Warning: Likely considered M for sexual situations.
Life With Derek: The Secret
o10o
So that was it then; his best friend was dating his ex. As he paced his bedroom, he had the strong urge to put another hole in his wall. Overwhelmed with jealousy and pain, Derek tore his room apart. Locking the door, he blasted his music and eagerly tore everything from his walls. The posters, the pictures, the blanket blocking out the light. Shouting loudly, he was barely drowned out by his music.
He could feel his angry tears pouring down his face. It wasn't often that Derek cried; in fact, it had happened a collective of three times. The first time was when his mother had told him that she was moving out and wouldn't be seeing him very often. He was a young boy and didn't understand why she didn't want him anymore. He fought with his inner self for years to try and understand what he did wrong and how he could be a better son. After years of putting himself forward for everything, he found she wasn't going to return no matter what he did. So he quit trying in school, stopped cleaning up the house, and fell into being lazy and unfeeling.
The second time was the night Casey had broken up with him; he hated that night and chose never to bring it up. His friends knew not to speak of it; they never spoke of the night they saw him running down the stairs with red eyes and a choked up throat. Even when it happened, people were too surprised to do anything.
And lastly, the third time was this moment now. All because he realized it was really over, that she had finally moved on. She had found someone who wouldn't hurt her like he did. She had let herself care again; for a guy who could really love her. But he wasn't ready to let her go; he couldn't get past his feelings. As hard as he tried to push them away and forget about them; he couldn't.
She was stuck in him; in every single part of him. He couldn't breathe without thinking of her; he couldn't close his eyes without seeing her face. Every moment, all he wanted was her. Three months had passed and still he was stuck loving her and paying for his mistake. It never ended; it was just one huge circle that kept hurting.
Every Sunday, he went to their Diner. He sat in that booth and ordered his meal. He listened to their song and he chatted it up with Mac. The old guy would always ask how Casey was and Derek just didn't have it in him to say they'd broken up. He'd go on about how she was doing at school and what was new in her life.
Every girl he ever kissed since, he imagined was her. Every girl he touched, he thought of Casey's curves. Every time he got into Sam's car, he remembered their dates. Whenever he practiced with the guys at the rink, his eyes wandered to the place he seated her, blindly hoping she'd be sitting there. Nights that he had big games, he searched the crowds for her; finding her nowhere. Every time he went to a party at Sam's house, his eyes wandered to the kitchen; looking for the tall brunette, who easily ignored his patented smile.
His room was an erratic mess. He could hardly walk any where from what he'd done. The walls held chunks of poster still stuck to the thumb tacks. His mattress was askew, half lying on the floor. His chair was tipped over, while luckily the computer and its desk were still intact. His laundry basked had been thrown over, spilling the clothes Casey had carefully put away for cleaning.
Falling to his knees, his eyes roamed the room. He could see her still; like a movie that wouldn't stop. He could see her walking through the room, her mouth pulled into a smile. Her eyes glittering with laughter and happiness. The old Casey; the one that loved him.
His chest heaved as he relived their second to last night together. After the carnival, when they had the whole house to themselves again. Tugging at his hair, he wanted to just forget about her. He wanted to pretend he didn't love her anymore; that he never did. He could hear her voice in his ears now; it's sweet melody teasing his senses. Closing his eyes, he inhaled the past.
Pulling the car into the driveway, he turned it off and hopped out of the vehicle. Walking around the Mustang, Casey popped another sugary, hot donut into her mouth. Smiling, she licked the brown sugar off her lip.
"For someone who's all about eating more healthily, you sure are inhaling those donuts," Derek commented, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer.
Leaning her head against his shoulder, she chuckled. "You're just jealous because I'm not sharing," she said, her brows rose knowingly.
"If I had known you were going to hog the whole bag, I would've bought myself one," he said, laughing.
Smiling, she shrugged. "I told you the 'two for 5$' was a good deal," she reminded.
"The bag was pretty big, I thought we'd share," he said, grinning.
"Well you obviously underestimated my love for Carnival donuts," she said, laughing.
"Obviously," he said, managing to snatch one out of the bag and quickly stuff it in his mouth.
Casey gaped at him. "Hey!" she exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips.
Leaning in, he pressed his lips against hers for a quick kiss. "It's okay, I forgive you," he mumbled.
Rolling her eyes, she kept the bag out of his reach.
Unlocking the door, he walked inside and kicked his shoes off. Following his actions, Casey closed the door behind him. "I see you've really spruced the place up since I was last here," she said, smiling.
Turning around, he grinned. "I'm glad you noticed. I couldn't let that pizza box sit there forever." Taking her hand, he led her upstairs. "I want you to hear my new CD," he told her.
"Well if I have no choice," she said, not minding at all.
Leaving his door open, he kneeled beside his CD stand and rifled through it for awhile. He heard her plop down on his bed with a contented sigh. Pulling out random CD's, he knocked one to the ground.
Reaching over, Casey picked it up. "You have Norah Jones?" she asked, surprised.
Turning his head, he stared at the thin, black CD case. "No, I burned it for you," he said. "I kept forgetting to grab it though."
"Uh huh, sure," she said, chuckling.
Rolling his eyes, he leaned over and opened the case. On the back of the paper slipped into it, there was a simple message. "For Case, because her voice is angelic, reminding me of you. Love Derek."
Staring at the writing for a moment, she bit her lip.
"Is it the nickname?" he asked, confused. "I like it. I think it works. If you don't like it, then I'll only call you it in private." Chuckling, he put his hands on her knees to get her attention.
Looking into his eyes, she shook her head. "No. I like it."
"Good," he said, staring at her strangely. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" Sighing, she smiled. "Yeah, uh, I'm fine. I just- Why don't we listen to it?" Climbing off the bed, she put the CD into the stereo. Walking back, she found Derek sprawled out over his bed.
"Do you still kind of feel like you're spinning?" he wondered. "Why do all the rides go around in circles?"
"Because it's fun," she said, shrugging.
She sat down by his side, so he lifted a hand, pulling her to lay down beside him. Turning his head, he stared into her eyes. For a moment, he was caught up in how beautiful she looked. Her hair was windswept from all the rides, so it fell down across her cheeks in waves. Her blue eyes stayed connected with his, unwavering.
Leaning in, he pressed his lips against hers. Lifting his hand, he ran it down her soft cheek. His fingers threaded into her hair, holding her close. The rest of her body rolled closer to him; he could feel the heat of her against his chest. His heart was racing as he ran his hand down her side, resting on her thigh.
One of her hands was wrapped around his neck, the tips of her fingers played with the ends of his hair. Her other hand was pressed against his chest, slightly holding his shirt in its grasp. Her legs reached out, the top one slipped between his.
Derek broke away from her mouth, in need of air. Moving across her face, he pressed feverish kisses against her heated skin. Finding her supple neck, he sucked on the crevice between her throat and shoulder. Running his free hand through her hair, he found he wanted to be closer; only there as no space left to occupy, as he had already consumed what little area had separated them.
He'd never really felt this before; this emotion built up in his chest. Every other time he was like this with a girl, it was really only about his satisfaction. He didn't care how they felt or what they were thinking. He didn't know if they thought something was going to come out of their excursions. He did, however, know that he wanted to be with Casey for much longer than a night or a fleeting moment.
Pulling back, he stared down at her face. Running his thumb over her cheek, slowly, he stared into her eyes searchingly. She was everything he could ever strive to be; she was everything he could ever love. Love; an interesting term in his mind. He had never considered the emotion before; it sullied his name as a playboy.
Looking at her though; seeing the small smile tugging at her lips; he knew. Seven days, eight nights; four dates. It all happened so quickly; without warning. She had swept into his life suddenly and he had the feeling that he never wanted her to leave. He could answer any possible question about her; he knew her that well. He could explain what it meant when she rolled her eyes; if she was annoyed, or found what they had said childish but funny. He could gauge her reaction by the ring of her laughter. And he could melt at the sight of her smile.
Casey was beautiful; the most stunning girl he'd ever had the chance to know, let alone kiss. She was intelligent; much more so than him, and likely most of his teachers. She was witty, sarcastic, and could take him on in verbal sparring any day. She made him happier than he felt in years; happier than anyone could ever make him. He dreamt of her every night; he couldn't wait to be with her again. Being near her, was intoxicating.
Leaning in, he pressed his lips against her again. "Casey," he murmured.
Running her hand through his hair, she let her palm rest against his jaw. Her eyes seemed to soften and her mouth curled into a light smile. Looking up at him with those majestic blue eyes, she seemed to see right into his soul. "I love you," she admitted; her voice was a small whisper. Barely audible to the ear and yet it echoed clearly in his mind.
"I love you too," he told her, nodding slightly. And he was never more sure of anything in his life.
He had fallen in love; he didn't think this day would ever come. Part of him had thought that he would go on forever; from girl to girl. He'd never settle down and he'd never let his heart take over. He was too strong for that; too independent to love one girl forever. But there she was; just her. There was no one else who could possibly match her. His first and last love; there would be no other.
Closing her eyes, she leaned in, gently pressing her lips against his. Her tongue ran over his lip; complying, he opened his mouth to receive her. He felt her hands slip under his shirt, jolting him with surprise. Slipping them back out, she pushed at the over-shirt he had on, hanging open. Pulling it off, he tossed it onto the floor. Her hands brought his other shirt halfway up his chest, before she got distracted by his talented mouth.
Smiling against her lips, he pulled back to pull his shirt off. Her fingers danced over his abs, an appreciative smile tugged at her lips. Leaning back down, he ran his rough hands down her soft arms. Staring up at him, she sat up slowly.
"I seem to have you at a disadvantage," she said, staring at his bare chest. Her hands slipped down to the rim of her shirt.
Reaching out, Derek wrapped his hands around hers. "Are you sure?" he asked, staring at her searchingly.
Nodding, she smiled.
Moving with her, he helped take her black top off and dropped it on the carpet. Wrapping a hand around his neck, she leaned back, bringing him with her. Their lips met in a passionate and emotional kiss. Casey's hand ran through his hair, sending shivers down his back. Breaking away from him, she pressed her lips against his neck, sucking and teasing his skin. One of her hands reached down to the top of his jeans.
Derek's eyes flew open as he stared down at her; running a hand over her cheek, he looked at her surprised. He felt her fingers easily pop the button on his pants and slide the zipper down. Reaching down, he stopped her hand. His brow furrowed.
"I want this," she told him, softly.
Kissing the side of her mouth, he placed his forehead against his. "You're sure?" he wondered, slightly worried.
Tipping her chin, she kissed him softly. "I'm sure," she told him. Her hands pushed at his jeans, slipping them down his legs. The music sounded a little louder, suddenly. Blending in with their soft noises.
Come away with me in the night, Come away with me, And I will write you a song
Reaching down tentatively, his hand run over the button of her jeans. Brushing against the skin of her stomach, he felt her shiver. Slowly undoing her pants, he leaned up and slipped them down her legs. He kept his eyes on her, wondering if she was going to stop him. Dropping her jeans on the floor, he let his eyes travel over her perfect body.
Her hand lifted out to him; taking it, he laced their fingers. Pressing his body against hers, he moved his mouth over her shoulders and across her neck. Kissing down her torso, his lips lingered over the areas that made her smile. She shivered and giggled under his warm mouth. Running the tips of his fingers up her curvy sides, he pressed his mouth against her bellybutton.
Never having done this before, he wasn't sure what to do. Following whether or not something was good by how she reacted, he simply paid attention to what she enjoyed. Sitting up, he looked around the room for a moment. Standing up, he held up hand to her. "Don't move," he said, staring at her pointedly.
Chuckling, she nodded.
Come away with me on a bus, Come away with me where they can't tempt us, With their lies
Hurrying down the hall, Derek looked around his dad's room for what he needed. Coming back, he put three candles around the room and lit them. Walking to the door, he closed it and turned off the light. Walking back to the bed, he was surprised to see her look around adoringly.
"First time is supposed to be special, right?" he asked, smiling nervously.
Looking back at him, she tipped her head. "What about you?" she wondered. "Is this your first time?"
Nodding slowly, he looked away. "Not all of my reputation was true."
Her hand wrapped around his chin, turning his face back to her. "I know that," she said. "You're much more incredible than anything they say." Her voice was soft and sweet.
I want to walk with you, On a cloudy day, In fields where the yellow grass grows, knee high, So won't you try to come
Drawing him down to her, Casey kept her eyes locked on his. The candle light threw shadows over them both, darkening part of her face and lighting up her eyes. Pressing his lips against hers, Derek ran his fingers down her sides, resting on her hips. Shedding each other of the last of their clothes, Derek stared into her eyes.
Running a hand down his cheek, she brushed her thumb over his lip. "Make love to me," she whispered. Catching her lips with his, he glided into her slowly. She winced slightly, gasping against his mouth. His heart was beating erratically and his eyes stared at her worried.
Kissing the side of his mouth, she tightened her grip on his hair for a moment. Wrapping an arm around his neck, she stared at him before nodding. Lifting a hand, he threaded his fingers with hers. He pressed his lips against the crease of her mouth, kissing away her discomfort.
Come away with me and we'll kiss, On a mountain top, Come away with me, And I'll never stop loving you
He moved inside of her slowly, trying his best to keep her from feeling any pain. She held him closely, but not too tightly. Running his lips over her face, he relished in the feelings rushing through him. When her pain subsided, Casey kissed him back with equal intensity. Her nails bit into his back with painful pleasure, drawing their way down his skin.
Derek's free hand traced the curves of her sensual body; holding all of the more intimate places before replacing his palm with his warm mouth. Her legs were smooth against his; she sometimes wrapped one around his. Biting her lip through a wave of pleasure, Derek took her lip between his.
As the end approached, he felt her let out a shaky gasp. Clutching at him; he covered her mouth with a deep and loving kiss. She moaned into his mouth, loudly, as they both shuddered against the explosion of delight making its way through their bodies. He collapsed on top of her, his body exhausted.
Her hand ran through his damp hair, he placed his cheek against her chest. His hand cupped her side, below her breast. His thumb ran circles over her moist skin. He could hear her racing heart, beating rapidly. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, heavily.
"Did you really mean it?" he asked, quietly.
Tipping her head down to him, she nodded. Her eyes were falling closed; tired from their time together. "I really love you," she whispered.
Tipping his head up, he brushed his lips over hers. "I meant it too," he told her seriously. "Don't ever doubt it."
"Never," she promised, shaking her head.
And I want to wake up with the rain, Falling on a tin roof, While I'm safe there in your arms, So all I ask is for you, To come away with me in the night, Come away with me
She fell asleep shortly after; Derek held her closely, listening to her heart slow to a normal pace. His dad and brother came home some time around one in the morning, but Derek locked his door. Early the next morning, before the sun had risen, he drove her home. Standing in front of her door, she kissed him deeply. Sneaking into her house, she promised to see him at the game that night.
Derek drove home, still buzzing from the nights events. Everything seemed so perfect; him and Casey were working out famously. Nothing could tear them apart; nothing could ruin what they had. Climbing back into his bed, he could still smell her vanilla scent on the pillows.
He had given everything for her; he had changed his playboy ways to be with just her. He had until their last night anyway. The night he made his mistake; the night he threw it all away. Life couldn't be any better for him, so he had to destroy it. He hadn't set out to ruin it, but it happened all the same. He couldn't change it and he couldn't take it back. She wouldn't accept an apology and she probably shouldn't.
Derek couldn't go on wanting her when she clearly deserved and wanted someone else. He had wasted three months wishing she would come back to him; forgive him and take him back. He couldn't give up on her just yet; he hadn't even spoken to her about what he'd done. He had to tell her; he had to explain. He resolved to finally get it all out and if she rejected him than that was it. He'd let her move on and he'd force himself to stop loving her.
oTBCo
A/N Hey. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one will likely be the big mistake he made. I hope to update again very soon. Please review, I'd love to know you think of it. Thanks.
