Chapter 16
Bella
"Bella." Alec hands it over to me as per usual. I open the script and clear my throat.
"We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves, to other people. The problem is trying to control the damage we've done, or that's been done to us. Sometimes, the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes, we think we can fix the damage.
"And sometimes, the damage is something we can't even see. We're all damaged, it seems. Some of us more than others. We carry the damage with us from childhood, then as grownups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage. And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can."
This episode is triggering me. There's this scene I'm going to have to shoot with Edward, and it's bound to cause a stir with the viewers. It certainly shook up those here today. Other than that, there's an accident, and the episode is about forgiving the damage someone causes even if it's unintentional.
And forty-five minutes later, we're done. I know we're roughly four episodes away from the season finale, so they're writing shocking moments to keep the momentum going. I have to admit the ratings this year blew last year's out of the water. I know it has a lot to do with the additions to the cast. Namely, Edward.
As if sensing my thought process, he's by my side as we walk out.
"That was wild."
"You have the script way before we do," I point out.
"True, but they added a few scenes. Like the stairwell one."
"Yeah, that's gonna be awful to shoot."
"We'll make it fun," he promises.
The look I shoot him makes him laugh.
"Intense episode, huh? Are they always like that?" Paul asks as he joins us.
I laugh. "Yes. It's only going to get worse from here."
"Or better, depending how you look at it. Definitely makes things look up for Embry and Maggie with the stunt Liam is about to pull."
Edward tenses up.
"You joining us for lunch today, Eddie Boy, or is your lovely wife here today?" Paul asks.
"She's around here somewhere," he answers. "And it's Edward."
"Noted. Tell her I said hi, will ya?"
"Oh, I'll be sure to."
"I'm getting whiplash from all the testosterone, so Imma head out. I'll see you two later. Much later if I have my way about it."
Then my coffee and I go anywhere but there.
"You still mad at me?"
I look up from the book I'm reading to see Paul peering down at me sheepishly.
"I was never mad, just over the pissing contest you two have whenever you're near each other. I'm not your property or his."
He sighs as he sits down. "I know, and that wasn't my intention. Not so sure about his …" He trails off at my glare. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?"
"Yes."
"I can't help it. He's so easy to rile up."
"Try. I don't want tension on the set," I explain.
"So, you don't want tension between Edward and me, but the obviously unresolved sexual tension that flies between you two is okay?"
I slap my book down on the table. "I would never!"
"I know. That's why it's unresolved." He pauses "You two were much more than friends in high school, weren't you?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"'Cause I feel that I have the right to know. We've been on a few dates, and I'd like to hope it may be going somewhere. We have a lot in common, and I really like you, but I feel like something is holding you back. And I think that thing is him."
"It's not. And my past with Edward is just that … the past. It's none of your business, and it never will be. I'd like to keep spending time with you, but the subject of Edward is off the table as of now. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."
"Why are you so defensive?"
"Because I'm tired of talking about Edward. He's an old friend and my co-worker, who has a personal life completely separate from mine. Quite frankly, I'm tired of repeating that ad nauseum."
He looks like he wants to say more but, apparently, thinks better of it and sits down next to me with a small nod of acquiescence.
"Wanna have dinner tonight?" he asks.
"Sounds good."
At dinner, he doesn't bring up Edward once, and I'm grateful. We talk about work but not the script 'cause we both want to stay employed as long as possible. That NDA is no joke. Once back at his suite, we discuss this week's script in detail.
"He's so jealous. I'm not following the writer's thought process with this one. Liam's married to a hot wife, and he's acting like Maggie is personally offending him by moving on."
I shrug. "You're asking the wrong person."
He looks at me intently like I'm being deliberately obtuse, but I ignore it because I'm exhausted talking about the show and the people who work with me.
So, I take matters into my own hands, along with his face, and I kiss him. It works, and he shuts up. By the time we come up for air, it's late, so I stay over. While sex is still off the table for the time being, making out and cuddling is not. I'm not gonna lie—it's nice not sleeping alone.
We're running too late the next morning for me to go to my hotel for a change of clothes, so walk of shame it is. There aren't too many people milling around, so I give Paul a hug, and my eyes lock with the one person I kind of hoped I wouldn't see. He has an indecipherable look on his face. My face gives away my confusion, but he turns away, so I kiss Paul and make my way to my trailer until I'm called to set.
His ire is palpable when I get to the hospital set. If it were anyone else, I'd assume he was method acting, but Edward isn't an actor by trade, so that's not it. I stand on the opposite side from him, waiting for my entrance. He won't meet my eyes, but when I look away, I can feel his eyes burning into me. I steadfastly ignore him, choosing to joke with Alice and Victoria. We go through the scene a few times and are done pretty quickly.
The scene right after, we have one-on-one dialogue. I quickly determine he's using all his personal frustrations to make Liam as big of an asshole as possible. Anton is eating it up. I, however, am not. I manage to get through our CT scan-hallway altercation without ripping his head off, but I avoid him and his attitude the rest of the day and halfway through the next.
Then it's time for the scene. The one I've been dreading since I read the script. I arrive last on set.
"Nice of you to join us, Swan." He's sneering at me, the little shit.
I just ignore him until I hear "action".
Liam has just accused Maggie of screwing Embry and Tyler, and she's chasing him up the stairs, whirling him around to face her.
"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I'd found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. You chose Irina. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."
Liam looks her in the eye. "This thing with us is finished. It's over."
"Finally."
"Yeah, it's done."
"It is done."
Cue her walking away from him, not sparing another glance.
We do this four times, and each is more brutal than the next. The set's quiet when we finish before the small crowd claps enthusiastically.
"That is Golden Globe quality work, you two," Anton praises. "That's a print."
I suddenly feel suffocated, so I leave, and like Maggie, I don't look back.
Maybe it is done.
The rest of the week, we have little to no contact, but I feel him everywhere. Looking at me, watching me. I keep my distance.
Paul and I go out two more nights, each night getting hotter and heavier than the next. It would be so easy to go all the way, but I just can't seem to do it. Maybe once we break for the summer and I have some distance from Edward, I'll be in a better mindset. Paul seems content, so I'm not feeling pressure, which I appreciate.
TGIF, I think as I sit wearily down in the makeup chair. This week felt like a month. I suddenly find myself tensing up as he sits down next to me. The whole damn trailer is empty other than us. I focus on my phone, wishing I had brought my AirPods with me. Oh look, an article about The Loch Ness Monster.
I get finished before him and leave instantly. I hear him curse under his breath.
"I got the role!" I gush to Paul the following Monday. I had auditioned on the downlow for a movie shooting this summer while I'm on hiatus. It's not a starring role but a strong supportive one, and I'm thrilled. It will be a nice change playing someone other than a doctor. It's really easy to be pigeonholed into one role if you're not careful.
He gives me a huge hug and swings me around. "I knew you would!" I beam up at him. "When does it start shooting?"
"The Thursday after my dad's wedding, so we'll go to Forks for that then I have to fly back to LA that Tuesday."
I had invited Paul to be my date a couple weeks ago. He teased me about meeting the parents, but I reminded him I'd already met his mom. I just think if I can make myself make this work, everything else will fall into place.
"Sounds good to me." He brushes an errant strand of hair off my face. I hear a loud banging sound to my right, but when I look that way, I don't see anything that might have fallen, so I shrug it off. I got a text last night to be prepared for a photoshoot this morning to tease the finale, so I have to get ready for that.
We go full glam in the makeup trailer, and when I arrive at the designated room, I'm not surprised to see Paul or Edward, but I am surprised to see Lauren. The sneer on her otherwise pretty face tells me I'm still not her favorite person.
Ditto, heifer.
"Jessica has offered the skills of her friend to take these last minute photos for me, and we're all grateful," Alec says. I do my best to keep my facial expressions under wraps. "I showed her my vision boards, and we're good to go. I'll be in and out if you need me. Have fun."
Fun? Stuck in a room with Edward, his wife's best friend who hates me, and my sorta boyfriend. Yeah, this should be a bucket of laughs.
"Your wardrobe is in the three curtained-off areas with your names on them. First one you put on first and so on and so forth. Meet me back out here in ten." She sounds pleasant enough so maybe this won't be bad.
Except my first option is just a lab coat and red shoes. "Um …" I say aloud. "Question."
Lauren pops her head in with a raised eyebrow.
I hold up the lab coat. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
Even she looks shocked. She looks down at her notes. "Says here to wear it … and nothing else."
"I'm gonna kill Alec."
"Look, I don't like you, but I won't make you look bad or sleazy. That won't help my career any, so with this, just trust me, okay?"
I nod, and she steps back out as I slip into the lab coat, keeping my panties on. Fuck Alec. At least, it's oversized, so it covers what needs covering. I snort at the stethoscope that obviously goes with it. I walk out to see the men fully covered and roll my eyes. Both of them just look at me, slightly uncomfortable.
"It's not like you both haven't already seen her naked, so can we get moving?"
Paul looks confused, then something akin to realization dawns. I avoid his eyes and sit down where she's pointing.
"Bella first, then I'll have you two come in," she instructs. She arranges me how she wants me, then snaps a few shots. "Perfect. Smirk a little. Show your power. Great. Okay, Paul, Edward." She has us pose a few different ways, then it's on to the next outfit.
This is tense. Edward's jaw is clamped so tight I'm afraid he might break it. Paul seems a little miffed, but seeing as he just found out I wasn't just friends with Edward, I can't blame him. Stupid Lauren.
After the most awkward photoshoot of my life, I throw on my clothes and leave everyone in that room. I do what I do best—run.
I hear footsteps thundering behind me. "Not now, Paul," I call over my shoulder, but the footsteps don't stop. Soon, they overpower me, a hand grabbing my arm and pulling me into an empty room.
"I said not n …" My voice trails off when I see that it's not Paul but rather Edward's anguished face. "What do you want?"
"I just want to make sure you're all right."
"No, I'm not all right. Are you satisfied? I'm not okay. Because you have a wife and make me feel like the devil for moving on. And you're looking at me. Stop looking at me!" I'm panting with all the pent-up rage and longing after keeping it bottled for so long.
"I'm not looking at you."
"You're looking at me, and you watch me. And Paul has plans, and I like him. He's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy, and I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that, so just stop!"
"Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married; I have responsibilities. She doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about another man touching her with his hands. I would give anything to not be looking at you!"
He stops and just stares at me before taking my face in his hands and leaning just a whisper's breath away from my lips. It would be so easy to cross the line.
And so I do. I close the distance and mold my lips to his. His silent exclamation of surprise expels into my mouth, and I swallow it. Suddenly, I'm against the wall, and his hands are in my hair, and his lips are devouring mine as he takes over. But it ends just as suddenly as it starts as we come to our senses and horror takes over. I clamp my hand over my swollen lips, and tears spring to my eyes.
What did we just do?
I run out the door, and this time, he lets me, neither of us knowing just how exactly real this all just got.
I never wanted to be that girl
I never wanted to hate myself
I thought this kind of lonely only happens to somebody else
Being "The Other One" when there's another one
God, this feels like hell
Thought I knew who I was but it's getting hard to tell
I never wanted to be that girl - I Never Wanted To Be That Girl, Carly Pearce and Ashley McBryde
