Chapter five: No child of mine
"Water, cola and two salads."
The waitress nodded and hurried away. There wasn't a lot to do this day but it was her way to serve her guests quickly.
A small girl laid in her mother's lap and munched happily her mash. Dark eyes looked up into tired faces. Her parents weren't as happy as her.
"You needn't cancel your concerts, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka still looking in her menu. But she didn't chose for anything. She wasn't hungry. So the young violinist ordered for them.
"I know. But time by time there're more important things than giving concerts. I donated some money to the foundation and declared that I'll give those concerts in two months so that the fans won't be too upset. The guys understood. Now they'll do their tour on their own an I'll join them later." Michiru gave Hotaru another spoon of her loved mash and leaned forward. Tenderly she took Haruka's icy hand in her own one and squeezed it tight. "You're more important to me than those concerts."
Both of them exchanged glances and the taller woman couldn't help but blush. She smiled but the sad expression stayed in her green eyes.
"But all those reporters... I didn't want to involve you in my problems." Haruka turned the page without seeing the letters written down. They chose for a small restaurant somewhere near the airport of Nagasaki and sat down in a quiet corner. Shortly after the reporters woke them up they took Hotaru and their few things and flew from the hotel over the back staircase. Michiru managed everything over her handy and their plane would leave in about three hours.
"Don't worry, I am used to them. My parents are famous musicians and I am known for my violin play and my drawings. I don't care what the newspapers say. Some of them tried to judge me when they found out that I adopted Himme-chan and some of them tried to give an affair to my father although the girl had been only a student." Michiru thanked as the waitress brought their drinks. But Haruka still didn't look up from the menu and the ice in her cola slowly started to melt.
"But I care. 'Cause know he will know that I am here and I am not sure if I should be lucky or not." Answered the tall woman in a low voice and turned the paper again. Now she was on the wine card although she hated wine. It was so sour.
"He? Your father?" suspected Michiru and held Hotaru up to her shoulder. The baby did it's burp and yawned. Then she settled into a deep sleep.
"Hai. No." Haruka shook her head. "He's not my real father but he was the only father I had." She sighed deeply and turned again the paper until she reached the end of the menu. "I was born here in Japan, not far away from Tokyo. My mother was the daughter of Tenô Misa, the famous opera singer. So it was normal that she learned the piano. And she was good although her parents wanted her to be a great singer, too. But she chose another way and moved away when the fight with her parents became worse. They didn't talk again to each other when my mother declared them that she was pregnant – without being married. My grandparents turned away from her and died some years later in a tragic plane accident. I can't remember them. Nor can I remember my real father. Sometimes my mother said that I look like him. That I would grin like him." Haruka sighed again and took the menu finally aside. "Sometimes she called me her wind's child and she loved me very much. She didn't give up her piano play and she wrote that special song only for me. Someone heard it and one month later she was a star in Japan. She went on tour and took me with her. Then, one year later, she got to know her future husband – my future father. He was a known business men from America. They fall in love and she moved with him to the warm Country. She gave up her career and followed him. All she wanted was love and security for me. And a real family."
The salads came and Michiru took the sleeping Hotaru very carefully in her child's seat. Then she took her fork but didn't eat at all.
"So you are Francis H. Miller?" she asked after a while Haruka simply stared at the red tomato in front of her.
"Hai." The tall woman nodded slowly. "Francis Haruka Miller. That's my American name after my mother's husband adopted me. Tenô is my mother's birth name. I chose it, because now I am not that Francis anymore." She sighed deeply but Michiru didn't interrupt her. The tall woman needed her time and the young violinist would give her as much as she wanted.
"But that's a long story."
Michiru touched again icy hands and smiled understanding.
"If you want to tell it, I'd listen to you."
Haruka raised her head and looked into deep blue eyes she loved so much.
I can trust her. Completely.
The young woman swallowed hard and looked again in her untouched salad.
'Cause she loves me...
"Well, it was a normal life. I lived together with my parents in the south of California. My father was often on his business trips and my mother composed some more songs. She learned me to play the piano the way she did and I was happy with them. Then my father got to know that I was very talented in driving. There was a race every year for small children and I won it without practising. So he took me to other races and after five years when I was thirteen I was allowed to sit in a Formula One car. I was the youngest racer America had ever seen. I could do it because my father was so well known and very rich to pay every car and every start money for me. Hai, I was the youngest car racer..." Haruka nodded thoughtfully and played with her fork in the salad. "And I was the best one American had ever seen. In the first year I reached the bronze medal. In the second I year I was fourteen and the youngest World Champion America had ever seen. I won the Formula One more than once. Everything went fine. My parents supported me in my career. My mother was very proud of me. Once she told me that I was really my father's daughter: As fast as the wind. I never understood her..." Haruka bit on her lower lip and swallowed hard. "My new father saw that I was a good investment for his money and so I got faster and faster race cars and was very popular. I simply wanted to make them happy and to be loved. It's now two years that the accident happened. I drove the last race to get my third title as World Champion and I was going to win. I was so excited and so happy that I didn't see how my opponent lost the control over his car when I overtook him. He swirled around himself but I didn't think about it. The track was normally empty and so I crossed the finish line – not caring about the poor guy any longer. Accidents happened every race and you could hardly do anything against it." Haruka sighed a shaky sigh and suddenly tears sparkled in her dark green eyes. "But the track wasn't empty. My mother was there. She escaped the guards and wanted to run over to the finish line to congratulate me as the first person. The car crashed directly into her. She had no chance. "Haruka closed her eyes and felt again soft hands reaching for her own ones. "She died before she could reach the hospital. It was quite a shock for all of us. I won the Formula One but I didn't want it anymore. My father was sad and desperate. He didn't talk to me after that day and crept back into his work. He didn't come home for days and I sat the whole time at her piano and tried to play her music. To bring her back. But she didn't come back to me and I felt sad and alone. One night my father came home. He was dead drunk and without any warnings he took his belt and beat me down. I tried to defend myself but he was stronger. He called me bad names and gave me the debt for mother's death. He said if I hadn't been there my mother would have never been on the track and wouldn't be dead now. He said that I was a burden for her and now for him, too. I wasted his money and I wasn't even his own child. After he finished I spend the next days in hospital. I told the doctors that I fell down the staircase but they didn't want to believe me. Not really. But my father was too rich and too important so no one called the police." Haruka swallowed hard and looked critically at the tomato on her fork. "There was a really cute nurse there and, well, I flirted with her. It was just an hour she talked to me friendly. I was alone and was happy about her nice words. Maybe I looked too yearning or her smile had been too friendly but my father found out that I wasn't very interested in boys. One day after I left the hospital he took me and bought me in an institution. I wasn't eighteen at that day and so I couldn't defend myself. He told me that it was for my best and that he wanted me to be normal again until the next World's Championship. He said that his late wife's daughter wasn't a lesbian bitch and that he would bring me back on the right way again." Haruka shook her head again and her voice was nothing more than a whisper. But Michiru could her hear. Only her Michi-chan.
I am here for you.
Michiru squeezed the icy free hand tenderly and knew that Haruka heard her words even if she didn't say them aloud.
I love you!
"It was horrible in that institution. They really wanted to change my whole mind and one night I ran away. But they got me and pulled me back. Then they started with electrical shocks and I got more medicine and I felt like a ghost. Not like a human being anymore. My father visited me again and shouted wildly at me as he recognized that I still wasn't interested in men. After he went away I wasn't even interested in myself any longer. Being alive. I stole a knife from the kitchen and locked myself into the bathroom. They found me in the early morning. About five hours after I took my final bath." Haruka swallowed hard and two tears run down her cheeks. The pork crashed into the salad and she took Michiru's hand and let it stroke over her wrists. Michiru frowned as she saw the pale scars. There weren't visible – only if you looked closer and knew what really happened.
"They took me to the hospital in time but the doctors said that it was a miracle that I survived those wounds over five hours. Normally I would have been dead. But I survived. One doc, he was really nice to me and tried hard to help me, said that I had a very good guardian angel." Haruka sobbed quietly. "My father came and at that day he denied that I was his daughter. For him I died and he didn't want to talk to me any longer. So I recovered from my wounds and ran away again from the institution. I let my hair grew longer, bought myself an ugly red dress, took the rest of my money and left America for good. I could escape them because they searched for a tomboy, not for a young woman. I wanted to visit my mother's homeland to find a new future and maybe a better life here. I had the strange feeling that there was someone in Japan I belonged to. So I went to the next airport and flew to Tokyo. It was a rainy day when I arrived. Without any money left. Without any place to go to. Without any friends. I read your advertisement in the newspaper and thought that it was worth a try. Well, you know the rest of the story." Haruka swallowed hard and shook again her head. Blonde strands fell in her dark green eyes. Tears sparkled in them and Michiru could hear some oppressed sobs. She stood up and sat down next to her Ruka and took her into her arms. The tall woman trembled and more tears ran down her pale cheeks.
"That's strange. I didn't cry since my mother's death and now it's the second time within only two days..." whispered Haruka but leaned herself against Michiru's warm body.
She really loves me!
"By the news I got to know that my father's still searching for me. Maybe he wants me back as the great Formula One racer. And now he knows that I am here and I simply don't know what I shall do. He said that I am no child of him any longer and I don't wanna see him again. Although it's strange. I still love him. Even if he wasn't my real father..."
Michiru squeezed her harder and raised her right hand. Tenderly she wiped away hot tears and kissed shaking lips.
"So you know who I am."
The young violinist looked deep into dark green eyes.
"Hai, you're Tenô Haruka, my great love." She whispered and kissed her again. Then she pulled her closer and hold her tight. The waitress was intelligent enough to let them in peace and Hotaru slept innocently in her child's seat.
"And don't worry, we'll think of something."
Haruka nodded and held her tight as if she was her only life line.
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"I still can't believe that we did it." Haruka blinked and searched for her sunglasses as they left the plane. She took a deep breathe and blinked into a sun which was brighter and hotter in a Country she used to know very well. Now she felt like a stranger.
"If you don't want to we can take the next plane back to Tokyo." Said Michiru next to her side and carried her daughter.
"No, you're right. I can't run away the rest of my life..." The tall woman took care for her family as Michiru left the plane and stepped down the staircase. Hotaru still slept deep and tight and smiled happily as some rays of golden sunlight touched her face.
Michiru raised her head and smiled loving up to her.
"Whatever will happen, remember, Ruka, I'll be there." She giggled as Haruka took her into her arms and gave her a quick but passionate kiss. Some passengers complaint behind them that they wanted to leave the plane, too, but they didn't take attention.
Deep blue eyes looked straight into dark green ones.
I love you, Ruka.
Another short kiss and they left the staircase for good. Some passengers sighed deeply behind them.
I love you, too, Michi-chan.
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There was a big lump in her throat as she saw the white building on the green hill. She drove towards it and parked the blue Mercedes they rent at the airport at the drive.
It's only one year now but it seems to be eternity...
Haruka sighed deeply, then she jumped out of the car and helped Michiru out. The young violinist grabbed the collar of her white shirt and pulled her nearer. Then she gave her a long and loving kiss.
"Don't worry, if he's your father he loves you." She turned around and took Hotaru and her seat in her hands. Shortly she looked down at sparkling dark eyes. "As we love our Himme-chan."
Haruka followed her look and nodded. Then she took a deep breathe and hurried up the stairs to the big entrance door. The bell rang twice, then the door was opened.
"Hi, Loreena. Is my father at home?" Haruka smiled at the old woman behind the door. She was one of her father's servants who cooked his meals, tidied up his house and took care of his huge garden.
"F... Francis? Is that you?" The old woman blinked and frowned. Then her face brightened up and before Haruka could react he embraced her hard. "Hell, we were so concerned about our little Francis! When you disappeared without a trace we were all very sad and afraid. Even Michael – although he would have never admitted it." Loreena grinned happily. "Well, you aren't so little any longer, am I right?" She stepped aside and let her in. She bowed before her Michiru and the baby.
"How cute!" she exclaimed and Hotaru laughed happily as she stroke over soft cheeks. "She's almost as cute as my granddaughter."
"Arigato. Hello, I am Kaioh Michiru. I am pleased to meet you." Said the young violinist and bowed. Loreena looked a little bit confused, but bowed, too. Then she hurried away to find her master, Mister Miller.
"The traditions are a little bit different from Japan." Explained Haruka and took another deep breathe. Her heart seemed to explode in her chest and she asked herself if it was the right decision. Michiru had the idea that she should go to her father before he came to Japan after his long searches. So they cancelled the fly to Tokyo and flew to California instead.
"I know. But still I confuse all those strange traditions I got to know during my world tour three years ago."
When I searched for Uranus.
Michiru smiled loving up to a pale face. Haruka clenched nervously her fists and walked thoughtfully around the huge entrance hall.
And when I decided to stay at home for Himme-chan I found my Ruka.
They heard silent footsteps from above and Haruka raised her head and looked up to the man standing at the end of a big staircase.
He became old during the past years.
Haruka swallowed hard as she saw grey strands in once so dark hairs. The brown eyes were empty and seemed to be very tired.
"Daddy?" she asked with a suddenly shaky voice.
"Francis?" He frowned and seized hard on the handrail as he walked slowly downstairs.
Where's the power left? The strength I feared so much when he was drunk?
Haruka didn't see it anymore. All she saw was an suddenly very old man.
"Where have you been?" he asked with a low voice and observed her from top to the toes. She bit on her lower lip and knew what he saw: A tomboy in men's clothes. The person he tried to heal from her illness. Without taking care of her personal feelings. Of her soul.
"In Japan, at mommy's birthplace." She whispered and her deep green eyes followed his motions.
"I should have known it." He sighed deeply. "I read the newspaper yesterday. Seems as if you followed her footsteps and became a famous piano player."
"To be honest, I only wanted to give a friend a pleasure." She smiled but her smile broke as he waved his free hand to show her that she should be silent.
"You ran away without leaving a single note. You didn't call me up the last months. So why did you return? What do you want from me? Money!"
I don't know.
Haruka took a deep breathe but she couldn't find a suitable answer.
Forgiveness? Friendship? Love?
At that moment Hotaru started desperately to cry. Michiru put the child's seat down and took her daughter into her arms. The girl grabbed for sea green strands and calmed down a bit. Still tears sparkled in her dark eyes and helping she looked up into her mother's tenderly smiling face.
"I ... I..." suddenly Haruka wasn't sure anymore. Why she came to this place she started to hate after her mother's death. She started to fear after her father started to drink. She saw over and over again in her nightmares. Whenever she took again the knife and locked herself in the tiny bathroom...
"I..."
"Stop stammer!" snapped the tall man and walked slowly over to the huge living-room. "Let's sit down and talk serious before my powers are gone." The man looked very weak while he entered the living room and took place in a huge armchair. But at the same time Haruka saw his brown eyes sparkle with anger and she was sure that he was still able to hurt her.
"So, what is it you want?" he asked after his guests sat down on a huge couch opposite to him. "Money? Forget it! I fed you, bought you clothes. You got a roof over your head, an excellent education and more than one race car!" he declared and raised his voice. "I won't give you back your trophies! I financed your races and it's fair for me to keep them! You're old enough to get a job and to earn your own money!"
Haruka swallowed hard and shook her head.
"I didn't come for money. I came for..."
"You won't move into this house again, forget it! I lived too long with you! It's over now! You grown up! I am not longer responsible for you!"
"But..."
Haruka shook her head again and looked at a now smiling Hotaru in her girlfriend's arms.
"But you're my father." She tried to explain and searched for the right words.
"I am not your father, you know this too well! Maybe I adopted you so that I could marry your mother. I only wanted her, she was the love of my life! You've always been your mother's child! If you look for a father, then search for your producer who left your mother before your birth!" The tall man clenched his fists and Haruka got paler with a sudden.
"You don't understand! I came here to..."
"Shut up, Francis! I can't hear your stammer anymore! You only caused trouble. The whole of your life! Your grandparents didn't want your mother anymore because of you! Of you bastard! She worked hard to fed you until she met me. I married her and so you got a home and good education! I tried hard to be a good father for you, but all you gave me back was sadness and despair! You killed my wife! Don't tell me that you didn't know that she was standing there! Normally you knew everything what happened on track, so why do you still claim that you didn't that time?"
"It was an accident!" screamed Haruka and rose from the couch. "It was a bloody accident!"
We've discussed this so many times! Why can't he stop telling this?
"Hai, an accident! Maybe for you. Maybe you didn't care so much for her, but she was my life. And you took her away from me! But that wasn't enough for you, eh? You wanted to destroy my life! After her death you became stranger and, hell, you didn't even cry at the funeral."
Haruka shook her head.
I cried a lot. During long, dark nights you've been away from home...
But she had no chance to interrupt his speech.
"And then I had to find out about your interests in your own gender! Don't you feel ashamed for yourself? Didn't you ever think what it meant for me having an adopted, lesbian daughter!"
"So you took me into that institution! Great solution! Really, great, daddy! They tortured me with electrical shocks! They beat me even more than you with your bloody belt and they gave me more medicine that I could bare. I threw up all my food and could hardly walk any longer. I was a zombie, nothing more! I wasn't a real human any longer!"
"You've never been, you lesbian! And don't you ever call me daddy again! I am not your father, I've never been! And sometimes I wish that you died at that very night in the hospital. Five hours! No one could survive such a long time with so deep wounds, but you could! To punish me even more, you devil! It was written on all magazines, that my adopted daughter tried to commit suicide and how the business world laughed over me! I was nothing than a fool to them! And then you ran away. Simply ran away and left me here behind!"
Haruka clenched her fists and took a deep breathe as she slowly walked over to him.
"It was my only chance to survive. You know that! You can't change my soul nor am I able to change the past. It happened and hell, I miss her, too. What do you think? She was my mother and I loved her the same way you did! I..."
"Shut up!" The tall man rose from his armchair and grabbed hard her shoulders. Haruka didn't wince away. Both stared motionless at each other. Silence evolved between them. Finally the old man interrupted it with a whisper. But it was louder than every scream.
"It's enough, Francis. I am fed up with all this. I am finished with you. The day you let my wife die you stopped existing for me. And that very day in the hospital you stopped being my daughter. Go away to wherever you came from and never come back. You're no child of mine anymore."
Haruka's green eyes grew wide and her whole body started to tremble although she tried hard to fight against it.
"You can't simply..." she choked and blinked. Suddenly tears burned in her eyes.
She saw the man again and again in front of her. How he rose a little girl in the air and swirled around with her. How he told her good night stories. How he sat in front of a tiny bed, taking care for a feverish little child.
Her face hardened.
How he came home deadly drunk and hurt her with more than his words. How he took her to the institution. How he didn't care for her any longer after her tried suicide.
"Why can't I? I am not responsible for you any longer. You're grown up! You're old enough to live your own life. So go away. I never want to be ashamed about you again! I never ever want to see you again! So go!"
Is it so simple for him? To turn around and erase me out of his mind? Out of his memories? Out of his life? Is it so easy for him pretending that I was never born? Not for him?
"Parents are always responsible for their children..."
"But you aren't a child of mine! Comprehend Francis!" he raised one hand and slapped her right into the face. Haruka stumbled some steps back and a shocked expression laid on her face. At the next moment it was gone and her eyes went empty.
"I understood." She whispered and swallowed hard.
At that moment started Hotaru terrified to scream because of the angry, loud voices. She wasn't used to them and she felt very afraid. Especially in a house she didn't know. With a stranger who was obviously very angry. Full of hate and despair.
"Hush..." whispered Michiru who was pale, too.
"And who the hell is that? Can't this bloody baby be silent? And who's that bitch? Your new whore!" the old man waved his arms but Michiru stood up before he could reach her. Tenderly she rocked her daughter and Hotaru's frightened cries changed into angry ones.
"Don't call her a bitch, you ignorant, old man!" snapped Haruka and stepped protectively between the smaller woman and the man who used to be her father. "She's my girlfriend!"
"So you aren't recovered now, Francis! And how is it to do it with a girl? How do you get an orgasm without..."
"Shut up or I'll forget my good attitudes!" warning Haruka raised her right fists and met angry brown eyes. Hotaru kept crying.
"And that bastard! Can't it stop screaming? It's annoying! Who the hell it that? The brood of your whore? How much does she cost?"
I'll kill you! I'll beat you! I'll hurt you the same way you did!
Haruka took a deep breathe and felt Michiru's right hand on her arm. To hold her back. To tell her that she was there. To beg silently that they should leave. He wasn't worth any trouble.
"That's Hotaru, my daughter."
"Daughter? Don't tell me that you tried it with a man!" Brown eyes looked hateful into angry shinning dark eyes and Hotaru's sirens even increased.
"I am going to adopt her. She's my daughter, whatever you may think." Declared the tall woman and it sounded like the growl of a dangerous tiger. Ready for the final jump.
"Don't make the same mistake I did, Francis. She will never be your daughter as long as she hasn't a bit of your blood in her. You will never really love her and she will only misuse you. Your money, your shares and your house!"
Haruka shook her head, suddenly she looked very disappointed.
"You understood nothing, James Miller. Being parents doesn't mean giving birth to the children. It means to be there for them. To care for them -as long as we live. I didn't come for money. I didn't come to steal you anything. You can keep those bloody trophies, I don't need them." Haruka took a deep breathe and stepped besides her Michiru, still feeling the warm hand calming on her arm.
"I came for my father. I came here to show him my family. The persons I love. I came to show him his granddaughter and to ask if he still loves me." She turned around and only Michiru could see the tears burning in her eyes.
"I came for forgiveness, but you made your point very clear. Gomen, I will never disturb you again. Be happy with your money and with all the riches you own."
She took Hotaru in her trembling arms and handles Michiru the car keys.
"Let's go." She whispered and looked like a broken hero. Like a soldier who lost the most important battle. Now the war was over but the sacrifices had been too big.
I wish I could help you.
The young violinist watched her leaving the living room and turned towards the tall man still standing next to the couch.
Would I ever have become as cynic as him if I would have waited for Uranus the rest of my life?
She shivered and suddenly she was very cold.
"How could you dare, Mister Miller?" she asked very quietly and her deep blue eyes glowed like fire. "She really loved you! And hell, she misses her mother more than you can imagine! Maybe she is 19 now, but in her heart she's still a child. And she needed you. Not your money, not your house or your influences as a business man! She needed you as a father. She needed your love!" Michiru shook her head and sighed deeply. "How could you hurt her so much!"
With those words she turned around and followed her girlfriend who already left the big house and stumbled towards the Mercedes.
I have to help her. Somehow...
The old man watched them driving away. Forever.
"My love...?" he whispered and for some seconds his eyes shone sad. He walked over to the desk and looked at a framed picture. It showed a beautiful woman with long dark hairs and shinning eyes. She laughed happily. Almost as happily as the small girl in her arms. Wind played with short blonde hairs and green eyes looked loving up to her mother.
"No, she's no child of mine. She's never been..."
The glass cracked as it hit the ground.
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Coloured flashlights shone through huge windows. The noise of starting planes could be heard. But it was the only hotel near the airport you could stay without fearing of being robbed during the night.
Hotaru slept on the huge bed under a thin blanket, her little arms determined wrapped around her old toy teddy. She was full and calmed herself down from the screaming of the afternoon.
Her parents couldn't forget it so easily.
"Ruka?"
Michiru entered the bathroom and stripped her summer dress. The tall car racer already sat in the tube and water drops let the surface shiver as she stared at her wet hands.
"Sweetheart?"
The young violinist climbed behind her girlfriend in the big tube and embraced her from behind. Carefully she took those wet hands in her own ones and hold them tight. She leaned her head against the other one's shoulder and felt, how the warm body next to her trembled.
"It wasn't your fault."
Haruka blinked and the scream died away in her head as she felt those soft hands on her skin. Slowly she raised her head and her eyes returned from a nightmare only she could see.
"He had been right. I always knew what was happening on the track – even during the races." Said the tall woman with a low voice and shook her head. She didn't feel the warm water around her shaking body. Nor did she feel her own heartbeat any longer. But she felt soft hands slowly stroking through her short blonde hairs. She lowered her head again and wet strands fell in her green eyes. Empty eyes.
"I am guilty for her death."
Michiru swallowed hard and shook her head.
"No." She whispered and hold her girlfriend tighter. "It was an accident." Deep she sighed.
I wish I could help you. As much as you helped me to find back from my illusions. To find back into real life again. To get my soul back – and to give it to the one and only I really love...
"He is an asshole."
"Hai, he is." Haruka laughed a shaky laugh. It was full of bitterness. "But this asshole used to me my father. Hell, I really loved him." Haruka clenched her fists and beat against the tube's rim. "He simply threw me away like an old robe or a shoe that isn't modern anymore! That's not the way parents should be with their children. That's not how the whole idea is supposed to be..." Silently she shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes. "I am afraid, Michi-chan." She admitted and swallowed hard. "What if I'll ever become like him? If I'll ever be so mean to our Himme-chan? If I'll ever show her the door and push her away? What if I'll ever hurt?" The last sentence wasn't more than a quiet sob but Michiru could understand it. She squeezed her girlfriend harder and gave her a calming kiss on her already wet neck.
"You'll never be, Ruka. You love our princess. As you said, it has nothing to do with blood. When you came into our house half a year ago and gave her the toy doggy back you fell in love with her. I saw it in your eyes when you fed her the next morning. Can't you remember? You promised me never to hurt her. Never ever! I believe you, Ruka." Michiru gave her another soft kiss. "You risked your life to save her after the car accident and you were really concerned about her. Your father only wanted your mother and took you, too, because he only could marry your mother with you as his new daughter. This situation is different. You want me – and Hotaru, too."
I love you so much!
Haruka pressed her eyes hard together and sighed deeply.
"I wish I could be so sure. Now I am young and maybe I don't know what it means to be responsible for a small child for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll automatically become like him..."
"Hush, darling." Michiru leaned over Haruka's shoulder and looked into sad shinning green eyes. "Maybe you're young, but you know what love is. And you love Hotaru, don't you?"
Haruka nodded slightly.
"Hai..." she responded finally and closed her eyes again as Michiru kissed her tenderly. She raised her hands and ran them through long blue strands.
Hell, it feels so good!
For the first time for over two years she felt safe and secure. Here was the place she belonged. Here, with her Michi-chan and her Himme-chan. With her family.
"Don't worry about him, Ruka. He isn't worth it." Michiru smiled confident into a still pale face. "Don't worry, Hotaru already has two grandparents and as I know my parents, Himme-chan won't survive any more grandparents."
For a slight second there was panic on Haruka's face and she frowned. Michiru understood her without any words.
"Don't worry, my mother isn't always so bad. She was simply concerned about me. About my health, my luck and my illusions. Guess she'll be happy that I have now found my soul mate." She giggled as Haruka's eyes grew wide in concern. "They know that they will never get a son-in-law. I told them four years ago and they were very understanding. Until I started chasing after a ghost. Even my father was very concerned about me. He wants to see his little daughter happy. They'll accept you, don't worry. And after you had the first battles with my mother, she'll love you, too." Michiru gave her Ruka another sweet kiss. "And my friends already know it. I simply don't know how to tell Usagi. Guess she still thinks that you're a guy."
Now there was a thin smile on Haruka's pale face.
"Usako is a crazy, but nice person." She admitted and Michiru had to giggle.
"A very nice and sometimes stupid one." The young violinist thought at Sailor Moon and knew that she had to tell Haruka about her second I. "And a very, very good friend. More than once she saved my life." She meant it literally...
The tall woman oppressed a yawn and both of them left the tube after washing each other tenderly. They dried themselves with a soft towel and walked slowly over to the huge bed they would have to share this night with Hotaru. The hotel didn't have another room left and their fly would start early in the morning.
"Please, don't switch off the light." Marbled Haruka as she crept under the warm blanket. Michiru frowned but the small lamp beside the bed kept burning.
"It wasn't just for Himme-chan, was it?" she asked and swallowed as she remembered what her girlfriend told her the last week.
Is it just a few days ago? That I pushed her away? That I didn't know how much we love each other? How much we needed each other? Was I really so blind over all those months?
"No..." The tall woman turned around and watched her for some moments silently with her dark green eyes. "The nights in the institution were long and dark. Whenever I wake up from a nightmare and see a light around I know that I really escaped. That I am not there any longer."
She sighed and closed her eyes as Michiru kissed her tenderly and pulled her carefully into the pillow.
"Don't worry, Ruka. Whenever you awake, I'll be there. Love you." Whispered the young violinist, embraced her girlfriend from behind, leaned her head against her shoulder and felt asleep the next minute. It had been a very exciting day and she was tired.
So was Haruka.
But she simply couldn't sleep.
"Love you, too." She whispered back and looked down on a sleeping baby next to her under the thin blanket. Hotaru smiled in her innocent dreams and squeezed her old teddy tighter.
He said you were no child of mine.
Haruka carefully caressed over round cheeks and smiled automatically as the small girl yawned and her tiny fingers reached for her big ones. Hold them tight with a strength only babies had.
He was wrong.
"Love you, too."
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