Happy New Year guys!
I hope 2022 is packed with happiness, peace and love for all of you and of course with a lot of Burzek!
Thanks for being such an important part of 2021, for reading, reviewing and supporting.
Hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think!
Happy reading!
Xoxo
Nina
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.
Erin wanted to stay with me at med but I asked her to go, I didn't want anyone there. Ok, maybe I wanted Adam there, but I was still too pissed to admit that.
Luckily my lip didn't need stitches, it was a bit blue and swollen but it just needed time to heal. I know, too cliché, right?
Later that night I found out that Adam and Kevin got Allan Huxley and all the girls who were being held hostage had a safe return home. So at least a part of that story had a happy ending.
I woke up and checked my phone, but no, I had no messages from Adam, no missed calls, nothing. Wasn't he going to apologize? The idea of having to face him at the district with this unresolved issue made my stomach turn, I really didn't want to go. I guess I could have called and said that I was too tired or stressed or something but I wasn't going to take the easy way out, I was going to deal with this like the professional grown up I was.
I just got ready and left my apartment.
The day absolutely sucked, the only good part was when Lindsay brought me this medical lip balm thing that actually numbed it, because that damn lip was hurting like a bitch right now. Apart from that, pretty much everything else was crap.
I was in pain, especially on my side due to that stupid yet ridiculously beautiful desk, so Voight left me behind my desk the whole damn day, while everyone else got to do fun stuff.
Adam didn't speak to me, as if I had offended and hurt him. I just couldn't believe he didn't approach me, at least to ask how I was or to say 'I told you you would get hurt.' He said nothing and being ignored was what pissed me off the most. I felt the anger building up the whole day, I just wanted to get home.
When I finally did get home, I didn't know what to do. I could go to the gym and punch that bag, picturing Adam's face on it, I could go out, get drunk and pass out or stay in and work up my head even more and feel miserable about myself. Please don't be surprised to find out that I chose the pathetic last option, but at least I threw some drinks in that plan so that I could also drown in self pity.
After the third time looking at the clock on my phone I decided to get out of bed, it was useless to be in there anyway, it's not like I was sleeping or doing something more entertaining. Damn you, Ruzek.
Why was he being such an idiot? And even worse, what was I being so passive about this?
I've always lived by this philosophy: we are entitled to share with others how we feel, especially when the other person is a part of it. Responsibility on what happens is shared and if I'm feeling like crap right now, then Adam needs to be aware and held accountable for his share.
I went back to my bedroom and looked at myself in the mirror only to confirm I looked like shit.
I got a pair of jeans that made my ass look like a piece of heaven, my favorite sweater and a pair of black over the knee boots, I even got my nicest set of lingerie. I was gonna dress for success, even if I ended up not succeeding at all.
The quick shower I took helped me to clear my mind and get everything I wanted to point out straight. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, outlined my eyes, put on some black mascara to make my lashes stand out, a little bronzer to highlight my cheeks and red lipstick to cover the bluish in my lower lip, god bless Erin's magic lip balm. I looked in the mirror once again, now I looked amazing. I had no idea what was going to happen and of course I was not sure at the slightest about the move I was about to make. But one thing I did know, if I was going down tonight, then I was going to go down swinging.
The banging on the door was disturbing, it disturbed me and I was the one making the noise. If there were any neighbors looking out the peephole they would have probably posted my picture on social media offering money to the first person to bring them my head on a silver platter.
I stood there for a few more seconds until the door finally opened. Pajama pants, no shirt, messy hair, sexy beard, eyes full of sleep until they started to roam all over me. Gosh how I wish his hands were the ones doing that instead of his eyes. Yeah, don't judge me ok? I am pissed but I'm still a human being who likes sleeping with the human being in front of her.
"This is unexpected." He said with a groggy voice.
I ignored his comment, I also ignored that well planned speech I had before getting here, where everything sounded so nice, appropriate and civil. "I don't know what is pissing me off more right now." If the neighbors hated me because of the banging, now they would hate me because of how loud I was speaking. I walked into his apartment pushing his shoulder with mine as I made my way in. "I'm not sure if it's because you obviously think I'm crappy police, or maybe it's the fact that you completely walked away from me after we had our first real fight."
"Ok, if you really want to have this conversation at two in the morning, let me remind you that you were the one who asked to be left alone." The tone of his vice told me how frustrated he was.
"Well… clearly I didn't want that. Gosh Ruzek, haven't you learned anything about women yet?"
"Yes, I did! I learned that what I've been doing doesn't work. I learned that maybe we're not in the same spot, that maybe I've pushed you towards me since day one and…" I had to cut him out, what the hell was he saying? My voice overlapped his. The argument was getting so heated and intense, the only way to interrupt him was to increase my volume.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I am pissed because you obviously think I do not have what it takes to get my job done." That did it. That single comment was all we needed to trigger the fury and pain in Adam's eyes. Why was there pain in his eyes, though? He took two steps towards me and then stopped on his tracks, he didn't want to get any closer. I had no clue what his pain was all about, but right now, the reason for my pain, my real actual pain, was about to slap me in the face.
"I am very sorry that's what you got out of it Kim, but I'm not your past." I narrowed my eyes as he continued to talk. "I'm not your dad, I'm not those asshole boyfriends you've had that didn't support you. I'm just not. I know the bad ass cop you are, I know you're capable of doing whatever the hell you want to do. That doesn't stop me from being terrified when you're out there, that you could get hurt." So that's what it was. The look on his face that I couldn't make out at the bullpen. It was fear.
Hearing what he said about my dad, he was right. That's what ignited my reaction to this situation, thinking that things will never change and putting Adam in that big bag of people who think very little of me and my abilities. I could see it now, thanks to him I realized I had yet to work on that.
This epiphany though, didn't stop me from keeping my guard up and being defensive."Why? I can take care of myself just fine."
I watched as he ran his hands through his hair with anger and frustration. "Jesus, Kim! Haven't you figured it out yet?" Now, his voice shifted from loud to a scream almost and mine came out matching his.
"Figure what out?"
"I'm in love with you, head over heels. I love you and the thought of something happening to you kills me inside."
Ok. That was not how I expected this to play out. Did he just say that he loved me? My eyes widened and I think even my mouth slightly opened when I heard his confession. I was lost for words; so I stopped thinking and did what felt right.
"I love you, too." I yelled right back at him.
"Good." He snapped back.
"Ok." The exchange was still loud, heated and intense, but the anger that was present before wasn't there anymore.
"I'm gonna kiss you now."
"You better." He took the few steps that were keeping us apart, held the back of my neck with his hand and pulled me closer to his face. His lips captured mine and all the intensity and the passion of our argument was now poured in this kiss. I could feel my pulse and a burning sensation in my lip that made me gasp, and Adam instantly pulled away and locked his eyes on mine.
"Are you ok? Am I hurting you?" His thumb lightly brushed my cheek with tenderness and care, provoking all kinds of tingling and sparks to run through my body.
"Don't stop." That's all I managed to say. I sounded desperate and needy, but I couldn't care less. My emotions were a fucking whirpool right now. I've missed being with him, with the Sloan case we didn't really get to be together outside the district and then everything else happened. And now we were here, he just told me he loved me and I just wanted to be with him, the pain of my split lip was nothing compared to the joy I was feeling right now.
"Darlin' we don't have to do this right now." He gently pressed his lips against mine. That was Adam Ruzek, passionate, hot headed, energetic, but also kind, caring, protective, sweet and tender. I loved every shade and every angle of his personality. I loved that he believed in me, although my past trauma did not always allow me to see that, I loved how much he cared about me even when I thought I didn't deserve it. I loved him, all of him, the good and the not so good. Because that's what being with someone is about, accepting who they were and working towards being better.
"Yeah, we do." Now it was me desperately attacking his mouth, our tongues moved as if they were dancing with each other. I placed both my hands on his bare chest and it was like a lightning bolt struck my body. I needed more of him. I slid my hands across his chest to absorb every inch of his skin through my fingers. When I reached his shoulders I gently squeezed them, telling him exactly what I wanted. I felt his hands around my thighs, effortlessly pulling me up from the floor. Yeah, he got the hint.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and tangled my fingers in his hair as he walked us to his bedroom.
He gently laid me on his bed, grabbed one of my legs slowly lifting it up in order to unzip my boots. He managed to get both of them out without breaking the connection between our eyes, those beautiful brown eyes were telling me everything I needed to know about us, they told me every single detail of what he wanted, I felt that he was able to devour me with one look and in this precise moment I wanted nothing else.
He undid my pants and yanked them off with one sudden and sturdy move shifting me down the mattress a bit. I gasped at the same time my arms moved up and behind trying to keep my body in place, looking up to his face I saw that little sexy smirk I just couldn't get enough of.
"You do know you're gorgeous, right?"
I gasped again after he straddled me and slid one of his hands under my sweater and ran it up my stomach. "And that you drive me completely insane?"
The lopsided smile on my face as I stared right below the waist line of his pajamas matched his. Two things were evident tonight; the effect that I was having on him and that he wasn't wearing any underwear under those pants.
A little chuckle left his lips, as he dangerously leant towards me. He was heading to my mouth, but when he was just an inch away he swerved and I suddenly felt his warm breath tickling the shell of my ear. "I'm glad you find this situation amusing."
"Actually, I find it rather arousing."
"That it is." He kissed my neck deeply. I knew he was avoiding my lips because he didn't want to hurt me. I was going to say something to reassure him, but I didn't because what he was doing felt so damn good it sent shivers down my spine.
He stopped the kissing for a brief second only to help me take off my sweater. He was paralyzed for a second and took a deep breath and I immediately knew what was going on. He had seen the black and blue in my arms and on my side.
I wasn't sure how he was going to react to that, but I surely wasn't expecting what happened.
He looked at me without saying a single word and tenderly brushed my arms with the back of his hands. His head dipped down to my stomach, where he began to leave soft kisses near my belly button and slowly moved to the bruised side which was big and ugly, but he didn't seem to care. Instead he traced the whole outline of the area with his kisses.
I closed my eyes and for the first time since I stepped into the Viper Room I felt my body relax. I was safe. I was home.
"I love you. So much." I sighed out. He stopped to look at me over the top of his eyes.
"Me too, darlin'" He propped himself up on his hands and surprised me with a very pronounced kiss on the lips.
That was the only talking we did. For the rest of the night our bodies were in charge of saying what we wanted to say without using any words, and damn did they do a hell of a job.
