6- The Boy

After storming out of the ER room and away from the hospital, I pause for a few minutes in the parking lot. I lean against my car and take a deep breath, trying to steady my thoughts. I have to admit to myself that I wish I could go back inside and talk to the boy, try to earn his trust like he has, so far, earned mine… But I know I can't. I've done enough harm to my family; I have to snap out of this madness and do my part in trying to sort out this mess. It's not easy. Despite the abruptness of my departure, leaving required all of my strength of will.

I linger in the area and scan the minds of the students gathering in the hospital's waiting room, ostensibly clamoring for news about their injured classmate. Most of them actually couldn't care less, but they were ready to jump at any reasonable excuse for ditching classes and this one is a doozy. Fortunately, they are as oblivious as ever and none of them has realized that something unnatural has taken place this morning. After thoroughly analyzing their thoughts, I search for Carlisle's mind one more time. He's sorting out some paperwork with Brandon's dad, but I know his thoughts are already racing toward the evening, when I will have to face my family. We both dread it, but we also know a confrontation with my upset siblings is unavoidable.

After taming the undeniable urge to go back inside and search for the boy, I get in my car and drive off. By the time I return to school, the first period of the afternoon has already ended and I meet up with Alice in our history class. When she sees me, she hugs me wordlessly. Her mind, however, can't hide her agitation. She whispers to me that I did the right thing, and I know she believes that, but I also feel her concern; Rosalie and Jasper are quite upset, for good reason. Rosalie is particularly mad, and when I sense Alice's fears that she might wish to hurt the boy, to silence the only real witness to my daring rescue, a sudden wave of anger courses through my entire being. My muscles tense but Alice quietly grabs one of my arms and puts enough pressure in her grip to hold me down in my seat.

Lynn, she conveys without need for words, calm down. She won't do anything before discussing our options with the whole family. You have done enough to anger her today, adding one more scene won't make it any easier to placate her. Like I said, you did the right thing. Carlisle and Esme will back you up, and so will I… Mister Bennett, our teacher, has noticed I'm a little tenser than usual but attributes it to the wrong reasons.

"Miss Cullen," He tosses in my direction, but he's not upset; he knows I could teach his course better than he does and usually doesn't bother me. I already know the reason why he chose to address me today. "Thank God you've already been released from the hospital. Are you feeling well?"

I bite my lip and cough up a snappy reply.

"Yes, I'm absolutely unscathed."

He looks a little taken aback by the curtness of my reply, and he scrambles to move on to his next question, the one I wish he wouldn't ask.

"How are Tyler and Brandon doing? Are they okay?"

And here's the crux; this is my chance to discredit whatever version of events Brandon might later relate to his friends. All I have to do is casually mention that I'm worried about his condition because he hit his head and he might have a concussion. I could sprinkle in some hints that he might be rambling incoherently and that the doctors were puzzled by, and concerned with, his suddenly unreasonable behavior. That's all it would take… Every word he utters from now on would be carefully analyzed rather than taken at face value. After Brandon's stubborn refusal to betray me, and how casually he lied to his father to protect me, I know I can't go through with it, no matter the stakes. It just doesn't feel right.

"I wouldn't know, Mr. Bennett. But they're in good hands; my father is looking after them."

"Er, right, of course…" Mr. Bennett mumbles back at me before resuming his lesson. Alice can't hide her surprise; my words are nothing like what she expected to hear. She's not upset, just as confused as our teacher. I know I still have all her support but now I'm not sure I deserve it.

The rest of the class, like the following period, unfolds into what to me is nothing but utter and complete boredom. The fact that I keep thinking of ditching again and go look for the boy just makes the tedium even more unbearable, not to mention the situation is baffling. Why am I so eager to see him again? Just to make sure he's okay? Why am I tempted to behave like a groupie of sorts… or an obsessed teenage stalker?

The minutes crawl by as if they were centuries, but there's nothing I can truly look forward to. After class, I can't go out to look for him; I will have to face my family tonight and I need Alice's support. Besides, even if I were free of obligations, what would be the point of seeking him out? He must be home now, with his dad. A strange feeling pervades me, something like disappointment mixed with a weird sense of longing; I'm not sure what that means… Do I envy the boy's normal human life that much? Why is it that I don't pay attention to any of his classmates, then? They all have a similarly mundane life.

Finally, the bell does release us. Alice and I vacate our chairs and rush outside to the parking lot, where we meet up with the others. Alice doesn't say anything in front of them but holds my hand throughout our ride back home. She's showing to everybody else which side she has chosen for our imminent confrontation. Rosalie, meantime, bombards me with mental insults, the vilest she can think of. I admit that her cussing is almost viscerally artistic at times, but you'll have to take my word for it. I glare back at her, reminding her that in combat I'm her superior.

Jasper, aware of the tension building up between me and our blond sister, remains neutral for now, ready to enjoy the show if we were to actually fight each other. Emmett, unaware of the undercurrents, just mentions that he has made sure the vehicles involved in the accident won't show any sign of my work; he covered my tracks, as I knew he would, but he doesn't sound happy about all this.

We meet up with our parents at the long table of our dining room. It's never been used for its intended purpose of course, like our kitchen, but it's a perfect spot for discussing important issues as a family. We rarely have to resort to such semi-official gatherings, but today I'm the one who caused it and there's nothing I can do about it.

Carlisle is seated at the head of the table, flanked by Esme and Alice, sitting across from Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper sits near Alice, but a little farther than usual; I wonder why.

"Lynn," Rosalie erupts as soon as she finds her spot. "Have you lost your mind? What's gotten into you? Do you want to damn us all to hell because of one singer?"

Emmett bites his tongue. I know he's also upset, but he's clearly not as mad as his woman appears to be.

"Father, Rosalie, everybody… I'm so sorry. My actions could put us all in danger, so no apology will really suffice, but I do humbly apologize. I know it's not enough, but it's all I have."

"But why did you even do it? We've seen humans die before, in worse circumstances, and we know the possible consequences of showing the world our true face."

Rosalie's still upset, but now she's also dumbfounded. I don't know what to say to her; her confusion is not that dissimilar from mine.

"I wish I knew." I mumble, surprising her. "All I can tell you is that I couldn't let him die. I just couldn't." Alice hugs me silently.

"I don't get it either." Emmett rumbles. "But Rosalie, I think we were lucky. Nobody seemed to notice. Can you confirm that, Lynn?"

"Yes, I can. I have checked the minds of all the witnesses. Nobody saw or suspects anything." It's true. "Humans rarely notice events that don't fit their understanding of reality. This was no exception. I moved too fast for them to grasp my actions clearly and they don't have the foggiest understanding of what really happened."

I hang my head. The moment I feared has come. There is something else I need to say, even though the words seem ready to catch in my throat.

"The boy, however, knows I'm different. He's aware I was very far from him just before the accident occurred and he saw me stop the van with my hand, as I told our father."

Rosalie snorts.

"And yet," Carlisle interjects, "he lied to his own father. He told him Lynn was next to him at the time of the accident and that she just pulled him out of the way, something easily explained by quick reflexes." He lets silence smother the aftermath of his words for a few seconds. Jasper and Rosalie gasp in surprise.

"That doesn't change the fact that a human is privy to knowledge that should have remained a secret…." Rosalie's anger won't be soothed that easily. I can't really blame her.

"Yes, but, hon, he hasn't seen anything that would help him guess the truth. He only knows she's fast and strong. And the longer he waits to tell anybody, the less credible he will be." Emmett, thankfully, is a lot more understanding than I expected him to be; Rosalie is truly upset, but he's always very protective of his sisters.

"Can't you see," Alice decides to intervene, "it could have been a lot worse. If his blood had been spilled in front of us, do you think she could have resisted its lure?"

"Alice, no, don't say that. It's true, but it's not the reason I saved him. I didn't even think of that until long after."

"That doesn't change the fact that this boy is a threat to us. He's a witness."

Damn, Rosalie's stubbornness is as epic as usual.

"A witness to events that nobody will ever believe, you mean?" I respond.

"We should make sure he keeps quiet forever…." Finally she had the guts to say what she really thinks. I won't remain silent.

"For what? Because he knows I'm not a normal human? Or are you still sore he didn't pay any attention to you when he joined the school? Don't lie to me; I can read your mind. You are just being petty, Rose. It's pathetic." She snarls, speechless, but before it can go any further Esme decides to intervene.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale…. Are you suggesting that we should stoop to murdering innocent boys to protect our precious lifestyle in Forks? Is that why we've been living on a diet of animals all these years? So we could butcher children to… do what? Prevent something that would be nothing more than idle gossip?" As mellow as she usually is, she can put us in our place from time to time, when we deserve it.

"I'm sorry, mother. You're right I didn't mean to upset you." Rosalie does look contrite, all of a sudden.

"You know, in time of war a witness could be one too many for our safety." Jasper decides to comment.

I hiss and growl at him, but I see his mind is uncertain; his suggestion was just a reflex, a flashback from his early days.

"Jasper," Carlisle replies softly. "We are not at war and the father of this boy is a personal friend of mine. I met many humans over the years, but I don't use the term friend lightly. But that's beside the point. When you joined us, you knew that we had made a certain choice, chosen a different path from the one you used to walk…."

He looks at all of us.

"We were all humans, once. You all know that other members of our kind often pretend to forget that. On the contrary, we choose to believe parts of us are still human, and one of those is the capacity to feel empathy for the fragile lives all around us. Do you wish us to betray everything we are to prevent what would be nothing but a minor inconvenience?"

"Very well, father. I understand your reasons." He smiles at Alice. "I know at times I might not agree with your choices but I will always respect them and abide by them."

"Believe me, Jasper," Carlisle adds, after checking that Rosalie also had no more objections, "if we start to compromise with our beliefs, we will lose something much more important than our anonymity in Forks; we'll lose whatever's left of our humanity. I cannot believe any of us wants that."

When he scans the room, nobody objects. I just smile, relieved. I couldn't have said better myself. I knew he wouldn't let me down. I would have fought Jasper to the death, if I'd had to, no matter how much I love my brother. He had no right to kill the boy, certainly not after I'd risked so much to save him in the first place. I'm truly glad it won't be necessary.

"It's agreed then." Our father continues. "Lynn will keep monitoring his interactions with the other students and his father. If he starts to talk and people believe him, we will leave, as we always do. Anybody who harms him will do so against my wishes and won't be a part of this family any longer. You know how much I love all of you, but there are things we can't compromise on."

Everybody nods. Alice gives me a hug and she whispers in my ear; she's also happy I won't be messing with her man.

"I will follow your wishes father. I always do and I never had reason to regret it, but I still resent the fact that Lynn accused me of baser motives. I was only thinking of our family, something she obviously neglected to do this morning."

"Cut it out, Rose, the boy doesn't deserve your hatred. He didn't do anything to you. Let him be."

She yowls, exasperated, and then shrieks:

"All right, I'll leave him alone, I already said that. Just be happy about it. But can you please stop calling him 'the boy'? You make it sound like he's the only human boy left in the world."

I stand up and move closer to her. Only the table between us prevents me from getting right in her face. I know Esme loves this table, and it is too beautiful to destroy, so I keep my distance and glare at Rose with all my might. Our gazes meet and hold, as she stares back at me, defiant; the odd standoff comes to an end when I hear a sudden crash behind me, followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor and furniture breaking.

I turn around in a fraction of a second, my body already rearranging itself into a fighting stance, but my senses detect no threat. Alice caused the loud noise. She's writhing on the floor now, Jasper leaning close to her; everybody else has come closer, but we all visibly relax. She's not hurt; she's only laughing like she's just heard the funniest joke in the history of the world. Jasper laughs with her, influenced by her uncontrollable hilarity.

We help her get up while she tries, in vain, to stifle more giggles.

"Alice, what's going on, what's so funny?" I couldn't read her mind; she was too amused, her thoughts incoherent.

"Yeah, I'd like to know that too…" Rosalie grumbles. Emmett stares at Alice.

My always beloved, and yet at times impossible, sister hugs me tenderly.

"Oh Lynn. This is incredible. A miracle. I'm so happy for you?"

"Alice, what are you talking about?" I bark at her. "What's going on? Have you lost your mind?"

Our parents have frozen, taken aback by our display of emotion, but they look uncertain. Carlisle is rarely this overtly puzzled by events around him; in three centuries he has seen it all.

"Will you just tell us then, sister? Or do we have to play twenty questions?" Emmett demands simply, now curious about it all despite our previous arguments. We all groan; he will use any excuse to get a game of some kind going…

"Lynn, Rosalie, can't you see? She can't stop calling him 'the boy' because to her HE IS the only boy in the world. She's falling for him; that's why she couldn't watch him die this morning. And that's why her future was hidden from me. She's falling for a human, for Brandon. When something like that happens, our life will never be the same, we all know that. All the threads of her future are in disarray; this love will affect her whole existence."

She's what? Wait, that's me. She's talking about me… I'm falling in love with the boy? Is she right? Is that what all these unusual feelings are? My curiosity, and the pain when I'm separated from him… This is love, then? But, how is this…. possible…?

Emmett is the first one to laugh next.

"Is that what it was, sister? About time, but tough luck… a human…" He shakes his head and laughs some more. I wish only he could find hilarity in my life's destruction, because if that's true, how can this lead to anything good? I'm not so lucky. Soon after, all the others join him.

"Hey," I shout, to no avail.

Esme is the first to recover from her fit.

"She's really falling in love with this human she saved this morning? Falling in love with him? Truly falling in love?" It's obvious she can't believe her ears either.

I'm still here, I think, while Alice replies.

"She certainly is. As sure as the fact that the sun will rise in the east, as it always does, tomorrow."

"No, no, no." I protest with all my strength. I close my eyes and shake my head. "It can't be possible. It can't be."

"How can you be so blind sister…?" Alice's words are hard, but her voice is soft, like melting honey. One of her hands parts my unruly hair. "Can't you see where you are going? Can't you see where you already are?"

"No, no, it can't be… I'm incapable of that kind of love." At least, I was….

"Maybe you were sister, but not anymore."

"Are you all hearing this? She's falling for a human. How typically Lynn… Anything to be different, right? Super humans are not good enough for her; she has to pick a weakling, a mortal…"

"Alice is wrong," I attempt again, feebly. I cannot believe it myself but it explains so much. This is not like the movies at all; I've been feeling… anxious all the time, torn, shaken… It's all too much. "I'll leave. I'll go away, where neither his blood nor his mind can tempt me… I …"

"Wait a second, sister. We need you here." Alice's lover sates succinctly.

"It's okay, honey, let her go."

Jasper shakes his head.

"You know you can't go now, Lynn. We need you here. We need to know what the boy is telling his peers. I agreed not to hurt him, but if rumors start to spread we will have to, as our leader suggested, depart. We can't formulate the right strategies, or hit the right timings, without adequate knowledge of the circumstances."

"Let her be, guys." Alice replies for me. "It's all moot. She won't go anywhere. She can't. Now that I've unlocked the variable that was hiding her future, the main plot points are all clear to me. She will either kill him herself or she will love him will all her heart, whatever his reaction to all this might be. He will affect the outcome, and I still can't factor him in my visions, but there is little to no doubt that going away is not an option for Lynn anymore."

I search her mind, reeling from the impact of her revelations, but mostly see shadows.

"Alice, I don't…"

"The details are not clear yet, but I can sense the main threads, Lynn, whether you can see it in my mind or not. If you don't believe me, think about it. Think of leaving!"

I lean forward, my hands resting lightly on the table, just another mannerism I've only acquired recently. It feels like a ghost of a memory, come back to me now. Why?

I try Alice's little experiment and think of driving, tonight, away from here. I imagine the tarmac rushing beneath the wheels of my car, each second taking me a little farther from Brandon's green eyes, the secrets in his mind, his tastes in literature and music, his shy smile. First a jaunt to Seattle, maybe, and a red eye to somewhere cold and remote. If only it could be so easy. For every mile I imagine separating me from Forks and from the boy, I feel a stabbing pain in my chest. It would be like walking through a wall of blades, each one slicing away part of who I am and dropping it on the cooling asphalt until there would be nothing left, nothing at all.

"But isn't his future pretty obvious now, though?" Emmett, of all people. He looks genuinely surprised when it becomes evident that we don't really understand what he means. A look at his mind shows me things I don't want to think about and sends me reeling on the edge of another precipice.

"If she's in love with him she might not kill him… but to be with him she'd have to turn him into one of us. Isn't that crystal clear? What other alternative is there?"

Nobody answers him because he's right. What other options are there…? None that I can think of right now.

I look at Alice, and in her mind I see him next to her, laughing. They will be friends someday. Her mind whispers to me that it won't be the same, but she will love him too. But in another future, his eyes are red, and he's just as cold and lifeless as we are. He still looks happy, but…. No, if I really care about him I cannot do this to him. How can I fall for him and yet take away from him everything he is? I would also deprive him of every human in his life, including family. It would be cruel, unjust.

"That's it, Alice. I've seen enough. Let it go."

I try to walk outside but Esme embraces me and she won't be denied. Like Alice, she's even shorter than me, and that's saying something. Rosalie is the only amazon in the family. But I love Esme. She's my mother and has been for almost a century. Memories of my real mother have faded, but the century I spent with Esme never will. I press my face against her chest, like I haven't done in years. Alice joins us in a three-way embrace.

"It will be okay, baby. You will think of something. I know you will." Esme pats me on the head and coos at me as if I was a hapless toddler instead of the lethal killing machine the venom has turned me into a long time ago. Part of me wants to rebel, to reassert my strength and my independence, but I just wallow in their embrace instead, reveling in the feeling of warmth it gives me.

But then I think of the boy. I have saved his life, but was that just so that I could selfishly take away his humanity? That can't be right, not if it's true that I'm falling for him, not if I'm doomed to truly care for him.

I manage to extricate myself from their limbs and explain that I need to be alone, that I need to think. Esme lets me go, reluctantly, and tells me that she's sure things will work out. Love can't be denied.

I mutter she's a hopeless romantic, but Carlisle and I both smile. That's why we love her.

Finally, I find myself outside. Clouds are churning the ether, whipped by intermittent gusts of wind. I start running, faster and faster, until everything around me is just a blur and not even my sharp vampire senses can identify and isolate the humdrum of tiny noises emerging from the forest. I run up steep slopes, bushwhack through thick vegetation, always heading away from civilization and toward the most desolate parts of the Olympic Peninsula, away from my family and from the boy.

I come to a full stop once I reach the peak of one of the highest mountains. In the distance, to the east, the twinkling lights of Seattle, revealed to me by the sharpness of my vision, smudge the darkness with runny, faded colors. The boy might be already in bed, in his tiny home bordering another clump of these same forests. Or he might be up, reading a book, or playing the guitar… How I wish I could be by his side. But no, that will never happen.

I shake my head and try a different tack, lest he sidetracks me again.

Is Alice truly right? Am I really falling in love with him? With a puny human?

I don't know; I've never been in love, never even came close. Yet, if anything I read or watched in movies has any value, I don't think I'm fully in love with him yet. I have to accept, however, that it is what's happening. There is no other way to explain my obsession with everything he does or think, or the strange feelings that have been shaking me to my core in the last few days. I'm not quite there, I don't think, but when I picture his liquid eyes and his easy blushes I can see how easy it would be to truly love him. It would be just like taking one more step off the top of this mountain and let gravity do the work, pulling me down, faster and faster, just another walker who has, unwittingly, stepped off a ledge and into a bottomless chasm.

Any way back, assuming such a thing exists at all, would be much, much harder. Not falling in love with him would be like pulling myself up, over vertical, treacherous rocks, away from the sweet oblivion of the fall, inch by inch, and with only human strength at my command. And yet, as hopeless as that might seem, if I care for him at all, if my love is real and not just a selfish delusion, that is what I have to try and do.

I cannot run away. Alice was right about that. I can't imagine a future in which I don't come back, either just to be near him or maybe driven mad by bloodlust, if not my affection for him. Besides, my family needs me here. I'm the one who put us all in danger and I have to accept that responsibility. But I won't allow anything to happen between us. Even the chats I enjoyed so much have to come to an end. I know it won't be easy, but I can't condemn him to the destiny Alice has envisioned for him. I can't and I won't. I gave him a second chance to live a full life, but only if I can find the strength to stay away from him as I should have done from the moment he stepped into our school.

I spend the rest of the night out here, hugging myself against imaginary shivers, and let my sorrowful resolution permeate every part of my being. If I have to endure pain to make sure Alice's visions don't come to pass, then I will have to accept it and even bask in it, because it's the only proof that I'm making the right choice, that I'm not betraying the persona I've been building for most of my life..

I spend the rest of the night working on my determination and building up the strength I need to resist my own heart's desires. The boredom that had slowly invaded my life is now nowhere to be found.