Darkness swept across the grounds like a black sheet over a moldy mattress. A song of crickets soon followed but the silence was still heavy and unbearable. By midnight he couldn't take it any more and the messy haired seventh year pushed back his covers. Walking lightly, so as not to wake his dorm mates, he made way for the window. With what determination he had left from before he pushed the window half wide with one arm. The cool night air wafted in, rousing his senses yet calming him at the same time.
Madame Pomfrey had mended the broken bones in his wrist but it was still sore. If it had been any other year before James would have been severely concerned about how such an injury would affect his performance during the Quidditch season. But there were other thoughts consuming his worries. The main of which was usually on his mind whenever he wasn't thinking about Quidditch, or the next bit of mischief he would take part in. Lily Evans. She was enough to keep him awake all night, and as this particular night was going, she probably would.
In the very same tower, in a separate dorm, she lay beneath warm covers. Her deep red hair almost glowed in the moonlight, spread over her pillow like a piece of autumn in concentrate. Two weeks into first term and the routine of attendance, assignments, intelligence and society was already beginning to drain her. The academic obligations seemed worthless when she tried to envision her future. Though she had poured much of her heart and mind into the past six years at Hogwarts she felt that there was something she still had to give, though what and where was an undying mystery. She had plenty of passion but nothing to be passionate about. The sensation that a large change was about to take place held her eyelids open. Once finally closed they reflected visions of the day she had been replaying in her daydreams while awake.
Remus' gentle eyes caught hers as she paused to wonder. Her hand still grasping the pitcher they exchanged something more then a glance. With one look, the connection of their stares, he seemed to communicate to her that something had happened. She confronted him the next day, after classes, to ask. He explained that James acquired a broken wrist while on the Express but it seemed as though he was holding much more back. In fact every time she spoke with him, though he carried himself well, he always seemed to keep something much deeper from being revealed. Little did she know just how dark those depths really were.
It was a long night and the gloom of the feelings it harbored spread into the next day. Clouds masked the sky and every so often a light sprinkle would rain down for an hour before fading out. Students avoided the puddles as they walked outside and peered through any window they happened to pass while inside. It was at one of these windows Severus Snape stood, hook nose pressed against the cold glass. His watery eyes glared out, following a group of Gryffindors until they disappeared beneath a stone arch. A sigh fogged up his view so he turned slowly, headed towards the dungeons and the Slytherin Common Room. Classes were over for the day so there were other groups going the same direction. In front of him a blindingly blonde couple, arms linked, followed the others. Their heads were close, cheeks brushing as they spoke in low whispers to each other. The girl let out a charming laugh, causing a ripple to flow through her locks. The boy turned his head over his shoulder. He exchanged a vague glance with Severus before settling his attention back on the beauty beside him.
Once in the
dungeons Severus sped up his walk, eager to reach his dorm and begin
his essay for potions. He intended to create the formula needed for
the next class session, in order to have the ingredients exact and
take notes on how to make it to perfection. But just as he reached
the last corner before the entrance to the Common Room he was
stopped. A pale hand, with yellowing fingernails, reached out and
tugged on his robes. Turning to look it was difficult to see who had
sought his attention. The small boy that stood pressed against the
wall had such a gray coloring that he would have blended into the
stone if he weren't wearing the black school robes required.
"I
have w-w-w-what you asked f-for." He whispered, stuttering his
words.
Severus' eyes narrowed before he replied. "You fool. I specifically said I want it on Sunday evening. If you give it to me any earlier then Sunday he will know it is missing."
"S-so you want me to bring it back on S-Sunday, then?"
"As I so
vaguely implied, yes." He said with a flat voice before turning and
continuing to the Common Room. Just like a Gryffindor, to try and
exceed expectations but trying to be extra brave by taking such a
risk, Severus thought to himself.
"More like extra stupid."
He said out loud.
Peter stepped further against the wall. The hall was dark and more damp than usual. He felt strangely comfortable in the narrow spaces it hosted but ascended finally to his own Common Room.
"Peter!" A voice called out behind him as he passed the Great Hall. He turned with a twitch. The tone was familiar but he had never heard it speak his name before, or even address him in any sort of manner. "Peter, I'm sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you've seen James lately."
She knows, he thought and fear shimmered in his eyes. "N-n-no I haven't." He was on his way to him but he could not let her know that. Must not confirm her suspicions, he explained in his mind.
"Right." She nodded and looked down, then brought her green eyes up again to ask, "What about Remus?"
"F-f-fraid I haven't seen him either."
"He's probably with James, then." She said, more to herself then to him. "Thanks anyway, Peter."
He pressed his small lips together to say in a wavering voice. "No problem, L-l-lily." As he spoke her name he seemed to calm a bit. Lily. He repeated it a few more times in his head before moving on to the staircase.
"Damnit!"
James cursed, slamming his stronger hand down on the table in a fist.
Sirius scooped the die up, grinning wildly. Peter scurried across the
small room to the empty seat beside Remus, who was bent over his DADA
assignment. None seemed to notice him join them. They didn't seem
to notice Peter pull James' wand from his own pocket and place it
on the floor without a sound. The group just settled into their own
thoughts, Sirius' face still open with a victorious grin while
James' expression began to tighten suddenly with a thought.
The
three had claimed the bare, second floor closet as one of their
hideaways nearly five years ago. There were hooks of various sizes on
the wall, a ceiling high stack of rusted tin buckets and a crudely
carved wood table with matching benches. It was small but secluded
and one of the few places of the castle not haunted.
Remus glanced
up first, gently shifting the scene as he folded his parchment into
his book.
"Off to the Common Room. I left one of my books up there earlier. I'll just meet you lot in the Hall for dinner." He said to his friends. Sirius gave a nod but James was engrossed in thought.
The Common Room was bare and dimly lit. Evening had arrived early and the sun had sunk so low that the torches needed to be lit. The area was also empty but for the scattered armchairs, loveseats and tables pushed against the wall. Remus had half hoped he would find Lily here, as she had found him so before. That was the night she spoke to him. He had been up late, behind on his homework (since he spent nearly two hours writing Sirius' Transfiguration essay), and there she was on the stairs. She smiled and continued to approach him. She asked about James so he stopped daring to make eye contact. He felt most vulnerable around her, as though she would be able to see right through and know the part of him he so desperately tried to suppress. But this time he truly was alone. The lone wolf, as always and ever would be – until Sirius arrived.
Once in the Great Hall Lily departed from her group. James was sitting with Peter, Sirius and Remus strangely absent, and seeing as Peter never spoke, she saw it as her one chance to talk to James.
"How is your wrist?" Her voice broke his daydream. Peter looked up. James' eyes focused on her face with mild surprise. There was an instant where he was about to unsheathe his arrogance but for nearly the first time decided it was best not to.
"Better, thanks." He half smiled. "I've had worse injuries a few times before. It hasn't hindered me one bit. Even with a weak wrist the next Quidditch match is in the bag." But then again, James would not be James with out a little dash of cockiness.
"Good to hear, since it is so unfortunate for it to have happened in the first place. What happened?" She asked, ignoring his front.
James hesitated. He wasn't as quick in conversations as she was. "Err, my trunk fell while on the train. It was an unusually bumpy and jarring ride this year."
"I know." She said raising an eyebrow, to which James smiled. A bumpy ride indeed.
"And how are you?" He didn't want her to loose interest.
"I am fine. Haunted by career prospects, as I am sure most 7th years are, but alright nonetheless." She sat down beside him on the long bench.
"Ah, yes. The future." He nodded. "Any idea at all as to what you want to do after Hogwarts?"
"Not specifically. My secret dream is to be an auror." She confided before shrugging and shaking her head. "So many witches come out of Hogwarts and immediately use all the magic they have learned for their new duty as housewives and stay at home mothers."
Before James could reply he found himself pushed up against Lily by a forceful hand.
"Seems I've arrived late for the bonding. I suppose I'll just join Peter then and watch." Sirius' booming voice interrupted. "What are you two talking about? Did I arrive too late for the action? Did I miss the fight? Lily shouted yet?"
Remus sat down across from them, expressionless yet weary looking. James didn't take his eyes from Lily. He was always stunned by her beauty but he was waiting for what she would say next – what sharp witted comment she would shove at them to insult him.
"I was just asking if his wrist was any better. I'm about to place a bet on the next match and wanted to be sure we would win. If James is all healed up then there is no doubt he'll be the hero of the match as usual." She said.
She rose to her feet and four pairs of eyes watched her smile a goodbye then walk away to join her friends. Then another pair of eyes moved in her direction. Snape's gaze paused on Lily then flickered towards James. Peter was the only one that noticed. So he filled his plate as soon as the food appeared and squeaked out replies only when necessary.
Saturday arrived with the cold rain of fall. The wind felt like early wisps of winter and the stands around the Quidditch field displayed striped scarves, hats, umbrellas and ear muffs of only two colors: red and green. It was the first match of the season and the students buzzed with excitement. Peter especially. He loved watching Quidditch but always felt a pang of sadness once it was all over. The feeling was result of his deep desire to be quick and brave like the players. Bold and brave like James, but jealousy never breeds good intentions…or loyalty for that matter.
"Wonder what move James is going to pull to show off this time." Sirius said to Lily as he passed her to find a seat with Remus. "What do you think, Lily? I know that whatever it is you won't be impressed, especially since you know it is all for you." He stopped, seeing that be bench directly behind her was empty. "But that is what I like about you. You're strong enough not to fall for his fake charm. Maybe it's cause you know the real James really isn't that bad. Maybe its cause you know he is my best bloke, which means that surely I am the best despite his gestures to indicate that he is." Just like Sirius to be so playful. Remus laughed under his breath while Lily laughed aloud.
"Something like that." She said, turning to face them after they sat down. "It is a for sure win, right?"
Sirius' eyes flickered out to the field. "Definitely. You didn't believe it when you talked to James earlier about it?" Lily's reply was drowned out by the volume of the crowd. Everyone cheered to greet the teams as they entered the field. As captain of the lions James led his players out. The Slytherin players mounted their brooms first but once the whistle blew it was James up in the air before the others.
The rain fell much harder after the score tied up. The whistle announced a time out, called by the snakes. James purposively flew one more ring above the stands before descending to hype up his team. He found Lily in the flight and managed to notice the shivers that were trying to keep her body warm. Moving about had kept him warm but he didn't realize that the spectators had to be rather chilled. Two minutes after the game commenced another whistle blew to announce the end of the match. Gryffindor won with the capturing of the snitch.
The loss for Slytherin however was not to be permanent. And it was not a fulfilled victory for James. He didn't bother to go change in the locker rooms. For one thing he would get another pair of robes wet on the walk back to the castle and for another he would surely miss a chance to catch Lily and walk back with her.
He exited quickly only to find her standing with Sirius and Remus. Peter was nowhere in sight, probably escaped to the castle early so the rain wouldn't irritate his sinuses even more. James smiled heartily as he made way towards the three people that held the biggest places in his heart. He took his dry school robes from his bag before reaching Lily's side. He planned to put it around her shoulders, surprise her with kindness then gain her arm to walk her back. But Remus conjured an umbrella just before James was close enough to make his move. Kindness was much more natural for Remus.
Lily thanked him then saw James. She congratulated him on the win, feigning a thank you for the faux bet at the same time. Sirius exchanged a look with Remus. The two went on ahead, leaving James and Lily to walk together.
"You're probably wondering why I'm being so nice to you." She began, skipping the small talk. James' eyebrows went up.
"I am?" He said.
"I can usually see through people. I can tell when someone is lying or when someone is acting fake. And you do both around me very often, which is why I treat you in such a way. I always thought that you needed someone to show you up and be honest about you to your face." She paused to see if he would protest. When he didn't so she went on. "Then I realized that maybe if I let my guard down you would too and we could at least be friends. It's our last year at Hogwarts and I cannot help but feel as though every moment now is the last of something. I suppose what I am trying to say is I think it is important for us to stop being enemies of a sort and open up a little bit, get to know each other. I don't know." She stopped talking. She felt incredibly foolish and James could read it on her face. He liked that she was blushing.
"I think I understand."
"I hope so." She said and shivered.
He took the opportunity he thought was lost and draped his set of dry robes over her shoulders. "And I agree. But there is something I would like to add…about us being friends." His hand lingered, draped around her.
"Whatever is to become of us I want it to be slow. Well, start out slow at least." She spoke before he could go on. "I am not just any girl." The truth of the matter was, Lily was well aware just how much passion she possessed. And she was smart enough to keep it locked up for the right moment and the right feelings. She was not entirely sure yet about James. It was going to take some time to trust him. Even love at first sight doesn't mean love from then on out. To truly love takes time and once it is right it never dies.
James collapsed atop his covers, exhausted from the match. Remus set down his book and Sirius examined a bone from the plate of drumsticks they stole from this kitchen the night before. He licked his lips hungrily but set it back down after James laughed at him.
"Your tail would be wagging."
"And you would be keeping your distance and your antlers from me. I've always said they would be nice to chew on." The two laughed and Remus smiled faintly. There was only one week until the full moon. Though James and Sirius joked often about the animals within Remus felt very different. Of course, there is a difference in being an animagus and being a werewolf. There are many differences in fact but the danger factor is the main one. But there was something else Remus felt a sort of dread for. James told them about his walk with Lily. He was very genuine in his account. Remus had never seen James so mature in such a way. Perhaps James had finally let go of his need to impress and changed course to being himself instead.
After telling them what happened James got up to unpack his Quidditch bag. He was never any good at folding clothes and Remus had taught him a spell that did it for him. But when he reached in his pocket for his wand it was not there. His wand was missing.
"Your school robes are still with Lily aren't they? I can see you don't have them so you must have forgotten to ask for them back, and your wand is in that pocket instead of your Quidditch robes." Sirius improvised then yawned. He did not want to stay up late on a quest to find James' wand. The morning is much better for mischief, especially on Sunday.
No one grew worried and the matter was settled. James was glad he had an excuse to seek Lily out tomorrow, and Sirius was glad everyone was finally settling in for the night. Remus was feeling extra tired from the weight of the upcoming full moon. Peter was still missing, like he had been all afternoon, but no one seemed to notice. That was about to change. Everything was about to change.
To Be Continued...
