Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, and the song is "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want.
I already know what I am.

I watch you as you sleep in my bed. I decided that I need to keep a close eye on you to make sure that you don't get into any medicine cabinets, which have all been locked, or anything else that could harm you. I figured that I would lock you in my room with me, and keep the key around my neck in a spot I know you could not reach. I don't show it but I am mad at you Troy, how did you let it get this bad. I get in bed next to you, knowing that I should get full nights sleep because the next day will be a long one, along with the next night and so on and so on. My bed is huge, a king size, so we can easily stay on our own sides without putting each other in any compromising positions. You pull for me in your sleep. You smell better, I made you shower and brush your teeth…I washed your clothes and gave you boxers to wear, you insisted on not wearing a shirt, and since you almost hit me, I'm too scared to argue. I tried to make you eat but you refused. You are still pulling for me but I brush you off and watch you in your restless slumber. I wish that I could take this pain away from you, that I could just fast forward to past all of this, but then again I'm scared….because it's not just that things are changing, its that everything is going to be different. I let you pull me into your sleeping form as I give into the sleep, your breath steadies I can peacefully rest. I wake up to a completely drenched bed; you're profusely sweating yet shivering. I get blankets to cover you because you insist you're freezing. You beg me for a pill, your begging becomes demanding which soon turns into yelling, you ask me if I'm heartless, if I can't see the pain you're in. I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless. I let you scream, I let you curse at me, anything you need to do to get through this.


And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.

"Fuck Sharpay FUCK, how can you watch me like this, how?" you scream.

You tell me that I'm the reason you're like this, that when I shut myself off from you a long time ago, nothing was ever the same.

The next moment you're crying apologizing for your actions, collapsing in my arms as I rock you to sleep, you beg me to sing the song. Our song. And I do, anything to make you yourself again.


I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.

I go to school and hear what people say. Sharpay looks like shit. When's the last time you slept? They are mean; everyone is mean to me, even you Troy. But that's ok, because I know what they don't I know that my knight in shining armor is just on medical leave and will be back to save me. People wonder where you are, I say nothing. I go to school and come home to you.


A crown of gold.
A heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.

When I walk into my bedroom, our bedroom now, I never know what to expect….will you be sorrowful or vengeful?

You know just what to say to push my buttons, you are trying your hardest to break me, but I won't let you. I know you don't mean the horrible things you say. I know it's just the withdrawal.


Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
Only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself.
I'll keep out of your way.

It doesn't matter how hard the day has been, how many obscenities you've screamed, how many pillows you've thrown, how many crude comments you've made in my direction, every night before we go to bed, you tell me how much I mean to you, and how grateful you are as you pull me into you.


And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.

It's been two weeks; I'm tired and you're bitter. I try not to be selfish I try not to scream back but it's so hard. Normally I would tell you exactly where you could put your pills, but not now not with you like this. You are finally eating, and I see more improvements. It makes me happy although I am fearful that my passion for you is dying, that I could only handle so much of what you dish out.


So call it quits or get a grip.
Say you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet.

I come home from a long day at school. Ryan and I keep fighting because I won't allow him to bring Gabriella home, in fear of her finding you. I just want to sleep, I just want to take a nice long hot bath, but I can't. Part of me thinks that I deserve this, that this is what I get for becoming the ice queen.


I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
So you can forget

I eat some salad, and drag myself up to my room, mentally preparing myself to deal with you. You are getting better, but you are still not yourself. I miss you. I enter the room and to my surprise you are sleeping, and I am glad.


You can forget
You are calm and reposed.
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.

I crawl into bed next to you, immediately I am pulled into your side. You open your eyes and tell me how beautiful I am, I scoff at the thought, I know I don't look like myself. Not the sexbot, who you have mental undressed for the past month in your dazed state. But that's okay, because I allow myself to believe it as I fall into a much needed slumber.


Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

Author's Note: sorry this chapter sucked, but I needed to get through this stage of the process to move on to some better stuff, thanks again for the reviews.