I promise we're getting to the serious convo.
As always, thank you for your kind words.
She emerges from the bathroom and drops the toiletries on the bed. He watches as she gives the ends of her hair a quick squeeze with her towel before she dumps it in a messy heap on the bed.
He notices she has put on Jackie's clothing from his emergency bag. A tight lilac t-shirt with a hand written tagline he can't quite make out and a pair of floral pyjama bottoms. The pastel colours soften her features and it feels as though simply through her clothing change, that anger is no longer the default emotion in the room.
She rakes a comb through her tangled wet hair before she speaks. "Do you wanna shower before we do this?"
He does a double take. "Do what?"
The comb gets stuck on a particularly stubborn clump of entwined hair and she winces.
"Change your bandage."
He takes a deep breath and stands up from the bed, intent on saying something to counter the awful way in which he'd just spoken to her.
A few beats pass as she just stares at him, waiting for him to speak.
"Liv, earlier when I.." He knows an apology in that moment would be a drop in the ocean so he changes gears. "I was just trying to keep us safe." His eyes move between hers with an air of sincerity. "It may not seem that way at times.. but that's all I've been trying to do. I'm not acting this way just to be a prick. Please tell me you see that.."
She continues to comb through her hair, unmoved by his lacklustre speech and when he can tell she isn't going to respond his eyes fall briefly to her newfound top.
"What does your shirt say?" He attempts to soften the mood.
"It's not my shirt Elliot."
"Right, but what does it say?" He prods.
"Live, Life, Love." She says with an eye roll.
His eyes move back up to her face and he holds her stare for a few unwavering seconds before his expression morphs into a smile he can't hold back.
"It's a stupid t-shirt Elliot, what do you want?" She moves past him shaking her head but the thought of Olivia Benson sporting such a ridiculous tagline is giving him an unexpected bout of joy.
"And I'm only wearing it because you've got no clean shirts left. So I'd start factoring in a laundry day if I were you."
He watches her take a seat, perching herself on the edge of the bed and when she looks up at him she appears exhausted, deflated - irritated.
His mouth opens to say something but he is at a complete loss.
He doesn't know what she needs right now.
An apology.
A conversation.
Honesty.
Or if it's just sleep she craves.
He takes a breath before he just says it.
"Liv, I'm an asshole.. and I'm sorry."
He knows his apology is pitiful, but it's all he has.
She looks somewhat surprised he had even gone there, and for a moment he thinks she's going to press him on it but then she shifts course, her eyes dropping to his own attire.
"If you're not going to let me change the bandage, then you should still shower." She lifts her chin in his direction. "You smell like crap."
He runs a hand over his face somewhat embarrassed, letting out a small chuckle.
"Ah," he begins.
"I'm serious Elliot, I'm not sleeping next to you like that again."
That's when he realizes there is only one bed in this room and he wonders if that had been situational or intentional.
"Fine Liv..." He leans around her, dragging her damp towel off the bed. "I'll go shower."
He makes his way into the bathroom and it isn't long before he realizes she has used both towels, one for her body and one for her hair.
He considers pressing her on it but there was something intimate about sharing towels and a bed with her tonight that made him grateful he had no choice.
When he leaves the confines of the bathroom he finds her crossed-legged sorting through the medical pack on the bed. His eyes sweep across the room, noting his luggage is neatly stacked in the corner, the lights are dimmed and she appears ready for bed.
"You're gonna need some more of these bandages soon." She tells him without looking up. "You've only got a few more left after this."
His mind starts to race in that moment, realizing this was their last night together, their last chance to talk without the distraction of driving, eating and ultimately their final goodbye.
Four days.
Held at gunpoint.
Serial rapist.
"Listen, I gotta ask you something Liv," he says to her bowed head, after all there was only a days ride to the city left and if he was going to have this conversation with her, it was now or never.
He watches her strip back the film from the bandage and pat the space beside her with her hand indicating that they can both work and talk.
He takes a seat purposefully too far away from her as if to gain some physical space from the situation and she looks up at him questioningly. Their eyes meet briefly before she slides a little closer, opening up the alcohol wipe and removing it from it's packet. He hesitates for a brief moment, not sure he wants to talk about this while she changes his bandage.
"Liv that night in the-"
"Hold still." She tells him as she swipes the disinfectant gently across his wound.
He hisses in response, his fingers curling over the mattress as she waves her hand back and forth to air out the sting.
"Yes." She prods him to continue but she still isn't looking at him, instead focused on the wound.
"That night in the trailer... before Tony showed up," he swallows. "When we were.. when I was.."
He hopes to God she knows what he's referencing.
Touching you.
Kissing you.
Backing you up against the wall.
Slipping my hand inside lace.
Silence.
"Are you gonna make me say it?" He whispers to her bowed head.
She looks up at him, giving him the briefest of smiles before she places the fresh bandage on top of the wound, gently pressing down on the material.
"Lean back a little." She motions for him to move onto his elbows so she can continue to smooth the material until it's flush against his stomach. That's when it hits him that he's only in a towel.
"What about it Elliot?" she says quietly.
"That was…" he begins, swallowing, trying to summon the courage to just say it. "Consensual."
Her eyes move up to his and her expression changes.
She stops smoothing the bandage.
"Is that a statement or a question?"
"I just…" he sits up once more, his eyes moving slowly between hers. "I know lines got blurred that night... I just want to know if I remember it correctly, because if I forced you in anyway-"
"Elliot." She cuts him off quickly. "It was."
"It was what?" He looks worried.
"Consensual," she clarifies.
He looks away not sure he's convinced.
"Elliot, where is this coming from?" She moves him back to face her. "Because believe me, if I didn't want your hands on me, you'd know about it."
He holds her stare, a visible shift occurring between them and that's when her eyes flicker and she registers what she had just said.
"So you wanted me to touch you?" He cuts her off before she speaks, not letting the moment pass - no innuendo, just curiosity.
"I.." she begins with a hesitant look and he can see he's caused awkwardness, but he wants to hear her say it, even if that's all he can take from this, he wants to hear the words.
"If you're asking me if I wanted you to stop in that moment.. the answer is no," she tells him with a purposeful pause. "But if you're asking me if it should have happened at all… the answer is also no."
He holds her eye contact for a few beats until she starts to standup, using the excuse to dispose of the rubbish as a way of deflecting the conversation.
He doesn't let her.
"If it shouldn't have happened, then why'd you kiss me last night?"
She drops the rubbish into the trashcan and turns back around, folding her arms across her chest.
"That was..." she pauses to gather her words. "I mean.. are you going to sit there and tell me that was just a massage?"
He stands up to meet her face to face. "So that's all it takes then? Me touching you. Twelve years.. all I had to do was make a move?"
He watches a visible hue of red sweep through her cheeks at the question.
"Elliot, what are you doing?"
"It's just a question."
"It's a stupidquestion," she spits.
"Humour me."
"There is literally no point to this."
"Pretend there is." He pauses for a few beats. "I mean one bed Liv.." he looks behind her. "An empty car park. Are you telling me that's all they had?"
Her eyes widen at the insinuation.
"Just tell me what you wanted Liv.." he whispers. "What you still want."
She shakes her head. "This is ridiculous Elliot - you'rebeing ridiculous. None of this matters."
"Pretend it does. Just for a second. Perfect world. What do you want Olivia?" He asks her like it's still an option.
She stares at him, a wordless, vacant expression, his chest pounding in anticipation as he waits.
"My partner back," she whispers, a sheen of moisture starting to coat her eyes. "That's what I want.." she pauses for a breath. "Can you give me that Elliot?"
A few beats pass as he just blinks back at her.
"Didn't think so," she says sadly, before turning down the comforter and moving beneath the sheets.
TBC
