Chapter Seventeen
The Shadow of War
With such a maneuver, one would not only bring down the wrath of the gods upon themselves, but also the consequences of the universe were they to win. When the apex predator is removed from the ecosystem, the balance is destroyed. Their places must be filled.
Anton Ravenson, Codex Deorum, Essay Seven⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
'Now, the main question at hand,' I read.
'Is the workings of their genetics. Normal gods have their own set of genetic programming, which allows them to receive power from Uranus. But when a mortal becomes a god, I believe that the components of the godly genetics that allow them to access Uranus's energy is grafted onto their mortal genes. Thus, if any of them were to have a sexual relationship with a mortal, their genetics would pass on, (carried within mortal genes) to their child, thus leaving with their offspring not just a shadow of their power as most gods, but all of it.
Codex Deorum was a heavy volume, its gold and silver cover almost menacing in the evening light. I was sitting upright in my bunk, the book propped up on my knees. A nearby window provided just enough light to read by, the golden slant of sunlight illuminating the dusty pages. I had finally gotten to reading it, and fortunately, the book was providing many of the answers I was looking for. I did however realize that much of it was theory, but nevertheless, it was extremely well thought out.
Ethan was below me on the bottom bunk, sleeping, I presumed. I could hear his gentle breathing in the quiet barracks; we had left dinner early, and were getting some well needed rest. Or at least Ethan was.
I continued on, although the following section didn't contain any truly useful information. Soon, the rest of the legion entered the barracks, the girls' footsteps echoing from upstairs. As everyone filed in, the only topic of conversation I could hear was about Inara. What did she plan to do? Would they join her? There were a couple shouting matches, but Bryce efficiently stifled the arguments. Soon, the barracks fell silent as the boys made their way to their bunks and drifted off to sleep.
I was not so lucky.
I closed the book and tried to force myself to rest, but my mind was weighed down by everything that was happening. I was split between an urge to foil whatever Inara was planning, and yet, I had a strange desire to impress her. Once again the question surfaced: Who's side was I on? In the back of my mind, I knew. The answer was obvious, but for some reason, I simply couldn't accept it. I pushed the question away again. Boxing it up for another time.
Sleep didn't come for quite some time, but when it did, I welcomed it with relief.
The last thought on my mind was of Inara.
What is she planning?
In the morning, after breakfast, my head was throbbing.
I asked Bryce if I could head to the bathroom before the Roman history lecture at the university, but I really just wanted time alone. As I headed out onto the camp grounds, not really in any specific direction, I passed Inara talking with a lone camper. The girl was crying, and Inara had her arm wrapped around her comfortingly. A part of me smiled at the tender moment, but another recoiled and turned inwardly, attempting to view it as just another form of manipulation. Well in a way, it could be. The strongest manipulation of all was that of authenticity.
I trudged along, simply wanting to be free of people. I had grown comfortable over the last few months, and it frightened me; I couldn't shake the feeling that something would take it all from me. One day I'd wake up, and all of it would be gone. I'd be back on the streets, terrified and alone. And Ethan… I swallowed, sick to my stomach.
I walked for what seemed like ages. I didn't care whether I was late for the lecture, or whether I made it there at all. I had to sort out the things in my mind, alone. The sun was still fairly low in the east, dry and golden. Summer was nearly upon us, and in the morning heat, small beads of sweat rose on my brow. The low hum of insects droned ubiquitously in the air, and the sent of wildflowers, though faint, managed to break the monotony of the still, dry, heat.
After a while, I came across a temple. It was relatively small, yet it seemed to be crafted with the utmost care and respect. It was a perfect circle, twelve ornately carved pillars arranged around an inner chamber, which was circular as well. It seemed the remotest, and lonliest, and yet most welcoming of the temples I had seen. In the center of the inner chamber was a glowing hearth, the fire burning gently, and yet powerfully, its light reaching even the outside. As I stepped cautiously past the threshold, I had the sensation of walking from a blizzard into a warm, comfortable log cabin. It put me at ease immediately, and I almost wept from relief.
I sat down on the stone ground around the hearth, and closed my eyes. The fire crackled sweetly in the air, and waves of warmth passed through my body. I had wanted to be alone, but now, I realized, I just wanted to be comforted. This, I realized must be the temple of Vesta. How strange that it should be her temple which I stumbled upon in my lonely wandereings. As I pondered this, another thought came to my mind. My house is for all those who wander. It is a home for those who have no home. My fire warms the soul of those who are lonely in spirit. Let it be a place of rest. I knew immediately, that the thought was not mine, and yet I felt no horror at the thought. It was as if an old friend, if I had such a thing, were to wrap their arm around me, and tell me everything was going to be all right.
I had practically forgotten why I had come here. Was it better to not be alone? How could I think of the crushing, ice cold weight of the world, when warmth and love were available right here? I became so lost in thought, that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me.
"This is a nice place to think, isn't it?"
I turned, somehow not startled by the sudden voice. It was Inara. Strangely, I found that I could not hate her here. This is a place of rest.
Inara's eyes were soft in the firelight, and I admired her beauty more than I had previously now that the sharp coldness of animosity was absent from my mind. It wasn't that I didn't hate her, but rather that the hatred didn't matter. It was a peaceful place, and we were safe. Even mortal enemies could come here and talk warmly with each other. It was like another world.
After a while, I responded with a small nod of my head. Inara sat down next to me, pulling her knees to her chest, her black hair loose and falling gracefully to the floor. She smiled into the gleam of the fire, then looked over at me. In that moment, she became human. I could talk with her, I could laugh with her. She was a friend.
"What do you think of when you're lonely?" She asked suddenly. I blinked, slowly, taking in her question.
"I don't know… I guess life mostly." I said softly. She smiled, and looked upwards, towards the ceiling.
"What is life?"
"Gods, I don't know." I laughed.
"Is that why you think about it? To find out what it its?"
"Maybe… I guess I wonder that sometimes."
"I've often thought it strange, that although we come from Chaos, the universe is completely and utterly permeated by magnificent intricacy. One would think that something born of Chaos would seek disorder, and yet, everything seems to seek orderliness. When there is a pocket of low pressure, air floods into it from a higher pressure area, until it is equal. Why should it seek equal pressure? Why does removing an animal from an ecosystem destroy the balance? Why should balance exist if Chaos was its nother? I have only one theory. Chaos is not disorder. It is more than that. Creation itself would have to be designed, for it to even begin. Chaos is a mind, and what is a mind except ordered consciousness?"
She paused, looking over at me.
"I've lost you, haven't I?"
I laughed but shook my head.
"No, I was following pretty well, but I can't say that I've thought a whole lot about philosophy and that kind of stuff."
"But haven't you?"
"I don't⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯"
"Philosophy is contained within everything. And yet, it contains everything. It is within science, it is within the arts, it is in history, it is in economics, psychology, anything you can think of. If one wishes to look for a theory of everything, they will find it in philosophy, I am sure."
"The bigger picture." I said, thinking it over. "How is there a bigger picture, when life already feels so daunting?" I whispered. Inara smiled, and took my hands in hers, turning to face me.
"Is it really a bigger picture?"
"I mean it's the universe."
"But is it bigger than a human life?"
I was silent for a moment, pondering her question. We were back to what we had started with. What is life?
"I don't know." I responded, finally.
"But don't you?"
"I don't think so." I laughed.
"Don't you feel it? Emotion? Why should the universe be bigger than a life? Can the universe love? Can it feel?"
An icy cold crept down my spine, but was soon warmed by the heat of the fire. Inara looked intently into my eyes. She seemed younger, almost. Before I knew it, I asked a different question.
"Have you ever loved someone?" I knew it was off-topic, but at the time, it felt fitting.
Inara seemed to think it over for a moment.
"I think I have." She said. "He never loved me back though. Not like Ethan loves you."
"You think he does?"
"Oh, my gods. You're joking aren't you?" She giggled, like some small child, and I couldn't help but laugh with her.
"I don't know!" I laughed, "I guess he said it to me once."
"See! There. I was right!"
We continued on like this for some time, but after a bit, her expression grew more solemn.
"Jason."
"Yeah?"
"I didn't come here to talk philosophy or love with you, although it has been wonderful. I came here to tell you something."
"What?" I asked.
"I know it was you."
A surge of panic swelled up within me.
"I⎯⎯⎯I," I stuttered. Inara smiled.
"I see you know it as well." She laughed, her eyes shining. "You should help our cause, Jason. We could use people like you. I have never seen such power in any other demigod. You, I believe, have direct access to the Betwixt. It is not barred by the genetic coding of the godly parent. It is strange."
"The Betwixt?"
"You know, the in-between world with all the glowing streams of blue?"
"Oh, Ethan and I call it the Anamesa." I laughed at the silly name, but Inara looked impressed.
"That is, undoubtedly, a much better title than I have given it." She smiled.
I thought for a moment, stupefied.
"How can you see it? I haven't found anyone else who can see into it."
"I'm the daughter of Aether, the god of heavenly light. The Betwixt, or Anamesa as you call it, is what the gods see all the time. They are heavenly light, are they not? I can see their light where others cannot. And yet my abilities are still dictated by the patterns set down by my godly parent. I cannot use the Betwixt directly, as you can. If you think about it like a water filter, the godly genetics would be the filter, and the Betwixt would be the water. The genetics filter out what aspects of the energy are used, and limits the amount able to be wielded by the demigod. You however, have no genetic filter over the Betwixt. You can touch it directly. I saw what you did, when you pushed your own consciousness into the cord of energy, and routed it over to mine. That is something that I have only seen gods accomplish."
It was a statement that chilled me to the heart. The heat of the hearth did nothing for this pang of ice though.
"And not only this, but you have a second energy color. Every other demigod has a blue cord, but you, you have two. A blue one, and a green one."
"The green one burnt my hand."
"Oh, really? I had meant to ask about your hand earlier, but I always forgot."
I laughed.
"I forget about it sometimes as well, but I always find myself looking back at it."
Inara was silent for a second, and when she spoke again, her tone was more urgent.
"Please tell me you'll consider joining us. We really could use you."
"I barely know what it is you plan to do."
She smiled.
"We are crusaders, of a sort. The gods, if you haven't noticed, have been rather free in their sexual escapades. They leave in their wake thousands of children, abandoned, and alone with powers they can only barely understand. They leave them to grow up without the influence of a second parent. Even if the mortal parent is competent, and well equipped to raise a child, the psychological effects of any child growing up without two parents will inevitably scar. The gods are immortal. This is their downfall. Their immortality makes them apathetic to the humans they have created. Humans. Even though we are the children of gods, we are still human. We are mortal. This is our strength. The gods are things of this universe, while we have life. What is life? You know, you know it in your heart," Her face took on a concentrated, passionate gleam, like that of a heated dagger. "Why are our lives so big, compared to the universe? It's because they end. The gods will last until the end of time. This is what makes our cause so important. The gods must fall. They have wronged humankind, and their kin long enough. They must be brought to their knees. This is not spoken out of ambition, but out of necsescity."
Thousands of memories flooded into my mind, images of children, names, and screams. Would I really stand up against someone who wanted to save these children?
"Let us leave this place. Vesta does not like talk of war."
"Isn't Vesta a maiden goddess? What will be done with her?"
"Vesta is simply a voice of tolerance. She is lukewarm. She does not serve any purpose save comfort. We will grant her amnesty from our attacks."
I nodded, still shocked at her boldness. She said these things with such, authority.
Eventually, we stood up, and walked back to the camp together, leaving the friendly warmth of the temple, for the dry heat of the day. We were mostly silent on the way back, and Inara seemed to know exactly when to break the silence so that neither of us were uncomfortable. Her skills were extraordinary.
It was lunchtime when we returned, but Inara didn't sit with me. She had others to talk to.
Ethan grinned when he saw me, and for a frightening second, I had no idea what to do with my face. And then it hit me. The reason surfaced in my mind. It arose from the depths as if it had planned for this moment.
The only thing holding me to a side was Ethan.
