrified. "I shouldn't have done that! We've never even discussed -"
"Was it not… good?"
Nick spun back around to look at Charlie - he was watching him anxiously from his spot by the bath.
"Are you joking? That was incredible, Char. You are incredible. I just… didn't expect that we would do that yet… I've never done that before, with anyone and it's all just a lot."
Charlie got to his feet, only to sink back onto the edge of the bath. "I know. Me neither. I've wanted to. With you. Of course I have… I didn't think I was ready…"
"Shit. I am so sorry…"
"Hey, no, don't apologise." Charlie closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Nick. "Apparently I was wrong." He kissed Nick chastely on the lips. "You are incredible."
Nick looked a little sheepish. "We didn't last very long…"
Charlie couldn't help an embarrassed grin. "We'll get better at it. With practice."
Nick went bright red but Charlie knew he was probably the same. They caught each other's eye and then suddenly both of them erupted into fits of laughter.
Charlie finally composed himself enough to say, "We should probably change out of these clothes. I'm a bit… sticky."
"Same."
Charlie made an adorable icky face but then burst into more giggles. "Ugh! I'm gonna have to wear my clothes from yesterday… I really do need to go home now."
"You can borrow more of my clothes if you want," said Nick as they opened the bathroom door and started down the hall.
He nudged Charlie's shoulder playfully. Charlie snorted. "You're obsessed!"
"Yep!" Nick scooped Charlie up into his arms and was about to haul him off into his bedroom when the door at the end of the hall opened and Sarah stepped out.
Nick would have dropped Charlie in an instant but at least this position hid their wet patches of shame.
Sarah looked from one guilty face to the next but before she could say anything -
"Run," Charlie gasped.
And Nick ran the rest of the way into his room, deposited Charlie down inside and shut the door quickly behind them.
During their very awkward breakfast, both Nick and Charlie tried their best not to let their guilt show on their faces, but still, even as they announced their intentions to go for a walk, (for the fresh air, they claimed), they knew Sarah could read it on every inch of their faces.
"Yes," she said. "I expect some fresh air is exactly what you need."
"Mum!" Nick pulled Charlie out the front door, wanting to get as far away from this conversation as possible.
"Okay, okay! I'm just glad you're both feeling better." She had the audacity to laugh at their flushed faces. "Off you go, then. I'd better not have to go and clean the bathroom now -"
Nick shut the door, cutting off his mum's cackling.
"Oh my God -"
"What the fuck? I am so sorry about her, Char…"
Charlie laughed. "It's okay. Honestly, she's great. I don't want to even imagine how my mum would react."
Their bubble of giddy newness felt as if it had gotten a puncture as they started the short walk to Charlie's house.
As they approached the door, they were both relieved to see that there were no cars in the driveway. Both Jane and Julio had gone to work then. Carried on with their day as if nothing had happened at all last night.
The bubble remained intact all the way up the stairs and into Charlie's bedroom. But as soon as Charlie caught sight of his wardrobe, the last of the joy dissipated and the harsh reality flooded back in.
Charlie was just about to stretch out a nervous hand to open the wardrobe door when a voice behind them made them both jump.
"Charlie?"
Tori appeared and folded Charlie into her arms, hugging him close. He patted her on the back awkwardly. It was rare that his sister showed him much physical affection. But he hadn't even stopped to think about how she was dealing with the events of last night.
"I'm alright, Tori, don't worry about -"
"How could you do that to us, Charlie?" she exclaimed, pulling away from him to shove at his arms. "Running off like that! Anything could have happened!"
"Ow! Victoria!" Charlie stumbled slightly, trying not to wince too much at the twinge in his forearms as Nick steadied him.
"Do you have any idea how worried we were?"
Tori was not truly angry at him, Charlie knew that, but he did feel a bit bad for not even texting her this whole time.
"You're just lucky your golden retriever here let me know you were okay. I would have had to be very annoyed with you, and I don't appreciate being made to feel such strong emotions."
"I'm sorry, Victoria…"
Charlie turned on his go-to puppy dog charm. Tori studied him moodily.
"Hm… I forgive you. Mum was being a raging bitch. Are you alright now?"
"I'm fine. Nick's been taking good care of me."
"Gross. And that's my cue to leave…"
"Tori! That's not what I meant!"
Nick, the traitor, did not manage to stifle his laughter.
Tori turned at the door to look back at Nick, now entirely sincere.
"Thank you," she said. "For being there for my brother, even when his own family couldn't."
"Charlie is my family," said Nick, as if this should have been obvious.
Charlie beamed up at him.
"Oh my God, you two are the worst! I'm going to leave now before I vomit all over the carpet, excuse me…"
The door clicked shut behind her. Charlie took Nick's hand and squeezed it.
"You're my family too."
Nick smiled, a little embarrassed. "We truly are vile, aren't we?"
"Shut up, we're adorable."
Charlie managed to grab some fresh clothes and run to the bathroom to change quickly, not wanting to leave Nick stewing in what they were planning to do today alone. After the quickest shower known to man, Charlie returned to find Nick waiting patiently on his bed, flicking through a book he had found on Charlie's bedside table.
"Interested in conjugating Latin verbs now, are we?"
"This looks absolutely atrocious. I can't believe you chose to study this. I suppose that's what you get when you're a massive nerd."
Nick put the book aside. Charlie could tell he was stalling.
"We don't have to do this," said Charlie. "Not today. Not ever, really. Not if you don't want to."
Nick sighed. "I'm not going to pretend that the whole thing doesn't terrify me but… I know it needs to be done. We should have done it weeks ago… But we're different now. We're stronger, I think. We can do this."
Nick stood up, strode to the wardrobe doors and pulled them open before Charlie could protest. Charlie was grateful Nick had done it though, or else he might have stood there staring at those doors until he was old and grey.
Charlie knew he had to do the next part himself, though. This was his doing after all.
Charlie rummaged through the junk at the bottom of the wardrobe, the junk he had carefully arranged to hide the dark secret he had been harbouring.
He pulled out the red school bag and quickly shut the doors again. He slung it onto his back without thinking about what was inside it too much.
"Come on," he said, taking Nick's hand. "Let's do this."
Nick and Charlie were both quite quiet as they rode the bus into town. It was mid-morning on a Wednesday so the bus was pretty empty except for an older couple and a young mum with a toddler.
Charlie held tightly onto the bag on his lap. He could feel the presence of what he was carrying like a physical weight. The judgemental stare of the toddler across the seats did not help soften Charlie's guilt.
Nick offered the toddler a smile. The little boy giggled back but then his mother ushered him away and he was thankfully distracted by an offer of Jelly Tots.
Charlie squeezed Nick's hand and Nick wondered whether Charlie could hear Nick's heart beating as loudly as he could feel it.
Nick hadn't realised quite how terrified he was until the bus pulled up at their stop and they stepped out onto the pavement.
It was only a short walk to the police station. Nick was glad when Charlie took charge of navigation using Google Maps on his phone, because Nick's thoughts were far too scattered to concentrate on much.
Charlie pocketed his phone and gave Nick's hand a reassuring squeeze. Nick realised they were now standing outside the entrance to the station. His throat was suddenly very dry. He tried to swallow but not much happened.
Despite Charlie's outward determination, his voice betrayed how scared he actually was. "Are you ready?"
Nick nodded, trying to fake some courage of his own.
"Maybe we should have called first," said Charlie.
"Too late now," said Nick.
Charlie's confident facade seemed to slip then. His grip on Nick's hand became tighter and his free hand shot up to his mouth to chew on his fingernails.
"Would you like a good luck kiss?" Nick offered.
"Then we might never go in. We might just stand out here on the pavement forever."
"Is that a no?"
"Of course not. I'm willing to risk it."
Charlie stretched on his tiptoes as Nick bent down to kiss him. They lingered only for a moment, lest they really did end up stuck there forever.
"We will continue this," said Charlie as he pulled away. "Afterwards."
"Can't wait."
Nick grinned nervously, and then they turned together, hand in hand, and pushed the doors of the police station open.
They approached the reception desk cautiously but there was no one sitting at it.
Nick rang the bell. Fortunately, and unfortunately, a receptionist arrived a few seconds later. She was a severe looking woman, her dark hair tied back in a tight bun. She frowned at them suspiciously for a moment before she spoke.
"How can I help you? Not playing truant are we, boys?"
She didn't look inclined to be bothered if they admitted they were.
"We have some information," said Charlie quickly. "For Officer Torrance. It's about a case she's working on."
The receptionist scrutinised Charlie through the glass screen. Nick quickly fumbled around in his pocket.
"I have her card," he said. "She said I should call her but… we thought it'd be best to tell her in person."
"Hmph," said the receptionist. "You'd better not be wasting Chief Constable Torrance's time. She's a very busy lady with a very serious job. She doesn't have time to be bothering with any nonsense a pair of teenagers might have cooked up."
"We realise that, ma'am," said Charlie. "But this is very important. We promise we're not wasting her time. Please could we just talk to her for a moment? We promise to go away if she tells us to."
Puppy-dog eyes, twice in one day, Nick thought. How were people so immune?
Apparently, this lady was not immune however because she gave a deep sigh and said, "Fine, I will let her know you are here. Whether she sees fit to entertain you is another matter. Please wait quietly."
"Well done," Nick mouthed as he followed Charlie over to one of the uncomfortable benches by the wall.
Charlie smiled nervously as they sat down to wait. The quiet of the room kind of reminded him of a doctor's waiting room, but somehow ten times worse. Nothing about the space was made for comfort or healing. There were no out-of-date magazines or fish tanks here. Nothing allowed them to forget for a moment exactly where they were.
Luckily, a side door opened sooner than they had expected and Officer Torrance appeared. She smiled politely at them both but Nick could tell she was surprised to see them.
"What can I do for you both?"
They got to their feet nervously.
"We've come to make a witness statement," said Charlie. "We were at the cabin. We have the gun."
Officer Torrance led them down a long corridor. They both had to hurry to match her strides as she led them across an office where several other detectives were at work. Charlie averted his eyes from a board of grizzly photographs before he could work out what they were of.
"Take a seat," Officer Torrance said kindly but firmly as she ushered them into her office and shut the door.
The two visitor chairs had been placed in front of the desk in such a way that it made it a bit awkward for them to maintain their hand holding. It would have been even more awkward for them to start moving the detective's furniture around so they were forced to let go of each other.
Charlie brought the backpack around onto his lap. He wanted nothing more than to hand it over and never see it again. He placed it on the desk in front of the detective with shaking hands.
The boys watched as Officer Torrance casually opened the zip and glanced inside. She gave a small sigh, closed the bag again, then tucked it under her desk and out of sight.
Charlie breathed a little easier.
"Am I finally going to learn exactly how you two have found yourselves wrapped up in all this?"
She looked carefully from one anxious face to the other. All the colour had gone from Nick's cheeks. Charlie's hands were fisted tightly around the sleeves of his jumper.
"Listen," she said calmly. "There's no need to be scared. You're not going to get in trouble for telling the truth. I am going to have to record your statement as you speak, though. Is that alright?"
Nick and Charlie both nodded.
"Okay, good. Just to let you know, you may ask me to pause at any time, if you need a break or it becomes too stressful. Even if you feel like it might be a disruption. Please believe me when I say that your welfare is more important than my efficiency, okay?"
"Okay," Charlie murmured as Nick nodded again.
"Right, I'm going to set this to record then." The detective placed a voice recorder down beside her on her desk. "Please start at the beginning. Take your time and give as much detail as you can."
The recording device made a small beep and before the following silence could get too deep, Charlie started to speak.
"Okay, well… It was Wednesday afternoon two weeks ago. We were meant to have rugby practice after school but it was cancelled because Mrs Singh had the flu. We had an hour before Nick's mum was going to pick us up so we… decided to go to the cabin…"
Charlie had said all this while staring determinately at his shoes. He glanced up at the detective now and found she was listening to his every word with rapt attention - intently but politely.
Charlie glanced at Nick beside him, close but not as close as he would prefer him to be. Nick smiled at him softly.
"What time did you leave school?" The detective asked.
"Probably not long after half past three," said Nick. "It took us maybe half an hour to walk to the park. When we left… afterward… it was only half four. I remember because it seemed strange that so much had happened in such a short amount of time…"
"And what happened when you got to the cabin?"
Nick and Charlie exchanged an awkward glance.
"Well," said Nick. "We just… hung out for a bit. Um… and then we made out…" To the detective's credit, her polite attention did not falter. "On… on the bed… But then I heard a car pull up outside."
"Did you see a number plate?"
"No… the headlights were really bright. I only saw a glimpse of it for a moment… I was a little distracted…"
"Do you remember what colour the car was?"
"Um… a dark colour, I think. Black or maybe dark blue… I don't really remember."
"That's alright. What about you Charlie? Do you remember?"
"Yeah. I think it was dark blue."
"Okay, thank you. Then what happened?"
Charlie shot Nick an encouraging look. Nick ploughed on, speaking to his hands where they rested in his lap.
"We saw three men get out of the car. Then they opened the boot and there was a fourth man handcuffed in there. They were leading him toward the cabin so I - I told Charlie to hide under the bed…" Nick's voice hitched. He sucked in a shaky breath. "I shouldn't have done that. I should have told you to hide in the wardrobe with me. There was plenty of room… He wouldn't have - You wouldn't have -"
In one fell swoop, Charlie left his chair to kneel at Nick's side. He took his boyfriend's hands in his own and reached up to put a hand to Nick's cheek. He brushed his hair back and smoothed away a few tears.
"Oh, Nick, you had no idea what was going to happen. You acted quickly and made sure I was safe before you were, that's all. And I love you for that."
Nick brought Charlie's hand away from his cheek and kissed it.
Officer Torrance continued to watch them carefully.
"There's no use threating over what could or could not have happened if you had made different decisions, or we'll be here all day. You'll only cause yourself more pain if you continue to blame yourself for how you acted in a very high-stress situation. But from what it sounds like to me, Nick, is that you did exactly the right thing."
Nick however, did not look convinced.
Charlie motioned for him to scoot over on the chair so that Charlie could perch beside him. The re-established contact grounded them both. Their hands found each other again but Nick found he needed more than that. He slid his free hand around Charlie's waist and held on tight to the side of his jumper.
"So, I hid under the bed," Charlie continued. "And Nick hid in the wardrobe. It was lucky he did because the men came in almost straight after that. I couldn't really see much from where I was laying, mostly just feet. But I could hear them and they sounded angry… and scared. The man who was handcuffed, I think they were planning to kill him but they kept arguing about who should be the one to do it. He was barefoot. I remember thinking that was odd. I thought he was unconscious but then he suddenly got up - he had managed to uncuff himself somehow - grabbed their gun and shot them all."
"Christopher Poole, Stanley Fletcher and Ray Dhawan," Officer Torrance recited.
"Yes," said Charlie.
Dhawan. Ray Dhawan.
Charlie wondered whether he had had a family. He wondered whether those blank eyes could ever have once held such things as warmth or joy.
And Charlie saw them again now. Heard the thud as Ray Dhawan hit the floor. Felt the hardwood floorboards beneath his back. Watched as the red poured out…
"Charlie?" Nick squeezed Charlie's hand, and looked imploringly into his worryingly blank blue eyes. "Char?"
Charlie blinked. His face had gone very pale.
Nick knew what must have happened. He pulled him gently into the crook of his arm and felt Charlie's head drop onto his shoulder. "You're alright, baby… God, I'm so sorry, Charlie…"
"Maybe it would be best if you both took a break?" Officer Torrance offered. "Just for five minutes?"
Charlie lifted his head from Nick's shoulder and shook it. "No. I'm fine. It's okay. We can continue. I kind of just want to get this over and done with to be honest."
"Are you sure, Char?"
"Of course. But we can take a break if you want, Nick," Charlie said quickly, clutching Nick's hand. "Whatever you want."
"I - I can continue," said Nick. He let out another shaky breath.
"Alright then," said Officer Torrance with an encouraging nod.
Nick kept his arms around Charlie, the two of them folded together in the small plastic chair, long having given up any pretence against their co-dependency.
"The man from the boot shot the three others," said the detective. "Then what did he do?"
"I couldn't see that clearly from the wardrobe, just through the slats… But I saw him go toward the bed. Somehow, he knew Charlie was under there… I grabbed an old cricket bat. I hit him over the head with it. He was going to shoot Charlie - there was nothing else I could have done - I couldn't let - I wasn't going to let that happen. I think I knocked him out… but then we ran."
"So then how did you get the gun?"
"I grabbed it as we left," said Charlie. "I still don't really know why - I barely remember doing it… We ran back to the park and I threw it in the river."
"It was you both that Officer Michaels saw on Sunday, then?"
Nick's eyes widened in fear.
"Nick won't get in trouble for lying, will he? Please don't - I was the one who removed it from the river that night, Nick had nothing to do with it -"
"Don't worry, Charlie. What your boyfriend did was technically illegal but I am willing to let it slide, considering he is a minor and that you both have decided to come clean by your own free will. And I can tell this whole ordeal has been highly traumatic for you both. What I don't understand however, is why you are only just telling me this now. Why didn't you call the police the moment you got out of there?"
Nick took a breath and focused on the familiar weight of Charlie at his side.
"It was all so quick and sudden… we didn't know what to do. I know I wasn't really thinking. It's all kind of a blur now. I think we just wanted to go home." Nick looked down, the old shame creeping in. "It was my fault. I wasn't out then - you know, as bisexual - so our relationship was a secret. And I was so scared of people finding out - I didn't want to have to answer questions about what we were doing alone in that cabin in the first place. I know it sounds really fucking stupid right now, considering, but I was just so, so scared -"
"And I was willing to do anything to make sure you came out when you were ready, and not a moment sooner," said Charlie defiantly. "I'm sorry we hindered your investigation, detective, but nothing is more important to me than Nick."
"I can see that," said Officer Torrance, allowing a smile. "But you're out now, I take it?"
Her eyes flashed with amusement as the boys looked down at their current position, arms around each other, hands clasped tightly, heads almost touching.
"Yeah," Charlie chuckled. "We are."
"The main reason we didn't tell anyone," said Nick, reaching into his jeans pocket. "Is because I received this note."
He slid the envelope across the desk. It still bore his name in plain printed font.
Nick and Charlie watched as the detective slipped the paper out from the envelope and saw her eyes widen as she read the contents.
"It was hand delivered," Nick explained. "On that Thursday evening. I only went out of the house for about half an hour and when I came back it was sitting on the door mat."
"Has this man tried to contact you again?" Officer Torrance had turned extremely serious.
"No," said Nick automatically.
"Not really," said Charlie. He swallowed nervously. "But I did see him on the bus the next morning."
"The bus?"
"Yeah. That was when I realised he didn't know what I looked like. When I saw him get on, I was freaking out because I thought he was after me. But then he completely ignored me, even after I ran off. He didn't even try to follow me. But Matt Osmond and Bethany Tooke were both on that bus too. And Matt had the same backpack as me and mine was tucked under my seat, out of sight. The shooter thought Matt was me and that's why he killed them."
"So, the perpetrator thinks that you are dead?"
Charlie blinked. "Yes. I think so."
"And he has no reason to recognise his mistake if he saw you walking down the street for example?"
"I guess not," said Charlie. He hadn't really let himself think about this recently, knowing how much the guilt would eat him alive if he did. "He never saw my face. He saw my school blazer, knew I went to Truham but mostly, he recognised me by my backpack."
"But he saw your face, Nick? He knows what you look like."
"Yeah," said Nick.
Charlie wanted to throw up.
"He must have done," said Officer Torrance. "And he must have managed to learn enough about you to find your address and send you that note. You never received anything similar, Charlie?"
Charlie shook his head, not trusting his breakfast not to resurface if he opened his mouth.
"Interesting… And what about Isabella Harding? Is there anything you could tell me about her murder?"
Nick and Charlie exchanged a look and shrugged.
"We didn't know her," said Nick. "Do you think her death is connected to the others?"
"I think it's very likely." She clicked the voice recorder off, then reached into a desk drawer. "Right, I'm going to have to ask you to fill in these forms. Make sure to use as much detail as you can when it asks you for a physical description of the perpetrator, please. While you do that, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call your parents."
Charlie stiffened. "Could you - could you maybe wait until we've gone?"
Officer Torrance looked at him in alarm.
"It's just that, me and my mum, we don't really get along… and I'd rather not be here when she finds out about all this… if that's okay?"
Nick watched the detective's eyes soften in understanding.
"Very well. Fill these in then, and then I'll show you out."
Five minutes later, Nick and Charlie followed Officer Torrance back through the office, along the corridor and back into the foyer where the grumpy receptionist still sat behind her screen.
"Thank you for coming to see me today, boys. I know how difficult it has been for you to do what you've been doing, and how scary it has been to finally tell someone about it. I want you to know that you've done the right thing, and you should both be very proud of yourselves."
"Thanks for not arresting us, ma'am," said Charlie.
"That was never going to happen. And I think you'd better start calling me Helen."
On the bus ride home, Nick and Charlie were both so wrapped up in their own heads that they barely noticed the glares and tuts they were receiving from a grumpy middle-aged woman sitting across from them. Charlie shot a glare back at her and snuggled closer against Nick's side, clutching his hand even tighter.
In some ways, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off their shoulders, but their confession had brought up a lot of details Nick had apparently repressed. He tried to remember what Charlie had said, that he couldn't have known what was going to happen but still… it didn't change the fact that the Boy Under the Bed was only under there because Nick had told him to be.
Charlie rested his head on Nick's shoulder, trying his best to ignore the woman's thinly veiled looks of disgust. He didn't care if she was homophobic or just mad they weren't at school, he just wished she would mind her own fucking business. She was making him nervous.
Now that the truth was out, Charlie couldn't seem to stop thinking about the contents of that note… If what Helen had said was true, about the perpetrator thinking Charlie was already dead, then Nick was probably in more danger now than ever.
By the time they made it to Nick's house, Charlie was very anxious to get inside, where it at least felt safer.
They found a scribbled note taped to the fridge, letting them know that Sarah had had to pop out for a bit and would be back soon. Instead of wallowing in the tension of waiting for her to return, they set about distracting themselves with the task of making lunch.
Nick and Charlie settled down in the living room in front of the telly to eat their toasties. Charlie noticed gratefully that Nick had cut Charlie's toastie into very equal quarters for him. The gesture was so thoughtful it fuelled Charlie enough to eat the entire sandwich, slowly but surely.
Nick couldn't help but smile when he saw Charlie put down his empty plate.
"We did it," said Nick. "We finally told the truth."
"We did, didn't we?" Charlie grinned back at him. He looked exhausted.
Nick laid back on the sofa and extended his arms so that Charlie could make himself comfortable between them. "Come here."
Charlie shuffled over at once to lie down with his head on Nick's chest, letting Nick's arms come down around him. Charlie sighed contentedly and closed his eyes.
"I can hear your heart," he said softly.
"What's it saying?"
"Something sappy no doubt…"
"I think it's saying," Nick put on a silly falsetto voice. "'I love you, Charlie!'"
Charlie giggled. "Is that what your heart sounds like?"
"Maybe!" Nick poked him in the ribs. "Let me hear yours!"
"No!" Charlie flung his head back down and tightened his arms around him. "I'm comfy."
"But Charlie, I wanna hear it!"
"Well, you can't right now I'm afraid."
"Tell me what it's saying then…"
Charlie rolled his eyes and pretended to listen hard. "Um… I think it's saying Nick is a weirdo and it's wondering why we're still with him…"
"Hey! Mean!"
Charlie burst into laughter and Nick began tickling him. Nick rolled them both over so that they were both lying sideways on the sofa, Charlie with his back to the cushions. He continued to giggle as Nick pressed his ear against his chest.
Charlie waited patiently for his boyfriend's verdict but after a long few seconds, Nick went very quiet and still, ear pressed over Charlie's heart.
"Nick?" Charlie felt Nick's arms contract around him. Nick let out a muffled sob and Charlie buried his face in his hair to kiss his head. "Nick, what's the matter?"
Charlie continued to kiss his head and stroke his back as Nick cried against his chest, until his shoulders stopped shaking and his breathing evened out.
Charlie thought Nick might have fallen asleep until he whispered, "I don't want you to go home."
He lifted his head and Charlie's heart broke at the sadness in his watery brown eyes.
"Oh, Nick… I'm not going anywhere right now. But you know I'm going to have to go home at some point?"
Nick nodded miserably. A stray tear leaked down his face. "I know."
"Please talk to me," Charlie implored. "Tell me what's got you so upset."
Nick swallowed and Charlie watched his gaze suddenly harden. "I need you to be honest with me about something, Charlie."
"Of course."
Nick shifted upwards so that they lay nose to nose, a sofa cushion beneath their heads. Charlie searched his face in confusion and concern. Nick closed his eyes and took a breath.
"Has your… has your mum ever… hit you?"
"Oh."
Nick flung his eyes open just as Charlie rolled away onto his back. Nick knew he shouldn't have said anything, but he needed to know whether he'd been imagining things or not.
"How could you tell?" Charlie breathed.
"I'm not sure," said Nick, swallowing his cold fury. "I think Tori figured it out too. The way you flinched when your mum banged her fist on the table yesterday… Charlie, I am so sorry."
Charlie winced at the mention of his sister but turned back to face Nick again. His blue eyes were a little glassy but thankfully clear of tears. "Don't worry about it. It was only one time. It wasn't that bad."
"Your mum hit you."
"I know that, Nick!" Charlie immediately regretted raising his voice. He saw the anger and sadness in every inch of Nick's face and hated that he had put it there. "I'm sorry… it's just that that's not really the worst thing she's done recently. I can deal with her…"
"Recently? When did this happen?"
"Saturday night. After I came back from yours. I said something stupid, I don't even remember what it was now and she slapped me."
The way Charlie told it so casually made Nick want to find Jane Spring and slap her back. He would have done it as well, if it had been anyone else.
"That's why you were so upset at the park. When you wouldn't tell me what was wrong…"
"I guess," said Charlie. "Now that I think about it, that might have been the trigger of my relapse. I thought it was after that but…"
"What do you mean?"
Nick didn't know if he wanted to hear the extent of what Charlie meant by 'not really the worst thing she's done', but he knew if Charlie was willing to tell him, he wanted to be there to listen.
"You know on Sunday when she made me go home with her? After she saw us walking home from the park? Well, I was already in a pretty terrible head space. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to eat, not even if I had gone back to yours. I felt like utter shit. I couldn't eat the lunch she had made for me. Of course my mum didn't like that so she tried to force me." Charlie shuddered. "I won't tell you all the wretched details but let's just say it really fucking sucked and basically I threw up everywhere and yeah… I'd rather she hit me ten more times than go through that again."
"Charlie…"
Charlie smiled meekly up at him through his eyelashes. "Would it do anything at all if I told you not to worry about me?"
Nick crushed him into his embrace, wishing he could protect his love by sheer force of cuddles alone. "Probably not."
"Don't worry about me?"
"You were right. Didn't work."
"Worth a try."
The feeling of Nick's hand cupping the back of Charlie's head had become one of Charlie's favourite things. He felt so cosy and safe in that moment that all of Jane Spring's crimes momentarily flew out of the window. Charlie snuggled in even closer.
"I think you should tell someone," said Nick.
Charlie closed his eyes, breathing in his boyfriend's warmth. "I just told you."
"You know what I mean. Someone who is qualified to help you properly."
"You are helping me properly."
Nick gently flipped Charlie over to bring them both back into their original position, Charlie's head pillowed over Nick's heart. Charlie felt the vibration as Nick hummed.
"Hmm… just promise me you'll tell me if anything like that ever happens again. It doesn't have to be straight after, but tell me as soon as you feel comfortable. I don't want you to bottle it all up, or feel like you have to suffer through it alone."
"I promise."
Nick planted a kiss on Charlie's head. "And don't think you're protecting me by not telling me these things. I'd rather know what I'm worrying about than be left to speculate. Yes, it's hard to hear these things. Yes, I do worry about you, but let me. Somebody's got to."
Charlie tilted his head up to look at him. "Okay." He kissed Nick's chin. "And let me worry about you."
Nick sighed and rolled his eyes. "I have to say yes now, don't I?"
"Kind of."
"You are so sneaky…"
Charlie giggled softly.
"Okay," said Nick. "You may worry about me."
"Thank you." Charlie laid his head back down and Nick felt him relax against him. "I'm so tired…"
"I know, baby, me too. Want to have a nap?"
Nick felt Charlie nod.
"Okay." Nick kissed his head again and folded his arms more securely around him. "I love you."
But Charlie was already asleep.
The sound of a badly stifled sniffle woke Nick from his nap. He blinked his eyes open as they adjusted to the light and noticed the extra warmth across him was more than just Charlie.
A blanket had been draped over them both. Charlie blinked sleepily up at him, clearly having just woken up too.
Another sniffle, and both Nick and Charlie turned their heads to see Sarah sitting in the armchair nearby, a cup of strong tea in her hands and quite clearly deep in thought. A few tissues had been discarded on the table beside her.
She saw them both looking at her and set her tea down at once.
The boys sat up and Charlie slid off Nick, feeling incredibly awful at sight of the tears rolling down Mrs Nelson's face.
Sarah buried her face in her hands and Nick got up to kneel by her side. Charlie perched on the edge of the sofa, a bit awkward, not knowing exactly what to do.
"Mum, it's okay. Please don't cry."
"Nothing about this is okay, Nicky. You're just kids. I can't believe you've been dealing with all that on your own…"
"We haven't been alone," said Nick. "We've had each other."
Sarah rubbed furiously at her eyes. "I knew there was something up but… That evening. When you said you'd been at the park. You were so adamant about that sleepover. It had just happened. God, no wonder you've both been so stressed. And Helen showed me that note…"
Nick wrapped his mum into a hug. Charlie moved to join Nick at Sarah's feet and then felt himself being pulled into the hug by both of them.
Sarah pulled away and gave a shaky laugh. "Here you both are comforting me, when I should be the one -"
"It's okay, Mrs Nelson. We've had a lot longer to get used to the whole thing."
"Yes, I suppose you have." She wiped away a few extra tears. "You both should know that I'm in no way angry at you for not telling anyone. I understand why you didn't, but I really wish you had. I wish I had known. Those nightmares… Nicky, they're from that day, aren't they?"
Nick looked down sheepishly. "Yeah. They are. I didn't have one last night though."
Sarah smiled. "Because Charlie was there."
Charlie felt himself go red, and saw Nick do the same. Sarah chuckled at them.
"Even if you've been through a terrible ordeal, I'm glad you've had each other. I saw you when I came in. I had been about ready to be furious, but seeing you asleep like that, you looked so young and innocent, it made me realise it wasn't you who I was angry at. I was angry at the situation. At that man who's been putting my boys through hell. You deserve nothing but good things, the pair of you."
Nick smiled awkwardly across at Charlie, who smiled back for only a moment before his expression changed and he looked back up at Sarah. "Mrs Nelson?"
"You're allowed to call me Sarah, remember, dear?"
"Sorry. It's just… did you speak to my parents at all? When you were at the station?"
Sarah smiled sadly at him. "Your mum refused to even look at me I'm afraid, the whole time we were there. But your dad spoke to me before we left. He wants you to come home, Charlie."
Charlie's shoulders slumped forward slightly. Nick's heart sank.
"He said you don't have to go straight away, if you don't want to. I told him that you're welcome to stay here for as many nights as you like. But your dad does want you home."
Charlie sighed, leaning against the armchair for support. "I don't know why I'm surprised. I knew this was coming."
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Nick reminded him.
"I know, but I need to go home at some point. I need to make an effort to not just run away and hide all the time. They are my family, I don't want them to feel like they're being replaced, just - expanded. I need to be the bigger person."
"Your mum should be the one being the bigger person," Nick mumbled. "She's the adult here."
"That's a very brave and mature way of looking at it, Charlie," said Sarah, patting his curls affectionately. "Your parents should be very proud of you."
Nick could tell Charlie never really knew how to react whenever Sarah mothered him like this. It made Nick's heart ache for this boy who deserved to be used to the love of his own mother.
"I'll go home in time for dinner," said Charlie, trying to sound less nervous about the prospect than he actually was. "That should make my mum happy, at least."
"Do what makes you happy, Char."
"I'll be fine. Today has been a lot but it's been good too. I feel like I've been re-charged."
So, at ten to six, Charlie thanked Sarah again for everything, let her hug him tightly for several moments until he could tell Nick might explode from anxiety. Charlie hugged him and Nick clung back so ferociously it was almost painful to have to let him go.
Charlie kissed him softly. "I'll text you as soon as I get home. I promise."
"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you?"
"I'm sure."
Charlie wanted nothing more than for Nick to walk him home but couldn't stand the idea of Nick having to walk back on his own. Charlie wasn't sure how aware Nick was of the danger he was in now that they had told the truth. Charlie wasn't about to sacrifice his boyfriend's safety just for ten minutes extra with him.
It took all of Charlie's willpower to step out of the Nelsons' house and propel himself down the road. He tried to remind himself of the 'brave and mature' reasons he'd given earlier, but it was a lot easier to say those things than put them into practice.
Before he knew it, Charlie turned the corner onto Britannia Road and then his front door came into view. There was only one car outside. His dad must have had to work late. Wonderful.
As he slipped his shoes off in the hallway, Charlie contemplated just running upstairs and locking himself in his room. It would have been the easiest thing to do.
But, no.
He gave himself a little shake.
He couldn't avoid his mum forever, and the least he could do was to walk into the kitchen on his own terms, head held high. Whatever she had for him would hurt less then.
Charlie quickly pulled out his phone and sent his promised text to Nick.
CHARLIE (18:00): i'm home, gonna talk to mum now… wish me luck x
NICK (18:00): good luck ❤️❤️ ily xxx
CHARLIE (18:00): ily ❤️❤️
Apparently, Charlie had not completely erased the grin from his face as he stepped into the kitchen. Jane was pottering about, tidying and cleaning absent-mindedly, when the room was already organised and spotless.
"Have you had a good day?" There was something unnatural about her calm tone.
Charlie nodded and sat down at the breakfast bar to watch his mum carefully. She was avoiding looking at him directly again, but she wasn't shouting and she didn't seem angry, so that was something…
Charlie kept his mouth shut, as was his tried-and-true Jane Spring coping mechanism.
There was a pizza in the oven, he noticed. One of his safe foods. Although he doubted she knew that.
Charlie sat there as calmly as he could as he watched his mum take the tray out of the oven and slide the pizza onto a plate. She filled a glass of water for him, without asking whether he would prefer something else, and set them both down in front of him.
Just the action of her doing that made his throat tighten.
Charlie picked up the glass and held it between his hands, hoping the coolness would protect his palms from their imminent danger. He kept his gaze determinedly on his mum and not the food in front of him, daring her to speak first.
"Look, Charlie," she began slowly, face turned away as she leant against the counter. "I realise I might have taken things a bit far yesterday. I always seem to say the wrong things, don't I?"
Charlie grimaced.
"You have to understand," she continued. "There's no handbook on how to parent a mentally ill teenager. But from what I've learnt today… I can see some of how I've managed to get it all so wrong… Why didn't you tell us, Charlie?"
She finally looked up at him and their eyes met. Charlie wanted to look away but forced himself to maintain eye contact with his mum.
"We couldn't. We were scared. Did you see the note?"
"Yes, but that was aimed at Nick, not you. You could have told."
Charlie blinked at her in utter shock. "Would you have told if someone threatened dad?"
"That's different -"
"It isn't!" Charlie bit his lip. He had gotten dangerously close to raising his voice. He took a deep breath. "Besides… the note did say 'two bullets', mum. One of them was meant for me."
Jane clamped a hand over her mouth as she bit back a sob. Her shoulders shook a little, she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to force back her tears.
The sudden strike of emotion shocked Charlie as much as it had Jane.
Before Charlie could process this, Jane stepped across the room toward him. She moved to lay a hand on his shoulder, but before he could stop himself, Charlie flinched away from her touch.
He saw the flash of hurt across his mum's face and Charlie felt guilt shoot into the pit of his stomach. As she withdrew herself from the room, Jane looked truly defeated. She mumbled something about a soak in the bath and an early night. She didn't say goodnight.
Well done, Charlie thought darkly. Really excellent job there, Charlie. You definitely showed her!
Fuck off. She's the adult here. She hurt you. You don't owe her anything.
Charlie looked down at his pizza and smiled. The good voice was back.
He slid off the stool and carried the pizza to the counter. He placed two slices onto a smaller plate and put the rest in the fridge. (Tori would be grateful tomorrow. She loved cold pizza because she was odd like that.)
Charlie carried the smaller plate and his water up to his room and settled down on his bed to eat. He set up his phone to FaceTime Nick and then when the screen beeped and Nick's smiling face came into view, Charlie felt ten times lighter.
Nick was lying on his own bed, Nellie in his lap. "Hey! How'd it go?"
"It was… interesting," said Charlie. "I think her knowing about the cabin has only short-circuited her brain even more. She could barely look at me."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Charlie smiled. "I am… I think I hurt her feelings."
"I'm not going to say she deserves it but -"
"Oh, no, you can say it. She fucking hurt mine."
"Okay then. She deserves it. Of course she does. Christ, anyone who treats you like that deserves to suffer in my opinion."
The sincerity in Nick's voice as he spoke shocked Charlie slightly. He must have been staring because Nick frowned and tilted his head in confusion. Charlie wanted nothing more than to reach through the screen and touch the strand of blond hair falling across his boyfriend's eyes.
"Are you sure you're okay, Char?"
"Yeah," Charlie sighed. "I just really love you."
"Aw. I really love you." Nick grinned. "I'd love you more if you gave me some of that pizza!"
"Not a chance!" Charlie snatched up the last bite triumphantly. "All gone now anyway!"
"I suppose I can forgive you," Nick chuckled as Charlie set his plate aside. "Nellie might need a few days to get over it though…"
"Oh no! Nellie, I am so sorry! How will I ever repay you?"
Nellie raised her head, ears twitching in the direction of Charlie's voice. She caught sight of him on Nick's phone screen and tilted her head in confusion. (The action reminded Charlie of a certain someone else…)
"Where's Charlie, Nellie?" said Nick. "How'd he get in there, hey?"
"Hi, Nellie!"
Nellie whined and pawed at the screen.
"I know it's not fair, is it, Nel? Why can't we climb through and cuddle him?"
"You're both just going to have to cope without me, I'm afraid."
Nick threw himself dramatically around Nellie and buried his face in her fur. "Nooo! We're not gonna make it, Char!"
"At least you have each other," said Charlie, chuckling. "I could go cuddle Oliver or Tori I guess, but to be honest, I don't think they'd appreciate it somehow."
"Can't relate," said Nick, lifting his head again. "Imagine not appreciating a cuddle from you? Utter madness."
An hour later, they had both gotten ready for bed, turned their lights out and snuggled under the covers to resume their call. They were quiet for a while, neither wanting to say goodnight just yet, content to lie there, curled around their phones in comfortable silence.
Charlie was aware that Nick was studying his face but he didn't care because Charlie was doing the same.
After a while…
"Nick?" Charlie whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I keep thinking about earlier…" he swallowed his nerves. "You know… about what we did… in the bathroom."
"Me too," Nick whispered. "I can't get it out of my head. I feel like such a perv…"
"If you are then so am I."
"You don't feel awkward about it, do you? I'd hate you to feel like I pressured you in any way…"
"Of course not! I mean… I do feel a bit awkward but not like - it's just awkward, isn't it! It's bound to be! It's normal… To be honest I thought I would feel way more awkward than I do… I… I feel safe with you, Nick."
"I feel safe with you."
"Do you - do you want to do it again?" Charlie watched Nick's eyes widen, and his cheeks flush even redder. "We don't have to if you don't want to," said Charlie quickly. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. Of course you don't want -"
"Charlie! Of course I do!" Nick bit his lip. "Of course I want to. You have no idea what you do to me… D-do you want to know a secret?"
Charlie pulled his duvet up over his head to block out the rest of the world. "What?"
"I'm already - ready."
"What?" Charlie giggled. "Nick!"
"Just from talking about it."
"You really are a perv!"
"Hey!" But Nick giggled too. "This is your fault, not mine!"
Charlie could feel his heart beating wildly, could feel his own blood rushing south… followed by his hand. "I wish I could touch you," he said without thinking.
Nick exhaled raggedly. "I want you to, Charlie. I always want you."
"I always think about you, Nick. Whenever I do this. You're all I ever think about."
"You're so beautiful, Charlie. I love you so much. You're - you're doing so good…"
Charlie watched as Nick tipped over the edge, and then he dragged Charlie the rest of the way over with him.
Still breathing heavily, Charlie opened his eyes onto Nick's equally blissed-out face. Something in Charlie soared. He had done that. Charlie had been the one to make Nick look like that.
"I always think about you, too," said Nick. "Whenever I do that… You want to know something?"
"Yeah…?" Charlie felt suddenly very warm and sleepy.
"I never felt like doing it so much before I met you."
"Really?" A lump was forming in Charlie's throat. He willed himself not to cry. How pathetic would that be?
"I did it of course… but, I dunno. It's different now. Better." Nick blinked sleepily. "You make everything better."
Charlie had to wipe his eyes. "Fuck…"
"Oh, baby, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Charlie breathed. "Did I say how much I fucking love you?"
"Charlie, please don't cry. You're gonna set me off."
"So-"
"And don't you dare say the s-word!" Nick laughed but his breath hitched a little.
Charlie saw the tears in his eyes and laughed too. "We are such a mess! Here we are blubbering like idiots after our first phone sex! We are so pathetic!"
"We really are!"
"Maybe next time it'll last longer…"
Nick snorted. "Maybe next time we can actually be in the same room?"
"Yeah?"
"I want to hold you next time, Char."
Charlie beamed. "Next time."
Phew! What a long chapter! I hope you all enjoyed :D Please leave a nice comment if you like x
And to my lovely commenter named Isabella (I would PM you but I cannot as you don't have an account on here) - Hi! Thank you so much for your comments, they truly make my day. I'm so happy you find so much joy and escapism in my story :) Now, I understand if you aren't comfortable with sharing your art with others but I would absolutely be delighted if you could somehow send me your fanart! Don't worry if not but please consider it xx
