Life With Derek: The Secret
o12o
Derek sat in a circle with a few hockey buddies; a bottle of Molson Canadian was held tightly in his hand. He didn't want to drink tonight, but he figured he'd hold onto it just in case. His friends were discussing next years season with excitement; Derek smiled and nodded when needed, but his mind was elsewhere.
He thought tonight was going to be different; Casey didn't come to these parties anymore. He could understand why after what happened during their last date. Sam had informed him that she was coming though, so he thought he'd get the chance to talk to her; really talk to her about the past. She wasn't willing to listen to him at the house or when he was drunk; but he had to get it all out.
Seeing her dressed up brought back all of the memories; not all good. She had looked so beautiful that night; so wonderfully incredible. Casey had dressed up for him; only him, and he had lapped up the sight of heaven. But when he saw her standing there, he remembered how she had looked in the end. How he had broken her heart after everything they had. And along with that, came his own sadness at knowing he couldn't have her. That he couldn't wrap his arms around her like he used to, or kiss her neck softly in greeting.
Sam had picked him up after he called his house, needing to get away from the sight of her even for just a moment. However, when he came down the stairs he saw Michael. Perfect Michael. Derek couldn't feel more jealousy for any other person. He had it all; the looks, the brains, Casey. Seeing him getting along so well with the parents was just irritating and so he offhandedly insulted him and made sure to show his anger by slamming the door as loudly as possible.
Even though he was feeling angry and reckless, he was trying to reign in his emotions; at least for tonight. Date or not; boyfriend or not, he was not going to give up on his previous plan. He would tell her why he did what he did and he would make her understand. There was nothing that would stop him from admitting that he never stopped loving her and yes, he made the biggest mistake of his life.
Glancing across the room, he saw her walk through the door; her arm wrapped in his. Perfect Michael looked down at her reassuringly. It took everything Derek had not to rip the guy away from her and pound him into a mess of unrecognizable nothing. He remembered a feeling like this; but back then, it hadn't been jealousy, it was rage. Number one from the opposing team during his last game; kid was a real mouthpiece and he picked the wrong guy to piss off.
All through Derek's last game, he had to put up with the rival captain's little comments about Casey. Derek had seen the boy try and charm her before the game had started and was completely sure that Case had told him where he could stick it. However, the guy didn't get the picture and enjoyed talking about her to rile Derek up. Of course, Derek had always been good at keeping his cool; but when it came to her, he wasn't so forgiving.
Not only was the irritating boy making lewd remarks about her, but he was totally cheating in Derek's favorite and most prized game. Taking matters into his own hands, given that the ref wasn't doing anything, he made sure to show the annoying boy just how short a fuse he could have. Hockey had a few upsides; one being that Derek was very fit and in shape. Another being that Derek had learned extensively just how hard he could check someone and make sure it was hard for them to get back up.
Now, Derek didn't cheat and he hated it when his game was screwed over like that, but he had no problem with taking the captain down a few notches. It wasn't until the last ten minutes of the game that he had given up on being well behaved. He could hear the words ringing in his mind still; he could see the boy's cocky grin. "When she's looking up at you from down on her knees, you should know that she's imagining it's me," he told Derek.
He knew Casey loved him and he knew that she wouldn't give the guy a second thought. But he hated that the kid would even hint that Casey was some kind of slut. So, he beat the living hell out of him and there was no restraint left in him to stop him from tearing him apart. He didn't even feel it when the boys fist connected with his face, he just kept swinging with all he had in him.
The game had ended well, with his team winning by one point. His victory was nothing compared to the kiss he was treated to from Casey in front of all those watching the game. She had looked terrified when he had been slammed into the wall; understandably so, since he had never been knocked out before. Whoever slammed him was one big guy though and he had hit the glass hard. Waking up to see her face was much better than seeing one of the lights the paramedics always shine in peoples eyes though.
After changing and getting ready for the victory party, he was looking forward to a great night with Casey and his friends. However, luck wasn't on his side, as he walked out to see her being pinned to the car by the guy who just wouldn't get the point. Once again, his boiling rage took him over and he was ready to beat the kid so bad he couldn't walk. He managed to grit out a warning and something told him, he wouldn't be seeing the boy again.
From there, things only got worse. She had tried to reach out to him, to calm him down and be there for him, but he could only manage a weak smile and a kiss on her palm. He wanted her; he'd always want her. But his mind was confused, causing him to do something stupid; something terribly wrong.
Looking around the circle of his friends, it was as if the night was replaying. He had been sitting in this exact spot last time, with a beer hanging from his hand. Glancing across the room, he saw Sam talking to Casey and perfect Michael in a deep conversation with Emily. Staring at the smile on Casey's lips, he swallowed. She looked just like she had three months ago; stunning.
The party was booming when they walked in; he hadn't said much since they left the school and Casey wasn't pushing him. She offered to grab them a couple drinks and he simply nodded. Noticing a few friends waving him over, he crossed the room to sit in a chair by the stairs. His best teammates and closer friends were sitting in a circle discussing the game they had just won.
A few girls adorned the laps of his friends; smiling and giggling. Some of them were actual girlfriends and others were trophies for the night. Were it any time before Casey, he'd have some nameless blonde grinding against him at the moment. However, he had Casey and she wasn't one to position herself on top of him, as if to lay claim. He appreciated that about her though; especially right now.
Across the room, he could see her talking to Chelsea. In her hands were a Molson Canadian and a can of pop. Making a motion like she'd be right back, she crossed the room and handed him his beer. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her down for moment. Pressing his lips against her neck, he buried his face against her. Inhaling her sweet vanilla scent, he sighed.
"Are you okay?" she asked, running her hand through his hair.
Leaning back, he stared at her. She looked beautiful and concerned; he didn't want to lie to her, but he was sure he just needed to wind down. Kissing her, he ran his hand down her back. Feeling her shiver slightly and respond instantly to his mouth, he smiled lightly. Staring into her eyes, he simply nodded.
Pressing her forehead against his, she kissed the tip of his nose. "I'm going to go see Chelsea," she told him. "Find me later and we'll talk, okay?"
Nodding, his mouth turned up in a half smile.
Walking back over to her friend, she glanced back at him for reassurance.
Nodding slightly, he wrapped his hand around the cap of his beer and twisted it off. Lifting the cold bottle to his mouth, he let the somewhat bitter liquid run over his tongue. Sighing, he leaned forward to hear the conversation going on between his friends.
Whistling appreciatively, Brent grinned at Derek. "The Derek Venturi finally got himself a girlfriend," he said. Shaking his head in awe, he laughed. "Never thought the day would come."
Smiling, Derek simply shrugged. He knew it came as quite the surprise to most people. Even if he'd dated girls for awhile, he'd never really been serious with anyone. Casey was different though; Casey was definitely his and he was comfortable being only hers. "What can I say?" he mumbled, good naturedly.
"You can tell us where you found her," Clay, number seven as Derek recalled, told him, glancing at her. "Wouldn't mind finding myself someone that fine."
Feeling annoyed, Derek tried to cover his stiff appearance. He'd never felt so protective of anyone before and the feeling was overwhelming. When it came to Casey, he felt like he couldn't have anyone come near her; no one male anyway. With all of the girls before her, he didn't care what they did when he wasn't around. But with Casey, he felt like he had to make sure nobody so much as looked at her unless it was absolutely necessary.
"And that body," another boy said, sighing. "I bet she's a real sight without her clothes on."
"Hell, she's a sight with her clothes on."
He had a temper; he knew that; everybody knew that. There were some things of his that nobody messed with. Hockey, his family, his status, and now Casey. They could play on his team, but never challenge his spot. They could bug his little brother in good nature, but never say anything about his family that wasn't great.They could be popular, but never undermine just how much more pull he had in the popular crowd. And they could appreciate Casey, just not to the extent they were now.
In fact, he decided they weren't allowed to look at her, unless it was straight in the eyes. They weren't allowed to comment on her body; ever. They weren't allowed to so much as think of her in a sexual manner, or he'd likely beat them; badly.
Leaning back, Derek clenched his jaw and thinned his eyes.
"Okay," Sam broke though. "Any more comments and we're likely not to have a hockey team next year," he told them, noticing his best friends demeanor.
Glancing back at him, the boys who'd remarked seemed to shrink and gulp.
Smiling weakly, Brent shrugged. "Just admiring what's yours," he said. "We're not stupid enough to try anything. Nobody wants to end up like the captain of that team we demolished tonight."
"Yeah," Clay agreed. "You seriously beat the hell out of that guy."
Nodding, Derek exhaled loudly. "He had it coming," he told them, simply.
"With all of the cheating they were doing, we all should've been fighting out there," Sam said, frowning. "What was up with that ref?"
"Yeah," Brent agreed. "What'd they do? Pay him off?"
As his team went on with their conversation, Derek drifted into his thoughts. He didn't like feeling so on edge when it came to Casey. Why did he have to feel so worried? He knew she wasn't cheating and he was pretty sure nobody would even try hitting on her. It was widely known by now that she was Derek's. He didn't want to call her property; but she belonged with him.
While his mind went through his confused thoughts on why he was so jealous of anyone who so much as walked past her, he began to get angry with himself. He didn't want to be this guy; he didn't want to be possessive. He was used to letting girls do and be with whoever. As long as they came back and paid attention to him, he didn't care who else they were making out with.
Maybe it was because he'd had all of her; remembering the night before a real smile graced his lips. They'd shared one incredible night together that would forever be ingrained in his mind. He could still see her expression; full of passion and love. He could still feel her curves in his hands and feel her hot breath against his skin.
Part of him wanted to leave the party and just enjoy her company at home. His father had his girlfriend over; what was her name again? Dora? Flora? Cora? Hmm, he'd have to ask him again. Casey said her mom was out for the night, so maybe they could go back to her place to get reacquainted.
Catching her staring at him from across the room, she smiled at him and he wondered if she was having the same idea. Winking, he grinned back. Chelsea stepped in front of her, covering her from his sight. Pulling the bottle back up to his lips, he took another swig. Shaking his head, he looked at the girls sitting on the laps around him.
Blondes, brunettes, red heads; all beautiful. Slim waists, perfect chests, suggestive smiles. Were he the old Derek, he would've found this enticing. Even though they were on other boys laps, their eyes still found their way over to him; taking him in approvingly. Boyfriends or not, girls tended to want him.
It could be considered a gift; unless said boyfriends found out and wanted to beat him up. Of course, being, well, him, most guys knew not to start a fight and those who didn't, paid for it dearly. Now that he had Casey though, he really didn't care how much they wanted him or what they were willing to do to bring their popularity status up.
His past had been more simple though; he didn't have these boiling thoughts of anger towards the entire male species. He could relax and languidly kiss any girl that came his way. He rather missed those times; not because he wasn't ready for his girlfriend, but because he was ending a legacy.
The Derek Venturi, hockey captain, notorious ladies man, and one helluva kisser. He had to let go of that now; he had to settle down with just one girl. He had the perfect girl, which worked out great for his first relationship; but that could be the problem. See, Casey is incredible; she's not only beautiful, but she's smart, confidant, fun, and feisty.
While he was changing his ways to be a boyfriend, he was still always going to be known for being a playboy. Everyone would always remember that he had made out with most of the girls in the school and how would that reflect on Casey? She'd know that he wasn't perfect and people would start to wonder why she was wasting her time on him. Why was she with him? She was perfect, so she could have anyone. She should've rejected him the moment she realized who he was and yet she took up with him instead.
He was definitely not good enough for her; hell, he'd kissed every girl sitting in this circle right now. He couldn't deal with the fact that he was jealous and worried about her all the time. He couldn't become the boyfriend she deserved and there would probably always be some looming doubt hanging over her and him that he wasn't as great as she thought. What if she realized he was a waste of time and left him? What would he do then?
Standing up, he made his way upstairs to use the bathroom. The beer had already taken its effect, given that he didn't drink much and had been knocking it back slowly for the last while. One beer never got him drunk but it did make him rather distracted. After relieving himself in the bathroom, he washed his hands and stared at himself in the mirror.
His jaw was rather purple from where he'd been punched but that was the only real damage. He still looked unbelievably hot; if he did say so himself. Laughing, he walked to the door and pulled it open. Bumping straight into a pretty blonde, he mumbled an apology. Feeling a hand on his arm, he turned back.
Biting her lip, she stared at him excitedly. Stepping closer, she pressed her body against hers. "How about a little victory kiss?" she asked, seductively.
Rather hazy and still thinking the worst about his relationship with Casey, he didn't see any harm in one kiss. Standing still, he waited for her to make her move.
Leaning up, the blonde ran her hands into his hair. He couldn't help but think that Casey's hand always felt much better in the position the nameless girls were now. Tipping her chin, she pressed her lips against his slowly. Pulling back, she teased his bottom lip with her teeth. Feeling his back hit a wall, he let her continue with her ministrations over his mouth.
Before long, he realized he was stumbling back into a bedroom. The blonde pushed him down on a bed and straddled his waist. Leaning down, she attached her mouth to his neck. Thoughts of how Casey had kissed him the night before were much more pleasant. He realized that what he was doing was wrong but he didn't stop her. He knew that he should be downstairs with his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, but he didn't leave.
The nameless girls hands ran under his shirt, splaying out over his torso and enjoying the feel. Derek remembered Casey's tentative hands over his stomach and her approving smile as she felt his hard body. The blonde undid his belt and played with the zipper for a moment. He was rather caught up in thinking of the night before and didn't stop her.
Casey was perfect and Derek was not. She was smart, while Derek didn't care about school. She had only kissed three boys; and he had been the only one she had enjoyed. Derek had kissed, touched, fondled, and enjoyed more girls than anyone could count; nameless faces crossed his mind. Casey was faithful to the core, while Derek was letting some blonde suck on his neck.
He didn't want this; he didn't want to be with this girl instead of Casey. He didn't want anyone else but her. He hadn't given any other girl a second glance since he met Casey. Maybe he needed to have this perfect specimen of girl doing this for him to realize that he didn't need it anymore. All he could think of; all he wanted, was Casey. He didn't want what this and many other girls offered anymore. A smile finally formed on his lips; he really had changed.
There was nobody else that he could want but Casey. He wasn't going to cheat on her in the future; he wasn't going to find someone else when he felt like being more intimate. Casey was it for him and it was finally clear. He didn't have to worry about any other guy taking her away; he had no need to feel like he wasn't worth her. They made a great couple and nobody could stop that. There was nobody who would mess that up for them.
Lifting his hands, he placed them on the blonde's arms, aiming to push her away. That's when he caught sight of the worst thing possible. Casey was standing in the doorway, tears slipped down her cheeks silently and her breathing had picked up in pace.
Pushing the blonde off rather roughly, he jumped off the bed. "I can explain," he said, frantically.
Nodding slowly, Casey sighed. "Right," she said, her voice quivering. "You can explain why you willingly had another girl in your lap."
"Casey," he said; her name got caught in his throat.
He could see all of her pain; so vividly plain in front of him. This was it; he had ruined the only thing he really had going for him. He could see her body shaking across from him. He made to walk to her, but she backed away from him. Wincing, he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had done this; he had hurt her so much she couldn't even be near him.
"Please," he breathed. "Don't do this. Let me explain."
Crossing her arms, she wiped at her tears furiously. "I should've known," she cried. "I thought I could trust you." She inhaled sharply, letting it out in a shaky sob.
"You can," he said, taking another step. "It was a mistake," he tried to explain. "It'll never happen again."
"It never should've happened in the first place," she shouted, loudly. Her tears were still falling but her anger was now very visible. Backing out of the room, she waved her hands in defeat and shook her head. Turning around, she walked away.
"No, Casey," he called out. Redoing his pants, he ran out after her. She was partway down the stairs, when he caught her. Grabbing her arm, he pulled her back. "Please, hear me out," he pleaded.
Pressing her hands into his chest, she knocked him down on to the stairs. "You bastard," she screamed. Her voice was tense and full of pained sadness.
Reaching out, he grabbed on to her waist and tried to pull her closer. He could feel his eyes burning. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to test himself like this? Why couldn't he trust that he loved her?
Her hands pressed into his shoulders, trying to push him away. "Get off Derek," she sobbed. "Let me go."
"Don't go," he begged, shaking his head. Pressing his cheek against her stomach, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry," he told her. "I didn't mean to."
"Didn't meant to?" she asked incredulously, shaking her head. "You just fell onto the bed and she hopped on top, right?"
"No, but-" Swallowing, he closed his teary eyes. "Casey, can we please just talk this out?"
He could feel her shaking with tears, her body quivered in his grasp. He wanted to take it all back. He wanted to go back in time and instead of coming to the party, they would just go to her house and have their own victory bash. Leaning back, he stared up at her swimming blue eyes.
Her head shook back and forth slowly. "No Derek," she said, softly. Inhaling sharply, she pushed him back. "We're over," she told him.
Shaking his head, he stood up. "Casey," he mumbled, pulling her face close. Pressing his lips against the side of her mouth and down her cheek. Running his mouth over her neck and kissing her shoulder, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you," he told her.
Sobbing, she pushed him back and pulled her hand back. The sting and power behind her striking him made the tears fall down his cheeks. Looking up, he tried to make the tears stop but couldn't. His mouth shook with the words he couldn't say; knowing she wouldn't listen; knowing they were useless. How could he explain why he had done what he had? It was a flimsy and ridiculous excuse.
He was well aware that the entire party was looking at him now and ignored them completely. She descended the stairs but he wasn't giving up. Chasing after her, he reached out for her hand and pulled her back. "We can fix this," he tried. "It was a mistake, I know that."
Nodding, she sighed. "Yeah, Derek. It was a huge mistake," she told him. Warm tears still fell down her red cheeks. "One that you can't fix."
Reaching out for her, he was pushed back again before she fled the house. Chelsea had started the car when the fight started and Casey was able to leave him completely. Standing there, staring at the open door and hearing the car as it left. He knew it was over; he'd never see her again and she'd never forgive him.
His shoulders were tense as his breathing picked up in angry shuddering spasms. His fists curled and uncurled; he was enraged with himself. His stupidity had finally gotten the better of him. Slamming his fist into the wall, he left behind a large, open hold . "FUCK!" he screamed.
He could feel the warmth of blood as it ran down his cut fist. Slamming his hand into the wall a few more times, he felt himself being pulled away by a few of his teammates. Sam's face swam in his vision, asking questions he couldn't hear. A buzzing sound was stuck in his ears as his senses ran on overload. Vaguely, he understood that he was now sitting on the couch. A large bowl of ice water contained his hurt hand.
He didn't speak, he didn't move. He simply let the tears silently mark their trail down his face. His head played out the painful memories of her; her beautiful smile. He remembered their first meeting; here in this very house. He remembered their first date at the rink and how they had started a new tradition with good luck kisses. He remembered the diner, where they had stayed for hours, talking and laughing, dancing and kissing. Memories of them on the couch together should've warmed him but only made him more upset. How she felt against him, her hands wrapped in his on the couch, made it worse.
He had ruined it all; just because he had a few doubts. He didn't believe he was good enough; he worried he'd cheat or hurt her. So, to prove he wouldn't, he did. What kind of logic was that? This was why he wasn't in any advanced courses at school. How did he even make it into the tenth grade?
She was gone now; for good. There was no second chance; there was no going back. She had left him and she had good reason to. He had shattered her heart the very night after he tells her he loves her. She probably didn't even believe him now. She probably thought it was all a ploy for her to sleep with him. How could he do this? How could he hurt her like this?
He ruined himself; ruined her. She'd never forgive him and now he couldn't forgive himself. He had done the only thing that could possibly make her leave him. He had done the one thing he promised himself he wouldn't do. She wasn't like all the other girls; she wasn't someone he just wanted to have fun with. He truly loved her and now he could never be with her again.
Standing up from his chair, he decided to go looking for her. There was no better time than the present and he couldn't simply drown himself in the past. If he wanted things to change, then he'd have to do it himself. She may not be willing to hear him out, but he'd make sure she knew exactly what he felt for her.
Searching the entire bottom floor, he ran into Emily, who surprisingly didn't hit on him at all. Asking where Casey was, he understood that she had gone off somewhere with Michael to talk. Checking the backyard, he found a bunch of kids on the deck drinking and talking, but no Casey. Deciding she might've gone upstairs to use the bathroom, he made his way up.
Sam had locked all of the doors on the top floor so nobody would get into the bedrooms. The only one left open was Chelsea's because she was home and not enjoying the party. Finding the bathroom in use, but by a guy and not Casey, he turned to go back down stairs.
That is, he was going to leave until he saw her smiling face. The only unlocked room held Casey and Michael, sitting on Chelsea's bed, rather closely. His arm was around her, rubbing her arm. Casey was nodding at something, a small smile on her lips. Michael leaned in towards her and Casey turned her face. Their lips met in a soft kiss, causing Derek to wince and stumble back.
His stomach was filled with a sinking feeling and he felt his throat go dry. He really thought that maybe she'd change her mind about everything. That maybe she was only here with Michael as a friend and nothing more. He wanted to believe that lately she had been feeling it too; feeling their old memories flooding back. Gritting his teeth, he didn't know what to do. Suddenly, he wasn't sure he could say what needed to be said.
Casey glanced up, catching him staring at her, hurt. Turning, he left for the stairs. Practically running down them, he made it half way, when he heard her behind him, calling his name. Stopping, he felt her bump into his back. Turning around, he stared at her. His jaw quivered and his eyes began to sting. He wouldn't cry; he wouldn't do this again.
oTBCo
A/N Sorry it took awhile to update. I was helping my mom move into her new apartment and then my uncle came to visit. I hope you liked this! The big secret concerning why Derek and Casey broke up is finally out! How will it all turn out? Review to find out! Thanks for reading! )
