Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything you can recognise from any books or TV series or movies. I do however take liberties with the plots or mentions provided by JKR or other writers. The only profit I'm getting out of it is improving my English.
Title: Secrets & Keepers – Entropy
Rating/Warnings: R/M [AU; Manipulative Dumbledore (therefore not Dumbledore friendly); profanity; canon typical violence; frank discussion of past child abuse (Harry but not only) and of past child abuse of sexual nature (not Harry); not very detailed descriptions of torture (not Harry); Black family feels; identity crisis; pureblood politics; good Slytherins]
Characters and pairings: Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Regulus Black, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Bathsheda Babbling. As well as Hermione Granger, Arcturus Black, Larry Lawrence (OC) and Josephine Turner (OC). The rest of characters will appear as the story progresses.
All adults are more or less paternal towards Harry or grandfatherly towards Hermione as well as generally friendly or at the very least civil towards each other once they sort out their differences.
References to past and present relationship of sexual nature between Snape and Babbling. Occasional mentions of one sided Sirius/James, not one sided Sirius/OFC (the woman of many names). Contains mentions of Remus/Tonks, eventual allusions to Larry/Josephine and background Arcturus/Melania. No Harry or Hermione pairings because they have a lot on their plates and won't have time for teenage nonsenses for a longer while (at the very least through PoA timeline).
Spoilers: All seven books with occasional, brief references to ground work for HP & CC main plot as well as Secrets & Keepers – Collision Course and Secrets & Keepers – Supernova.
Summary: Harry & Hermione learn that as weird as everything become in the aftermath of learning devastating news is that the life actually goes on. There's a Dark Lord to destroy, a manipulative Headmaster to overthrow, family bonds and new friendships to establish and old ones to maintain. Direct sequel to S&K - Collision Course and S&K - Supernova.
Chapter summary: The much-needed conversation between Sirius and Severus.
Word count: About 4300
Author's note: I realise that this conversation might seem as out of character for both. But you have to remember about that this isn't forced reconciliation under Dumbledore's watchful eye. This is two men who agreed, on their own free will that they have common enemies, goals and a very complicated history. I tried my best to show how much effort this conversation is costing Sirius, he's admitting to a lot of things and to the last person on the planet he imagined ever admitting this stuff. Don't worry they won't become BFF by next chapter. Not that I'm completely opposed to the idea but a lot of time must pass and a lot of conversations must take place before either of them will realise that apparently they gained a friend in one another.
As for the timeline. Yes, it's quirky and a lot of stuff is happening on the same day but I swear that we won't spend next twelve chapters on 8th August 1993. What happens on 8th August is what needs to happen on 8th August but we will leave it behind after chapter six. Following chapters will be wrapped within a day each. If you want to know the next day that will be spread out over a couple of chapters will be the 1st September as it will revolve around the pov of various characters from that day but I promise that I will try to keep it as condensed as possible. But 1st September will be the day when a lot of people will be doing a lot of things at roughly the same time in different places. Hopefully I will manage to close it within no more than four chapters depending from their length, ideally two (but after CC I learned my lesson).
Posted on Tuesdays.
Beta read by Regnbuen (Nitraz).
Happy New Year. May it be better than the last one, not that the bar is set very high.
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
~Irene Peter
Secrets & Keepers – Entropy
Chapter three: Messrs Snape & Black.
Severus Snape, 8th August 1993, Spinner's End, Cokeworth.
The silence that settled in the room once Regulus Black had vacated the premises wasn't uncomfortable, but only because he and Bathsheda were no strangers to periods of selective mutism and mutual ignorance of each other's existence. Although to be fair, he believed that it was a thing of the past.
"So," started Severus slowly as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Black."
"So, Lily," replied Bathsheda with a shrug as she crossed her own arms over her own.
"We aren't discussing her," objected Severus. "We're discussing the evident lack of communication Ms Talk To Someone About Your Problems," he pointed out coldly. "You knew where we were going this morning, you knew who we would be meeting there and yet you failed to mention any of that to me."
"Would you listen?" she asked pointedly, cocking her left eyebrow at him, as if daring him to confirm even though they both knew that if he knew beforehand where they were going, and whom they would find there, instead of them, Aurors and Hit-Wizards would darken the front steps of Black Manor.
"That's why I'm asking why," said Severus stiffly. "Why would you risk your freedom, your career, this…" he gestured between them, "and for that man of all people."
"Because I owed him," said Bathsheda with a soft sigh. "I owed him because while I was drowning in my own grief I left him alone to drown in his. He and Mirzam did more for us than any of my brothers or my parents even dared to consider. After…" she paused, licked her lips and took a deep breath before she continued, "after January," the day he'd raped her, his mind supplied, "I was in a very dark place. I chose probably the stupidest way of handling what happened. Complete denial of what had taken place, completely ignoring reporting it as well as necessary precautions against…"
"Against unplanned pregnancy," he finished softly.
"I existed in that bubble for too long to do something about it before I discovered that I was pregnant. By the time I realised it, it wasn't exactly too late for an abortion, not legally, but it was too late for me intellectually, emotionally. I had small nephews and nieces, I knew how pregnancy developed…" she continued until she stopped to draw another deep breath. "I was terrified, Severus. I knew what would happen if my parents discovered that I was pregnant and how they would have reacted if they found out that I couldn't…" she couldn't finish the sentence. "So one day, one night to be precise I ditched my fellow prefect and found myself in the Astronomy Tower. I have no idea how I got up there," she paused for a moment. "And I don't exactly have a complete recollection of that night," she added slowly. "Bits and pieces is what I have. Probably a side effect of the calming draughts and hormones on top of a mental breakdown. But the thing I do remember is a pair of strong hands pulling me down from the railing. It's the words assuring me that everything will be alright, even if the voice that spoke them had lacked the confidence in that. Not back then, he had to be terrified and felt unequipped to deal with what he encountered. But still he continued to hold and sooth me when I broke down and everything just came out."
She paused again and looked at the floor for a long moment.
"He and Mirzam were there once my parents had left the room but not before they managed to destroy some tiny resemblance of peace that the potions offered me. And it was them and not my parents or my brothers who told me that they would be by my side through every step of the way. They didn't pester, they didn't judge, they didn't care about what was proper and what was not. For a while after Sheba was born the Prophet's gossip column speculated that Sirius was the one who fathered her," she said finally. "He didn't care, he offered us shelter at a bargain price, and only on my insistence, not his and considering that I was finding money in my purse even when they were supposed to have ran out I'm not sure that he even touched the rent money I kept giving him. He was the one who walked around the room with Sheba when she was teething and I could barely keep my eyes open. And if not him then it was Mirzam. I wouldn't have made it through the first year of her life without them."
She paused again and after a moment of hesitation she sat down on the couch while Severus remained standing.
"You fathered Sheba, Severus," she said softly. "But the only father she knew was Sirius. He was the one who could cheer her up or convince her to eat the pea puree which she abhorred. He had an infinite amount of patience when she was sick and I was ready to tear my hair out. Not that Mirzam didn't help. I'm quite sure that during the worst accumulations of mastery exams for nearly a fortnight she saw more of them than of me," she paused for a moment and rubbed her chin with the back of her left hand. "It suited them, parenthood, separately and together they made it seem effortless and when I looked at them I could see them, older, with children of their own. I envied them that, this certainty in their future with each other. How I hated myself for that when she died, when she took their little boy with her. I mean, rationally I know that my envy had nothing to do with her death but on a certain level maybe if I…" she paused again and remained silent for a very long time.
"What changed afterwards?" asked Severus quietly.
"We did," sighed Bathsheda. "Mirzam wasn't exactly the glue that kept us together but without her…" she paused. "Being around each other was painful, just like Sheba's questions about her aunt. Still he tried his best even though between fretting over the Potters, the Auror Office and that blasted Order of the Crispy Chicken he was hardly getting any sleep. But for Sheba he continued to remain a doting father that brought her tiny gifts and soothed occasional nightmares or tantrums. And at some point," she paused again, "he asked," she paused again, "for my hand, for allowing him to remain in Sheba's life in the official capacity and I was…" she paused once more, "tempted to accept it. But I could see it in his eyes that his heart wasn't in it, that it wasn't something he thought over how it would have looked in ten years from then. That his eyes would continue to wander around the room searching for someone who was no longer there, that he would look at Sheba and see the boy that would never grow up. I couldn't do that to him, to myself or to Sheba. I would have gained a decent husband and a doting father for my daughter, but in the process I would have lost the only friend that I had left. Not that I didn't lose him in the end," she finished with a sigh.
"You believed in his guilt," Severus pointed out.
"I also believed into Dumbledore's good intentions even when he royally screwed me over," she pointed out with a huff. "I left him, Severus, alone, with his grief, with rising levels of paranoia, and I convinced myself that it was for the best, for him, for me, for Sheba. I accepted father's proposition to marry me off to Rastaban Lestrange, and we both know where he'd been at the time of Sheba's conception…" she spat angrily.
Holding her down when he wasn't cackling that the birthday boy was finally getting some loving passed unsaid between them.
"I deserted him, too focused on my own problems, on fighting with passing time and finding means to escape my father's control. I wasn't even there when the anniversary of Mirzam's death came around. I just forgot, my sister was dead for a year and I just forgot that it was that day. After that," she paused for a moment, "it was easier to not see him, not talk to him. I read the Prophet and I convinced myself that he was doing just fine, that I didn't have to worry and I continued putting off the conversation that I knew we should have until later, later and later…" she finished with a shake of her head.
"Until you read that the Dark Lord had fallen and that Black was involved," Severus finished for her.
"And even then it didn't feel right," she admitted softly. "I saw him, with Harry, once when he was a couple months old. It was a brief sighting, but he carried himself in the same way I did when I was out of the house with Sheba. This heightened level of paranoia under the disguise of parental carefreeness that kept young children still laughing in public, even when their parents were dying from fright over what could happen. It was the only time I saw the smile on his face finally reaching his eyes, as brief as the moment had been," she paused for a moment. "I still had that image before my eyes when I was reading about how he was planning to do it for months. I still believed the reports but it wasn't until I was walking through the still warm ashes of my family home that I started to doubt them."
"And you doubted them all this time," said Severus sourly.
"I knew that he cared for them, Severus. For Potter, more than that arse had deserved it. For Lily, because I've seen them, they carried themselves around each other in the same way Aaron and I had before the work and his marriage drew us apart. And Harry was their son and his godson and somehow the boy got named with the name that Sirius and Mirzam had chosen for their son even though almost everybody that came with contact with Potter knew that the boy was supposed to be named differently," replied Bathsheda softly. "You don't turn down that kind of level of caring, not by choice, so eventually Imperius it had become. It made sense on an intellectual and emotional level. His violent reaction, abandoning his work ethic," Severus scoffed at that. "You can scoff all you want and you have right to do so but the Auror that I knew never placed the life of an innocent bystander in jeopardy, he would rather get injured himself than allow it. And trust me I heard about it, in great detail and not from him."
"Is that why you feel like you owe him?" asked Severus. "Because he was good to you?" he added sourly.
"I owed him nothing more than what he gave me in the first place," said Bathsheda calmly. "The right to tell his side of the story and nothing more. That's all I came there for and I brought you with me so you could decide yourself," she added pointedly. "You aren't the same man you were twelve years ago and neither is he. You have a common goal and common enemies so you can either be a pair of teenage twats about it or rise above it. And if there's any doubt where Sirius stands on the subject…"
"I already agreed," harrumphed Severus.
"But you didn't let go," she pointed out. "As is your right not to. No one is expecting you to. But that doesn't change that the only person you can and should air your grievances with is Sirius Black. Sooner rather than later."
Secrets & Keepers – Entropy
Sirius Black, 8th August 1993, 12 Grimmauld Place, London.
Slipping into Harry's tea a couple drops of calming draught had been a disgustingly easy thing to do and he hated himself for doing it, but only a bit. Harry really didn't look like he was getting enough sleep and the dosage which he received was mild enough for him to nod off in a way that seemed natural.
As gently as he could Sirius laid him down on the couch. It was only really the two of them, with Regulus gone to help Snape and Bathsheda convince Dumbledore that Harry had been found. Remus and Dora also headed out, most likely to fuck, away from Sirius's judgemental looks even though Remus had claimed that it would be the safest for all of them if he waited for Dumbledore's confirmation that Harry was no longer missing before he could return.
He really should start making a dent in the library, or at the very least ascertain how many books they had on the subject of Horcruxes in there, but he didn't really want to leave Harry alone. Not after finding him contemplating that his death would make the job easier for them.
"How is he?" he heard a soft voice coming from the doorway.
He looked over his shoulder and found Snape leaning against the doorframe with an unreadable look on his face.
"Mildly suicidal," replied Sirius quietly, to not wake Harry.
"Artificial help?" asked Snape as he gestured towards Harry's half empty cup on the coffee table.
"Just the barest minimum required," answered Sirius. "He hasn't been getting enough sleep, not that our first night here didn't completely mess up his sleeping schedule."
"He plays Quidditch and fights Dark Lords in his spare time. Of course he has a sleeping schedule of a freshly graduated Healer," replied Snape softly but with a hint of sharpness in his voice.
"Thank you," whispered Sirius and allowing it to pass through his throat took a considerable effort but he knew that he had to say it.
"What for?" asked Snape sceptically.
"Keeping him safe when I couldn't," admitted Sirius softly. "You didn't sign up for it and it wasn't your duty and you had every right in the world…"
"I signed up for it," Snape snorted softly. "Granted, I was manipulated into signing up for it and not just that but I keep my word when I give it," he added with an edge of bitterness in his voice.
It was almost involuntarily, allowing his eyes to drift down from Snape's face to his left arm.
"Well, he had it coming," muttered Snape. "If he decided that Longbottom fit the prophecy better we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"Yes, we wouldn't," agreed Sirius. "It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time," he added after a moment. "Sometimes something has to give."
"Your family all but deserted you, so did your friends," said Snape slowly. "Your country turned you into the worst kind of monster right after the Dark Lord himself and yet…" he paused. "What kept you going?"
"What kept you?" asked Sirius in return.
"Ultimate revenge for the death of the only person that mattered," replied Snape sourly.
"A reason as good as any," agreed Sirius quietly. "Not the only one I had but the one that got me through the worst period of time in Azkaban. Not that I was certain who I wanted to destroy other than Crouch. I still remember how dissatisfied I felt with the death of his son, the wretched cunt," he snorted softly.
"He's still alive, Crouch Senior I mean," said Snape pensively. "People say that finding his son amongst the people he hunted broke him."
"Do you believe it?" asked Sirius sceptically.
"I believe that losing the chance for ever becoming the Minister for Magic broke him more," replied Snape with a small twitch of his lips before he straightened up and walked towards the armchair. "What were you thinking?"
Ah, there it was, the real reason why Snape sought him out. Not that he didn't expect it to happen at some point. He just didn't expect that it would happen so fast.
"I wasn't," Sirius breathed out, after a long moment of silence. "Everybody kept asking, back then and in the weeks that followed. But I wasn't," he shrugged and rubbed his chin with the tips of his fingers. "Maybe it was the culmination of everything that happened that day and that stupid comment that James made and almost immediately forgot about it. He refused to accept that afterwards, especially after," he found himself grimacing and shrugging his shoulders again, "after I told him that there wasn't a thing that I wouldn't do for him if he asked."
"And in return instead of any form of recognition you were met with a cold shoulder and divorce papers," said Snape with a soft snort.
"At the very least I didn't completely antagonise him," Sirius pointed out sourly, unable to resist the jab. "Not that he ever managed to get over his fear that I would debauch him in his sleep. His horror upon finding himself naked and alone in the room with me was almost funny. At the very least it stopped him from wandering around the room with a bare arse, after five years of telling him that it was indecent," he snorted softly.
"You had a crush on him and his nakedness made you squeamish?" asked Snape sceptically.
Sirius hesitated, but only for a moment. Snape was literally the last person whom he should be telling that, but if he didn't tell him then he would be able to discover it himself, and that actually would be worse than telling him right away.
"I suffered eight years of sexual and physical abuse at the hands of my father and at the age of thirteen found myself falling for my best friend, my male best friend," replied Sirius grimly. "Of course it made me squeamish. I hated what was being done to me and instead of fixing my attention and attraction on a girl, I chose to fixate on someone whose indecency repulsed me. Funny period of time it had been," he finished with another soft snort.
"Why are you telling me this?" asked Snape sceptically.
Sirius shrugged before he replied, "Every Occlumenist to a certain degree is a better or worse Legimilimenist. Prior to Azkaban nobody but Mirzam knew about it. But Regulus figured it out and after you had left earlier so did Harry. Reg is too good an Occlumenist to notice the intrusion but Harry is an open book to leaf through. And that's something which we should amend in a very near future."
"You're asking me to teach him Occulmency?" asked Snape in a slight shock.
"Considering your history, not the basics," replied Sirius with a small grimace. "That will be between me and Reg, but teaching him how to recognise a forceful intrusion, yeah, that's something you could do."
"So can Bathsheda," said Snape pensively.
"Not something that she knew before I ended in Azkaban," observed Sirius.
"I taught her," replied Snape simply. "She was an apt student," he admitted. "She used to tinker in the past with amulets that were imbued with a small portion of her own magic but hadn't found anyone to test it on. They might prove handy if Potter's progress won't be satisfactory."
"You don't believe that it will be," commented Sirius sourly.
"Unlike you, I've had the dubious honour of teaching the boy for two years," replied Snape with a soft snort. "He's a mediocre student all across the board, not only in my subject. He has no particular talent in any academic areas and has an attention span of a goldfish over everything that isn't a snitch. His chosen electives reflect his approach to learning anything new. The only thing he has going for him is good reflexes."
"I started off with worse," replied Sirius with a grimace, remembering tutoring Pettigrew many years ago. "And unlike you I know why he isn't giving his best."
"Weasley?" asked Snape pensively.
"Don't the friends we make reflect upon us and us on them?" asked Sirius pointedly. "We had a benefit of having friends with talents in similar areas but not everybody is that lucky," he added as he nodded towards Harry.
"If you can deprogram him…" started Snape pensively.
"If I have help…" started Sirius pensively as he tried to jog his memory over something he heard from Lily in the past. "Didn't Lily throw her collection of Magical Drafts and Potions after you when you tried to talk to her during the summer after fifth year?" he asked curiously.
From the look on Snape's face he could easily tell that she indeed had and that they were still in Snape's possession. But he was at war over whether or not he should admit it out loud, and to Sirius of all people.
Clearly he needed some incentive, Sirius decided as he shook his head.
"I'm not going to tell him that she threw the whole set after you if you don't," he said simply.
Snape narrowed his eyes at him before he asked incredulously, "You would lie to your godson?"
"Well, I was taught that a harmless lie of omission is hardly a lie as long as it doesn't hurt anyone," replied Sirius with a small grimace.
He didn't like it really, but if he could convince Snape to part with a single book in order to prove a point then it would still be a win.
"And if I had it…" started Snape slowly, "what do you reckon should I do with it?" he asked pointedly.
"Present it as a peace offering?" suggested Sirius. "He doesn't have a lot of mementos left by his parents and I bet that whatever Petunia got from Lily either ended up in a second hand shop or in the trash. And who knows, maybe with the right incentive you would be able to turn a troll into a decent student."
"You're too full of dragon dung, Black," replied Snape with a small snort. "Potter will never fall for that."
"Maybe," agreed Sirius with a self-depreciating huff. "But then again, it's been a while since I had to think like a Slytherin," he quipped.
"And that's you thinking like a Slytherin?" asked Snape sceptically.
"Well, I was taught that one of the worst things you can do to someone is to present them with the solution to all of their problems," replied Sirius with a shrug. "He does have a problem that needs a solution and one that he wouldn't be able to handle himself. One that he shouldn't handle himself. But other stuff?" he paused for a moment and allowed himself a brief smile. "Lily often did her best work when told that she couldn't do it, and at times James did his under an intense terror."
"Neither of them are working," Snape pointed out. "Not for me at the very least," he added after a moment.
"I'm not surprised that they don't," said Sirius simply. "The most that I learned from Potions was from reading Lily's notes over her shoulder. That was about the only good thing from being the tallest in the class really. I didn't exactly apply that method most of the time but it came in handy when I was correcting another botched up attempt on the Animagus potion."
"How many times did you brew it?" asked Snape curiously.
"Too many times to threaten James with a brutal murder if he as much as looked at the bloody cauldron," replied Sirius with a soft snort. "Merlin, he was hopeless," he chuckled.
"No, Lupin was hopeless," Snape pointed out with a twitch of his lips. "Potter at the very least attempted to make an effort once he decided that his Potions expertise would impress Lily, not that he ever managed to rise beyond being a mediocre brewer. But Lupin was a complete disaster."
"In practice, not in understanding," Sirius pointed out. "His potions theory had been pretty sound. It was the oversensitivity that proved to be problematic during the brewing process. Caught it too late to correct that. After we graduated, Lily helped him sort out what he could or couldn't safely brew. And while I wouldn't trust the Polyjuice that he brewed, I wouldn't worry about the Pepper-Up," he said with a shrug and after a brief pause he added, "Speaking of which…"
"I already promised Dumbledore that I would supply him with the Wolfsbane Potion," replied Snape stiffly.
"For the school year most likely knowing Dumbledore," said Sirius pointedly. "Technically the full moon of 31st August and 1st September doesn't apply as it rises and sets before the school year begins."
"It will cost you a lot," replied Snape after a moment of deliberation. "Equipment I can provide, ingredients however…"
"Not a problem as soon as Kreacher manages to fetch the family goblin," replied Sirius just as he heard a soft pop and a crack behind his back.
He looked over his shoulder and saw Kreacher with Proudclaw at his side standing in the halfway.
"Speak of the devil, the goblin arrived. Let's take it out of here," he added as he stepped up, for a good measure casting a mild sleeping spell on Harry just in case Proudclaw would start to voice his displeasure right there in the hallway.
TBC
Next: A long overdue conversation with Proudclaw that addresses a couple of issues and brings a couple of surprises.
