Infertility Wars
Summary: After House does what he does best, an infertile couple that he sees in the clinic are out to get him fired. A lot of other madness ensues when House's office gets ransacked, Wilson falls in love, someone gets a new, impressive haircut, and the past comes back in the form of a lawyer to bite House in the ass. And, as if that wasn't enough, a woman who dated House in high school is put in the hospital, and it's up to him and his team to figure out what's wrong with her. What's a doctor to do?
Disclaimer: Sometimes I wish I owned Hugh Laurie's brain. It's got to be more impressive than Einstein's. But, alas, I own nothing. Not nobody, not no one, not no how. And all that jazz.
x x x x x
Chapter Three
Pain and Suffering
x x x x x
"Can I see a photo ID and your card, please?"
Allison Cameron rummaged through her purse, then pulled out her wallet. Using her thumb, she tried for a couple of seconds to retrieve her license. Damn, if getting out her license wasn't a bitch.
"I'm glad you guys ask," she said, making some conversation. Poor girl at the register probably got huffed at more times than Cameron even wanted to think about.
"Yeah, we get a few people who think it's an inconvenience to them when I ask, though." The girl smiled at Cameron, then checked her license and her credit card. "Swipe away."
Cameron did as she was told, then placed all of her cards back in her wallet. "Yeah, I remember when I worked in retail... people are so rude sometimes."
"They really are. They look down on you if you work in retail or food service." The girl looked at her register, then looked down at the keypad in front of Cameron. "If you can just sign that for me and hit okay at the bottom."
"Oh, sure," Cameron picked up the little pen and signed her name. It always looked like chicken scratch on these computers. "You know-"
"Cameron?"
Cameron looked up. It was House.
"Oh, hi." Cameron said, realizing how goofy she sounded.
"I'm the boyfriend," House looked towards the cashier, then back at Cameron. Cameron felt her face get red, but she kept her cool. He was always doing stuff like this. Even if it was away from the hospital.
The cashier just smiled at them and handed Cameron her receipt. "Here's your receipt. Have a nice day."
"Thank you, you too." Cameron said cheerily as she walked towards House. She didn't want to hold up the line. She hated it when others did that sort of crap.
"Did I embarrass you?"
"Maybe." Cameron rummaged through her plastic bag, getting out her new pair of sunglasses.
"So, what's up?"
Cameron continued picking at the sticker on the sunglasses, "Nothing. Just finished shopping."
"Obviously."
She was making deathly sure that she didn't make eye contact. She had heard what wild animals do if you make eye contact with them. Cameron didn't want to see herself on one of those Spike TV shows When Animals Attack. "I didn't peg you as a Ross kind of guy."
"I like to dress for less." House picked at the shirt he was wearing. "Izod. It's the smokin' new style. And only 8 bucks a pop, here!"
"Well, I have to go," sighed Cameron. "I'll miss American Idol."
"We all know who's going to win. It's that bald-headed guy. He'll win. Hands down."
"He got voted out last week."
"What?"
"Oh, like you care."
"You're right, but still. I thought he had it in the bag."
"I really gotta go, House," she tried again, turning towards the door.
"Real quick, before you go," House stopped her by holding out his cane, "I wanted to ask you something since we just so happened to bump into one another."
Yeah, Cameron thought. How 'bout that?
"Wilson gave me a file today on a lady named Terri Raye."
Cameron's eyes widened.
"He thought she was a pretty interesting case. I didn't want to take it, but since he thought it was interesting, and you did her history, I wanted to ask you if you think I should take it."
Cameron didn't say anything.
"What's wrong?"
"Uh," Cameron stuttered, "I-I'm just surprised that you're asking me what you should do."
"Good point. Obviously, you know that I went to high school with Mrs. Raye. Of course she wasn't Raye back then, but that's not the point." House shrugged. "I just wanted your input as to if you think she's interesting or not."
"I don't think she's interesting." Cameron stated plainly. "I believe it's pneumonia."
"Right, that's all I needed." House started walking towards the men's department.
Cameron blinked. That was surprising. She started to follow him. "That's all?"
House turned around quickly, "What more do you want? Don't you see me enough at work?"
"So you're not taking the Raye case?"
"Of course I am."
Cameron stuttered again, "B-but you just said..."
"You said, and I quote, 'I believe it's pneumonia.'" House gave her one of his smirks. "If you're not 100 percent positive it's that, then maybe Wilson was on to something. And not just that I knew her way back in the Stone Age."
Cameron opened her mouth to say something, but House had already turned on his heels and was off again. She sighed and decided that it was better to go home, than try and tell House that the Raye woman was absolutely not interesting at all.
x x x x x
"I have a hard time breathing, especially if I walk up stairs or..."
"Go on," said Foreman.
"Or, you know, other sorts of demanding physical activities."
Foreman smiled. He knew what she was referring to. "Anything else? Have you been feeling tired? Coughing a lot?"
"Not any more tired than usual, but my muscles have been aching a lot."
"Is it really painful?"
"A little. Like right after you've worked out too hard and you're a little weak."
"Mmhmm." Foreman nodded and looked over her file. Mostly all of the question that had been asked to her the other day, when Cameron had also gotten her history, dealt mainly with Mrs. Raye's breathing troubles. Foreman didn't think it was that simple. And, if House had taken the case, then he thought it was more than just plain, good ol' pneumonia.
"Not to be rude," Terri said, interrupting Foreman's concentration. "But, I thought Dr. House was going to be my doctor."
Foreman laughed a little. "He is. He's just not big on being in the same room. I make sure that he gets all of the right information, though. He oversees everything we do, so technically he is still your doctor."
"Yeah," she nodded. "Sounds like he hasn't really changed."
"What?"
"I went to high school with him, you know?"
Foreman's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah, we even dated for a little while." Foreman wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh like a crazy maniac. This was great. "I had to break it off though. He was cute, but his personality sucked."
"Tell me about it," Foreman agreed, then realized what he said. "I mean, the personality part. Only."
"I knew what you meant," she laughed, rather weakly. "So, have any idea what's wrong with me?"
"We don't know exactly."
"That other doctor... she said that I had pneumonia."
"I don't think it's that simple."
x x x x x
"Where'd my marker go?" House was rummaging through a drawer. "I need a marker. We can't work without my-"
"Here." Chase held out a blue marker.
"It's not permanent, is it?"
"Would I do that?"
House lifted an eyebrow. He had already marked Chase as the man who'd destroyed his office. He just had no idea why. Maybe Cuddy was in on it. She hadn't come by to ask about it and she certainly didn't say anything about it when she had paged him to his office.
Chase sighed and read the side of the marker, "Dry erase."
House snatched the marker and limped to the board. He looked behind him to see that all of his little ducklings were all sitting in a row. They were.
"So, a woman comes in. She's not feeling so hot. Can't breathe, can't move, can't-"
"It's pneumonia." Cameron said flatly. "I really don't understand why you are so hard pressed to find something horribly wrong with her. She's boring pneumonia."
"She hasn't coughed up any sputum or anything while she's been here. Her lungs sound clean." Foreman said.
"In her chart, it clearly states that she was given Acyclovir." Cameron said calmly. "She's probably in the beginning stage of pneumonia again. Maybe her previous doctor didn't up the dosage enough."
"What if she didn't have pneumonia before?" Chase asked.
"It doesn't matter." Cameron stated. "You can have reoccurring pneumonia, if you don't completely remove it from the system."
"But what if she never even had it to begin with?"
"So?"
"You're being ridiculous."
"No, I'm not. You are!"
"Ooh, they've reduced to the teenage ways of getting their point across. Who've you got your money on Foreman?" House was leaning against the white board, watching intently as Cameron and Chase sparred.
"Well, I think it's Guillain-Barre Syndrome." Foreman shrugged.
"Have you tested her blood?" House asked, rather impressed.
"Not yet," Foreman replied. "I was waiting on our little banter in here, then I was going to go and make with the blood testing."
House blinked. "For a second, I thought you said mate instead of make." He shook his head.
"Ha ha," Foreman rolled his eyes.
"I ran a blood test." Cameron spoke up.
Chase shrugged, "So? What did it prove?"
"That her WBC count is high."
"That doesn't make it pneumonia," said House. "If you want any of us to believe you, you are going to have to prove that she has pneumonia."
"She can't breathe well, because her lungs are starting to fill."
"No they're not." Foreman huffed impatiently. "And respiratory problems aren't her only symptom. Muscle weakness is another."
"The lack of oxygen makes you weak. Let's just put her on Acyclovir again and an antibiotic. If I'm wrong, it won't hurt her and you can all ridicule me, but if I'm right, then she'll get better and she can go home."
"Great plan." House nodded, biting his lower lip. "You go do that Cameron."
House watched as Foreman's mouth dropped wide open and Chase had the worst look of confusion known to man. They both stood up to follow Cameron out, but House shook his head. He walked over to the door and closed it.
"What was that?" Foreman asked.
"Me getting rid of Pneumo-Woman."
"I don't think it's pneumonia." Chase sat down, and flexed out his arms.
"Of course you don't. You're using your brain," said House. "Chase, go back and do another history. I have a feeling Dr. Cameron is going crazy."
"Well, you like crazy people." Foreman suggested.
"Not crazy people who are doctors. Duh."
"You don't think Cameron's doing her job right?" Chase asked.
House tapped his cane on the floor for a second, thinking carefully. "I think something is getting in her way of judgement."
"Do you know what it is?" Foreman asked.
"Well, if I knew, I wouldn't be talking it out with you two, would I?" House looked at his empty board. "Chase - the history; Foreman - test for GBS."
x x x x x
House stared down at the cards in front of him. He hated it when people called to cancel on him. He was hoping to have a poker night with a bunch of the guys. Now it was just him and Wilson. And they were playing Go Fish.
"I really like Diana." Wilson said plainly as he, too, studied the cards in front of him. They took great pride at who won the GF Tournaments. They just didn't let anyone else know that they played in their very own GF Tournament. There were no bragging rights for a week in this game.
"Who?" House moved around a few of his cards. "Got any sevens?"
"Go fish," Wilson pursed his lips. "Nancy. I like her. She's nice."
"Oh, Nancy." House drew a card and made a face. It wasn't one that he wanted. "She's annoying."
"I think I'm going to ask her out on a date." Wilson said with a smile on his face. "Any jacks?"
"Go fish," said House. "So, are you planning on marrying her, then hating her for the rest of your life? Wait... marriage. The rest of your marriage?"
Wilson shook his head as he drew a card. "She's smart, fun, beautiful, and loves kids. She's a wife waiting to happen."
"I'm sure she'd appreciate that." House stared down at his deck, thinking about his next move. "Have you proposed yet?"
"Please, she only started a week ago."
"Got any threes?"
"Dammit," Wilson handed over two cards, and watched as House placed four threes down.
"So, next week," House said as he watched Wilson's reaction. "You'll ask her then?"
"Ha ha," He rolled his eyes. "Any kings?"
"Go fish."
Wilson took a card and sneered at it.
"Any queens?"
Wilson sighed, "Here." He handed over one card. "Any tens?"
"Go fish. You know, there are other fish in the sea. Pardon the pun, and all." House said.
"So, you don't want me to ask her out?"
"That ring on your finger makes me scream 'no'... any fives?"
"Go fish. I'm just used to it now, I like how it feels. I'm not stupid enough to leave it on while I'm asking her. And, since when do you show moral fiber?"
House drew a card, looking at it thoughtfully. "Since I got sued. Again."
"Oh, yeah. Heard about that. Don't see why you're changing your stripes now."
"Because I'm playing a game." House eyed his hand, then looked up at Wilson.
"Because you're playing Go Fish?"
"No, because I'm playing a game with Dr. Double-D. I've yet to render her speechless. But, it took Cuddy a while too. Nancy's got a breaking point."
"Oh, leave her alone. You don't ever see each other-"
"Clinic duty."
"Ah - she got stuck with you?"
"Yeah. Thanks for being so kind and volunteering to work with your best friend."
"Oh, shut up. It's your turn."
House looked at his cards again. "Give me a minute."
"You've had 10 already!"
House lifted an eyebrow and smirked at Wilson. "Got any tens?"
Wilson's mouth dropped open. "Dammit. I hate it when you do that."
x x x x x
After Thoughts: You know the rules. Read, eat a Cheez-It or fifty-two, review.
Thank you to all of my lovely reviewers. I was a nutcase and didn't thank you all last time. I'm horrid. I was too excited about updating. You all have permission to smack me. If you want.
Quick Note: I updated the summary. It's at the top of this chapter. I think it's better than the crappy one I had before. I usually change my summary once anyway. So, there went my change.
Look forward to Chapter Four entitled:
Hip To Be Square
