Life With Derek: The Secret
o15o
Casey woke up to the most incredible feeling; a feeling she had sorely missed. Taking a deep breath of morning air, she rolled over slowly. Derek was still peacefully sleeping, his arm holding her both loosely and tightly. Tight in the way that even in his dreams, he didn't seem ready to let her go, and loose in that she could easily slide away when the time came; and it would come.
Staring up at his serene face, she simply watched him. His hair was ruffled; a disarray of red-brown strands. His face, though obviously filled with a sleepy sense of sadness, was just as handsome as it had always been. Reaching her hand out, she lightly traced the line of his eye, coming from the tip of his eyebrow and ending down under his lashes. He stirred slightly, pressing his cheek into her palm unconsciously. Moving her thumb, she brushed it over his lips. So many times she had wished she could kiss away their fighting; just press her mouth against his and enjoy the perfection the mold completed.
Her stomach rose and fell, rather quickly now as her breathing had picked up in pace. She could feel the tears in her eyes, burning and pleading to be let out. She had missed him, more than she cared to admit to herself in the past. He had always held a sense of security, her secret haven in his embrace. Though that security had been shattered when he had broken her heart, she still found it comforting in his arms.
Tangling her fingers in his hair, she ran them through and down his neck. Her shaky hand wrapped around his shoulder, slowly caressing its way down his long and strong arm. Ending at his hand, situated sweetly over her bellybutton, she ran her finger tips over the long five appendages of his hand. Moving back up his arm, her hand then ran down his side. She could feel his body flex under her hand instinctively, her fingers brushed over his warm skin moving down to trace the lines of his tensing and relaxing stomach. Running her fingers over his chest, she settled her hand over his heart.
After his speech about what happened, she had a warped understanding of what had happened. Forgiveness takes time and a lot of courage. It wasn't that she didn't want to try; it wasn't that she didn't want the happiness they once shared. Part of her had always wanted Derek back; had always needed him to tell her he loved her and to hold her just like this. But he had done the one thing she wasn't sure she could forgive; he had so easily taken what another girl offered, even though he knew that she was completely happy to be with him.
There were so many doubts if she decided to take him back; so many worries that he would do it again. Was he going to feel like he wasn't good enough for her again? Was he going to kiss some other girl believing that it was harmless? Was he going to continue to be jealous, and instead of talking about it, turn it around as a reason for him to fool around with others? Was he going to truly love her the way he should, and never, ever hurt her like this again? Could she trust him?
Seeing his eyes open, Casey's breath caught in her throat.
He stirred for a moment, not entirely sure of what was going on. Inhaling slowly and then sighing, he stared at her through half closed eyes. "You're still here," he said, surprised.
Nodding, she bit her lip. Looking down at her hand still pressed against his chest, she started to pull it away.
Derek was faster than her, however, and he covered her hand with his, holding it in place. Reaching out his free hand, he tipped her head up to him. His jaw clenched for a moment before he wiped at the tears dangling at the bottom of her eyes. Cupping her cheek, he ran his thumb over the soft skin of her face.
The warmth of his hand made her sigh; staring up at him, she wasn't sure what she was doing. Her previous questions were still ringing in her mind, but having him so close made her want to forget her worries. He was fully awake now; his eyes clear and full of questions. He was probably wondering what this meant; if her staying was a message that she wanted to give it another try.
The problem was she wasn't able to tell him why she was still there. She could've left when she first woke up, or even when she noticed he was. Instead she stayed, she let him touch her and wipe away her tears. He shouldn't have that right; not when he had caused the tears in her eyes like so many nights in the past. He shouldn't have the luxury of holding her anymore, and yet she wasn't pulling away.
It was early, far too early for Derek to be up since she crawled in with him some time around 5 am. Nobody else in the house would be awake; she was the early bird. When they had been dating, the house was always empty. Except for that morning, when they snuck out early so he could bring her home. She never told him but her mother had been waiting for her, sitting at the table with a mug of coffee and an expression of pure concern.
Nora had known from the start that Casey was seeing someone, she just hadn't given out a name. Or an address, parents names, criminal record check, or anything her mother thought was required. She simply explained that she was seeing someone; someone that made her laugh, that made her happy. Nora had accepted this for awhile, that is until Casey snuck in the morning after her and Derek had made love. It was fairly obvious from the expression Nora gave her after a moment that she had known what happened. And for once, Casey was happy with her mother's reply. It wasn't a scolding, or a long speech on feminism and strong women of the past. It was a long, weepy hug where she murmured, "My baby girl," over and over in her ear.
Of course, she had been more than concerned when Casey had come home crying her eyes out and running to her bedroom. But she got no answer to all of her worried questions, she simply had Casey clutching at her and sobbing. It was known then, that Casey no longer had a boyfriend and it hadn't ended well. To this day, Nora did not ask questions though; she understood that it was a very sore subject.
After they moved in with the Venturi family, Nora noticed a change in Casey. While she had been distant and morose after her lost boyfriend, she became angry after the family merge. Though Casey knew her mother assumed it was a mixture of a broken heart and annoyance, she never corrected her and told her the truth behind her past relationship with Derek.
Derek's fingers had threaded into her hair now, rather tentatively. She could see on his face that he was waiting for the moment she might slap him and leave; which she completely had the right to do, she believed. The hand he had over hers, was rubbing its thumb over her fingers. Without saying anything, Derek moved his face a little closer, staring her in the eyes softly.
Rolling onto her side, she felt his stomach press against hers. Her eyes ran over his face, landing on his slightly parted lips. Tipping her chin a little, she moved her eyes up to his and simply stared at the deep brown swirls. His hand fell down to cup her neck and his face very slowly inched towards hers. Casey knew she should pull back, should stop him, but she didn't move. Feeling his warm breath on her lips, she shivered.
In what seemed like the longest moment, Derek's lips slowly pressed against hers lightly. His eyes were locked on hers until he felt her pressing back, and then they fell shut. The kiss was short at first, slowly pecking at her lips and then pulling back a small amount before moving back in. Before long, he was kissing her like he used to though; with vigor and passion. Running his tongue along her lower lip, he waited for her to part her mouth before tangling his tongue with hers.
His hand moved across her shoulder and down her arm, wrapping around her forearm and tracing down her skin to her wrist. His thumb ran over her pulse, tickling her. She smiled against his attentive mouth, feeling his lips curl against her in a grin of his own.
Lifting her hand out from beneath his, she wrapped it over his side and pressed her fingers into his back before moving them up and wrapping her hand around his shoulder from behind. Derek turned over onto his back, bringing Casey on top of him and not breaking their kiss. His other hand ran up and wrapped in her hair, brushing against her neck. Wrapping a hand around his side, Casey enjoyed the feel of his tight sculpt tensing beneath her grasp. His breathing had picked up, causing his stomach to press into hers.
The hand caught in her hair ran down her back, resting in the center above her pajama pants. Pulling back from his mouth, Casey pressed a kiss against his jaw, moving across and down his neck. He turned his head to the side, letting her take control of the situation; likely fearing if he didn't, she might stop. Running her teeth over his skin, she sucked on the crevice where his neck met his shoulder.
Sighing against him, she sat up. Curling her fingers around the bottom of her top, she slowly started lifting it. He seemed more than surprised at first, but came to his senses and stilled her hands. Leaning forward, she caught his lips in a warm kiss. "Do you love me?" she asked, pulling back an inch and staring him in the eye.
"Always," he told her, his voice husky.
Wrapping her hands around his, she brought them with her as she removed her shirt. Her hair fell to one side, slipping over her shoulder. His hands cupped her hips, rubbing circles into her skin. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against the side of his mouth, running kisses over his face, slowly. He turned them over, unhurried by the situation.
He undressed them in a deliberately slow motion, pressing his mouth against her hot skin and enjoying the feel of her beneath his hand. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, one hand in his hair and the other pressing against his back. The moment he was inside of her, she closed her eyes and stopped the tears that had gathered. His hands were wrapped around her shoulders, slowly moving down her sides. He set a moderate pace, taking the time to taste all of her and in the process drawing out the inevitable end. He knew what this was just as much as she did; one last time.
Most couples say goodbye in a fashion less loving, but they weren't Derek and Casey; who still loved each other. She didn't want to know what their parents might do, knowing they were together. She didn't want to hide the relationship, because it shouldn't be hidden. She didn't want to wait until she was eighteen, because she loved him now and waiting meant she was embarrassed, which she wasn't.
Running her hand down his face, she stared up at his adoring and affectionate expression. There was no one else alive that could possibly make her feel the way he did; with his light touch, his sweet kisses, and his perfect love making. She didn't want to let him go; she didn't want to walk away when he fell asleep. But she would; and he would understand, because he always does, even if he doesn't show it.
Pressing into her once more, he caught her ecstacy filled cry with his mouth; moaning his own pleasure into her. Collapsing on top of her, his arms wrapped around her lovingly. He turned them on their sides, not wanting to crush her with his weight and knowing she needed some way of escape.
He was drowsy, not having slept much and exhausting himself with their long moment together. She could see the fear in his eyes; he didn't want to sleep now, knowing she'd be gone when he woke up. Running her hand down his face, she kissed him once more.
"I love you," she whispered. "I never stopped."
Hugging her tightly, Derek kissed her shoulder and up her neck. Pressing his lips against hers, he sighed into her mouth. Closing his eyes, she chose not to stare at the tears that had collected in the corners. He kissed her forehead and wrapped a loose arm around her waist. Rolling over, pressing her back against his stomach, she threaded her fingers with his and smiled sadly as his face buried in her hair and his breath played over her back.
When she felt his body relax and his breathing steady, she crept off the bed, slipping her clothes on and walking to the door. Turning back, she stared at him once more, wiping the falling tears from her eyes saying, "Goodbye," in an inaudible voice. Closing the door behind her, she walked away.
Finding she couldn't sleep, she went downstairs and into the kitchen. Surprised at seeing her mom sitting at the table, she smiled lightly and hoped her eyes weren't as red as they felt. Pouring a glass of orange juice, she decided to take it to her room. As she approached the door to the living room, she heard her mom call her name. Turning back, she found her mother staring at her concerned.
"Talk to me," Nora asked, quietly.
Looking down for a moment, Casey wasn't sure what to do. Swallowing, she walked back to her and sat down at the table. Running a hand over her face, she stared down into her orange juice, sadly. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I want you to tell me what's wrong," her mother told her, simply. Her dark hair was slightly messy and the thick robe around her seemed odd given her usually very clean appearance.
"Do you remember before we moved in with George and everyone," she started, "when I was seeing someone?" She swallowed the hard ball of emotion in her throat.
"Of course," Nora said, reaching out and wrapping her hand around Casey's. "I know we didn't really talk about it, but there was so much happening at the time. I'm very sorry for that."
Letting out a shaky sigh, Casey shook her head slowly. "Do you remember what I was like back then?" she asked, looking up at her.
"Yes," Nora said, nodding. "You were very happy." Sighing, she smiled lightly. "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you happier." Her smile turned into a frown, however. "It was terrible to see you so upset."
Nodding, Casey bit her quivering lip. "I still love him," she whispered, her eyes darting around with new tears.
"Oh honey," Nora said, squeezing her daughter's hand before she stood up and rounded the table. Taking Casey's head, she pulled it to her shoulder and rubbed her back. "First loves are always hard to get past."
Shaking her head, Casey sniffled. "He was my last love," she said, quietly.
"No," Nora said, running her hand of her daughter's hair. "You'll love again; one day, when you're ready."
"No," Casey said. "I was ready and I love him. He was it."
"It?" her mother asked, surprised. "Casey, you're only sixteen."
"I know," she replied, closing her eyes. Pulling back, she stared at her seriously. "I know I'm young, but he was it mom. He was supposed to be The One and years from now, I know I was supposed to marry him."
Staring at her speculatively, Nora frowned. "How do you know?"
"Mac's never wrong," she said, crying.
"Who's Mac?" Nora asked, confused.
Ignoring her question, Casey continued. "And I just knew; I could feel it!" she explained. "When he held me, or- or- or when he k-kissed me." Sniffling, she wiped at her eyes furiously. "And he made a really stupid mistake, but I know he'll never do it again. I know!" she said, sounding rather hysterical.
"Oh Casey, sweetheart," her mother fawned. Sighing, she shook her head. "If you really love this boy, and he really loves you, then honey why aren't you together?"
Hiccuping, Casey shook her head and stared down. "Because," she said, shrugging.
Cupping her cheek, Nora lifted her daughters puffy, red face. "Because why?" she asked, softly.
Inhaling deeply, Casey stared at her mother searchingly and all she found was understanding. "Because he's Derek," she whispered.
Casey watched as her mother's face went from one of sadness at seeing her daughter cry, to shock. "Derek?" she repeated. "As in George's son, Derek?"
Nodding slowly, Casey let her breath out shakily. "I met him a couple weeks before you and George got married." Shaking her head, another whirl of tears spilled from her eyes. "We had no idea that you guys were dating."
"Is that why you broke up?" Nora asked.
Shaking her head, Casey sighed. "No," she told her, honestly. "We broke up for something entirely different. We worked that out though; some of it anyway."
"What does that mean?" her mother asked, her face pale and drawn.
"We're not together," she said, quietly. "If that's what you're worried about." Looking away, she sniffled. "I wasn't going to tell you, but..."
Nora shook her head, as if still absorbing it all. "That's why you fight so much, and here I thought it was because you were close in age and forced to live together."
Not saying anything, Casey simply nodded.
"Why didn't you tell me? Before the wedding, or even after," she wondered, furrowing her brow.
"You were so happy to marry George, I didn't want to ruin that for you." Casey shrugged, wiping at her face and clasping her hands together.
"But honey, you were upset. You should've told me," Nora said, sympathetically.
"What could you have done?" she asked.
Sighing, Nora shook her head. "To be honest, I don't know."
Hearing a noise from behind them, Casey turned around to see a sleepy George walking into the kitchen. Looking down at her, he seemed to become very awake. "Uh, Nora, I need to talk to you about something."
"Yes, I need to talk to you too," Nora told him, nodding. Standing up, she rested a hand on Casey's shoulder. "Don't worry," she told her, quietly. "Everything is going to be sorted out."
Watching her mom and George leave, Casey picked up her orange juice and left for the stairs. Climbing them, she slipped into her bedroom and laid down on her bed. Feeling the effects of her earlier excursion and not enough sleep, she let her eyes flutter closed. She hoped her mom had a solution to her problem; though she highly doubted there was one. How do you stop loving the person you're sure you're meant to be with?
oTBCo
A/N Okay, so there will be a Chapter 16, which will be an end of sorts. Then I'm posting Derek's Essay, which is also an Epilogue, kind of. Thank you all for your incredibly nice reviews! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please review.
