Broken Stream
Chapter 4: Pawn
Disclaimer: Don't own Evangelion.
Warning: Nothing bad in this one, at least I think.
I looked up from my position on the couch in the living room. Sleep was almost impossible on this thing, which makes me think about why I got this hunky old thing in the first place. My thoughts wander to the redhead sleeping in my room. After our encounter in her apartment, she demanded not to be left alone. I can't blame her, I would pretty much have the same reaction. The funny thing was that the scene downstairs made me feel a sense of relief. Relief that I wasn't the only one that saw what I saw. The mental image of the woman still lingers, the woman and the doll both hanging from the ceiling.
A scream sends me scrambling up from the couch, I look around at first then stupidly realize that it's Asuka in the next room. I dash toward the door and knock on it.
"Asuka? Are you alright in there?"
No answer comes, I slowly put my hand on the knob as I knock again with my other hand, pressing my ear against the door to see if I can find any distinction of a sound.
"Asuka?"
That being done I slowly turn the knob and carefully enter the room. The light from the next building allows me to see some shapes in the dark room. I can see the girl laying on her side, blankets completely covering her figure. I move slowly, reaching the foot of the bed. Deliberating how this should be done, my mind tries very hard not to visualize myself lying next her. I open my mouth only to close it again when I hear a small sob come from underneath the blankets.
"Asuka?". It felt weird to hear myself say that, especially the soft tone that I'm not accustomed of using.
"Shinji?"
I saw her turn to look over her shoulder. I can see the light reflect lightly on ther face, the tears going down her face can be seen if you look hard enough. She sat up slowly while wrapping her arms around herself.
"Are you alright?"
I feel like I just entered a teen sitcom...
"Yeah, I'm fine... couldn't be better..."
Boy, do I feel like an ass.
"Asuka..." I slowly sat on the bed as her head darted to look at the window. I guess she felt ashamed that she was crying. Hell, I kinda feel like crying too right now. Forget I said that.
"I think that was my mom..."
This gets my attention as I look at her face. She's still staring at the window but the look in the eyes say that she was staring at something else. Something that really can't be seen physically. I tried really hard to come up with something to say, but what can you say in this situation that won't result in her either crying more or secluding herself from the world?
"I vaguely remember her, I don't know why... I don't remember if I had a father. I can't remember any family members. It's funny, now that I think of it. I can't remember anyone from my past. Do I really have a past?"
She looked at me full force now, her blues eyes penetrating right through me. She was looking for an answer that I didn't have. She wanted me to give an answer, something that would any form of explanation. She was looking for the explanation that I've been searching for ever since I started hallucinating. I could see her eyes begin to water as the silence in the room becomes unbearable. I slowly exhale the breath that I didn't know I was holding in, and looked up at her.
"... I can't either..."
I don't know where that came from, but all I knew next was that there was a girl crying on me. Her arms wrapped around me and her head buried in my chest. She stared crying so hard it almost made tears fall from my eyes. I slowly wrapped my arms around her shoulder, my left hand slowly laying on the top of her head while my other gently stroked her back. She was looking for some association, something that would make her seem like she wasn't alone. In truth, no words could of been spoken. I could of merely hugged her and console her through means of human contact. Instead I seemed to inadvertently tell her she wasn't alone. I don't know. I honestly don't know. Though tonight seemed to have changed my mind in some ways. I never want to see the girl in my arms cry like this ever again.
I slowly started to regain consciousness, thanks to a car alarm outside that didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. I felt an unfamiliar weight on my left arm and chest. I opened my eyes and slowly tried to focus. Just seems like everything was red. It was then I realized I was looking at a mess of red hair on my shoulder. I could feel her even breathing on my neck as she slept peacefully. I remember last night, after she stopped crying she wouldn't let me leave the room. At any other moment I would be more then happy to just take advantage of the situation. Instead I laid there as she slowly cried herself to sleep. I was happy to provide some bit of comfort, even if it was being a human body pillow.
For some reason, I can sense myself not being in character. Like I was supposed to leave the room, like I was supposed to runaway? I know I've had my cowardly moments before but now it just seems to nag me more. I wasn't supposed to be here this morning, I was supposed to wake up on the other side of the room. Yeah, because Asuka used the bathroom and decided to slump down beside me. I remember it quite well, especially the fact that her breast were nearly flooding out of her nightshirt.
My eyes slowly shoot open. I tried hard from refraining to shoot straight of the bed. I definitely just remembered something I didn't go through. My mind slowly begins to try to come up with it again only this time I can't seem to grasp it vividly. I definitely remember being younger and laying beside a sleeping Asuka... trying to kiss her? I slowly take a deep breath and start to think about anything. I let my mind wander, hoping to remember anything else.
After awhile I realize that I have no recollection of high school, a childhood, or much less years ago. Asuka said that she couldn't remember anything either. She did say that woman was her mother. Maybe she had the same mind flux that I did, like what just happened now! Crap, I have to get to the bottom of this.
"Shinji?"
I look down to see Asuka looking up at me, her sleepy eyes trying to focus on my face.
"What are you doing in here?"
"You were upset last night, you said you didn't want to be alone. You left no option of me to leave..."
I saw her face get red as she slowly tried remembering what happened last night.
"Did I... you... I mean did we...?"
"No..." My male pride seemed to have suffered a blow from that answer.
"Oh..."
"You want to get off my arm, losing circulation."
She seemed to dart to the other side of the bed as I let out a laugh. She blushed and seemed to glare at me for laughing at her.
"Are you doing better?" I ask her as I sit up on the bed.
"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know really."
"I can't blame you"
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
She seemed to scoot closer to me as she peered at me.
"You know, all this stuff. The hallucinations, the things were going through. I don't understand anything, but you seem to just accept everything. Like you don't care about it."
"Trust me, I'm as spooked as you."
She moved closer again, this time leaning against my side.
"You just seem to be so calm, I feel safe around you."
"I feel safe around you."
I can see her, I can see her laying beside me. Completely nude and looking so beautiful that my mind can't even describe the words
"What are you doing, Idiot?"
She looks over my shoulder as I typed away at a physics problem. I could smell the chlorine in the air and I could see the ridiculous looking zipper on her swimsuit as she bent down to look at the problem. The problem was about thermal dynamics
"No peeking or you'll see what happens!"
She hides behind a curtain that blocks off the two rooms. I could still see she had her school uniform on, I could see Touji and Kensuke drying themselves off with towels. I look down to see that I'm holding one too.
"Shinji... showoff..."
It's red everywhere. It's boiling hot. My skin feels like its frying. I could see my hand holding on to a pipe connected to a huge figure in a suit. I look to my left at the small screen with the words 'Sound Only' on them. I heard her words, I heard everything.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH DON'T LOOK! STOP RAPING MY MIND!"
I can see the beam of light on the giant robot. I can hear her screams. I feel helpless and useless. I feel... I feel... I feel hatred toward my father...
"Shinji!"
I seemed to regain myself again. I really don't know what happened. All I see is Asuka's face hovering over mine. A look of complete worry and confusion.
"What happened! Are you okay?"
I got up slowly as she still had her hands on my shoulders. I looked up at her, she looked like she was in the verge of tears again.
"What happened?" I asked.
"You just blacked out, I don't know why. We were both sitting up, then the next thing I knew you slumped on me and you had this empty look in your eyes."
Well, that's new.
"I'm fine now, Asuka, really..."
"Yeah, then you freaking faint like that. How am I supposed to believe you?"
"Your worried about me" I said it with a smile on face.
"I... well... what if you started having seizures or something..."
"My hero" I said monotonously as she hit me in the arm. This exchanged seemed to lighten the mood in the room.
"Asshole", she said with a smile on her face.
"I'm going to call in sick today. You should do the same." I moved to the edge and sat there, at first I was surprised at how cold I sounded when I said that. For some reason I think I hurt her feelings when I said it.
"Okay", I hear her response and something flashes blue in mind.
"Asuka...", I begin to say, looking down on the floor, "I'm going to go around the city today, I'm going to try to find out what's going on. I don't think I will be going back to work anytime soon."
I could feel the weight shift on the bed but I still look down on the floor.
"If you want, your more then welcome to stay here for the time being." I heard the sigh of relief from her, I wasn't going to send her back to her place. Especially after all that happened.
"What are you going to look for?"
"I don't know, I honestly don't know but I think I have an idea who might know."
I slowly strolled into the park. My mind kept wandering to Asuka, she said she wanted to go to work. Maybe find something out there since the database could hold in some clues to what's happening to us. I didn't want her to go to work, but she had a point. I just hoped that no weird questions would arise at the fact that I missed work. So far I haven't missed a day ever since I started. Surprisingly, I can't recall when I started. I started to see the place where I met the man named Kaji. I knew this was crazy but really how much crazier can you get. If it wasn't for the monsters and disappearing glimpses of memories, can it honestly get worse?
I sat down on the stool, I looked around to find no one was around. I could see that the melons that were once there were gone. The lack of people kind of puts me on ease. It was a weekday after all. Everyone was at work, school, or just lazily spending their time at home. Instead I'm out here looking for answers. My sense of reality is slowly disintegrating. I need to find out why.
"Hello again, Shinji"
I know who it is, I don't have to look up. I get up from the stool and turn around. There stands the pony-tailed man. A laid-back look on his face as his pony-tail slowly moves in the wind.
"I don't know who you are, but I have a feeling I should."
The man smirked as he closed his eyes, his head moving downward. He then slowly lifts his head up and looks at me.
"You knew me once, a long time ago"
A memory flashes of the both of us sitting in a cafeteria talking to each other.
"What's going on?"
"What is really going on?", he counters.
"I think you know."
He lets a small laugh out as he walks up to the other stool and takes a seat.
"What I know is only on the reflection of what you know."
"You know you could just say 'nothing'"
He smiles, "Now wheres the fun in that?"
I frowned as I sat down. To my surprise a chess set sits there, all the pieces waiting to be moved.
"Do you want to play?"
I looked up at him, I can't seem to be annoyed at him. He just has the sense of calm. It seems I understand what Asuka said earlier.
"How is Asuka doing?"
"She's fine, spooked."
"Well, anyone would after seeing their mother like that."
My eyes widen but I still look at the board. I saw Kaji move his hand to one of his pawns up.
"So it was her mother?"
"Afraid so... her past is quite tragic."
"How do you know this?"
"You willed the knowledge into me."
I didn't understand what he just said. I moved a pawn up and put both my hands on my lap as I still continued to look at the board.
"What do you mean?" I ask him, my hands started to shake.
"You, my friend, are in a continuous state of reality. A reality that is there, but that doesn't exist anymore."
Again, I didn't understand. He moved another pawn up.
"I don't understand."
"You aren't meant to... your just expected to live with what you have."
"So what are you going to tell me, that I'm Keenu Reeves in the Matrix?"
"'Free your mind'" he said as I moved my pawn to match his.
"I appreciate the pop culture references, but I came here for answers."
"I know you did, but let me pose a question for you. Do you remember the sea?"
"The ocean?" I look up as he seemed to give more focus to the chess game then the conversation.
"No... the sea."
My eyes open
The sky is red and purple
I could feel the sand on my back, my hands scoop some up and let it fall between my fingers. I continue to look up, the sky has no clouds. It just has a translucent medium of red and purple. I look around, I could see Asuka lying beside me. Her eye and arm are bandaged. I don't think shes aware even though her eyes are wide open. I look down and see the ocean. The ocean full of red, full of white things hanging on crucifixes. I try to scream but I can't move my mouth. I can't stop looking at Asuka. I could feel the murderous intent wash through my body as I drag myself next to her.
"Welcome back"
I jump a bit. I didn't realize it but I've started sweating. I could feel the drops running down my forehead and dropping down my chin. I look to Kaji, a look of sympathy on his face as he moves another pawn.
"What was that?"
He didn't answer.
"There's no way anything I just saw can be real"
He let a smile spread on his face. Something like a parent would do when they heard their child trying to explain that peanut butter came from trees.
"Shinji, your answer lies within that sea. If your looking for a definite answer, I can't give you one. Like in this game of chess, I'm only a pawn in a bigger plot that I can't full comprehend."
"Then what does that make me?"
"I think that's up for you to decide. Checkmate."
I look down surprised, I didn't realize the game quickened. I could see that my king was in fact trapped by his pieces.
"I have another question. How do you know my father?"
He just started putting away the pieces as I posed the question to him. He seemed to consider it for a moment then later I saw that his face seemed to flash some emotions I didn't quite catch on to.
"Your father can be found in the city, along with everyone else."
Everyone else?
He got up from his seat with the chess set tucked under his arm. I got up and we both just seemed to stand there looking at one another.
"You really aren't your father's son."
"What do you mean?"
"When you see him you will know."
I didn't get it, then again I didn't get much of anything lately. He slowly turned around and started walking away. He lifted the arm that wasn't holding the chess set up and waved. I looked as he walked away. I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by 'pawn in a bigger plot'. Maybe this is too much for me to handle. It still doesn't explain what I see. The next time around through, I know that he'll give me the answers.
The apartment building was up ahead, I didn't realize the walk it was from here and the park. I noticed someone waiting outside, to my surprise it was Asuka. She seemed distraught about something. I walked up to her as she lifted her head up.
"Your not at work?"
"I went to work... I found something..."
I tried to contain my questions as I led her inside the building and up the stairs. We finally got to my door, I produced the keys and opened the door. Asuka went inside and immediately sat down on the couch. A mess of papers were littered all over the coffee table. She seemed to look for a certain one.
"I looked into 'EVA' again", She said while searching.
"And?"
"I found this..."
She handed me the paper. I looked through it, it seemed like a roster of some sort. Only thing was that it was a mess of blacked out words, the occasional 'and' and 'the' could be seen. I didn't understand why this was so important until I got down to the bottom of the page.
"Gendo Ikari" I said outloud.
"Do you know him, Shinji?"
"He's my father..."
I could hear Asuka breath in slowly. I put down the paper and start looking through the others. I could see that shes holding another papers. She silently gives it to me.
I look at it and begin to read it out loud.
"Project Evangelion... First Child: Rei Ayanami... Second Child: Asuka..."
I looked at her as she seemed to look at the ground then back up at me.
"Read the next one..." She said softly.
"Third Child... Shinji... Ikari..."
I drop the paper. I don't understand. I don't understand at all. What was this? Was I in an experiment... was I in one now?
"I'm going to get a drink of water in the kitchen, do you want one?"
"Yeah... " I say almost automatically.
I hear her leave. My mind begins to wander, so many questions popping up in and out. I look down at the papers, something seems to catch my attention. I lifted up the paper and looked at it. The word 'sea' was in it. It was the only real word that wasn't blacked out.
"'Shinji, your answer lies within that sea. If your looking for a definite answer, I can't give you one. Like in this game of chess, I'm only a pawn in a bigger plot that I can't full comprehend'." I said what Kaji told me outloud.
I looked at the roster and realized.
I was a pawn in this too.
To be continued...
Sorry for the long wait.
Reviews are welcome.
