10. Revelations

We get in the car without saying a word and I start driving. I hold my breath at first, worried that his scent will be even more overpowering in close quarters. But I'm eager to test my resolve, and soon inhale a lungful of air, a backdraft of heat and liquid fire that scorches my throat. Fortunately, I feel completely in control, more worried about this new theory of his than my thirst.

I remain silent a little longer, unable to come to terms with the fear suddenly engulfing me. And yet, I have to know. I steel myself for whatever he will tell me; I can't hold back any longer.

"Will you tell me your new theory now? I promise I won't laugh." I wanted to sound casual, nonchalant, but I'm pretty sure I failed miserably.

"Okay…. It's not easy though…. And I don't think it will make you laugh."

"That bad?" I want to look at him, but wrench my gaze away from his face and resume looking at the road almost immediately. I have a bad feeling about this. He looks so calm, so he can't know the truth, can he? And yet, something in his reluctance to speak in the restaurant scares me. Strange pockets of emptiness rip my insides apart as I wait for him.

"Er, yeah, pretty bad in some ways. Definitely crazy, but then again what hasn't been crazy since the day I met you? When I was still in Phoenix, I occasionally fantasized about how my life would change here in Forks. The truth is a lot weirder than anything I'd come up with."

"You're stalling…" His mind is still a blank to me. Actually, I seem to understand him a little better these days. I've studied him and his expressions so much, recently, that I feel I can read his moods in his eyes. But today there is something odd in his gaze, something that wasn't there last week, and my frustration is starting to build up. I can't take it any longer.

"I'm not sure where to start." He seems truly, and simply, uncertain, so I try to spur him on gently.

"Usually it's a good idea to start at the beginning."

"Okay, so I went to La Push on the weekend." I already knew that, but I don't see how it can be relevant to our conversation. "My dad has friends on the reservation and when I was a kid I used to play with Billy Black's children, Jacob and Rebecca." I still don't really get it; why is he telling me this?

"Billy Black is one of the tribe's elders, a descendant of Ephraim Black."

My ghost heart plunges into a dark chasm, freefall modem at his casual mention of that name. Ephraim Black… He just told me his friends are his descendants. That means he knows… He knows the truth…. I fix my stare on the road, stunned, trying to sort out the jumbled mess of my thoughts. Unbelievable. He found out. Our life will never be the same, and when Rosalie discovers that he knows….. I decide to let him prattle on, for now, still desperately trying to calm down.

"He's kind of family, in a sense. So Jacob and Rebecca told me about the treaty negotiated by their grandfather, about werewolves, and about, well, vampires…."

They told him everything. My anger flares at the thought that they broke the covenant. Then I remember now we are free to slaughter them all if we so please…. But I know we won't. Carlisle would never allow it, and rightly so. A slaughter would be too harsh of a punishment. Jacob and Rebecca, he said. I don't know them, but they must be kids about his age. They're just two children unaware of the seriousness of their transgression. We should have seen it coming. Sadness overwhelms my fury when I realize other worries are churning my restless thoughts now. Once again, I feel lost, overpowered, out of control.

"And you thought of me?" My own voice sounds oddly subdued to me, almost childish, like I really am the high school student I claim to be.

"No. They mentioned your family. I swear I won't tell anybody else. You know I can keep quiet. Tell you the truth, I wouldn't have believed any of that. It sounds crazy, no way around it. But then Jacob turned into a wolf in front of my eyes. Suddenly he had just become a lot more believable."

I park in front of his house. When I turn the engine off, the car fills with silence. I still can't get over how easily he found out about us, but I'm letting him know I won't try to silence him. He's free to get out of the car if he so wishes, and join his father. Despite the knowledge of our true nature, he seems reluctant to leave. Is he scared? Is he repulsed? But if he were, why would he still be in the car?

"What is it Lynn? I'm right, aren't I? It's okay. I don't care whether you're human or not."

No, he's not afraid. Part of me feels a flicker of what can only be described as fledgling hope.

"You don't care?" I can't help smiling, even as I bite my lip. In fact… I was so shocked I failed to grasp the implications of his recent behavior.

"Wait. You know the truth. And you have known the whole time. And yet, you wanted to have dinner with me…." My ghost heart fills with joy and pride, levitating now, soaring on a current of impossible dreams. For an instant I'm happier than I've ever been and yet, doubts are still gnawing at me, dragging me back down. Why can't he understand how dangerous we can be?

"And you are here. You wanted to be here. Alone. With me. Why aren't you afraid?" Because he cares about me, maybe….

He rolls his eyes, despite knowing what he does, as if he was just talking to another human.

"Why? Why do you think a boy would want to be alone with a girl?"

My ghost heart fills to the brim with ecstasy so intense I feel like I might burst into flames out of sheer happiness. Alice was definitely right. He has feelings for me, and they must be strong enough to override any instinctive dislike of dangerous creatures, even vampires.

"But you don't care that I'm…. a monster? That I could kill you as easily as you squish mosquitos? What do you think I feed on?"

And yet, doesn't he have any self-preservation instinct? How can he be so oblivious to the threat we pose? Is he one of those rare humans incapable of fear?

"According to my friends you and the other Cullens feed on animals. Didn't I tell you? The young Quileutes trust you. Only the elders cling to their superstitions."

"It's true that we only feed on animals, but that doesn't mean we are not dangerous. We make mistakes, at times. Even now, I can smell your blood. It's a constant temptation." It pains me to admit all this, but he has to know the truth, he has to understand the situation more clearly.

"Is it hard to resist?"

"Yes. But the more time I spend with you the easier it becomes. I'm trying to get used to it." It is true. I'm getting accustomed to it. A little pain is easily bearable as long as I can be myself when he's around.

"Please tell me what you think….." Now that our feelings are out in the open, I can ask him the questions that have been driving mad any time I want. I'm certainly glad I ran into him tonight, even though I will be the bearer of bad news when I meet my family later on.

"I want to ask you a favor. Please don't harm my friends. They shouldn't have told me about the treaty but they meant well."

"What do you mean?"

"They asked me if I liked any girl at school and somehow we ended up talking about you, I think…." Yes, he truly cares about me. It should pain me, but I can't deny how ecstatic that makes me, more than I'd ever imagined I could be. I sigh. I'm afraid for both of us.

"Point is, they were just being helpful." He's embarrassed, and I manage to ignore the blood pooling beneath his skin. "Anyways. I'm here. I'm not afraid. I trust you."

"No, Brandon."

He trusts me like I so dearly hoped he would, and so the next words I utter feel like masochism; and yet, I must make sure he comprehends the scope of what is happening.

"What is wrong with you? Why can't you see the danger I represent for you? Why can't you be afraid of us as you should be? I will only ruin your life if you let me."

He scoffs and shakes his head. Yes, he is stubborn.

"Okay, I see. I'm in Hell."

"What?" Please, elaborate, I think but do not say.

"Yeah. Your rescue. It was all a dream. I knew it was all too good to be true. This is hell."

"Er," Has the message gotten across then? Is this the end of our brief relationship? "I can see why you'd think I'm a demon but…."

He sighs again, even more exasperated, interrupting me.

"No, you don't get it. It's hell because you keep reminding me that you regret saving my life."

"No, Brandon, how can you say that?" What is he talking about? It's the one act I will never regret, never.

"You call yourself a monster. You tell me being with you is a mistake. Sounds to me like you think you're hurting me even though actually you came to me when I needed you."

"Oh Brandon, this is dangerous, and possibly wrong,"

But I don't think I really care about all that any longer. This is what I was hoping to hear all along. Alice was right; even when I only saw doom and gloom ahead of me, she understood my feelings better than I did. I must be honest with him. "But I can't deny how happy your words make me feel. When I got back on Sunday, after what felt like a very long weekend, I wanted to see you so much but…"

"You came back on Sunday? Why didn't you come to school on Monday?"

He seems truly annoyed. Did he miss me that much? Do I dare hope he missed me that much? How can I reply? Maybe I should clarify the reasons for my absence. He looks really upset.

"The sun doesn't hurt us, but we can't be with humans on sunny days. People would be able to tell something is wrong, that we are not like you." Compared to what he already discovered, this is nothing, a mere trifle.

"Why? What do you look like in the sunlight?"

"I will show you someday. I think…. I don't want to hide anything from you anymore." I truly don't. And in a sense there is nothing left to hide that matters; the rest only consists of trivial details. I feel lighter, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I won't have to lie to him any longer.

"Okay, cool." He seems happier too. Amazing.

"Why are you taking all this so calmly?" I have to ask him again, stupidly. "Why aren't you freaking out? Most humans would have run off screaming by now."

"We already agreed I'm not your average human, for one thing, and for another the world is more interesting than I'd ever believed possible, Lynn. And if you really saved me, I cheated the reaper….. You gave me a new lease on life."

He doesn't owe me anything. I hope this isn't why he wants to…

"No," His hand rests on mines. My skin tingles at the touch. He doesn't pull away. He doesn't mind my coldness. And he's not done talking.

"I'm serious. If you hadn't saved me I wouldn't be here. I'd be in a coffin, feeding the worms. Can't we just enjoy the present? If you weren't who you are, my whole life would already be in the past tense. Brandon did that, Brandon never did this. You gave me a second chance. A chance to do the things I'd always wanted to do. A chance to experience feelings I had never felt before. I can't tell you how precious that is to me."

I need to ask him one thing; I hope he gives me the right answer. But I don't know how to frame it.

"I know you're grateful…" I can't look him in the eye; I'm afraid my own expression will betray my true feelings.

"Yes, I'm grateful. But that's not why I'm here, in your car, tonight. Don't forget that."

Our eyes lock and the world around us blurs and fades away for a few blissful moments, our hands still connected, sparks flying, worlds burning, stars collapsing. Outside the car, the silence is interrupted by the rain, pattering against the windshield. We sigh, laugh a little, and look away. Some looks are worth a lot more than any words.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asks, his voice tremulous, almost fearful.

"Yes. I also have a paper due, you know?" My voice sounds strange, like I've forgotten how to use it properly, like I'm still coming back from the place we shared, for a short time, in our minds. I almost feel like an astronaut re-entering Earth and readjusting to the usual gravity, to walking on solid ground.

"All right. You promise?" He seems worried and then exaggerates a frown, making me laugh; I'm half amused and half relieved. He wants me. He wants us to be together. Nothing else matters, except for the fact that I must prove myself worthy of his trust.

"I promise." I lean closer to him and inhale his scent again, still testing my resolve, probing potential weaknesses. I smile, and his blush tells me he was hoping for a kiss. He looks so disappointed… I can't help laughing again. He's so cute. I suddenly realized I'm disappointed we didn't kiss too. This is dangerous and yet….

We look at each other again, while parts of my mind dare to dream of some kind of future together. My thoughts are still too boggled, but there might be a way to stay with him and yet keep him safe. If there is one, I will find it.

"You'd better get inside, before your dad grounds you. It's school night."

I will be close to him, anyways, out here, in the forest, making sure he's okay. But I have something to do first.

"You're such a tease…." He says, mock-piqued; more laughter ensues.

"Tomorrow then." He doesn't want to leave. He already misses me. I wish I could tell him about my vigil, but it's best not to.

He stumbles out of the car, in the driving rain, and takes a few uncertain steps toward his soggy stoop. When he disappears behind his door, I drive back home. There is someone I need to talk to.

Alice is waiting for me in our living room when I walk inside. She's not the one I need to have a word with, but I suppose she saw me coming and decided to intercept me. I look at her quizzically.

"Our father is upstairs. He's waiting for you; I told him you'd come."

"Thank you, Alice. You know what this is about, don't you?"

She shrugs.

"I can see what will happen only, not the reasons. How did you run into the evil man you need to discuss with him? Since when do you hang out in Port Angeles?" She's tapping her foot, maybe wondering what I've been up to.

"I was looking for Brandon." I admit sheepishly, looking at my feet and avoiding her gaze.

"And you met him…" Alice says with a wink. "I know. I can still smell him on you. And I can see that my friendship with him will start soon enough. The visions are telling me that. I can't wait. But talk to me first…You must have been in close contact. Did you give him a ride?"

"Yes, I did." She smiles at me, probably remembering, the 'I-told-you-so implied rather than stated. She did predict I wouldn't be able to stay away from him for long.

"I almost gave you a call." I add, implicitly admitting my defeat. "I thought maybe you could join us for dinner. I guess you didn't see that."

"No, I did not. Too bad. It would have been fun. I think he'll visit our house soon…." She looks pointedly at me.

"Well…" I'm not sure how to respond. Of course, I'm happy she seems to like him, and the idea of bringing him home is oddly tantalizing, but many uncertainties remain.

"Lynn," Alice says, adopting a scolding tone. "Stop being so unnecessarily gloomy. You won't hurt him as long as you're careful."

"Maybe I won't kill him but there are other ways things that could go wrong, you know that."

She just shakes her head and gives me a long, comforting hug.

"Lynn," She finally says, "we will worry about that when the times comes. For now, just enjoy whatever joy this brings you. Go on now, go talk to Carlisle. Don't make him wait any longer."

She must know Brandon found out the truth, because I plan to inform our father, but she didn't mention it and so it mustn't bother her. She really is the best sister I could have asked for.

I find Carlisle in his studio. When I walk in, he closes the dusty tome he was consulting and gives me his undivided attention.

"Lynn. Alice told me you'd want to talk to me, but she was scarce on details. What can I do for you?"

I tell him about my trip to Port Angeles, once again admitting I was looking for Brandon. I demurely look down at my feet as I do that but I shouldn't bother. Carlisle understands me better than I understand myself.

"So, Brandon's friends were safely returned to their families, and I will make sure Brandon himself doesn't go to Port Angeles alone in the future. But that man is still at large, and he's a danger. Other women will suffer if we don't do anything about it."

Carlisle scrutinizes me attentively, and his thoughts show me he's surprised I haven't gone back there and killed him already. He can tell I'd really want to.

"I'm glad you came to me for advice, but I must admit it's also puzzling. I can sense you'd rather end his life yourself."

"Yes, I would. He's a despicable man and I can't bear the thought he might hurt other innocents. But I couldn't. I…. I want to be worthy of Brandon's love and murdering that man in cold blood, regardless of how much he deserves it, doesn't seem the best way to go about it. And yet, we can't just forget his presence, and the danger he poses to other humans."

Carlisle smiles and utters words that echo his thoughts.

"Lynn, so much control, so much compassion. I'm impressed. I'm also glad to say I was wrong when I recommended you leave. I can see he has a good influence on you."

"I didn't come here looking for compliments, Carlisle." I reply, visibly annoyed.

"I know, Lynn. But a father has a right to be proud of his daughter, doesn't he?"

"Yes," I grudgingly concede, already relenting. He always knows just what to say, and I can't hide how much I'm pleased.

"But there is something else I must tell you, father. Brandon…. He knows…. The truth. I'm so sorry."

He looks at me quizzically.

"I'm glad you are getting closer to him, Lynn, but this is unexpected. I never imagined him you'd tell him, not so soon. Esme and I won't mind, Lynn, I guess he had to be told sooner or later. We'll figure things out. He seems rather reliable, since he never told anybody about your daring, impossible rescue. Rosalie and Jasper, however, won't be happy to hear this. They won't hurt him, you know that, but they will be upset."

I shake my head.

"I'm glad this doesn't upset you, father, but you're right, I would never have told him."

He frowns, genuinely puzzled.

"How did he find out then?"

"He grew with some kids on the reservation, and they happen to be descendants of Ephraim Black. Jacob and Rebecca, according to Brandon. They're Billy Black's kids."

Carlisle remains thoughtful for a moment, absently stroking his chin, one of the mannerisms he adopts to look more human when he's at work. Finally he shrugs.

"Alright. We should have known some of the younger Quileutes might be careless. Naturally, we won't be hurting any of them."

"Agreed." I mumble, looking at my feet.

"Let' forget about it for now, Lynn. We'll deal with Rosalie when we have to and I'm sure Alice can make Jasper understand how important Brandon has become to you. So, tell me more about the monster we are about to hunt. Is he wanted by the police?"

"Yes, he is. In two states, actually. Oregon and California. And I know where he's hiding; I was able to read it in his thoughts."

"Let's go there together. You'll be able to tell me if he's in his room then. I'll do the rest."

He grabs a medical bag and checks its contents before we head out. I take the BMW and the roads are empty this late in the evening; we are soon in Port Angeles, near the flophouse by the docks where he's been trying to keep a low profile. On the way, Carlisle explained to me that he just plans to sedate him before informing the authorities of his whereabouts. I growl, dissatisfied, but defer to his judgment. We both know human justice is fallible.

We park at the back of the rickety building and I open my mind to the thoughts of people in the vicinity. I sense his presence. He's in, watching some pornography on his television. I give Carlisle the details he needs to find him and identify him. I also offer to go inside with him but he shakes his head.

"That won't be necessary, Lynn." He must have noticed that being in his proximity has reawakened some of my bloodlust. It's not something I'm proud of but he wouldn't be the first demon I feed on.

"Lynn, let me do the rest. Go to Brandon's house. I know that's where you want to be."

I smile. Carlisle's wisdom still mesmerizes me; once again, he knew exactly what to say. I nod and run off, leaving him the car.

I find the bough where I usually spend the night these days and settle in, enjoying the musical treat I was hoping for; Brandon is practicing Claire de Lune again. I can't see him from my spot, just like he can't see me, but I close my eyes and let his music fill my mind. I hope he's also thinking about me.