Hiiiiiiiiii SPN Family! I hope you're all having a beautiful day, because you deserve it.

This story is a bit of a combined request- I've had a couple questions about Natalie's mom, and some requests for some more angst-ridden stuff, so here you go. If I haven't gotten to your request yet, please keep the faith- I promise I will! Keep the requests coming- I love hearing from you.

Special thanks and a big hug to all of you. I mean it. You guys help keep me going. Extra special hugs to my Sammy. :)

Please read, review, and enjoy!

A/N- In this story, Natalie is 10. Please see profile page for disclaimer.

"Why can't I come?"

Dean rolled his eyes for the thousandth time that day. And for the thousandth time, he gave the same answer. "This one is too dangerous. This demon keeps jumping from meat suit to meat suit, and I'm not going to let you within 100 yards of this thing."

"But if I draw an anti-possession symbol on my arm, then-"

"No."

Natalie crossed her arms in frustration, but tried to keep the whiny-ness out of her voice. She knew it wouldn't do her any favors while trying to convince Dean to let her go with him and Sam. "I know the exorcism by heart! I don't have to get that close to it!" Dean just ignored her and concentrated on refilling his flask with holy water.

She wanted to stomp her foot and start yelling, but she knew better. She knew that was a sure-fire way to get left out of the hunt, and get her in a lot of trouble. Lately, Dean seemed to be clamping down on anything and everything she wanted to do. They still took her out on the road with them, and they were still training her to be a hunter- coaching her on Latin, weaponry, and supernatural knowledge- but that was about the extent of it. Very rarely did they take her out into the field, and when they did, it was only on fact-finding missions; never on the crime scene, and never EVER to gank the monsters. They would come back and present her with the facts, and it was her job to do research and figure out what they were up against. She was getting to be an expert on lore- she had leafed through and read their lore books so many times, she was getting to be a tiny walking Dewey decimal system of the supernatural. She knew John's journal forwards and backwards, often able to correct them or add to their thoughts when they were discussing their cases.

She was a genius at the computer too, making any search engine yield results for her with a flurry of her fingers. But even that was hampered, seeing as she was only allowed on their laptops under their supervision. She always needed their permission before getting online for two simple reasons. Sam didn't want her digging into supernatural research that she wasn't ready for, and Dean didn't want her stumbling onto his browser history.

She didn't know it, but Sam was incredibly aware of how good she was at finding what she needed on the internet. He would watch her figure out something in twenty minutes that would take him an hour, or take Dean three. He didn't know where she was getting it from. It was almost like she just knew naturally what to type, and the computer would yield whatever results she wanted. Sam had tried to talk to Dean about it a few times, but Dean just brushed it off. Natalie was a good kid- she wouldn't do anything on the computer that she wasn't supposed to. However, Dean wasn't used to her pressing back on certain issues either, which seemed to be happening more and more frequently.

This case, for example. It was about an hour away from Bobby's hometown of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. They were back home, staying with Bobby in the closest thing Natalie ever had to a home, trying to take care of little things that the older man didn't quite have the stamina to take care of anymore, all while hunting down this demon. Since Castiel had healed Bobby, he was still able to get up and around, but things like repairing gutters and cleaning had taken a back seat recently.

Natalie found herself stuck with more chores than usual on this trip. She would do them without complaint, but Dean noticed her curiosity had ramped up, having all this free time to think about anything and everything. She was constantly asking questions- everything from hunting to history to home repair. Dean remembered with a shudder the time she asked about her mother. He had tried to shut that one down quickly, but she wasn't having it. Apparently, she had given it a good deal of thought, and decided that she wanted to know. She had kept pestering Dean about her, and even though he had flat out refused to talk about his ex, that hadn't deterred his daughter. He had tried giving her The Eye, which usually kept her at bay. Not this time. She kept pushing and pushing until finally, strictly out of anger, he sent her to her room, forbidding her from ever asking about her mother again. She had listened to him when he did that, and hadn't said a word about it since. Dean felt horrible playing his "Because I Said So" card on that one, but he didn't want Natalie to know about her mother. He wasn't ready for that heartbreak yet- for himself or for her.

She had channeled her questions into this case instead. She actually had been the one to link all the bizarre, random crimes in the area to this demon. Both Sam and Dean had been impressed with how wide she was able to spread her digital net and draw this all in. However, with this particular circumstance, the demon was fond of jumping from person to person, leaving death and very confused police officers in its wake. Natalie knew all of this, and yet, she still was pushing to go with them.

"How am I going to get good at exorcising demons if you never let me practice?" she said matter of factly.

"You've done it before."

"Yeah, with the demon being in a devil's trap, you and Uncle Sam in between us, and me standing in a puddle of holy water," she quipped, putting her hands on her hips.

"Ya still got to do it, didn't you?"

"Dad!"

Dean finally looked up at her. "Natalie, enough. You're not going- end of discussion." He wasn't sure if she was going to keep pushing, but he had laid down his infamous last line. Even Sam didn't cross that one. Usually. Dean watched as her shoulders slumped, the fight draining out of her.

"Yes, sir," she mumbled. She turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Dean feeling like a schmuck. He shook it off, and got back down to the task at hand. He would have loved to have said yes- to have taken her with them. She loved being able to help, and she seemed like she was a born hunter. However, the fact remained that she was still only ten. This demon that they were up against seemed to take a sadistic pleasure in leaping from human to human, possessing people at random, and without her having the anti-possession tattoo, it was still too dangerous. She was too much like her father at that age- gung-ho for a fight against the supernatural. Even John hadn't let Dean do that much hunting at age ten, although Dean had already made his first kill by then. He wanted to keep Natalie away from that moment for as long as he could. It was rough enough dealing with the idea that he was watching her walk down the hunter's path. He just couldn't handle all the other emotional baggage that came with it. Not right now. He cleared his throat in the silence, and focused on refilling the flask.

Natalie shuffled away, her head down. She knew it had always been a long shot, but since Dean hadn't flat-out said no the first time she asked to go on the hunt, she was hoping she would have been able to wear him down. Sure, it was dangerous, but what creature were they ever going to fight against that wasn't dangerous? She pushed the front door open, and trudged down the steps. She saw Sam's silhouette in the moonlight, loading the trunk of the Impala with their vast array of weaponry. She walked over to him, feeling a bit of relief. Uncle Sam didn't mind her questions. In fact, he liked them. He had welcomed her helpful research on this case while keeping an eye on her internet skills. She knew there was no chance of him getting Dean to overturn his verdict, but his shut-down reminded her of other questions she had tried to ask her father. She wondered if Sam would answer them instead. Dean had said she wasn't allowed to ask HIM about it again- he hadn't said anything about Sam.

She sidled up next to Sam now, who glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Hey Bug," he said casually, using her affectionate nickname. She just sighed heavily. Sam tried to smother the grin that was threatening to creep onto his face. He knew that sigh all too well. He chalked it up towards heading into her teenage years. "So what's up?" he asked, pushing the fake trunk lid down, effectively concealing the weapons. He turned to her, ready to hear whatever drama it was this time.

"Uncle Sam..." Natalie began, and then hesitated. She wasn't sure exactly how to begin this conversation. Sam's brow furrowed. Normally, this kid wasn't at a loss for words, so he wasn't quite sure what he was about to walk into. He didn't say anything, though. He just waited for her to pull herself together and try again. She finally looked up, her green eyes piercing his hazel ones.

"Did you know my mom?" she asked quietly. Sam felt his insides turn to solid lead. He had barely known Natalie's mother, only having been around her three times- when they met her originally, when they have solved her case and rescued her, and when they had come back to Seattle to find her pregnant with Natalie. Dean had clammed up about her. Sam knew it was still a source of pain for his brother, so he never pushed, knowing that if Dean ever really needed to talk about the situation, he would. It was like when Dean had come back from Hell. When he had been ready to talk, he did. And when he was ready to talk about Natalie's mother, he would. Until then, Sam knew he would get nowhere pushing. But he had never really factored Natalie into the equation before.

Sam coughed awkwardly for a moment, and then swallowed before answering. "What makes you ask about...her? Now?" he said cautiously, his eyes darting to the house. He knew Dean had forbidden Natalie from asking about her mother, but he also knew his niece was a stubborn little goat when it came to getting what she wanted. Dean wasn't going to be happy that she was trying to get information about a forbidden subject, but he couldn't help but feel a stab of sympathy for her.

When they were growing up, Dean hadn't talked much about their mom, but he had told Sam what he knew. Sam remembered having to push and pester Dean a bit for the information- he was still a little brother after all- but Dean had eventually relented and told Sam what he remembered. Sam remembered wanting to know as much as he could about her until he finally gave up, realizing that he had gotten all he was ever going to get out of Dean. He realized that Natalie may feel the same way. He also knew the frustration of trying to get information out of his brother. His heart ached for his niece.

Natalie shrugged as if in response to his thoughts. "I don't know why I want to know now as opposed to before," she said honestly. "But I'm curious. I just don't know anything about her. I mean, I don't want to look her up or find her- I just...I guess I just want to know something."

Sam shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "You know your dad doesn't want you talking about this, Natalie," he said gently. She rolled her eyes.

"It's not like I'm asking for nuclear launch codes here!" She stamped her foot. She knew she could get away with that with Uncle Sam- he understood that she was just sometimes frustrated. Dean just saw it as total defiance, which was not to be tolerated. But Sam was cool about this kind of thing. There wasn't much he let her get away with either, but this was okay. Sam smiled kindly at her, feeling the frustration coming off her in waves. "I just want to know something. I don't even know what her name was."

At that admission, Sam's heart twisted. He suddenly realized she was right. She had never asked before, and they had never told her. Most kids her age and in her situation would have been told already, but she had no idea. None at all. Sam felt torn. On the one hand, Dean would kill him for even mentioning Natalie's mother. But on the other hand- this was Natalie. His niece. The closest thing to a daughter he would probably ever have- in this universe anyways. He had been right alongside her, since her first day on this planet, taking care of her, watching her grow. In a way, he felt like a parent to her as much as Dean was. And she had every right to know. It was only natural that her curiosity would make her ask.

He glanced towards the house once more to make sure Dean wasn't coming out, then reached out and took Natalie by the shoulders. He leaned way down, so he was looking her right in the eye. He watched as her inquisitive green eyes widened when he got down to her level.

"Look, Natalie," he said quietly. "You cannot let your dad know I told you this, okay? And this is the only thing I'm going to tell you. Don't ask me anything else. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir," she whispered, sensing the gravity behind his words. She leaned forward, hanging on Sam's every word.

Sam took a deep breath. "Your mom's name was Jamie. I'm sorry; I don't remember her last name. But her first name was Jamie."

*SPN SPN SPN*

About an hour later, Sam and Dean were locked and loaded, ready to go take out the demon. Natalie had been hanging around inside with Dean again. Dean guessed that she had talked to Sam about not getting to go on the hunt, gotten all her irritation out, and was back to being his perfect little angel. She had been helpful (as usual) in making sure they had everything they needed for the hunt. She had gotten her good attitude back, and Dean had been quizzing her on the Latin incantation that they would be using that night. Seeing as how he had no idea if it was actually right or not, never having memorized it the way his daughter and brother had, he had taken her word that she was right. It certainly sounded right, so there you go.

Dean was shrugging into his dark leather jacket, going over the typical rules with Natalie. "Alright, you know the drill. But you'll be in bed by the time we get back. At least, you better be."

Natalie giggled. "Yes, sir."

Dean smirked at her, and then called out to Bobby, who was still in the kitchen. "Hey Bobby- make sure she gets to bed before daybreak, okay?"

"No promises," came the gruff answer from the kitchen. Sam rolled his eyes. Dean turned back to Natalie.

"Behave," he said in a firm tone that betrayed the smile playing on his lips.

"No promises."

"You two are hilarious. I'm going to sell you both to the comedy circuit, see how they like you."

"Hey, if I get to meet Amy Schumer, I'm all for it." Dean snorted at her retort, and then reached out to ruffle her hair. She dodged his hand expertly.

"Hey," she said with her ear to ear grin.

"I know. You too."

"I know." Dean turned and headed out the door. Sam lingered for a second, looking at her. Natalie gave him a sweet smile in return. He smiled back and winked at her, confident that she would keep the secret he shared with her, and then headed out the door. Natalie stood at the window and waved as they pulled away, feeling a stab of disappointment that she wasn't in the car with them. But that was quickly replaced by the plan whirling through her brain. She looked at the clock, and began to calculate.

*SPN SPN SPN*

It was about one o' clock in the morning, when the Winchester boys pulled back up to Bobby's house. The demon had been relatively easy to dispatch, and they had made good time coming back, with the roads being empty due to the lateness of the hour. As they climbed out of the car, Dean did a quick scan of the house- all the windows were dark. Bobby must have actually made Natalie go to bed. Dean made a mental note to check to see if she had given him a hard time about it, or if she'd done as he told her to and behaved.

"Looks like everyone's asleep," Dean commented to Sam, gesturing to the windows. "Will wonders never cease." Sam just snorted a bit, too tired to respond. The demon hadn't gone down without a fight, but they were the Winchesters, just taking care of family business. Once they got the sucker in the devil's trap, it had been child's play. The boys quietly made their way into the house. Dean gently set his keys on the small table by the front door, and then his eyes shifted to the stairs. He was about to climb them to go check on his kid, when suddenly Sam tugged on his sleeve. Dean stopped and turned around to see what Sam wanted. Sam just pointed to the living room. A soft, blue light was glowing from the floor behind the sofa. Dean exchanged a glance with Sam, and then slowly walked towards the light, being careful not to make a sound. What he saw surprised the living hell out of him. And then really made him angry.

Natalie was sitting underneath Bobby's desk, her back to the front door. The blue glow that Sam had seen was coming from the open laptop sitting on the floor in front of her. She must be completely absorbed in whatever she's doing, thought Dean. Natalie normally had reflexes like a cat, but she hadn't even registered that there were two people standing directly behind her, one of them, very pissed off. She was up way later than she should have been, playing with a laptop, which she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was NOT supposed to touch. Dean silently crept closer to the desk. Since she was underneath, Dean also realized that was her way of hiding, indicating that she knew she was doing something bad too. And that ticked him off more than anything else.

"I can't wait to hear the explanation on this one," Dean said loudly. As he expected, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Luckily, she was so short that she didn't hit her head on the bottom of the desk, but she didn't turn around either. She just froze, her head no longer bent over the laptop, but looking straight out. She didn't move a muscle. After a solid minute of Dean's angry breathing being the only sound in the room, he spoke again.

"You know I can see you, right? This isn't freaking Jurassic Park; I can see things that aren't moving." He watched as she shifted slightly, but still didn't turn around. The fact that she seemed to be ignoring him pissed him off even more.

"Natalie!" he barked. "Get out of there, NOW." At that, he saw her deflate, and turn slowly around, refusing to look up. She put her small hands on the ground and crawled out from under the desk. She slowly stood up, and dragged her feet over towards Dean, who was seeing red. He had been right- Natalie moving slowly like that meant that she knew she had been caught misbehaving. Which meant she knew she had been doing something she wasn't supposed to. Dean was so used to her doing exactly as she was told that any disobedience from her felt foreign to him. He hated that feeling.

"Sam, get the lights," Dean threw over his shoulder. Sam reached over and snapped the room lights on. The sudden flood from the lamps on the tables was blinding for her, and she squinted a bit, trying to force her eyes to dilate quicker. Not because she wanted to look at Sam or Dean, but she felt safer knowing that her periphery was working. Dean had no sympathy for her whatsoever.

"So?" he said, in his low tone. "What's the story? You wanna tell me why you were on..." He leaned around her to get a good look at the computer that she was working on. "...MY laptop?" he finished, his tone getting louder. Natalie didn't say anything, she just continued to stare at the worn down rug.

"Answer me, little girl."

Natalie squirmed again in agitation. "I was...I was looking...for something," she finally got out in a mumble.

"Speak up."

She took a deep breath, and tried again. Man, he was pissed. "I was looking for something, sir."

"On my laptop." She nodded. "Don't give me a nod," he growled.

"Yes, sir," she said, her voice catching.

"Are you allowed to be on my laptop without my permission?"

"No, sir."

"So you tell me how you thought that was a good idea."

She didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say. She hadn't expected them to make it back so soon. About fifteen minutes after Bobby had started snoring, thinking that Natalie was in her room, sound asleep, she made her move. She had snatched Dean's laptop from his room, crept downstairs, and hid under the desk just in case Bobby got up in the middle of the night and came down to the kitchen, he wouldn't see her. Her eyes looked quickly at the clock on Bobby's desk. She was surprised to see how late it was, but she had still expected Sam and Dean to be out until at least 2 or 3 with this demon. The plan had been to hack into Dean's computer, and get what she was looking for, erase the browser history, and get in bed before they were home, with no one being the wiser.

"How did you get into my laptop?" Dean thundered at her, bringing her crashing back down to reality. She jumped again slightly, and swallowed hard. "You have to have the password."

"I...um...I bypassed it. Sir."

At that, Dean was taken aback. How the hell did she know how to do that? He turned to Sam, the confusion plain on his face.

"This is what I've been trying to tell you about, Dean," Sam said quietly. Dean just stared at him for a moment, and then turned back around to face Natalie, a look of pure outrage on his face.

"Sam, I know she's stupid good with computers, but I never thought she'd actually go so far as to disobey me and hack into one of them!" Dean roared, speaking to Sam, but directing it at Natalie. He watched as she shrunk away from his voice, and began breathing shallowly.

"Don't you start the waterworks now. It's not going to help you one bit," Dean threatened. Natalie clenched her jaws together, trying to get a grip on herself and obey Dean's orders.

"What were you looking for? Huh? I certainly hope it was worth the amount of trouble you're in."

Natalie mumbled something incoherent.

"Don't make me tell you to speak up again."

"I...don't want to tell you what I was looking for, sir."

Dean actually stopped breathing for a split second, then the anger welled up again, enabling his voice. "Well, that's too bad, 'cause you're going to tell me anyways."

"But-"

"Natalie."

She began fidgeting from foot to foot, her bottom jaw working overtime as she clenched and unclenched it. "You're gonna be mad," she said quietly, but loud enough that Dean could hear.

"Oh, I'm already mad. I'm way past mad. And if you don't want to push me even further, I suggest you answer up, NOW!"

Natalie squeezed her eyes shut tight, and scrunched up her face like she was in pain. "I was..." she stopped, unable to get any more words out.

"You were what?!" Dean thundered, getting incredibly tired of her hemming and hawing.

"I was looking for information...on my mother."

Dean's world stopped. The clock stopped ticking, the clouds stopped moving. His jaw hit the floor, and he felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. Never in a million years, did he think that Natalie would have been looking for that bitch. He didn't know what to do- his mind was in complete shambles. She thought...and she had...she was...He couldn't even form a complete thought. His lungs began screaming at him, indicating that he hadn't inhaled in a while. When he finally drew in air, he slowly crossed his arms over his chest. He was so angry, so bewildered, and so hurt, that he honestly didn't know what he would do. After a minute of trying to get his lungs to work properly again, he spoke.

"Go up to your room. Right now. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night," was all he could spit out in a low tone.

Natalie felt her face drain of all the blood in it at his words. Never had he been so mad at her that he said he didn't want to see her. She tried to breath, but she could barely manage a shallow intake of air and hold back the tears at the same time. "Yes sir." She walked past Dean, who immediately turned his back to her. That hurt more than anything. She kept moving, her eyes flicking up quickly at Sam. He looked down at her, gave her a half smile, and jerked his head in the direction of the stairs, sending her on her way. She began to climb the stairs, trying to be as quiet as she could, thinking that any other sound from her would just make Dean angrier. However, halfway up the stairs, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Daddy, I'm sorry," she whispered, stopping on the stairs, turning towards Dean. He didn't move. He kept his back to her. And her heart cracked in two.

Sam watched as Dean's rejection hit her. Her chin wobbled, then she clenched her jaw and locked down on her emotions. She looks just like Dean when she does that, Sam thought. She turned without another word, and climbed up the stairs the rest of the way. Sam heard her door shut quietly. He exhaled, the tension still incredibly thick in the room. He just stood there, his hands in his pockets, waiting for Dean to turn around. After five minutes of neither of them moving, Sam slowly walked towards his brother. When he stepped to Dean's side, he dared to look at his face. It was frozen in a mask of bewilderment. Sam cleared his throat, but Dean didn't move. Finally, Sam reached down under the desk and retrieved the laptop. He set it on top of the desk, and began examining Natalie's work.

"Holy shit," he breathed. Dean's eyes moved down towards him.

"What?" he said through gritted teeth.

"She took down the Firewall."

"You're shitting me."

"She overrode a system that's supposed to be impenetrable."

"How the hell did she do that?"

"Beats me. I don't even know how to do that." Sam continued his examination. He checked recent search history, and his heart froze. He saw the name "Jamie" had been typed in. With a quick brush of his hand, he erased that, not wanting to give Dean any more fuel for the fire. He clicked on one of the open tabs at the bottom of the screen, but then realized something. "Hey," he said to his brother. "Weren't these files password protected?"

At that, Dean threw up his hands and turned away, exhaling in an angry huff. Sam immediately withdrew his hands from the computer, and waited for Dean to start talking. He didn't have to wait long.

"Sam. She was looking for her mother. She thought that I had some sort of secret file on Jamie that I was keeping hidden from her," Dean spat out.

Sam shrugged weakly. "Can you blame her?"

At that, Dean whipped around. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Sam held up his hands placating. "All I mean by that is that you and I do research all the time- there are tons of things on our computers. And all Natalie knows is that she knows nothing about her mother. I absolutely get how she may have come to that conclusion." Dean opened his mouth to interrupt, but Sam hurried on. "I'm not justifying what she did, I'm just saying that I get how she thought that."

As much as he hated to admit it, Dean saw Sam's point. But it still didn't sit right with him. On top of her disobeying him, she had been digging for things she knew she wasn't supposed to talk about. It took him a while to nail down specifically why it bothered him, but once he hit on it, he couldn't stop it from blurting out of his mouth.

"Why is she asking? Huh? Why now? Why, all of the sudden, this interest in that bitch?"

"I don't know, man. But you had to know she was going to start asking sooner rather than later." Sam looked at Dean, trying to see if that thought had ever occurred to him. "You did know that, right?"

Dean just shook his head, not wanting to admit to Sam that he was all too familiar with that idea. In the dark part of his brain, his deepest fear was beginning to surface. He expertly pushed it back down, not allowing it to cloud his thoughts. The idea that if she wanted to know about her mother, that meant she was unhappy with him. And she wanted to leave. He knew it was irrational and ridiculous, but he couldn't help how he felt anymore than he could keep Natalie from asking so many damn questions. He knew he would have to deal with this fear eventually, but he was too drained. Too tired. And his kid...All of the sudden, without any warning, it hit home. Dean realized exactly what he said to Natalie. Exactly how he treated her. It was like how John had treated him when he had messed up. He suddenly came to the horribly realization that this was how John felt when Sam or Dean had pushed him too far. Torn between his anger and his love for his children. Wanting to hug them and swat them all at the same time, and not knowing which one they needed more.

And then, it dawned on him that he knew exactly how Natalie was feeling as well. He remembered, all too well, that horrible pit in his stomach when he knew John was mad at him. The feelings of worthlessness when John gave him the cold shoulder. He realized that after sending Natalie to bed, he hadn't even looked at her, spoken to her, nothing. Every time John had done that to him had been permanently etched in his mind, and now he had done that to his daughter. Dean felt paralyzed by these sudden epiphanies. Without another word, he found his legs again, charging up the stairs, barreling past a very surprised Sam. When he reached the top of the stairs, he quietly walked to Natalie's door and pushed it open.

She was laying on her bed, sound asleep. But she wasn't under the covers, or even in her pajamas. It seemed like she had collapsed on top of her bed. The small white lamp beside her bed was still on, and in its glow, Dean could make out the tear tracks still staining her face. She had cried herself to sleep. The kid who hated to cry. She had cried herself to sleep.

Dean closed his eyes, in more pain than he knew what to do with. He wanted to touch her, to kiss away the tears, to gather her in his arms and never let go. But he was too afraid. Afraid he would wake her, afraid she didn't want to see him after he had acted like that towards her, afraid of even the feeling of wanting to get close. He had spent so many years pushing people away, avoiding anything that could be constituted as touchy-feely, that these sudden inexplicable rushes were still terrifying. And of course, there was all the emotional turmoil that came with them. Why had he been so nasty? What had she really done to deserve it? Out of all the ways he could have handled the situation, he had chosen the worst possible way. As per usual. He turned off the lamp next to her bed, and retreated from the room. He quietly closed the door, and leaned against it, afraid to even move. He stayed there, beating himself up for all his bad decisions, letting the fear run amok.

Hold on a second, he thought suddenly. No. This isn't over. I'm Dean Winchester- I don't do fear. I can fix this.

*SPN SPN SPN*

The next morning, way earlier than he would have normally risen, Dean walked into the kitchen. He knew Natalie was an early riser, and he half expected her to be sitting at the table. So when he walked into an empty kitchen, he was surprised. Sam must have still been asleep, but Bobby was usually up by this time. As if on cue, Bobby walked into the kitchen at that moment. He grunted a "hello" in Dean's direction, and headed straight for the coffee pot.

Without so much as a "hello" grunt back, Dean asked, "Have you seen Natalie?" Bobby's sleepy eyes suddenly lit up, and he began scanning the kitchen.

"Is she missing?" he growled, his eyes searching for signs of forced entry or demonic presence. Dean just shook his head, regretting the way he had just said that.

"No, no. I just haven't seen her this morning," Dean said, explaining himself.

"Did you try looking in her room?" Bobby asked, annoyed. Dean looked surprised.

"Um, no. I, uh, didn't think to look there," he admitted sheepishly.

Bobby rolled his eyes and snorted. "Idjit." He pulled out a mug, and began filling it with coffee. "Scaring an old man like that first thing in the morning. What the hell is your problem?" Dean gave a half hearted shrug as an apology, and walked over to the cupboard. He removed a box of granola bars that he knew Natalie liked, and stuffed a handful of them in his jacket pocket. He snatched a bottle of water from the fridge, then grimaced at it. He quickly filled a travel mug full of coffee for himself, and proceeded to walk back up the stairs. He set the bottle of water and the mug down outside of Natalie's door, and, after taking a deep breath, he knocked.

"Come in," he heard her quiet voice squeak. He pushed open the door to find Natalie fully dressed in different clothes, sitting on her bed. Her face was still showing signs of her tumultuous night- it was still red and swollen, but the tear tracks had disappeared, for which he was extremely grateful. She was looking at him fearfully. Once again, the raging war inside Dean's head was battling- he partially wanted to grab and hug her, but he knew that would freak her out, so he tried to play cool.

"Get your shoes and coat on. We're going for a drive," he finally said in a thick voice. Natalie's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she instantly slid off the bed and grabbed her sneakers. As she was tying her laces, Dean spoke again.

"Why weren't you in the kitchen this morning?"

She paused for a moment, then resumed tying her shoes, not looking at him. "You didn't give me permission to leave my room yet, sir," she said in a low voice. Dean shut his eyes for a moment as her comment tore at his heart. She was so afraid of him that she hadn't even left her room yet. He knew very well that she had been up for hours at this point. She had always been an early riser.

"Come on. Hurry up," he said in a firm, yet gentle tone. He had to fix this. He couldn't go on like this. He snatched her coat from the chair by her door, and held it out to her. She looked up at him quickly, mumbled "thank you", and slipped into it. Dean nodded his approval, and walked out the door. Natalie took a deep breath, and followed her father. He stopped in the hallway, leaned down, and retrieved the water bottle, handing it to her. He picked up his coffee mug, and together, they headed down the stairs.

*SPN SPN SPN*

They had been driving for about twenty minutes now. Dean had pulled out a couple granola bars from his pocket, and handed them to Natalie, but they just sat, abandoned, on the front seat. It was rare that Natalie was too upset to eat, and that just propelled Dean to drive faster. When they finally reached their destination, an old dirt lot next to an all but forgotten park, Dean turned the car off and climbed out. He made his way to the front of the car silently, and sat down on the hood.

Natalie woodenly followed him. This was going to be the continuation of the lecture she knew she had coming, she figured. She knew she had screwed up, so badly. She just wanted it all to be over, but she was terrified for when Dean started yelling again. And the fact that he had drug her out to the middle of nowhere to yell at her wasn't helping her nerves. She wanted to throw up, scream, cry, and curl into a ball and just wait it out. But she knew that wasn't an option. So she climbed out of the Impala, and met her father at the front of the car. She stood before him, her hands in her coat pockets, her eyes downcast. A thump caused her to look up. Dean was looking at her, and had patted the car hood next to him, indicating that she was to climb up and sit there. She was taken aback- usually when she was getting lectured, he insisted on looking her right in the eye. That was difficult to do when you were sitting next to someone. But he had given her a silent order. She climbed onto the hood, and sat next to her father. Neither one spoke for a minute.

"Natalie," Dean started gently, but before he could get a sentence out, the words exploded out of her.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I know that I'm not supposed to touch your computer, and I know that I'm not supposed to ask about my mom. I just wanted to know, but I know there's a reason why I shouldn't. And I'm so sorry. I know you mean the best for me, always, and I'm so sorry that I forgot that. I don't want you to have to think about my mother if it hurts you. I swear, I'll never ask again. Please don't hate me. I won't ever do it again. Just please, please don't hate me."

Dean just sat there, listening to her pour her little broken heart out. She finally finished, dropping her head down, and began inhaling rapidly, trying to keep herself from crying. When she had gotten control of herself, he turned his head towards her.

"Natalie Grace, look at me," he commanded. She slowly raised her eyes to meet his gaze. To her utter amazement, all she saw in his eyes was love. "I will never, ever hate you. You are my daughter, and I don't want to even think about my life without you. Understand?" Natalie slowly nodded her head, unable to speak. Dean looked out in the distance again.

"The reason that I don't want to talk about your mother has nothing to do with me."

Natalie wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "So why don't you want to talk about her then?" she asked hesitantly. A muscle jumped in Dean's jaw for a moment before he answered.

"Because I hate her for what she did to you."

Natalie stared, wide eyed at her father. Dean was still gazing off in the distance. "Natalie, I knew your mom for...a weekend." He closed his eyes, hating how that sounded. He turned to see how the information had gone over with his daughter. Natalie was looking at him expectantly. Apparently, the information hadn't been as shocking as he thought it would be. He didn't want to think about what that meant for how Natalie saw his romantic life. He continued his story.

"Your uncle and I met her when we were on a job. She was a referral- Cas had found out about her. These demons were after her because she had this secret formula that was being used to stop them from spreading evil. I don't know exactly how it all worked, but these demons wanted it- bad. Somehow, they found out about it, and they were trying to finish her off. We got her to safety, got the formula delivered to the right people, and that was that. But she and I...well...we..." He realized he didn't know how to tell Natalie what he and her mother had done, but she was just nodding, indicating that she understood. Dean breathed a sigh of relief- he couldn't handle this plus a "birds and the bees" talk today. One crisis at a time. "I didn't even know you were...around...until your mom was about a week from giving birth. Jamie called me..." he trailed off, realizing that he had never spoken Jamie's name aloud to her. He met her solemn green eyes. "Her name- your mother- her name was Jamie." Natalie nodded slowly, trying to look like this was new information, so as to not throw Sam under the bus. Dean didn't notice- he was already too caught up in the story. After holding it in for ten years, it felt like trying to hold back a flood with nothing but a screen door. The words just wanted to come tumbling out after having been bottled in his brain for so long. "Jamie called me and asked me to come to Seattle. I just assumed that the demons had found her again, so Sam and I dropped everything and ran to Washington. When I knocked on her door, she opened it. And she was huge." He looked quickly at Natalie. "Not like fat, but like...well, she was three days away from giving birth to you. Like I said, I had no freaking clue that she was even pregnant. I mean, we had been careful, and the con-" he broke off at the word "condom". He just couldn't say that to his ten year old, just yet. "Anyways, we determined that you really were mine, and I was right there when you popped out." He looked down at her. "You following me?" he asked.

She nodded her head slowly, as if afraid that he would stop talking if she spoke. He took a deep breath. This was the moment. The moment that he had been dreading ever since the day it had happened. He made sure he was looking right into Natalie's eyes, as if to say, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. "So your mom gave birth to you, and then...she was gone."

"Gone?"

"She just left. I still don't know how she did it. She managed to get all of the doctors to sign her out, and she gave me the slip too. I walked into the hospital room where she had been, and there was nothing in it except you, crying your eyes out, buckled into a car seat." He stopped, searching her face, wanting to see what this was doing to her. She was too much like him though- her stoic face seemed permanently fixed on, revealing nothing. He kept speaking, wanting this to be over. "I picked you up and took you back to the motel. Your Uncle Sam and I did everything we could to find Jamie. We were afraid that she had been kidnapped, or the demons had found her, or whatever. But there was no trace of the supernatural anywhere. And every eye witness said that they had just seen her walk out of the hospital. That's why there's nothing on my computer about her, kid- there was nothing to find. The phone number that I had had for her was useless- it was disconnected immediately. Sam scoured the internet, but it was like there were no traces that she ever even existed. She was just...not there anymore. And that pissed me off." Dean gritted his teeth, remembering the anger, confusion, and sheer terror of the first few days of Natalie's life.

"I didn't understand how in the world she could just up and walk away. Not after meeting you. Kid, the second you showed up in this world- everything changed." Dean found himself falling through time, going back to that first time he laid eyes on his Natalie Grace. "You...well, to be honest, the first time I saw you, you looked like a blue lump of cheese." Natalie giggled unexpectedly. The tension that had been in the air released, and both father and daughter gave a sigh of relief in tandem. "But after you got cleaned up and got all that crap off of you, you were just...awesome." Dean grinned. "Your fingers were so freaking tiny- it scared the crap out of me. I had never seen anything so little in my whole damn life. You were so little I could fit you in the crook of my arm, no problem at all. And you didn't cry- not at all. The doctor handed you to your mom, who handed you to me after a couple minutes. I thought for sure you were going to start screaming the second I held you. But you didn't. You just...laid there. And you know what?" He turned to Natalie. "You smiled."

Her ten year old dazzling smile broke through now. "I did?" she asked in a whisper.

Dean nodded. "Your mom didn't believe me when I told her, but I know what I saw. Your very first smile, and it was for me. And from that moment on, everything changed. I had to have you in my life. I had already sworn that I was going to stick with you- you can ask your uncle Sam all about that one." Dean rolled his eyes at the memory of telling Sam that there was going to be a new little Winchester running around, and the shit that consequently hit the fan after that. "I already knew I wasn't going anywhere. But with one smile, I knew I would never want to go anywhere else again."

They sat in silence for a moment. The wind rustled through the grass and weeds that were scattered around the park grounds. Dean leaned down to get another look at Natalie's face. "So. Ask away. What other questions do you have for me?" Here. This was the moment to face the fear. Dean mentally steeled himself for whatever came out of her mouth. He was ready.

Natalie didn't speak for a moment. She just sat and watched the clouds moving in the sky "So...Jamie just left me?" she finally managed to stammer out. He found it interesting that she had said "Jamie" and not "Mom". Dean closed his eyes for a moment, then reopened them with an exhale.

"Yeah. She did. And it was the biggest mistake of her life." Natalie's eyes swung to him. "If she would have known how amazing you are, she would never have left you."

"But she did. So you got stuck with me."

Dean reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, twisting her around so he was looking right into her face. "Hold on, there. Didn't you hear me before? I had already said that I wasn't going anywhere. If you don't believe me, ask Sam. I had flat out refused to put you up for adoption, and there was no way I was leaving you alone with your mom...with Jamie. I was already all-in, kid. And you need to understand that. It was never a question of me not being there. That option wasn't even on the board. It was always going to be you and me against the world. Do you understand?"

"So...you don't feel like you got...stuck with me?"

"Nope. Never have. And never will."

Natalie looked down for a moment, then looked back up at Dean. He could see peace in her eyes. Like she had thought about this before, and now she had her answer. "Hang on. Is that why you were asking about your mom?" Dean said, the pieces suddenly snapping together."Did you get some idea that I got stuck with you?"

Natalie looked away and didn't answer, which was all the proof Dean needed. "Natalie, how the hell did you come up with that one?" he asked, completely baffled.

Natalie sighed heavily. Dean saw the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders, and his heart twisted again. "I'm cleaning at Pop's all the time, every time that we're here now. I found an old journal that he kept, and...you and Uncle Sam and Grandpa were in it." Dean's head spun out- Bobby had a journal with him in it? "He talked about how when you and Uncle Sam were younger, how you both...jumped around from girl to girl...I don't remember exactly how he wrote it." Dean sent up a silent prayer of thanks upon hearing that good news- he was sure Bobby hadn't been delicate about it. "But it got me thinking...if I wasn't around, you probably would have kept doing that. And...you might have been happier."

"Stop right there," Dean ordered, shaking her shoulders a bit to get her to make eye contact with him again. "Listen up. I am not going to be happy if you're not in my life. Simple as that. You got me?"

Natalie looked at him, still unsure. He leaned in. "There's no me without you. Not any longer. It's the same way with Sam. It used to be just the two of us, but since you've been here, it's all changed, and for the better. You are a part of my life, and I'm not going to give that up. Ever. On the day you were born, I made you a promise. I was going to be your hero. I was always going to be there for you. No matter what. If you didn't want to become a hunter, or if you grew up and hated me- whatever. Didn't matter. I wasn't going anywhere." Dean was going to say more, but he was cut off by Natalie launching herself forward and throwing her arms around his neck. He wrapped his own arms around her, holding her tight. Normally, he couldn't stand hugs- too much in the touchy feely category for him. But this was different. This was a moment when he and Natalie understood each other better than they ever had before. He realized that he had been crazy- letting this fear drive him for so long. Yes, it had majorly sucked to have to tell her that her mother abandoned her. But what he hadn't counted on was the fact that his daughter already knew in her heart that he was her hero. She had just needed him to say it. And now, he needed to ask the terrifying question that had resurfaced from the dark part of his brain.

"Do you want to try to find her? You know- Jamie? Do you want me and Sam to try to look for her again?" he said, realizing her from the hug. He turned his head away. He could face this fear by asking the question, but there was not a chance in hell he'd look at Natalie. He wanted her to be able to give him an honest answer, no matter what it did to him.

"Oh, hell no."

Dean's surprised eyes swung around to look at her. She was giving him a look that plainly said, are you nuts? "Really?" he asked, not daring to hope it was as simple as that. "You don't want to try to find her?"

Natalie shook her head definitively. "No way. If she couldn't be bothered to stick around, then why the hell would I want her here? She's probably not even that awesome. No sense in ruining the awesomeness that we got going on." Dean wanted to laugh, to cry, to yell in victory, but he didn't. He just cleared his throat instead.

"Okay, then." After a lifetime of worry had been put to rest, he leaned over, kissed the top of her head, and sat back. "Now," he said, looking into her wide green eyes- his wide green eyes. "How about we go get some real breakfast?"

She giggled again- god, he loved that sound- and slid down off the hood of the car. "Okay!" she said, the bounce back in her step. She pulled open the door to the Impala, climbed in, and buckled her seat belt. Dean just marveled at her. He had just dropped some major life-altering knowledge on her, but she was okay. Hell, she was great. He shook his head, amazed at his kid all over again. He got into the car himself, and started her up. The hum of the Impala's engine was soothing to both of them, and they sighed in tandem once again. As he was pulling out of the parking lot, he thought of one more thing he needed to discuss with her.

"By the way- I'm getting you your own laptop."

Natalie's surprised eyes swung around to meet his face. "Are you kidding?" she blurted out frankly. Dean just snorted.

"Nope. Not kidding. You clearly know what you're doing with computers, and I think it's time you had your own tools for research. However," he said, his voice growing stern. "If I ever catch you on mine or Sam's computer again without permission-"

"I know," she interjected. "You'll murder me in my sleep and make it look like an accident."

"Damn straight." Dean caught Natalie's grin out of the corner of his eye.

"So how the hell did you get so good at hacking into computers anyways?"

She just shrugged, and smiled her angelic smile."Hey," she said quietly, without looking at him.

"I know. You too," he answered back with a grin.

"I know." He could hear the smile in her voice. All was right with the world again.