Life With Derek: The Secret

o14o

Derek found that going home to sleep was completely out of the question. After leaving the party and Casey behind, he had resolved to walk around for awhile. Without Sam's car, there really weren't many places he could go unless he wanted to shell out a couple bucks for a bus. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he was rather happy that it was warm out for this late at night.

Kicking the stone that had found its way in front of his shoe, he liked that the only sound was it skipping over the pavement. Though silence sometimes bothered him it was a welcome guest after the screaming, shouting, yelling, and fighting that had ensued between him and Casey. Shaking his head, he grimaced at what had happened. Part of him had truly hoped things would be different. Although he wasn't counting on their conversation, if he could even call it that, starting out with him finding her kissing perfect Michael.

In three months, he thought maybe the jealous feelings he possessed when it came to her might've faded, but they were just as strong as ever. More so because he knew he couldn't be Michael, or any other guy that had a real chance at being with Casey. He had his shot and he completely blew it. He was hoping that when they finally talked things would be resolved and blindly, he had high hopes that she would take him back. He never took into consideration the other factors of their relationship; namely the fact that they were now step siblings, not that he ever thought of her in a sibling-like way.

His dad would likely blow a gasket if he found out and start citing the laws on incest, even though it very much wasn't. Nora would make that face she reserves for the exact moment she realizes he's done something very wrong, or faint. Edwin would shake his head and probably say something along the lines of, "Dude, what about all the other babes out there?" To which Derek would simply slap him upside the head and tell him to wait for his voice to crack before he started with that kind of crap. Marti already knew, he could tell she still remembered, so she wouldn't mind in the least. Lizzie was a hard one to judge though; given her relationship with Casey, she might already know what happened in the past, even if she didn't know it was he who had broken Casey's heart. So Lizzie could go a few ways in her reaction; she could be understanding and accepting of it, given that she was rather rational and liked looking on the bright side of things. Or she could ask him if he was completely crazy and vote he needed his head examined. Then there was always the possibility that she simply wouldn't care at all, citing that she knew there was something different between us but could care less.

It didn't really matter now; he and Casey were officially over and there was no going back. There was no misunderstanding still left hanging in the air. He'd finally admitted exactly what he'd done and why he had made the mistake he did. He had publicly humiliated himself and could actually care less. Disregarding his reputation and how his peers might treat him Monday, he had admitted that not only did he love Casey but that she was the only one he had ever slept with. That was a pretty big thing to say, given he's known for his not so clean record when it came to the many girls he'd 'dated.'

One thing he certainly didn't regret was their goodbye; he could still feel her succulent lips pressed against his. Without acknowledging it, he lifted his hand and touched his mouth for a moment. He could still smell her sweet vanilla scent, lifting from her silky hair. He could still feel her soft skin beneath his fingertips, sending a shiver down his back.

Such simple words and yet they held the world in them: "I'll always love you." He was being completely honest; no truer words had every left his lips. She was it for him; sixteen and he'd found The One. Though nobody would likely believe him; in fact, most would laugh in his face. He knew though; he knew she was the only woman he'd ever feel this for. The only woman who would ever cause his heart to shatter at the mere though of not having her.

He voiced this once to an adult at the Diner that mentioned his ritual, the guy called it Puppy Love. Derek calmly and honestly responded, "Show me a guy who knows a girl better than I know Casey, and you can tell me what it is I'm feeling." His answer promptly shut the guy up and Mac simply laughed and sat down in the booth to chat with him while he ate.

Mac had told Derek of his wall and the couples that layered it; not one of them had divorced in all the years he had been building it. When Derek asked exactly what it was that possessed him to make the wall, a sincere smile crossed the older man's face.

"My wife Laura and I met right here in this very Diner. The day I opened it, she was my very first customer. I swear I fell in love right then and there; most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life. Smart, funny, and completely clueless of how entirely gorgeous she was," he explained, his voice still full of adoration for the woman he'd been married to for nearly thirty years. "I just knew, right then, that she was it for me. So I put our names up on the wall, along with the year. She laughed it off, thinking I was just being silly. Two years later, she made me the happiest man alive," he said, sighing with an affectionate grin. "To this day, I've been able to pick out the exact couple that are bound to make it," he said confidently, nodding.

When Derek asked how he knew, he simply shrugged. "I can just tell," he said easily. "Like you and Casey," he pointed out. "I must admit, you two are the youngest couple I've ever noticed in my thirty years of business, but I haven't been wrong yet Derek." He winked conspiratorially. "One day, kid, she'll be all yours and I can tell you I told you so."

Something in his heart had caused Derek to take Mac's words at face value and believe in them completely. Sure he still had a few years of highschool and likely college before he got married, but he knew that when the day came, he wanted Casey to be standing in front of him.

Sighing, Derek kicked the rock again and frowned when it managed to escape off the walkway and across the road. Watching it go, his eyes lifted to see a light still on at the infamous Diner. Smiling lightly, Derek cross the street and headed over. Squinting around inside, he tried to see if Mac was anywhere to be seen. Knocking on the glass, he waited for him to answer.

At first, the older man looked incredibly annoyed, but upon seeing who it was, his face lightened up. Unlocking the doors, he held them open. "I was beginning to think you might've moved away," Mac joked.

Chuckling, Derek shrugged. "I've just been really busy with stuff," he said. Walking over to his practically reserved booth, he slid in and sighed.

Sitting down across from him, Mac simply waited for him to say whatever needed to be said.

"You know how you thought Casey and I were going to be this years couple?" Derek asked, keeping his eyes firmly on the blue table top.

"Yeah," Mac answered, crossing his arms and resting them on the table.

"I don't think that's going to happen," Derek told him, letting his breath out and feeling his shoulders sag. "See, we broke up a few months ago," he admitted. "I guess I was hoping she'd take me back and I wouldn't have to tell you."

"So why are you telling me now?" he wondered.

Shrugging, Derek leaned back in the booth. "Because now I know it's officially over, I guess."

"Why's that?" he queried, leaning forward.

"We fought," Derek explained. "Full out rager; tears, screaming, and she even pushed me slightly. Although when we broke up, it was a lot worse. This time it was like... saying goodbye." Running his hands over his face, he stared up at the ceiling for a moment. "I really thought after I told her why I was so stupid, she'd..."

"Forgive you?" Mac finished.

"Stupid, huh?" he asked, shaking his confused head. "I did the dumbest thing possible," he admitted.

"Cheated," the older man supplied.

Looking up sharply, Derek stared at him. "How'd you know?"

"Let me guess," Mac went on. "At first, you couldn't get over how jealous, protective, and all out enraged you were," he explained. "Then you came to a startling realization that maybe you just weren't good enough for her. Lastly, you and some very willing girl got a little closer than you should have, and you realized that you don't want what ever it is she's offering."

"How the hell did you know that?" Derek wondered, staring at him with lifted brows.

"Story of most of the guys before you," he said, smirking. "Look Derek, everybody makes mistakes. Albeit, you made a pretty big one, but you can't keep beating yourself over the head for it. You apologized, you lived through hell, and now you're still suffering because you don't have her." Sighing, he shrugged. "I'm not saying you deserve forgiveness, but you can't keep going on like this."

"You mean pining away for the one girl who's never going to forgive me?" he completed.

"No. Not forgiving yourself and becoming less like the guy she fell in love with in the first place," he told him, seriously. "I can't guarantee that Casey will take you back, but I have a feeling she's not completely over you. When she was in here the other day with that kid wearing a toque, she seemed rather interested in knowing about whether or not I was ever wrong about couples."

"She was here with Sam?" Derek asked, frowning.

"Yeah, this exact booth. Why was he wearing a toque anyway? It's Spring!" he exclaimed, shaking his head.

Paling slightly, he gulped. "What'd you tell her?"

"I told her I thought you and she were going to be this years couple," he explained, shrugging.

"What'd she say?" Derek wondered with interest.

"She asked if I've ever been wrong and I said I hadn't." Leaning back, he crossed his arms. "I may have mentioned that you seemed to really love her and that you were here every Sunday, in this booth, listening to your song and ordering the same thing."

"Great," he moaned. "Now she thinks I'm some kind of pathetic sap," he said, letting his head fall and collide with the hard tabletop.

"Aren't you?" Mac joked, chuckling.

Sighing, Derek sat back up. "I better go, it's getting late. If Nora or my dad find out I've been out all this time, I'll be grounded."

"Alright," Mac said, nodding. "Are you dropping in tomorrow?"

Sliding out of the booth, Derek stretched. "Yeah," he said, shrugging. "Why break tradition? Besides, I've really been craving one of your chocolate shakes lately." Waving, he left to the door and started the walk back to his house.

The air had chilled slightly, but he shook it off. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he kept his head low as he walked through the dark streets of the city. He had a few dollars on him but the busses weren't running anymore and he didn't have enough for a cab. A few guys living on the street reached out and asked for spare change, at different intervals, so he ended up giving away his last few dollars to them.

It was nearly five in the morning when his home came into sight. Picking up his pace, he crept into the house slowly. His foot was on the first stair when he heard his name being whispered questioningly. Turning around, he put on his best apologetic face. "Hey dad," he greeted.

Tiredly, George Venturi motioned for Derek to follow him into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table, the older man wrapped his hands around a cup of tea. "It's late," he commented.

"Sorry," Derek said, shrugging.

"Where were you? Casey came home hours ago," George pointed out.

"I went for a walk," he explained simply.

"To where?" George wondered.

Frowning, he glared at the table. "Out to the Diner."

"Derek," he said, surprised. "That's nearly a two hour walk from Sam's house!"

"More like an hour and a half," Derek replied, stiffly.

"What were you doing all the way out there?" George asked, sipping his tea.

"Clearing my head."

"Of what?"

"Things," he said, sharply. "What's with the third degree? I've come home late before and you haven't asked this many questions." Glowering, Derek leaned back in his chair, annoyed.

"You've been acting strangely lately, I was only worried," George said, quietly. Sighing, he stared at Derek's indignant face. "I know you haven't been happy lately. What with Nora and her family moving in so shortly after you had such a bad break up with your girlfriend-"

"Wait! What did you just say?" Derek asked, sitting up straight and glaring at his father.

"Well you didn't expect me not to know, did you?" he asked, snorting. "Derek you completely changed for a week," he pointed out. "You were constantly on the phone; whenever I picked it up all I heard was you and some girl talking animatedly."

"You heard us on the phone?" he asked loudly.

Shushing him, George lifted his hand in a quieting motion. "Well I didn't stay to hear what you were saying, but I noticed it was the same girl every time." Shrugging, he smiled lightly. "Personally I was rather happy that you had a steady girlfriend."

"Keyword: had," Derek said, morosely.

"I know," his father said, trying to sound like he understood. "First relationships are hard to get over, so I can understand why you were upset that during such a hard time, you were being forced into a new family living state."

"That wasn't it," Derek blurted, annoyed.

"What do you mean?" George asked, confused. "She wasn't your first relationship?"

"No, she was definitely my first," he said, nodding. "But that wasn't the only reason I was angry. It wasn't just because I lost my girlfriend." Leaning in, he crossed his arms. "You didn't even give me a chance to get to know them before you threw them at me!"

"I gave you plenty of chances to meet them, Derek," he replied, lifting his eyebrows.

"So what if I had met them, even if I had, I'd still have two strangers moving into my house!"

"Three," George corrected.

"No two," Derek said, sourly.

"I don't understand," his father said, shaking his head.

"You never do," he replied, angrily. "You never asked me about my girlfriend, even though you knew I had one. You never asked me if I wanted a new family, even though you knew I was still upset over your and mom's divorce-"

"Derek, your mother and I split up when you were much younger," George tried.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I wasn't still upset about it! We never even discussed it. You two just broke up and all of us were sent to live with you. I get two cards a year from her; Christmas and my birthday, and there's no other interaction."

"I can't change your relationship with your mother, but if you want to be closer, you know you can always call her or write-"

"That's not the point! I didn't know Nora or Lizzie, and then one day I'm living with them! What was with that, dad? You didn't ask, or anything," Derek burst out.

"I'm sorry," George said, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to ignore how you were feeling. I just... I needed to do something for myself. You understand don't you?" He stared at him hopefully, lifting his hands in a sorry motion.

Laughing indignantly, he nodded. "Yeah, I understand that you were being completely selfish and decided not to think of your kids feelings. Thanks," he said, sarcastically.

Frowning, George sighed. "Look, son, I know I haven't been exactly understanding lately, but I'm here now. If you want to talk about anything-"

"There's nothing to talk about," Derek interrupted, shaking his head.

"Are you sure? Because you really have been acting strangely lately," he said, slowly.

"That has nothing to do with you," he said, sighing. "Not exactly, anyway."

"What do you mean?"

Covering his eyes with his hands, Derek threaded his fingers into his hair. "Coach said I might lose my spot on the team if I didn't pick my grades up, so I started doing my homework..." Glancing at his dad's sour expression, he shrugged. "More." Clearing his throat, he stared at the table. "I had to write this essay for English on the most important thing in my life-"

"Hockey," George stated.

Snorting, Derek shook his head. "No, actually, it was my girlfriend," he said, sourly. "Ex, I guess."

"Really?" his father said, with wide and surprised eyes.

"Yes, really," he replied, annoyed. "I titled it, "What I Lost," and I actually handed it in on time."

"So what happened?" George wondered, curiously.

"Well after I wrote it, I decided I needed to talk to Ca-" Clearing his throat, he blinked his eyes a few times. "To her, and try and resolve what happened."

Nodding slowly, George tapped his chin. "And she was at Sam's get-together, tonight?"

"Yeah," Derek said, shrugging. "And we talked-ish. It was more of yelling in the beginning. After awhile though, we calmed down and I explained what happened when we broke up."

George let it all sink in and gave a short nod. "Okay, so what went wrong?"

"We can't be together," Derek said, simply. Staring away from his father, he tightened his crossed arms.

Furrowing his brow, George shrugged. "Why?"

"Because she can't forgive me," he said quietly. "Because I can't forgive myself," he answered honestly. Looking back at his dad, he stared at him. "Because you married her mother," he stated, stiffly.

Slowly, George's eyes widened. "C-Casey? You were dating Casey?" Shaking his head, he stared at him confused. "As in Nora's daughter, Casey? But she's- And you're- And we're-" His voice rose a few notches, both with surprise and possibly a bit of anger.

"Yeah, I know," Derek said, sadly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he wondered, his voice a shocked whisper.

"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey dad, you can't marry her! She's my ex girlfriend's mother!'" he asked, cocking his eyebrow and glaring at him.

"Well I don't know, Derek, but you should've said something," he told him, sharply.

"It's too late now anyway," he said, pushing his chair back. "We're over and nothing's going to change that." Turning around, he walked towards the doorway. "Thanks for this heart to heart," he muttered. "See ya around noon."

Leaving his shocked father in the kitchen, Derek took the stairs two at a time and tried his best not to look at Casey's bedroom door. Walking to his room, heleft the door a few inches open and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Tugging his clothes off, he crawled into his bed and pulled the blanket around him tightly.

Sighing, Derek didn't know what to make of what just happened. He finally admitted to his dad exactly who his girlfriend had been and it couldn't have been the smartest thing to do. Casey likely wouldn't be too happy when she found out. Was he going to tell Nora? Grimacing, Derek didn't even want to think of what she might say when he saw her. Did this mean they were going to have some kind of conversation? Oh god, were they going to ask if they slept together?

He could not go through that conversation again; he remembered when his dad tried to give him the sex talk. Not only was it completely unnecessary, given the information schools were now equipped to hand out, but because he said completely weird things and stuttered a lot. For a guy who managed to make three kids, he didn't sound like he grasped what sex entailed.

George had never been the father that noticed every little thing. He never commented on what he did know, given that he was fairly sure whatever Derek did was never good. Instead of trying to find insight in Derek's life, he took what he knew and stuck to it. Like hockey; George knew Derek loved hockey, so he never ventured away from the topic to more serious ones. When it came to girls, George made no assumptions and asked very few questions; in the past, Derek was happy for this. Recently though, part of him wanted the father who wouldn't rest until he knew exactly what went wrong with his relationship.

Derek became angry that his relationship with his father was rather lifeless and felt the burning desire to break something. He really should attend a few anger management classes sometime, because all this pent up rage couldn't be healthy. Obviously, this late at night he couldn't go around breaking things and smashing up his room. Especially given that there wasn't much left to break since his last rage attack. He needed to vent his anger though, he just didn't know how.

Rolling onto his side, Derek stared into the darkness of his room. Hearing the door creak, he glanced over, hoping it wasn't his dad coming to ask more questions. Though he wanted them to be closer, he couldn't get into it right now.

Stepping into his room, the moon hit her face at just the right angle.

"Casey?" he asked, confused.

"I just-" Sighing, she closed the door behind her. Crossing the room, she kneeled beside his bed. "I just need you to hold me," she said, quietly. "Only for tonight."

Staring at her soft, broken blue eyes, he couldn't say no, nor did he want to. Lifting his blanket, he waited for her to crawl in beside him. She was wearing her pink silk pajama pants with a form fitting black tank top, which was a fair contrast to his simple blue boxers.

Sliding in beside him, she rested her head against his arm and stared up at his face.

Kissing her forehead, he wrapped his loose arm around her waist and settled down beside her. Inhaling her heavenly scent, he let his eyes fall shut. Feeling her roll over and lay closer to him, he could've thanked God or whoever it was that told her this was a good idea. Her arm slipped up, over his side and rested against his back. Holding herself tightly against his bare chest, she snuggled her head against his shoulder and promptly closed her eyes.

"Casey," he whispered.

"Hmm," she asked, sleepily.

"Thank you," he told her. Feeling a soft kiss against his neck, he smiled lightly.

She knew exactly how to calm him down from his irrational and somewhat self-destructive thoughts. While he was sure he wasn't going to get any sleep and felt the need to break something, all she had to do was wrap her arms around him and he melted, in a sappy romance novel type way.

He knew she'd be gone by the time he woke up, but he decided not to focus on the negative. For this night, this moment, he could hold her without abandon. He could enjoy his last moments with her, cradling her tightly in his embrace. Even if tomorrow held the beginning of something he didn't want, he'd face it when it happened. Tonight, he would love her.

oTBCo

A/N Thank you all for reviewing! It's really appreciated; you've all said such kind things. The next chapter will likely be the last, possibly one more will follow it. I will be posting his Essay at the very end. It involes a little more than the Essay, and I must admit, I absolutely love how it ends. Once again, thank you all for reviewing. Please do so again:)