Life With Derek: The Secret
o8o
Derek rolled himself off of the couch; staring at the bowl of soup in front of him, he felt even worse. He shouldn't do this to her; he knew how much it hurt for her to remember. He was being selfish in one way; wanting her to forgive him for his mistakes. It was his own fault and she shouldn't forgive him. He couldn't forgive himself for what had happened; so what right did he have to ask her to? He only wanted her to say it was alright so he wouldn't have to carry around the pain that had consumed him for so long.
He could hear her muffled sobs in the kitchen; he'd try and make her feel better, but it would just make things worse. Casey had full reason to shoot him down any time he asked her to understand; to listen to him. She had all right to slap him, scream at him, and sob her heart out. The heart that he had broken into the tiniest of pieces. They weren't always like this; with their unhappiness and anger towards each other. They had a beautiful and perfect relationship; it seemed nothing could bring them down.
Derek, as sap as it sounded, actually thought that Casey was the one girl who was made for him. There was nobody else who compared to her; not her feistiness, her beauty, her intelligence, her humor, her understanding nature, or her love for him. Yes, that's right. He knew that Casey MacDonald had loved him; in fact, she had said those very words to him once and he had said them right back. In all honesty; he had truly meant it. In just a week, he had fallen head over hockey skates in love with her.
It seemed utterly absurd to fall in love so quickly; but it all felt so right between them. When it ended, he couldn't comprehend that it had only been a week. It felt like so much longer; the knew each other so well that it felt like they must've been together for so long. A week was hardly any time at all and yet it had been the best time of his entire life.
After she was gone, he tried to make himself believe that he had never loved her. He tried to make himself think that it was all about lust and getting what he wanted. He had pushed himself as hard as he could to believe that what they had was nothing but a week long fling. Then he broke; he couldn't take his own lie. He fell apart; beating himself up for being the idiot he was and is. He loved her then and he loves her now. There was no way to make it stop; he was stuck with knowing that what he felt for her wasn't going to die away anytime soon.
Derek's stomach growled but he was too tired to lift his arm out to the spoon. He kind of wished Marti was there; she'd feed him, rather messily, but he'd manage to get at least half of it in his mouth. Sighing, he stared at the bowl, willing it to rise off the table and pour into his mouth. Of course, he knew he didn't have telekinetic abilities; it was just incredibly wishful thinking. He considered just letting his head fall forward and letting his mouth suck up what it could; however, not only would his neck not comply, but he had a feeling he might drown in the broth.
Casey's footsteps could be heard in the background. She stood on the other side of the table; her arms were crossed as she stared down at the steaming bowl of soup. "Why haven't you eaten any?"
"Can't move," he mumbled.
Chuckling, she shook her head. Kneeling beside him, she slipped the spoon in and scooped some out. Holding it out to him, she cocked an amused eyebrow.
Shaking his head in a strained manner, he tried not to blush. "I don't want you to feed me," he said, feeling like he was a child.
"How else are you going to get anything into your stomach?" she asked.
He could still see the redness around her beautiful blue eyes from her crying but he knew how hard it was for her to pull herself together. If he had any use of his body, he'd reach out and hug her. Now, he hasn't one for hugging really, but he always loved having her in his arms.
Pushing it closer to his mouth, she let it linger near his nose. The scent was completely making him salivate and his mouth dropped open. She pushed it inside quickly, scooping up the brother the had dripped down his chin.
"It's hot," he said, tipping his head back and talking through his food.
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "Baby," she muttered. Scooping up more soup, she made a show of blowing on it just for him. She held it out to his mouth once more and this time he decided not to fight.
He could make hundreds of little comments to irk her, like he would any other day. But in recent times, he'd been thinking so much of their past, that it was getting hard for him to treat her badly any more. Every time she looked at him, her eyes held their familiar twinkle. The side of her mouth curled into a small smile when ever she pushed the spoon into his mouth.
"At least you're not as messy as Marti," she joked, as a cracker slipped and stuck to his chin.
Laughing, he smiled. "I could be," he said, giving her a pointed look.
Shaking her head, she smiled. "No, I think I'd prefer not to do laundry today."
He could feel his stomach warming up with the delicious soup. His mood was starting to rise and he couldn't help but feel a lot more comfortable in his own skin. He'd gone through one incredibly gruesome morning. Though he had fallen into a calming sleep, he had to go through a lot of pain until he was finally visited by the sandman. When he had woken up, he was actually feeling rather better.
Walking down the stairs, he was surprised at how quickly memories seemed to swarm him. All Casey was doing was sitting on the couch and he was bombarded by the first time she had come over. Their third date, really. He had promised to take her out to a movie, but he was more interested in just cuddling with her at home. If any of the guys asked though, he wasn't into cuddling at all. That would really mess up his reputation; Derek Venturi, the cuddler. It just doesn't work.
He had more fun with her that night than he had with any other girl. He never slipped his hands up her shirt and he didn't invite her over solely for the purpose of making out. He wanted to watch a movie and just hold her, which is what he got. On the old couch; the couch he fought to keep a few weeks ago. Derek knew why she wanted to get rid of it; to get rid of the past. But he didn't want to let go yet; he didn't want to give the couch up. It was small piece of their relationship that he wanted to hold on to; tightly.
It still amazed him how helpful she could be; even after all the things he'd done to her, she continued to make sure he was alright. He broke her heart, he got drunk while she out on her perfect date, he was the reason she was stuck home and taking care of him. He'd made a careless mistake and once again, she was paying for it. It was all he seemed to do to her; make mistakes that she would have to clean up. What surprised him was that she continued to do so for him. He'd fall and she'd pick him up. He's make a mess and she'd clean up after him. Why? He could ask but she wouldn't answer, or she'd make something up. He didn't deserve to know and he didn't deserve her.
Someone like Michael, even sober he thought his name with disdain, deserved her. Someone who was smart and striving to be something. A guy who worked hard at everything he did and still managed to be charming and gallant. Opening her door for her and offering her what she needed. Stability, honesty, love. Michael could give those to her; he could make her happy. Maybe it was time for Derek to let her move on. To stop trying so hard to revive their past and get back what he'd lost.
"Has Michael called?" Derek asked, suddenly.
Casey stopped her hand, mid air. The soup hovered half way to his mouth. "No. Why would you ask that?"
Derek shrugged. "I just thought, since you guys hit it off so well, you might make plans for the weekend."
She shook her head, moving the spoon into his mouth. "No, I'm hanging out with Sam tonight."
For a moment, he was actually very happy that she wasn't going out with Michael. That happiness was dashed, however, because when the name Sam came out of her mouth, he choked on his soup. Her brow furrowed, and her hands swept up to help him somehow.
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
He nodded, managing to swallow the soup and cough out any discomfort. "Sam?" he asked. "My best friend Sam?"
Casey nodded, slowly. "He wanted me to go to a movie with him," she explained, shrugging. "I didn't see any problem with it."
Derek tried not to scowl; he saw a huge problem with it. Maybe he could handle perfect Michael, but he wouldn't be able to get away from the relationship if it were between her and Sam. Maybe the real reason he didn't want her seeing Sam was because he was actually worried that the two of them would work out. That maybe she'd really fall for him. He didn't know Michael, but he had a feeling that anything that happened between them would just be friendship. So in reality, he was just hoping she'd go out with him and find no chemistry. But Sam; he was sure that something might work out there.
"You and Sammy, huh?" he mumbled, trying not to sound sad.
Casey didn't reply, instead she dipped the spoon into the bowl and scooped up the last of the soup. Lifting it to his mouth, she poured it in. Derek stared into her eyes, unaware of just how much hurt radiated off his brown orbs. She was so beautiful; so perfect; so Casey. He couldn't help but hate himself for losing her.
She smiled lightly at the broth that sat on his lip. Reaching out without really thinking she wiped her thumb over his bottom lip. Her hand stilled when she understood what she was doing. Derek saw the reality of her actions dawning in her eyes. Instead of acting like it was nothing and brushing it off, he kissed her thumb. Her eyes flitted up towards his, but instead of waiting for her to comment, he gathered his strength and pulled himself up from the floor.
Taking the steps two at a time, he made his way to his bedroom. Shutting the door behind him roughly, he wished the weekend would end and he could get back to school. At least then he'd have a distraction and wouldn't have to think about her all the time. Casey was in every crevice of his mind; he couldn't stop thinking of her. Of their past; of their present.
Their second to last date had been his favorite. Friday was an inservice day at school and the Carnival had come for the cities enjoyment. They agreed to spend the entire day together; even though their parents wanted them to go as a family. In fact, George was meeting up with his girlfriends family and they were going to spend the day at the fair together. Obviously, this would've been when Derek and Casey found out about each other but they had managed to get out of going with their families.
Derek pulled the blanket around him tightly as he stared up at the roof. That was the last day he had with Casey that had been all about them; that had been incredible. Their last date was to come on Saturday and it had been one huge disaster; ending their relationship swiftly. He didn't want to think of that now; he wanted to think of their best date. He smiled to himself as it all rushed back.
The winter snow had melted away, giving in to the warm spring days. The carnival had come on just the right weekend. The noise and lights all over were an intoxicating happiness; Derek and Casey walked in through the gates with already high spirits. He had paid for them to get bracelets, letting them on any ride they wanted for the entire day. Casey tried to offer to pay for half of everything, but he refused to let her.
Their entwined hands hung comfortably between them. Though he'd never really been one for showing off couplehood and tended to make fun of the small act, he actually enjoyed holding Casey's hand. She pointed out her favorite rides, a huge grin beamed out at him. The laughter and excited voices of people all around them was loud but just made the experience more fun.
Derek hoped he wouldn't run into his dad or his brother at all while they were there. He didn't want to meet his new girlfriend or her two daughters. And he wasn't sure he wanted to introduce Casey to his dad or siblings yet either. Edwin always looked up to him as if he was the best dude ever. Meaning girlfriends were non-existent; playing the field was a must. Plus, he had no idea how to explain the weird nature of his little sister Marti; who, last time he checked, thought she was a cat.
Casey turned to him, her body close to his and her hand holding his side. "We have to go on the Ring of Fire," she said excitedly.
Laughing, he ran with her as she hurried towards the line that was quickly shortening as everyone climbed on. Being a guy, and very brave outwardly, he tried not to show his apprehension as they took their seats and strapped themselves in. The cage clamped down above their heads. He looked to his side at a very confident and happy Casey and tried to smile. She took his hand, holding it tightly.
The ride was fast; making its way upside down and looping backwards and forwards. He could hear the people around him screaming and Casey shouting joyfully. At first, he felt his stomach drop out, but after a moment, he found he really loved the ride. It was scary but that was the great thing about it.
After the hopped off, he grinned wildly at her. His feet were rather shaky beneath him, but he managed to walk just fine. They walked around the park for a moment, talking about how much fun Derek had on the first ride; seeing as he'd never tried it before. He loved seeing how happy she was as they walked around together.
Excited that he had enjoyed the first ride, she excitedly pointed at 1001 Nachts. He watched as the massive car began to swing back and forth gaining height each pass. With every swing, the car got higher and higher. When it reached the top, it paused for a moment. And then, without warning, it would come flying down one side and twist round and round until it stopped again and went back the other way. He could hear the many passengers screaming, both out of fear and excitement.
Deciding he wasn't going to back down, no matter what the ride, he joined her in the line. Like the last one, he was fairly worried in the beginning. But seeing her sitting beside him, made him feel at ease. To his left, a girl was sitting with her two friends. One of them, a short brunette, already looked sick.
"I'm going to piss myself," the red headed friend said.
Laughing, the blonde girl shook her head. "You'll be fine. As long as you avoid wherever it is I puke."
"Aim away!" The red head shouted.
"I don't want to do this," the brunette called out. "I want to get off."
"It's a little late," the red head said, as they began to swing.
Laughing, Derek looked back at Casey.
Her eyes scanned the crowd around them before coming back to him. "Scared?" she asked.
"Not at all," he lied, smiling.
"Liar," she said, chuckling.
"Well, you're not sitting beside the puking, peeing, terrified trio," he whispered conspiratorially.
Laughing, she clutched his hand as the ride gained speed. "You'll be fine," she said. Her eyes gave her away though, she was slightly scared too.
"Let's take a break and get something to eat after this," he offered.
Nodding her head, she screamed as they began to descending down one side. As they reached the bottom her scream turned into a loud laugh. Joining her, Derek couldn't remember having so much fun at the carnival ever before.
As they ran off the platform, Derek took her hand and guided her towards the concession stands. Buying her a corn dog and himself a large cheese burger, a couple of Pepsi's, and fries to share, they sat down at a picnic table. They sat across from each other, the fries in the middle.
Her eyes wandered around excitedly. Derek threw a fry at her to get her attention.
Laughing, she turned back to him. "Sorry, I haven't been to the carnival in ages."
"Really?" he asked. "I come every year."
Shrugging, she sighed. "The last time I was here, my dad took me. I was nine. After he and my mom broke up, neither of them really had time to take us to things like this."
"That sucks," he said, nodding.
"Yeah," she said. "I always hated it, because all these kids would show up at school the following week. They'd brag about how much fun they had and the girls would bring all the stuffies they won at the games area."
Nodding, Derek tried to swallow a particularly large bite of his burger. He offered it to her, but she shook her head. Lifting his eyebrow, he wouldn't let her go until she took a bite.
Shaking her head with a smile, she leaned in and nibbled off a small chunk.
"What was that?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "My six year old sister takes bigger bites than that."
Laughing, she wrapped a hand over his as she brought the burger closer to her mouth. Taking a large bite, she laughed and tipped her head back at her actions.
Derek's shoulders shook with laughter as he brought the burger back to his own mouth and matched her large bite. Picking up a fry, she tossed it at him. They started a fry war, wasting the entire container. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her away before someone could get angry about the large mess. Their free hands were wrapped around their colas as they looked around.
Walking to the games area, he stopped at a balloon dart game. "Five bucks, three darts," a guy shouted.
"It's a rip off," Casey warned.
"Hey you there," the game guy shouted to Derek. "Why don't you come and win a prize for the lovely lady. If you pop three balloons with all three darts, then you win this small one here." He held out a little, pink duck. "Now, if you buy six darts for eight bucks, and hit all six balloons, you'll get this stuffie." He held out a large, yellow bear. "And if you buy ten darts, for twelve bucks, then all you have to do, is pop seven and I'll give you this monster." He held out a gigantic orange giraffe.
Turning to Casey, he grinned. "Which one do you want?"
Smiling, she looked around. "Whatever you can win," she said, simply.
Shaking his head, Derek handed over twelve dollars and took the ten darts. Holding one back steadily, he let it go. Pop. Taking the next few, he aimed them specifically. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. The next four missed though, because Casey caught his attention and he lost track of where he was aiming.
Holding up the last dart, he shook his head. "Stop doing that," he told her, smiling.
"Doing what?" she asked, innocently.
"That!" he said, laughing.
Currently, she was tugging at her top, lifting it to reveal her stomach and pulling it to show off her chest slightly. There was no real cleavage, but the bare skin was making him lose concentration.
Chuckling, she smiled. "Right. Sorry. Go ahead," she said.
Pulling back, he let the last dart go. Pop. He was able to win her the medium sized yellow teddy bear, which she was very happy with. As they walked through the bustling area of the carnival, Derek's brow furrowed. He could swear he just saw his little sister running around unattended to. Pulling Casey with him, he chased after a small brunette as she wove through the crowd towards a popular kids' ride.
Grabbing her around the waist, just before she made it inside to play, he lifted her up to his face.
"Smerek," she shouted, gleefully. She wrapped her arms around his neck happily.
"Smarti," he said, confused. "Why aren't you with dad and Ed?"
"I wanted to play with the horsies," she said as she pointed up at the Merry Go Round.
"You should've asked Ed to bring you," he told her. Tickling her stomach, he grinned at her. Unable to stay the least big angry with his little sister, he hoisted her up in the air.
Casey just watched them amused, her eyes fell on the classic ride. "Why don't we go on it?" she asked.
"You want to?" Derek asked.
"Smerek?" Marti asked.
"Yeah, Smarti?" he wondered as they walked over to stand in line.
"Who's she?" the little girl asked, pointing to Casey.
Laughing, he realized he hadn't introduced them. "Sorry. Smarti, this is my girlfriend Casey." Turning to her, he nodded. "This is my little sister Marti."
Smiling, she held her hand out for Marti to shake. Taking it, the small girl shook it vigorously. "I'm a kitty cat," she told her, happily.
"Really?" Casey asked, her brows raised. "What's it like to have fur?"
"Itchy," Marti replied, scratching her head.
Laughing, the three of them climbed on the ride. Marti wanted to ride a horse, so Derek put her on one and stood in the center, while Casey rode the one beside them. Holding his sister upright, he watched with amusement as Marti meowed. Turning to Casey, she told her she had to neigh for the horses.
Derek decided she had to be the most understanding girlfriend because she actually complied and neighed whenever Marti looked at her. Laughing, Derek enjoyed the ride more than he would had his sister not shown up. After it ended, he spotted his dad over by the Ferris Wheel. Casey had run into a friend as they walked over, so he told her he'd be right back while he returned the six year old.
"Bye Derek's girlfriend," Marti shouted, waving happily.
"Bye Marti the kitty," Casey called back, smiling.
Derek approached his dad and Edwin as they looked around in front of them frantically. "Lose someone?" Derek asked.
Turning around, George sighed. "Oh god, Marti," he said, taking her. "Where'd you go?" he asked, worried.
"I went to the horsies with Derek and his girlfriend," she said, simply.
"Derek and his what?" Edwin asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Uh yeah, I gotta go," he said, turning around. "I'll see you guys later."
"Wait," George called out. "I wanted to introduce you to Nora and her daughter."
"I've really gotta go, dad," Derek said, walking backwards. "I'll see you at home tonight."
"We're going to watch a movie at Nora's," his father shouted. "We'll be here late though, so we won't be home until much later."
Nodding, Derek waved his understanding. Loping back over to near the Merry Go Round, he found Casey as her friend was just leaving.
"Hey," she said. "Everything work out?"
"Yep, Marti the cat is now back with my dad," he informed her.
Taking his hand, she ran towards a line of brightly lit up rides, promising to give anyone a head rush. After trying the Zipper, Twin Flip, Spin-Out, Orbiter, Skymaster, and the Tornado, she asked him if he was still good to go on any more.
Nodding, even though he was beginning to feel a bit nauseous, he couldn't help but be encouraged by her smile.
"Great, because I wanted to give the Inverter a try," she said, pointing upwards.
Gulping slightly, he followed her to the ride. Climbing into the leather-like seats, he grimaced as the shoulder restraints came down. Like the 1001 Nachts, it swung back and forth until it reached the top. The only difference was, after it rode around, it turned upside down. He'd actually heard of a few people falling; in fact, last year a girl had fallen from the ride and just been pulled out of the way in time. Otherwise, she would've gone splat underneath the speed and power of the large ride.
As they flew around, Derek screamed and laughed, enjoying every moment. In past years, he was always with Edwin, so he never rode these rides. But Casey had certainly opened his eyes to the much more fun and scary parts of the carnival. While they hung upside down, he laughed at how she looked with her hair looking like it was sticking straight up.
Climbing off the crazy ride, they held on to each other as they swayed around on wobbly feet. Laughing, they fell on the ground outside of the platform. Sitting for a moment, trying to collect themselves, Casey leaned against his side. Sighing, she smiled contentedly.
"One more ride and then I want some donuts," she said.
"Alright, but nothing else crazy," he said. "I don't think I can take one more; I might just puke."
Chuckling, she nodded. They walked over to the simple and classic Ferris Wheel. Slipping into the seats, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Night had fallen, so all that was left was the bright lights of the carnival. Sighing, he enjoyed the slow pace of the ride and having her by his side.
When the ride stopped at the top, Casey tipped her head from it's snuggled position on his shoulder. Pressing her lips against his, she ran the palm of her hand down his cheek and wrapped her hand around his neck. Threading his fingers in her hair, his eyes fell closed. Taking her bottom lip in between his, he sucked on it gently.
Even though the ride ended, the carnie didn't even ask if they wanted off. Given that they had bracelets, he simply moved on to the next cart. They rode the one ride, three times. Simply enjoying a sensational and wonderfully long kiss and holding each other tightly.
When it stopped at the top for their last turn on the ride, he held her against his side. His thumb run over the skin of her shoulder. Kissing the top of her head, he sighed. There was nothing better in his life than her. He'd live the same day over and over for the rest of his life.
After getting off the Ferris Wheel, they picked up her donuts and left the park. Sam wasn't planning on going to the carnival, so luckily Derek had the car once again. Their night wasn't over however, given that George and his younger brother and sister were out, he invited Casey over to his house.
Marti, being six years old and having the attention span of a two year old, must not have remembered Casey because she hadn't mentioned anything yet. When she met Casey for the second time, she didn't look effected at all. Which came in handy, since both Casey and Derek decided on their own that they didn't want their parents to know what had happened between them.
Derek heard the door close downstairs and wondered if Casey had gone out on her date with Sam. Sighing, he rolled over and let his mind drift to the time they spent together after the carnival. The perfect ending to a the best the day of his life. Part of him was smiling, but another part was grimacing. He knew what came afterwards; he knew how it ended the next night. Closing his eyes, he wished the anguish of his actions would go away. He didn't want to feel it any more; he couldn't take how bad he felt. He didn't want to love her anymore; it just caused her pain.
oTBCo
A/N WOW. Thank you all for your great reviews. I'm really glad that you're enjoying it so far. This one is really long; I had no idea it would get this big. Anyway, please review! I love knowing what you guys think. Thanks! Oh, and I didn't watch the beginning episodes of LWD, so I don't know if Derek and Casey actually met before the wedding. Or what happened there, so I just kind of made it up that everyone but her and Derek met at the carnival. lol. I hope you liked this chapter. Please review.
