Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing great!
Here's the next chapter. Thanks for reading and for all your support! I really appreciate it.
Happy reading!
Xoxo,
Nina
Except for my sister's crappy attitude which persisted throughout the whole day, everything else was pretty great. My family seemed to like Kim a lot and she looked comfortable and like she was enjoying herself. I tried to be by her side as much as possible, but I knew she wanted me to spend time with my family.
That's why she almost forced me to go snowboarding with Jon and Brandon claiming that she would stay with Kate and Sammy since the older couples were hitting the sauna and other stuff they had already booked.
To be honest I was a little reluctant to leave Kim with my sister, but Burgess practically pushed me out the door.
I wasn't sure what was going through my sister's head and I knew that she could be a bitch if she wanted to.
Snowboarding was great. We had so much fun it was like when we were kids again. We raced, we fell, we laughed and we talked. We caught up with our lives, Brandon explained that his girlfriend could make it out of work to join us and Jon went on about family life and his job. Me? I told them everything about Kim and I and how things were going down in the district.
After hours in the snow, I was ready for a shower and dinner with everyone as we had planned earlier during lunch.
I stepped into the bedroom and found Kim sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel and brushing her wet hair.
"What a pity you didn't wait for me to use that shower." She smiled faintly. I should have known something was going on, but it slipped right past me. I went through my stuff trying to look for something to wear, my cologne and of course, the hair products.
"Babe?" Her voice was shy and almost imperceptible.
"Yeah?" I answered but my eyes weren't making contact with hers.
"Do you think we jumped into this too quickly?" I dropped everything I was holding and turned to her.
"What?"
"Yeah, I mean," She paused and looked to the ceiling and dropped the hairbrush on the bed, her hands were rubbing her thighs up and down. "Do you think we were too quick to jump in each other's beds?"
"No, I think we waited too long actually." I shook my head and went over to sit at the feet of the bed. "Where is this coming from? I thought we were past this."
"Would you still be with Wendy if it weren't for me?"
"No. Kim, what the fuck happened when I wasn't here?"
"So, I had nothing to do with that?"
"No. Wendy and I were going nowhere, you know this. Was I starting to feel something for you? Yes, but I would have broken up with her regardless of you. I wasn't being myself, I wasn't happy"
"You were not going to propose to her then?"
That question stopped me in my tracks. We never really discussed my relationship with Wendy, sure we've talked about the break up, but nothing deeper than that.
"Where did you get that from?"
"So, it is true." She closed her eyes and sighed in pain. What the hell was happening? "You know, I thought she was telling me that because she clearly doesn't like me, but apparently she knows a lot more about us than I do." She was about to stand up and leave, but I took a hold of her hand and tried my best to keep her there with me.
"Hold up, don't go." I ran my hand through my face to relieve some of the stress. "I have no idea why Kate said that. Since Jon and I were friends and all, I think Amy wanted to build a similar relationship with Wendy, and they sort of became friends, they were pretty close. I have no clue where they're standing now." Her eyes were watering up and it was breaking my heart in a million pieces. I was the only one responsible for that. "So, I'm assuming Kate knows about that because Wendy might have told her, but we never made it official, it was just a thought you know? What was expected of us, what she wanted and I really didn't want to piss her off any more than she already was with my choice of job and other opinions I had regarding our relationship."
"And you didn't think it would be necessary to run that by me before coming here?" One single tear rolled down her cheek and I had the desperate urge to hold her in my arms; as if she knew that's what I wanted to do, she stood up and fetched her clothes.
"I didn't think it was important."
"You, talking about marriage to your girlfriend just weeks before you guys break up and we started hooking up isn't important?" She turned to look at me with killer eyes.
"I can't make this sound pretty, so I'm just gonna be honest about it." I looked down. I was ashamed of my words even before I actually let them out of my mouth. "It wasn't important to me because it meant nothing. I was on autopilot, numb, just doing what I thought needed to be done, but not because I felt any of that."
"What other things did you discuss with Wendy that might pop up this weekend?" Her voice was broken and I really did feel like shit for not sharing any of this with her before.
"Everything. Marriage, kids…" I sighed. "Darlin' I'm really sorry. I should have said something before." She just nodded. "Please talk to me. Is there anything else Kate said you wanna talk about?"
"No. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does."
"It wasn't about you anyway."
"I'm gonna talk to her." She left her clothes on the bed and looked me straight in the eye.
"No. You are not. Just leave it, ok?" I walked closer to hug her but she just stepped away from me. "I'm gonna sit out of dinner tonight."
"Ok. I'll stay with you."
"No. I need to be alone for a bit. You go and have fun." She disappeared out of our room and I knew better than to follow her. She was asking for space and she was right; even though it was the last thing I wanted, I was going to give that to her.
I stepped into the shower and stood under the hot water for what felt like hours. I needed to set my mind straight and I definitely needed to have a word with my sister.
When I left the bathroom the room was dark and empty, no sign of Kim anywhere. I grabbed my phone and saw I had a text from her.
I went out for a walk. Need to think some stuff over and clear my mind a bit.
X
At least she signed it with an X. I shot a quick reply before heading over to dinner.
Be safe. Call me if you need anything.
I love you.
The glimmering light that flashed in our room just after I sent the message told me that she had left her phone right here. Great, just want I needed. My girlfriend wandering around a dark and snowy forest with no way of contacting her. I threw my phone on the bed and left for dinner.
"Good evening. Sorry I'm late."
"It's ok, dear. We just got here." Everyone seemed to be minding their own business, except Mags who answered me.
"Son, is it ok if we call the waiter and order?"
"Yeah, pops. Sure."
"Shouldn't we wait for Kim?" Carol's question made me scrunch the napkin I was holding. I knew she meant well, but I guess the whole situation was pissing me off.
"Yeah, where is your girlfriend anyway? Doesn't she know it's rude to keep people waiting?"
"She's not coming." That's the only thing I said while dedicating my sister the hardest look I've had.
"Is she feeling alright?"
"I'm not sure, Aunt Mags. I hope she is."
"Maybe she finally realized it is not her place to be here, or maybe she found another police officer she could flirt her way around." If I was pissed at her big mouth before, I had no words to describe my level of anger right now.
"Excuse me?" My eyebrows went up so high I think they almost reached my hairline.
"Don't look at me like that. It's not like I'm lying."
"Kate, cut it out." Jon tried to stop her but it was in vain.
"Isn't that what she does?" Kate was staring right at me, like she wanted to provoke me. "Tick off from a list all the cops she bangs? Especially if they're not available."
"That's enough." Unconsciously my hands banged on the dinner table. "Is that what you told her today?"
"Well, she shouldn't be here in the first place, you know? Someone had to do something."
"You're fucking unbelievable Amy. You have no idea how things played out between Kim and I and you definitely did not know how crappy my relationship with Wendy was. Did you know she wanted me to quit my job and do some stupid office job with her dad? Did you know how she tried to change every single thing about me that makes me who I am? Did you know how miserable I was trying to go along with all her crazy ass ideas just so I could keep the party at peace. No you didn't. Just like you have no fucking clue how happy Kim makes me and how amazing she is, because she's done nothing to you and you've been nothing but a total bitch to her. But I do agree with you on something, she shouldn't be here, because she does not deserve this crap." As I stood up to leave I said one last thing to her. "And I don't either." I looked around the table and apologized to the rest. "I'm sorry about that, but I'm not hungry anymore." And just like that I left.
It was close to ten at night, the room was slightly illuminated by the flickering of the flames in the fireplace, still no sign of Kim and I was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. My glass of scotch was on the coffee table and I decided to put on my jacket and go look for her. As I turned the knob and opened the door, I found just what I was in the lookout for, standing in the doorway.
"Hi." Her voice was low and the red in her eyes gave away the fact that she had been crying.
"Jesus, Kim." The words came out desperate and agonizing. I didn't care what was going on between us right now, I just needed to know she was ok. I cupped her face between my hands and pressed my lips against hers. My muscles relaxed when I felt her arms envelope my waist. I pulled away just enough to get another good look at her face to make sure she was alright. I kissed her again before I placed a few strands of hair behind her ears.
"Where were you going?" She asked, staring at my jacket.
"Out, to look for you. I was worried."
"I'm sorry. I forgot my phone here. I noticed that after I realized I had been walking around in circles and had no idea where the fuck I was." She chuckled a little shy and embarrassed and stepped inside.
"How did you find your way back?"
"Well, after I cried for like twenty minutes, I remembered this thing you told me on the flight here. The light on the tower and how it was visible from almost everywhere. I looked for it and then followed the light."
"Yeah, the lift."
"Yes, that." She took off her jacket and hung it next to the door.
"And apart from that, how was your walk? Was the crying only about being lost or…?" She cut me right before I got to finish that question.
"The walk was good, got to do a lot of thinking. The crying was pathetic, but I guess I needed it. How about you? How was dinner?"
"Eventful." She furrowed her brows and looked at me in complete confusion as she walked closer to the fireplace to warm herself up a bit. "I made it through five minutes at the table before I snapped at Kate."
"Adam, I asked you not to say anything. I don't want you two fighting because of some stupid comment."
"First of all it's not a stupid comment, she completely stepped over the line and it was incredibly disrespectful of her to say that. Second of all, I said nothing. She started and I wasn't gonna have it. She knows nothing about us and has no right to talk to you like that, ever." I looked down and took a deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me what she had said?"
"Because it was pointless. It had nothing to do with you, it was about me and if she thinks I'm a badge bunny then it's her opinion, I'm not entitled to change that. Besides she's not the only one who thinks that, you've heard people talking in the district."
"Yeah, but it affects you."
"It does, but I need to learn to deal with what people say. I know my feelings, I know why I'm with you and as long as you don't think that, I'll get over it." She put her own hair behind her ears nervously. "You don't think that, do you?"
"It never crossed my mind." I walked over to her and hugged her shoulders before I left a kiss on her temple. "Come here." I sat on the armchair by the fireplace and tugged one of her arms guiding her to sit on my lap, sideways. Her face found her usual spot on my chest and my arms snaked around her upper body.
"I'm really sorry about everything that happened today, and all the crap you had to take from Kate. It wasn't fair on you."
"You know? Although it wasn't fun, maybe it wasn't that bad. I mean having her say everything she said, put a lot of things out there that we haven't mentioned and I think, maybe, we really need to talk about. For example, I have to accept that people will say and think whatever they want to and that's ok, because I know it's not how things really are." Her hand slowly moved up and down my chest, it was her own way to calm herself down and I enjoyed it as much as she did.
"Classic Burgess. Finding he good in everything." I kissed the top of her head as I rubbed her back trying to comfort her.
"Well, we might as well learn from it."
"You're right. I won't keep any other details regarding Wendy or my family from you."
"Adam, that's not what worries me. You are entitled to have your private life, you don't have to tell me every single thing as long as we are not hurting each other." She slightly sat up to look me in the eyes. "I thought a lot today; not about what your sister said, but about what you said. That word you used, autopilot, I don't ever want you to feel like that with me. It will kill me to know that you are just doing things because you think that's what comes next or because that's what would make me happy. I want you to do what you feel, what you truly desire. I know that when we started I was the one who decided how to go on with certain things, but I don't want to do that. I want both of us to make all the decisions we need to make together, and if we don't agree, then we talk about it and meet each other in the middle. But please, never settle for something that won't make you feel good, too."
One of her hands timidly touched my cheek and tenderly began to scratch my beard. Her eyes never left mine, not even for a second.
"I love you. I want you to be happy and feel alive, and I really, really want you to feel like that around me, just like I feel like that when I'm around you. But if that doesn't happen, if I don't make you vibrate like that, I don't want you to be sad and suffering and playing along with whatever bullshit I'm doing. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, I'm a big girl and I can take the truth, but I could never take knowing that you were unhappy just to avoid us arguing. Please, promise you will never do that."
"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I'm still not sure what I did to make you fall in love with me, but I'm damn lucky you did." I leant closer to kiss her, but she pulled her face back.
"No, don't do that. Don't distract me. Promise me, please."
"Darlin', I promise you. But I don't think you understand just how happy you make me. I know I've told you before, that everything feels different with you and it really does, I don't want you to question that, ever. I feel like I am finally in a mature relationship in which we both want what's best for the other one. I feel supported, encouraged, loved, not to mention it's the best sex I've had." Her cheeks blushed as her head nodded.
"Yeah, it is great."
"I know, right?" Her eyes were bright and sparkly in reaction to my lopsided smile. "The thing is Kim, I never felt like I'm compromising anything with you. And I swear I meant every word I have said to you and everything I have done."
"I know. This is not me doubting you or questioning your actions or intentions. I trust you, I really do, it just happens like that. This is me not wanting you to feel empty and stuck in another meaningless relationship."
"Hon, there's nothing empty, shallow or meaningless about this relationship. I promise."
"Ok." I leant forward to kiss her aging and this time there was no pulling back.
"I love you, Burgess."
"I love you too, Ruzek"
I took complete advantage of our kissing to run my fingers under her sweater and try to be a little closer to her. "Darlin' you're freezing."
"I'm not. Your hands are too warm, you're too close to the fire and I've walked for hours in the snow. But I'm fine."
"Are you sure? You don't want me to make you a cup of tea, or something?"
"No. I wanna stay here with you."
"Ok." I instantly felt her lips on my neck and her cold hands under my sweater.
"I have an idea, let's get you close to the fire for a while." She got off my lap and fetched the blankets that were on the couch, while I pushed the coffee table back so we could have more space in front of the fireplace. We sat on the floor facing each other, each one wrapped in a blanket. The snapping of the wood as it burned was the only sound in the room and the sparks from the flames shined on her face bringing out all the details I found fascinating about it. We didn't speak, it wasn't necessary because our eyes were saying it all. She scooted closer to me and reached for my mouth. It wasn't long until that sweet and innocent little peck on the lips became fierce and intense. I didn't want to let go of her but we had to stop for air. Her eyes fluttered open and locked on mine, without even thinking about it, her hands took the bottom of my sweater and my shirt together and tried their best to pull everything off. I looked at her to see a smile matching mine. I placed both my hands on her waist and lowered them very slowly trying to find my way under her clothes to do the same she had just done to me. Her bare skin was getting warmer, thanks to the heat coming from the fire and I was getting warmer just by looking at her. I leant over and went straight for her collarbone, and once I reached the straps of her bra I gently pushed them down her arms so I could kiss every inch of the skin of her shoulders.
Her arms were wrapped around me, she was pulling me closer to her, so close there was no distance between our bodies, so close we both began to lose balance and ended up lying on the floor.
Blankets, silence, fire, us. That night we made love like never before.
