Broken Stream

Chapter 5: Reality

Disclaimer: Don't own Evangelion.

Warning: A curse word or two. Nothing that bad. Long chapter.


I hated this couch; I don't know why I kept it.

I had these thoughts in my head as I stared up at the ceiling. Occasionally a car would pass by outside. I could hear the running tires on the asphalt as it drove, sometimes even the music the driver decided to blare at the early hours of the morning. I know exactly what I'm doing. I was trying hard not to get a headache from all this mystery that seemed to have shrouded a black cloak over my life. I know, for a fact, now that I was a pawn to something. That something I wish I knew. The only connections I have is the sleeping red head in my room, the people around me, and NERV. I knew NERV had to be a big part, since my name was in a roster for an experiment that I can't seem to remember ever being apart of. Yet it does solve the mystery as to why I can't remember anything a few year span in the middle of my short life.

Kaji's words reeled in the back of my head.

"You willed the knowledge into me."

"You, my friend, are in a continuous state of reality. A reality that is there, but that doesn't exist anymore."

"Do you remember the sea?"

"You are your father's son."

He did mention my father was in the city. If I could find him I would at least get a glimpse of what is really going on. My only question is where to look. What could I possible do to know where he is? Alright, let's think this through. You have someone who is your father, now assuming he's got a good twenty-one years on you depending at what portion of his life I was born. This is also assuming that he and your mom decided to have you at the age of twenty or thirty, so that would make him between thirty or forty-one. That's not exactly old. So looking at an old folk's home is out of the question. It was basically then that I realized how stupid I was. I work at NERV. NERV is a key piece in all this. I have access to files. Man, I sure had my moments of head in ass.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you asleep?"

"I wish…"

I heard her feet pat against the floor as she came to stand by me. From my position on the couch I was taking up a lot of the room. Also I had a pretty good view of her night clothing, half a blue t-shirt and shorts. The shirt came to an end just above her navel, loosely wrapped around her petite frame. The shorts, I have to say, left nothing for the imagination. Almost made me wish these were the gym shorts that girls were accustomed of wearing in Phys. Ed.

I slowly sat up, hearing the various bones in my back crack and pop. I seriously need a new couch. I moved over to the left side, allowing her to sit down on the right. I felt the couch move under me as she unceremoniously plopped herself down.

"Thinking about everything?" She seemed to throw that question for me, also to describe her dilemma.

"Sort of. I wish I knew what exactly to think about."

"Hm…"

Silence. I hated the silence sometimes. It reminded me how alone I was.

"Asuka, do you remember anything between the age of 14 and 18?" I don't know why I said it. It came out too fast for me to pace myself with the thoughts.

From the darkness I couldn't tell what her facial expression was, but I could guess it. I heard her move toward the small lamp to her side. I heard the click and light flooded the room. I turned to look at her and saw the look of shock that I expected.

"I can't… I can't seem to remember anything from that time. I also have been having a hard time remembering when I was a kid too."

I knew why. It was because she had a "tragic" past as Kaji said. The human being is truly amazing creature; however it's a creature that doesn't know how to deal with large amounts of pain. That's why you have things like mental blocks, the mind protecting itself from itself. I really didn't know how tragic it was for her, but I can imagine it wasn't something like her parents yelling at her.

"Do you remember anything?"

"Tid-bits…" I answered. I came across a few memories during my muses on the retched couch. Involved walking in on a naked Rei Ayanami just coming out of the shower. Another was floating in a rainbow colored sea, then surfacing on a small deserted island where two people were in a distance. One was sitting on a chair, the other standing.

"I can remember very little." I said. I turned to her direction, seeing the look of distress on her face flash on and off. I slowly lifted my hand and put it on top of hers.

She turned to me and looked down at our hands. I saw the smile on her face as she turned back to look at the table, a small blush creeping on her face.

I could see the both of us sitting on the couch, hands holding in the dim light of the lamp. It was like I was having an out of body experience.

"Everything will be fine." I seemed to say automatically.

"How do you know?" She countered.

"I just do, trust me."


I haven't been to work in a while. Right now I wish I was back home.

"So, Shinji, you've been sick?" Touji said as he was leaning against one of the corners of my cubical. I could see the smug smirk on his face.

"Yes, I have."

"Well, Asuka has taken a few early days… makes you think."

"Thinking? You? No…"

I felt the glare, I also heard the approach of another person who would soon go Spanish Inquisition on me.

Kensuke showed up next to Touji, a look of pure enjoyment on his face.

"Shinjiii…"

I could feel the headache.

"I noticed that Asuka took a day off and called out early. I have to say, man, you work fast."

"It's nothing like that." I countered, but it was like throwing a stone at a tank.

"Oh, so your saying you have nothing to do with the fact that a new employee, who happens to be a babe like her, takes the days off that are suspiciously close to yours?" Kensuke said as Touji grinned.

I looked up at them, breaking my concentration on the screen in front of me. I could see that their chins were resting on the top of the wall, their bodies hidden. Both their hands were on either side of their heads. With those grins, it looked like hungry hyenas ready to jump over the wall.

"I swear nothing is going on. She visited me once if that sobers your curiosity."

Crap, I messed up. I saw their eyes light up.

"Oh ho, so you admit to seeing her on one of your 'sick' days as you like to call it." Kensuke stood up and walked inside the cubicle. Touji followed and my spacious cubicle became an interrogation room.

"So how was she?" It never amazed me how blunt Touji was.

"It's nothing like that." I countered again only to have Kensuke put his hands on my shoulder.

"I think you're lying to us, Shinji." I could of sworn I saw his glasses light up.

I let out a sigh, if I wasn't going to say something they would stay here and try to badger something out of me. I still needed to work on the database to find some more clues. So I decided, rather then the male part of me suffers defeat, to fabricate a story to appease them and hopefully cause them to leave me alone.

"Okay," I could feel both of them close in, making sure they were the only ones listening, "she came over the one time. We didn't do anything really that badly. Just kiss that's all…"


I could see myself sitting by a table. It seemed like I was doing homework or something. Though the opening into the next room I saw Asuka sitting on a chair, leaning heavily onto the table. Her head resting on her hands with a look of complete boredom on her face.

"Shinji?" I heard her say.

"What?"

"I'm bored… do you want to kiss?"

"Wha… What!"

"Come on, I'm really bored. It'll kill time."

"I… Well…"

"Come on, are you going to be a little boy all your life?"

"Fine." I saw as I got up and walked up to her. She stood next to me. I could see the both of us slowly moving in.

"Don't breathe, it's tickling me…"

"Okay."

I saw them move closer only this time I saw Asuka take the initiative and move in. Using one hand to pinch my nose I saw us awkwardly kissing. It was a while before I started to shake and turn blue. All the sudden I saw her let me go and run into the other room, seeing myself breathing hard and grasping my chest. I could hear the gargling and running water.

"Ew! I'm never kissing out of boredom again!"

Jeez, there went my pride...


"Shinji?"

I snapped back to reality, I looked up at the weird expression on Touji and Kensukes faces. I also happen to see past them and see the presence of Asuka behind them. Look of intrigue on her face as both her hands were clasped behind her back and a small smirk on her face. I'd be damned if I didn't say she was cute.

"So what did you two do?" Touji pressured.

"By all means, what did we do?" I heard her speak up. I saw the frozen looks on Kensuke and Touji.

"Shinji, I need those reports by tomorrow." Kensuke said as he straightened up, a serious look on his face.

"Ms. Sohryu." He said as he passed Asuka and walked back his cubicle.

Touji didn't have a great exit; he stood up grinning at Asuka. With a hand behind his head, he inched past her and bolted out of there.

"Thank you." I muttered as I turned back to the monitor, hopefully avoiding any conversation about anything she may have heard. I felt the desk shake a little as she sat on the end of it. She crossed her legs and seemed to give me this look as she smirked.

"Fabricating stories?" She asked with a coy attitude.

I don't think she realized how she can affect men. Then again I think she's doing it to me right now. Of course I can't be sure. Density is a disadvantage that I possess when it comes to women.

"You wish." I countered. Her head lowered to my view and looked at the monitor. I could sense she wasn't being playful anymore.

"Did you find anything?"

"No, apparently my last name has a high level of security clearance to get into it."

"You're that important?" I could almost picture the quizzical look on her face.

"I'm not, but apparently there is another Ikari that seems to have higher priority, higher then Misato." I scratched my chin and glared at the monitor. Trying to hack your way into your own company's security was a pain in the ass. Especially if you're one of the people that helped make it. Plus side, I have some of the information I need. Down side, other people on my team have the other parts. I felt like hitting my head against something.

I felt Asuka's hands on mine. She shooed me away from the chair and sat down. I decided to humor her; I know for a fact if I can't do it then she wouldn't be able to.

"Here you go. I found an address."

What the hell?

"I looked up the directory, apparently there are two Ikaris. One wasn't your address." She craned her neck up and looked at me from her position on the chair.

I frowned. She saw it. She smiled.


A few hours later, I was walking down an abandoned section of the city. In my hands was gripped a piece of paper with an address for some forsaken part of the city. I decided to look up the directions on the net. I was surprised to find it listed a street but it listed it as one of the under constructed part of the city. I was happy the street was still listed.

I walked along side with Asuka. She insisted that she come with me. Since these occurrences were happening to the both of us, we should figure out what is really going on together. Not that I minded.

The street we were walking on was broken up. Some holes that were easily dodged by some of the pavement were loose. So walking was a bit of a hazard, driving was out of the question. Creaks and things dropping could be heard occasionally. It was a bit creepy, I was more afraid that we'd fall through the street into some kind of sewer system or get mugged by a group of gangsters. I felt Asuka lean closer when a particular object made a loud sound in the distance. I could tell by the look on her face she was spooked by the place.

I looked at the piece of paper and stopped. This was our destination. It seemed like an old subway station, stairs leading down into darkness.

"You have family living here?" I heard Asuka ask as she gripped my arm subconsciously.

"I wasn't aware I had family until now." I replied as I began to descend down the stairs. Asuka holding on to my arm, I could feel her shiver just a bit.


It wasn't as dark as I thought it would be. I stood for a minute to get my eyes adjusted to the change in scenery. I looked to my left and saw rubble. A steel beam was sticking out in a mess of concrete and asphalt. I could see an old sign of a jean ad that lay on top of the granite mess. I looked to my right; I could see something, a fair outline of what looked like an old train. I pressed forward, now with Asuka hanging onto my arm. The closer I walked the more familiar this place became. I know I was here. I know I was here with Ayanami and Asuka. I could tell.

"Shinji… this place is really creeping me out…" I heard her say with a frightened tone.

"Don't worry; I won't let anything happen to you."

I heard a click and all the lights that still worked came on. My adrenaline started pumping as I pushed Asuka behind me and started looking all around me. I looked in front first making sure nothing was there. Then I turned around, swinging Asuka with me so that she was behind me the whole time, and looked toward the entrance and what was behind us. There was nothing, it was just a dinky subway station. Until I heard a chime behind us, I turned around. Pressing Asuka to go behind me again, we both looked toward the sound. The train was fully operational and the doors wide open.

"Shinji?" I could feel her breath on my neck. I could feel her trembling as she leaned pressed up behind my back, her hands gripping my shoulders.

I started walking forward. "It's alright, Asuka, it's alright."

Of course I was saying this as I walked toward the thing that just scared the life out of us. We walked slowly in front of the doors. I lifted my arm up and held it in front of me. Waving frantically inside the train then quickly retracting. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, it just seemed like a dumb reaction to do. I stepped inside with Asuka right behind me. I slowly looked around. It was an old abandoned subway train. A few of the chairs were still connected to the walls while others laid in the corner or various spots on the floor. I heard the train chime again. Asuka screamed behind me as the doors closed behind us. I moved her and went to the doors. I tried as hard as I can to pry the doors open. It was too late. I felt the train shift and begin to slowly start moving on the tracks. I started to pound on the doors, yelling. I yelled hoping someone would hear me. But I knew we were here alone. Asuka started running to the other doors; she pounded and push on the doors but had no luck. She ran to me and threw her arms around my torso. All I could do was put my hand on her head and pray she didn't see the look of horror on my face


We have been moving for awhile now. It may have been a few minutes but it felt like an eternity. I made Asuka sit on one of the chairs as I still tried to pry the doors open. I could hear Asuka stand up and stand next to me.

"The doors won't open at all?" She asked. I could tell she wanted me to say yes.

"No, further more I don't know where were going."

I heard her sigh. She snaked her hand into mine. I looked down and tried to smile at her. She looked back at me with a small smile of her own. My eyes snapped open as I got a plan. I let go of Asuka's hand even though I miss the warmth of it, and went to the pile of chairs. I picked up a chair and motioned for her to move out of the way. I wind up my torso and swung at the door. I felt the impact but it did nothing for the door, only send a small crack on the window. I cursed and started doing it over and over again. After the fifth time, I walked up to the window and threw the chair at it. I then saw it. I saw the glass break as the chair went through. I also saw landscape behind the window. I saw the glass and chair fall. I ran up to the broken window and looked down. We were up really high. I could see the chair becoming smaller and smaller as it flew down toward the ground. I forward and saw that we just entered some kind of city underground. I looked up and could see various building like structures that looked like icicles stuck on the ceiling. I looked down and could see a weird triangular structure surrounded by some pool of water. The building was on an island surrounded by some sort of orange liquid. I brought my head back in and looked at Asuka. She was pressed up to a window looking at the same scenery I was. I looked back and realized how much I really didn't know about the world.


The train stopped at a small station next to the triangular building. The chime sounded, the doors slid open. I walked out with Asuka in hand. We both looked around, it was a terminal. An old terminal, various plant life was growing along the walls and one wrapped around a terminal. A door was open slightly. I lead the both of us to it. We had to crouch down to enter the facility.

It was dark and damp inside. The sound of dripping water rhythmically fell around us. To say the least, it was a pretty scary place. I could tell by how hard Asuka was squeezing my arm. Not that I minded. It was dark all around us; the only light was coming from the semi shut door behind us. I heard chime in the distance, it was then a small light slowly started to shine down the hall. I could hear Asuka mumble a curse at how freaky everything was. I couldn't agree more with her. I took a step forward indicating to her we were going to go toward that light. I felt her hand clasp mine as her other arm was still around mine.

"We're going to walk toward that light over there." I whispered.

'Okay…Aren't you scared?"

As a man I was obliged to say no. It would have been the manly thing to say.

"Yes…"

To hell with pride if you think you're walking to your death.

I felt her squeeze my hand as we walked forward. The light started becoming bigger and bigger. Until we were standing in front of a industrial looking freight elevator. I walked inside as Asuka followed. The doors closed behind us and we slowly started to descend down. I took a look at the red head beside me. I was felt kind of at peace that if this was my last moments, it was at least spent by her side. She looked up at me and let a small smile grace her lips. I knew she was scared. So was I. But it surprised me how much I would do just to see that smile on her face.


The elevator stopped, the doors slid open. The room was big; a red glow surrounded the room. It made it easier to assess what was around us. We walked out and stopped when we heard the elevator close behind us.

"Who's there?"

The sound of another person scared the both of us. I looked around but couldn't find anyone within our view. I walked forward and started to look around. It seemed like we were on a lower level to something. It almost resembled a theater stage, I assumed the voice was on the tier above us. We walked into the red light and saw what looked like a map of the city. It looked like a laser hologram. But as far as I knew holograms didn't exist yet. I looked around and realized the map was hovering over an opening in the ground. This opening seemed to extended far from the tier we were on. I looked behind us, the front of the top tier was pointing at us. I looked at the top and saw someone sitting behind a table. Their hands entwined in front of their face.

"Again I ask. Who's there?"

The voice sounded monotone and deep.

"Are you Ikari?" I asked.

"What if I am?" the voice responded.

"I am also an Ikari." I replied.

For the next few moments silence stretched. It was really looking like the man wasn't going to answer.

"Is that so?"

"Really talkative, huh?" Asuka whispered to me.

"Um… did you have a son by any chance?" It was at this point I was nervous.

"Yes."

"Was his name, Shinji?"

"…yes."

The silence stretched again. I didn't know what to say to this person. It was possible that this was my father. But there was something that made me want to say something else to him.

"You are Shinji?" the voice asked.

"Yes, I am. I believe I am your son."

"Ah, I see…"

Man, this was like probably the most depressing father/son story in the history of time.

"I was told that you would give us some answers to questions we seek?"

"What is it that you seek?"

"Truth."

Silence again. I could feel Asuka shift against my side. Right now I was wondering why the hell I came down here for this? I mean sure, I met my father. I think. But right now I probably could of gotten more out of Kaji then I could out of this man.

"Truth is an illusion. It exists based on what you believe is true. Our eyes tell us what is needed to be seen and our ears tell us what needed to be heard. Do you trust them? Do you trust your senses, my son?"

"What do you mean? I don't understand…" I replied unsure what he wanted me to say.

"You can see beings that no one else can see…

My eyes widened. It seemed he hit a target.

"Yes…"

"As well as the young lady that stands beside you."

"Yes…" I hear Asuka speak softly.

"You are looking at the truth, the truth in a form of the past. A past that may have existed but never lived through," I realized that he cryptically means the missing years in our lives, "and of feelings you are unaware of having. The people around you, are they real? Or is it that fact that you led yourself to believe they are real. What really makes something real and true? Can you prove it? Through science, technology, and mathematics it is said that yes reality can be made real. However those are methods created by humanity to give the explanations. So how can you prove something can exists if the tools you use may not exist as well?"

I slowly began to understand. Was I living in the reality with everyone I know or was I in the reality with all those monsters? All those blocked memories; those moments with Asuka… were all of them real? Or did I just make myself think they were?

"But… but how can you prove anything if you have nothing to prove it with?" Asuka asked.

"That is the question, my dear. Humanity looks to find the truth in reality. If everything is how everything is. Laws of science that exist however that can be bent and broken through will. The human will itself is a feat. A man can will himself to survive and adapt. That is why we are still the reigning species of this world."

"You're going through evolution… we came here to look for answers into our lives!" I said loudly.

"Both your lives are feats of survival. You two are survivors."

"Survivors to what?" Asuka asked.

Again silence. The sound of a chair sliding across the floor broke the silence. I could hear the man, my father; slowly begin to take steps to the front of the tier. It was then we both saw him. Rugged looking face surround by a beard. Tinted glasses sat on the bridge of his nose as he looked down at us with no emotion.

"You will find out in due time."

Before our eyes his skin turned into an orange tint and liquefied. The last thing we heard was water hitting the ground before everything went black.


I regained my senses and I looked in front of us. We were at the subway station. I looked to my right to see Asuka with a look of bewilderment. I looked behind us to see the entrance that we first to. I looked to my left and saw the rubble. I looked to my right and saw that instead of a train there was more rubble.

"Did we imagine that?"

"No… it was real." I responded not to sure of myself.

"How do we know?" Asuka whispered.

I then remembered what my father said. There was no way to prove it was real. It could be questioned that we both went through the same hallucination but how do we know if it was only that. A hallucination.

"You're going home." I said abruptly.

"What? Why?"

"You need to be someplace where I know it's safe."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to someone who knows what's going on."

"I'm going with you. I have every right to know what's going on."

"No, you'll be safe back home."

"Damn it, Shinji! I can take care of myself!" She snapped at me.

"Damn it, I don't want you to get hurt!" I snapped back.

It was then I felt a pair of lips on mine. To say I was surprised was to say the least. She pulled back and looked up at me.

"I'm going." She said with finality.

Ah, damn it.


The park was a long walk, by the time we made it there the sun was already setting. We walked up to the place where I usually met Kaji. This time however we saw him sitting on the stool with a chess board in front of him waiting to be placed.

"Ah, you brought Asuka this time." He spoke out as we approached him.

I took a seat on the stool parallel to his and Asuka sat down on the one adjacent to me.

"How do you know me?"

"I know a lot about you, my dear."

"How?" She asked confused.

He looked at me. I knew what that look meant.

"My dear, would you mind if me and Shinji went through this game. Then I'm all yours, how does that sound?" He said smiling.

"Um… okay." I could see the blush creep on her face. A glint of jealous fueled up in me.

"Kaji, we met my father." I started

"Ah," he began to move a pawn up, "so you met the senior Ikari. How was he? Still a stick in the mud?"

"Just as cryptic as you are." I replied, a chuckle coming out of him.

We began to play as we spoke.

"He told us not to believe in this reality."

"Why do you say 'this'?"

"I realized we are living through two different worlds. However I don't know which one is real and which one isn't"

"Excellent, Shinji, you are truly remarkable." He praised me as he moved his bishop to take one of my pawns.

"I still don't understand why it's only Asuka and me, why it isn't anyone else. Why is it that you're helping us? Why is my father in a place that doesn't exist in this world? "

"Shinji," Kaji looked up at me and then turned to Asuka, "do you love Asuka?"

I was silent; I could feel her eyes bore into my head.

"I don't know." It was a dumb answer and I knew it was.

"I have known this girl for years, may she remember it or not, but I have never seen the girl as happy as she is now."

I looked up at him and turned to Asuka, I could see the lone tear escape from her eye.

"I do, I do care. I would do anything for her. I would do anything."

He smiled a smile that a father would smile, a proud smile.

"Even create a world for her?"


To be continued…

Big big chapter this time. Sorry for the wait.

Next chapter is the finale. We'll see what happens.

Reviews are welcome.