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Infinity Verse Spotlight
Howard Weinerman: Keeping up with The Weinermans: Part Two
The massive headache that Howard was currently feeling was what woke him up. He slowly opened his eyes to see that he was hanging upside down from a tree out in the middle of the forest. He then noticed that below him was a man who was currently drawing a circle that was made up of strange symbols. The man was dressed in a grey suit, had long black hair and had on dark sunglasses. Now normally, someone in Howard's position would be horrified beyond all rational thought, but the heavyset ginger had been in similar situations before, so to him, this was just another Wednesday.
"Hey, Creeper McPervert," he called out to the man below him. "Are you gonna be done soon? Because I got a Stab movie marathon and big bag of chips to get back to."
The man looked up at his victim with a confused look on his face. He expected his prisoner to be frightened by his his captor, not annoyed. But Howard Weinerman had been kidnapped by evil billionaires, monsters, robots and even a living skeleton on Halloween night, most of which was in part caused by the fact that his best friend, Randy Cunningham, was in fact the Ninja of Norrisville.
"Silence, child!" the man warned. "Or I shall rip your tongue from your mouth!"
"Yeah, I don't think you will," Howard rebuked. "I'm gonna go out on limb here and guess that you need me in one piece for whatever you're doing with that circle you're making."
"You seem quite calm for someone in your position," the man replied.
"You'd be surprised how often this happens," the heavyset teen informed. "So, can we hurry this up? I got places not to be and an ass that needs planting on a sofa."
"The only place you're going to is the afterlife," his captor declared. "But know that your sacrifice will bring about a glorious new world!"
'Oh, good, he's one of those villains,' Howard thought to himself with an eye-roll before speaking. "Just so you know, I'm friends with the Ninja."
"You mean the same Ninja who's currently in New York?" the man asked with a sly smirk.
"Oh...right," the ginger realized.
"Fear not, child, for you shall-" the man attempted to say.
"Bring about a new world order, yeah, I heard you the first time," Howard cut him off. "So, what's your gimmick anyway? You gonna turn me into a demon? Or summon some god-like being onto Earth?"
"I plan to summon a reaper from the underworld and bargain your life in exchange for that of my mistress, the glorious Queen Beryl!" his captor proclaimed.
While that name held no real meaning to Howard, it was once a name that inspired great fear. Queen Beryl was once an enemy to the Sailor Senshi of Japan, who wanted their life force for her master, Queen Metalia, and while they were both defeated, the cost for the Senshi's victory was high.
"Wait, so you're gonna use me to bargain with Death for a queen?" Howard asked. "Dude, I gotta say that is a piss-poor trade. I mean, I might be worth at least a baron, maybe even a duke with some haggling, but I am soooo not worth the soul of a queen!"
"Silence!" the man commanded. "The reaper will either take my offering or he shall face destruction!"
Just then, the circle of symbols began to glow a dark shade of purple before it created a violet barrier as something began to rise up from the ground. At first, Howard assumed that it was a woman, before he noticed that this 'woman' had some male features to her. The stranger had long red hair that ran all the way down his back and bright green eyes that were covered by a pair of red glasses. His skin was pale white, like that of a porcelain doll. He wore a white, long-sleeved shirt with a black vest over it and a long red coat over that in addition. He also wore a large black and white pinstriped bow-tie over his neck. His pants were black, as well as the high heeled shoes he wore. But the biggest thing that caught the heavyset teen's attention was the cherry red chainsaw the transgender man had clutched in his hands.
This was obviously who the man was trying to summon, but Howard was confused. When he pictured seeing the Grim Reaper, he thought of a skeleton dressed in a black robe and a large scythe. Not some reject from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The red-dressed reaper shouted several obscenities as he furiously slashed at the barrier with his chainsaw, baring his long, shark-like teeth as he did.
"What is the meaning of this?!" the reaper demanded in a British accent. "You dare summon to me just out of the blue?! There are protocols, you bastard!"
"Hear me, reaper!" Howard's captor bean. "My name is Ralak, and I give the soul of this boy to reap in exchange for the return of my mistress, Queen Beryl!"
The reaper stopped his assault on the barrier to give his captor a confused look. He then looked up at Howard, who gave him a shrug, then back to the man, then back to Howard, then again back the man. After a few seconds, the red-dressed reaper burst into a fit of laughter, which only angered Ralak.
"Are you stupid?" the reaper said as he continued to laugh. "You don't really think I'd take that fatty in the tree in exchange someone like Queen Beryl?"
"That's what I said!" Howard agreed, who was starting to laugh at Ralak's scheme as well.
"Besides, I don't have that kind of authorization to pull off such a resurrection," the reaper explained. "Even if I could bring Beryl back from the dead, my boss would have my ass for breakfast!"
What most people didn't know was that the grim reapers of the afterlife were set up as a sort of a business. They would deiced on who, how and when a person would die. Above all else, bringing someone back was forbidden, for what was dead was meant to stay dead.
"You will take my offer, reaper!" Ralak exclaimed. "That barrier will slowly sap you of your life force, and, unlike the creatures you reap, you shall become nothing!"
The reaper then began to feel his weapon grow heavy as he his strength began to leave him. Soon enough, the red-dressed reaper fell to his knees as his whole body began to grow weaker.
"Hey, so, can I go now?" Howard inquired.
In a fit of rage, Ralak slashed the rope holding Howard and let him fall into the circle with the reaper. The moment Howard fell in, he began to instantly feel the effects of the circle's life draining abilities. The reaper probably lasted longer since he wasn't human, but that wasn't the case for Howard, who was alredy growing weaker by the second.
"Boy..." the reaper wheezed to Howard. "There may be way we can free ourselves and escape this trap."
"How?" Howard replied.
"There is a forbidden technique among reapers to which we can bond with a mortal's soul," the red-dressed killer explained.
"And we're going to abuse that?"
"Oh, maliciously."
"Bitch'in! How we do it?"
"First, place your hand on me."
Howard reached out with his remaining strength and placed his hand on the reaper's chest.
"No, lower" the reaper corrected.
Howard's hand went lower.
"A little lower."
Howard moved his hand further downward.
"Just a bit more"
His hand went to the reaper's pants.
"Now, call me daddy."
"What?" the heavyset teen questioned before realizing what the reaper was really up to. "Ew!"
"Okay, okay, for real this time," the reaper admitted as he held out his hand. "Just give me your hand and say the following: Grell Sutcliff, I give you permission to share my soul."
At first, Howard reached out and was about to take the reaper's hand before pulling back. He had no idea what he would be getting into once he entered this bond with this creature. Was this a trick? Would he still be himself after all this? The ginger wasn't sure, but as he felt more and more of his life force being drained from him, he had no other option. So, against his better judgement, he tentatively reached out and took the reaper's black gloved hand.
"Grell Sutcliff..." he began slowly. "...I give you permission to share my soul."
There was a bright, blinding light that engulfed the two. Ralak hissed in pain as he as shielded his eyes from the light. When the light finally dissipated, Grell stood alone, looking back to his former self and wearing a sinister smile on his face. He picked up his death-scythe chainsaw and revved it up. With a single slash of his weapon, the red-clad reaper destroyed the barrier that had imprisoned him.
"How is this possible?!" Ralak cried out in shock. "That barrier was meant to hold you!"
"It was, but you see, I've gotten myself a bit of a power boost from my new, chubby little friend," Grell explained. "His soul is giving me the kick I needed to break out of your trap. And, more importantly, the extra strength I need to kill your ass!"
"I shall not be bested by the likes of you!" Ralk snarled back defiantly. "If you will not fulfill my wish, then you shall die screaming!"
Ralak's human skin began to peel away as his body began to expand. As it did, his true self was revealed to be a large, dragon-like humanoid. He had a pair of large yellow wings on his back, long razor-sharp claws and horns atop his head. Ralak released a powerful roar to try and scare Grell, but the reaper merely smirked at the threat display.
"Just so you know, big boy..." Grell said as he revved up his chainsaw. "I like it rough."
The man dragon roared before flying forward toward Grell. He dodged the oncoming swipe of the monster's claws before swinging his chainsaw at the beast, who narrowly dodged the attack. Grell kept up the attack by headbutting his opponent in the face, making him stumble backwards from the strike. Ralak retaliated by lunging at his opponent yet again, this time slashing his claws madly at the reaper, who easily evaded attacks with ease. Once Grell saw his opening, he kicked Ralak in the chest, sending him flying backwards into a nearby tree. The man-dragon barley had a chance to recover from the hit when he saw Grell rushing toward him with his chainsaw pointed straight at him. Ralak managed to narrowly the blade, which cut the tree he had run into in half in a matter of seconds.
The servant of Beryl lashed out with a punch that managed to strike the reaper across the jaw. The soul-collecting creature may have looked fragile, but his skin was hard as stone. Ralak could feel his knuckles bruise from the hit, which only made Grell stumble off balance for a moment. Grell smiled before letting out a mad laugh as he lunged forward for another attack. Ralak ducked underneath the chainsaw's blade before uppercutting the reaper, knocking him flat on his back. Seizing his chance, Ralak knocked the chainsaw away climbed atop of Grell.
"Oh, like to be on top I see?" Grell teased.
"Stop talking!" Ralak snarled.
He then reached down and put his claws around the reaper's throat. As the man-dragon put a tighter grip on Grell's thoat, the red-clad madman began to try to rasp out a word.
"Any last words?" the servant of Beryl asked.
"H...harder, daddy," Grell wheezed out.
In a flash, Grell broke free from Ralak's hold and kicked him off his person. To keep him from escaping, he stomped on the man-dragon's leg, breaking it on contact. He then reach down and tore Ralak's wings off with his bare hands before tossing them aside. As the man-dragon roared out in pain, Grell went over to where his chainsaw had fallen and picked it up, revving his death scythe as he did.
"Well, that was fun, but you finished far too soon," Grell said. "Just like most of the men in my life."
He then plunged his chainsaw into Ralak's torso, making the monster scream out in agony as the blade began to move upward until he was cut in two. As the blood flowed out the creature's body like a fountain, Grell couldn't help but laugh at his handiwork. It felt good to kill again.
"And that's what happened," Howard finished.
It had been hours since Grell had managed to kill Ralak. Since then, Howard had managed to make his sister faint from the sight of his transformation and was now talking to his best friend, Randy, AKA, the Ninja, on a rooftop late at night. Grell was back in Howard's head for the time being as part of the soul bond they now shared.
"So, let me get this straight," the Ninja gathered. "Some crazy lizard guy wanted to sacrifice you to a transgender grim reaper so he could bring his evil queen back, but instead you merged with said transgender grim reaper and killed the lizard guy. Then you showed Heidi that you were now fused to this guy despite knowing that she might spill your secret to everyone in the city."
"Pretty much, yeah," Howard confirmed simply. "To be fair, Heidi can't exactly tell anyone about me and Grell without looking crazy."
"Good point," Randy noted. "But can you trust this Grell guy? He sounds like a total wacko to me."
"Oh, he is out of his goddamn mind," Howard assured. "All he thinks about is killing things and having sex with guys atop a pile of dead bodies, usually in that order. But neither of us had a choice in the matter, and now were stuck together."
"So, how exactly does this whole 'soul bond' work?" Randy inquired. "You gotta say his name to become him or something like Shazam?"
"Nah, I just let him out at will," Howard explained. "But he can only stay out for a few hours before he has to go back into my head to recharge. He's kinda like a parasite who lives off my soul."
"And what happens if one of you dies?" Randy asked curiously.
"...You know, I'm not sure," his friend admitted. "I imagine nothing good."
"So, you just fused with this nutjob and you didn't bother to ask questions like that?" Randy scolded. "How am I not shocked?"
"I was dying!" Howard defended. "I didn't exactly have time to play Twenty Questions!"
"So, what are you going to do now?" Randy questioned.
"No idea," Howard said simply.
It was then that Randy had an idea for what Howard could do with the creature that now was a part of him.
"What if you used Grell to do some good," he suggested.
"Like how?" Howard inquired.
"Listen, if today was any indication, I can't be in Norrisville as much as I once was these days," the Ninja explained. "But you and Grell can protect the city whenever I'm not around."
"Yeah, I don't think Grell's the hero type," his best friend noted. "In fact, I can hear him laughing at the idea in my head right now."
"But maybe he can change his perspective," Randy reasoned. "If he had someone guiding him."
Howard stared in disbelief at that statement for several seconds before busting out in a fit of laughter.
"Are you serious?" the heavyset teen laughed out. "You know as much as I do that I am not a good role model."
"Maybe, but you're not the worst influence either," the masked hero cited. "Maybe you can direct Grell. Make him at least go after the bad guys."
"Something tells me that you'd also want him not to kill said bad guys?" Howard surmised.
"That'd be nice," Randy confirmed.
"Yeah, there is no way he's gonna go for tha,t" Howard assured. "Telling this dude not to kill something is like telling a guy not to stare at a hot chick. It can't be done."
"I know it'll be tough, but maybe you can change his mind," Randy said. "So, what do you say bud? You think you two can be heroes?"
It was in that moment that Howard knew what kind of hero that he and Grell could be.
Two Weeks Later...
The sound of a window breaking cut through the silence of the night. The broken window in question was that of Greg's Game Hole, which was currently being broken into by pair of masked thieves. They had been robbing the arcade for a few days now, and while it may be odd to rob an arcade instead of something more lucrative such as a bank or a jewelry store, the thieves discovered that Greg had been making a pretty penny for himself, and he had a lackluster security system. After stuffing there bags full of the money they found in a hidden safe, the pair of thieves had also decided to steal one of the arcade cabinets to make a few extra dollars on the side.
Just as the two men were about to put the cabinet in the back of their pick-up truck, a tall, red-dressed figure came down from the rooftops above and landed atop the roof of truck, crushing it upon impact with his feet.
"Well, hello boys," the stranger greeted. "Having yourself a little five finger discount, I see?"
"Who the fuck are you?" one of the thieves demanded.
"Who, me?" the stranger inquired with a fake innocent tone. "Why, I'm your friendly neighborhood homicidal reaper."
With that, Grell revved up his chainsaw and dove toward the two men, who screamed in horror at the sight before them. Neither Howard, nor Grell could ever be heroes like Randy was, but together, they would be Norrisville's lethal protectors.
