13. (Not sure yet)

When the music stops, it's replaced by other sounds, as Brandon goes to the washroom to take care of human needs and then crawls under his blankets. His father had already gone to bed; I hear his soft snoring. When Brandon falls asleep, the house becomes very quiet, but silence is not in the books tonight. The leaves and branches are thrumming in an onslaught of rain pouring from the cloudy skies. The forest's canopy is enough to mostly keep me dry, not that it matters to me; I don't possess any warmth that could leak out into the night if I were to get cold and wet. I listen to the melodies improvised by Mother Nature; it's a rainstorm sonata in A minor. But I don't feel sad. I'm close to him and I can hear him turn in his bed. Once in a while, he even murmurs my name in his sleep, sending shivers down my spine. I could never tire of listening and watching over him.

I also manage to temporarily keep my doubts at bay and bask in the cozy feeling of his complete acceptance of what I really am, so far at least. It's easy to do, and it gives me so much pleasure. I'm dating for the first time in my life and it's a glorious feeling, despite its pitfalls. And yet, I'm not sure hiding here next to his house and talking to him during French is enough. A naughty thought worms its way into my brain; I want the whole school to know. I turn that thought over a few times, look at it from different angles, consider the possible repercussions. I know Rosalie won't be pleased, but I wonder whether that even matters to me anymore. And if it doesn't, how can I make it happen?

While I'm busy pursuing disparate trains of thought, another night slowly turns into morning. At first only the trained eyes of a vampire can detect the little light seeping past the ceiling of clouds lodged over Forks. While I was sitting here, the rain slowly decreased in intensity and it's now barely a drizzle, the kind that makes people raised in this neck of the woods forget to pull up their hoods or open their umbrellas. A thick layer of mist has slowly coalesced as the rain waned and ceased. The whole scenery is enveloped in a dreamy, ethereal shroud, ready to be reborn into the new day. It won't be long before Brandon wakes up and drives his truck to school. I grimace when I think of the noise it produces, and then I have an idea. I imagine the shiny lightbulb that would emphasize my 'eureka' moment in a comic book.

I could give him a ride, if he lets me. We could spend some time together…. My throat burns at the thought but it doesn't make any difference; I want to see him and go to school with him. It will have to be his choice, but I have a feeling he won't disappoint me. Naturally, it's not all there is to it. It will be a short ride, in a sense barely worth the effort…. But if our classmates see us arrive at school together, I calculate as I dart through the trees in the direction of the Cullen demesne, my rivals will know who Brandon chose to be with. I gasp and almost stop running as the irony of my situation strikes me with renewed fury; a few weeks ago I held all of those kids and their silly dramas in contempt, now I am in the middle of it all, and I'm being just as childish.

And yet, no, it's not just wanting to gloat; going to school with him just feels right, natural. If I am not mistaken about his feelings then, yes, that's exactly what we should do.

Back at the house, it's almost time to go to school, but my siblings have already taken off in Rosalie's car. Esme reposts that Alice read my intentions and convinced the others to leave the BMW to me. I get in and drive back to Brandon's house. When I get there, his father is already gone. I'd heard him get up while I was leaving my spot in their backyard. I park in their driveway, the house a blurry shape in the thickening fog, and wait for Brandon to show up.

Soon enough, I hear hurried steps and keys jingle as he hurriedly locks the door and scurries toward his truck, all shivery and hunched over. He stops walking all of a sudden, frozen on the spot like a character in a cartoon, when he finally notices my presence. I slowly get out of the car, forcing a smile; I assumed he would accept, but now I'm worried. I thought I understood him last night, but in this misty, bleak morning I'm less sure. Could our mutual feelings still linger in the gray light of a new day? I need to find out.

"Morning, Brandon." She attempts a cheery smile but soon turns serious. "I was hoping you'd like to ride with me this morning. It's up to you, of course….." The choice will always be his, now, regardless of the pain I might have to endure if he does refuse. I bite my lip while I wait for his reply.

He looks at me askance, an expression I can't divine twisting his features in an odd arrangement.

"I'll be happy to." Once again, I fretted over nothing. He's surprised, but pleasantly so. His smile his genuine and I return it without even thinking about it.

In the car, though, I sense he's still a shy boy, uncertain on how to proceed. And of course, I'm not much more experienced either. I decide to try a little teasing, something I often engage in when dealing with my siblings.

"I suppose, being the man, you should give me a ride." I try to let him know it's just a joke. He seems to get it. "But I'd like to get to school before the sun sets."

He laughs unselfconsciously, as usually surprisingly at ease in my presence.

"Yeah, I guess you live outside the town. It might take a while if I drive the beast."

"So this role reversal doesn't bother you?" I'm not really teasing him this time. As little attention as I pay to humans, I have spent many years in high school. I did learn a few things, like the fact that even this young many males tend to be unnecessarily uptight about the silliest things. Going out with someone like me could be truly emasculating for some of them.

"Not at all. Our…. our relationship is far from ordinary anyways. Does it bother you? Would you prefer to date a rich kid with a Ferrari?"

"No." He's really funny too. The laugh spilling out of my throat is spontaneous. "They tend to be obnoxious and I like to drive." I try to keep my tone light as well.

"I see. And of course if there was any trouble you'd have to protect me. Another role reversal… I'm okay with that; I was never the macho type anyways…. Doesn't it bother you that I belong to an inferior species?"

That's a good question. He seems to have given this whole affair a lot of thought. A sneaky, imaginary warmth sets up camp somewhere close to my sternum.

"No…" I reply, gently, moved by the concern evident in his words; he's afraid I might not want him. Can't he see how much I do want him? I'll be honest, again, and hope it works out.

"In a way it makes it more special. You want to be close to me despite the danger; it tells me a lot about the strength of your feelings…. But I thought you'd have more questions about me… Don't you?" I know his curiosity appears to be limitless at times.

"I have lots but I don't know where to start. So, the sun doesn't hurt you. Are you afraid of crosses?"

"Myth. A dumb myth actually." Yeah, he watches way too many movies.

"I thought so. Do you sleep in coffins?"

"Myth."

"Do you… I mean, can you…."

"What, Brandon? You can ask." Instead, he remains quiet for a few brief seconds that feel like an eternity to me. A few seconds tick by, curiosity gnawing on my guts.

"Er, how old are you?" He finally barks. I have a feeling he was planning to ask me something completely different.

"Seventeen." I tell him, without thinking. That's an easy answer because technically it is true.

"Okay. How long have you been seventeen?" But he knows it's not all there is to it.

"For a while…" I finally reply, still embarrassed by the exact length of that 'while'.

"Actually," There is something I should really tell him, regarding one of his other questions. "We don't sleep at all. Not like humans. We can kind of go into a trance, be completely still and save energy, but we are still aware and we don't dream. It's just a way to while away some time."

"By the way, where is your family?" He looks relieved they're not here, but I guess he's just curious, as he always is.

"Rosalie took her car. They'll ride with her. We normally prefer not to use it because it's rather showy…. We try to blend in." I have a feeling we haven't been doing a great job lately. He laughs and seems to agree with me.

"Blend in? You really do not succeed. But tell me something, you and Rosalie don't get along?"

Another pointed question. This one won't be easy to answer, but it feels so good to share my life with him. I'll try to keep it simple.

"Not at the moment. In general we do, but we have always been very different."

We arrive at school and I park in a corner, next to a few empty spots. Most of his friends are hanging out in the lot, next to Tyler's van. When Brandon and I step out of our car, and then meet in front of it, standing as close as possible but without actually touching, I hear a chorus of shocked gasps from his buddies. I try to stay out of their minds, but I realized it might not matter that much; they're so stunned even their thoughts are still fuzzy, unclear.

"Morning guys," I finally tell them, taking the initiative, trying to wake them out of this weird stupor.

"Hi guys." Brandon adds, smiling at me. I smile back and we walk toward the school.

"It's like my first day, again. Everybody's staring." He whispers to me.

"Is that bad for you?" I know he's shy but does it really bother him that much? Or is he having second thoughts about basically telling the whole school that he likes me?

"It was on the first day, when I was just the new guy. Today I couldn't be happier." As usual, I shouldn't have worried. He often knows just what to say. A stray thought from his pal Jeff reminds me that today, now that our entrance has stirred the school's collective curiosity, could be a lot of fun. I might be able to find out a little bit more about Brandon's feelings indirectly. His own friends will be happy to grill him for me. All I have to do is sit back and enjoy the show.

"I'm sure your friends will have many questions for you." I trill, unable to hide my eagerness.

"You're reading their minds, aren't you?"

I smile at him and remain silent. He'll figure it out.

"What will they ask me?"

He's always quick. I knew he wouldn't make me wait.

"Many questions I would like to ask you myself," I state simply, trying to keep calm. "I'll be listening carefully. I'm really looking forward to hearing your answers."

"That's cheating." He looks so adorable when he's annoyed.

"Not at all." We should get going. Enjoy your classes." I conclude, before turning and walking away without looking back. The high of declaring our feelings in front of the whole school has left me weak-kneed and vulnerable. I need some distance, or I'm afraid I'll do something foolish, like trying to kiss him.

I meet Alice in our history class, but she can tell from my expression that I'm not interested in chit chat. Mike and Jeff are ready to corner Brandon and find out what he's been up to, and even how he feels about me. I can't wait. Yes, I know their third degree is about to begin. I can hear it all in their minds. I can't wait; finally I will have some of the answers he has so steadfastly withheld from me. His buddies won't let him stall them or sidetrack them. I sit at my desk, all my muscles tense. The rest of my classroom could be on fire for all I care. In my own head, I'm in with those three boys now, an uninvited guest.

"Man, you better spill." Mike, his mind awash in confusion and, subconsciously, jealousy.

"Yeah, dude, what's going on? What happened last night?" Jeff, just as puzzled and a little hurt. He'll never forget I rejected him. It was easier to take when I didn't date anybody and he could nickname me the ice queen.

"It's really like I told Mike… We had dinner and then she took me home." He's honest, but within limits. Like me. We do have some similarities, maybe a desire to protect people around us from certain uncomfortable truths.

"Yeah, but come on. Now she drives you to school? There must be something there. Did you kiss her?"

"You lucky bastard." Jeff's mind goes to places that force me to vacate it in a hurry. And yet, if Brandon were to take his place….. Those fantasies would have been almost pleasant…. No, what am I thinking? IN how many wrong ways will I want him?

"Yeah, I wish. But no, it's not like that." Is it just me, or he sounds really disappointed? No, not just me, that's how Mike reads him.

"So, you were just talking?" Jeff again. "Come on? Fess' up buster."

"We really just talked… I hope she likes me, but it's hard to tell."

It's hard to tell? What is he blathering about? I'm so stunned I don't know what to think. He really doesn't understand how hopelessly infatuated I am? What is wrong with the workings of his mind? And I thought it had been so obvious. How could he not be aware of it?

"Will you see her again? Are you dating?"

"We have plans for the weekend. She wants to go to Seattle with me. Does that count?" His voice has brightened. They also think the thought makes him happy. Envy is taking over again, but I'm glad to say they are also impressed, a little awed even, and supportive.

"Yeah. Okay, that sounds good. She must be into you." Once again, I have to go leave a man's mind in a hurry. Do they spend their entire time fantasizing about women?

"So man, do you like her?" Jeff starts. Finally we'll be getting somewhere.

"Yes, of course." I shake my head, ruefully; he's as terse as ever.

"Do you really like her?" Mike joins in.

"Yes, I do," his blush registers as a form of heat seeping in their thoughts.

"Man, getting something from you is like pulling teeth. I'll never be a dentist." Jeff grumbles, exasperated. I know how he feels. I wish I could thank him for agreeing with me and even high five me, or I would if I wasn't so tense. Getting anything out of Brandon requires the patience of Job. Please, ask him again. Let's hear some details.

"So how much do you like her?"

He sighs. I wonder how he will try to avoid answering their questions this time. He must be concocting some new stratagem.

"I'm crazy about her. I'm a goner. But I really don't know how she feels. I doubt she feels the same way. She will probably break my heart."

A nuclear explosion wouldn't affect my concentration, or how insanely shocked I feel. He likes me a lot, for what a human considers a lot. He's crazy about me. This is another moment, like the time he called my name in his sleep, that I am glad will remain forever etched in my vampire memory.

But my joy is short-lived.

He doesn't think my feelings are as strong? How can he doubt me? He's just a human…. Granted, he doesn't know much about us, and the strength of our emotional bonds, but haven't told him how hard it is for me to be around him, or my attraction to human blood? Can't he see how much I want his company? I am willing to put myself through misery to be with him. What is he thinking? His mind is truly a mystery at times.

Their teacher finally interrupts their conversation. I'm glad. I need a breather. If I were in the middle of a game I would ask for a time-out. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I wasn't clear. Maybe saving his life and telling him secrets I'd never shared with any human wasn't clear enough. Well, we are from different races after all. It's gotta suck at times, as the kids would say.

During their next class it's Jessica's turn to make him spell it all out for her. I pay them little attention, still pondering the oddness of his thought processes, or the ambiguity inherent in my own behavior.

Actually, who am I kidding? I end up listening to every word again, reveling in the glory of his half-hidden truths, of his desires. Jessica's mind is filled with a jealousy of a different kind, directed at me, and as ever I find Angela's easy personality a more welcoming host.

Something a little odd takes place….

"You're not eating with us today, are you?" Angela asks him, curiosity the only motive.

His response is puzzling.

"Probably not."

I thought we had agreed to have lunch together. Does he think I might just disappear? The next periods are still very slow, like clocks are stuck in molasses, jammed to a near halt. It used to be because of the pain our separation caused me, now it's all upside down; I just can't wait to be back with him. Finally I quickly stride to his last morning class, and lean against the wall, outside, waiting. I can't help smiling when I see him emerge.

"Hi." He says, smiling back. A wafer-thin layer of empty air separates us. We are so close I feel waves of body heat from Brandon lap at my cold extremities, warming my skin and my heart. I welcome the pain that blooms in my throat as I inhale his scent once again.

"Hello." I reply, thinking of all that tiny word entails.

We walk in silence to the cafeteria, never far apart, never actually touching. I remain close to him the whole time, afraid to be too close, and yet unwilling to part or be any farther from him.

"So, did you enjoy your eavesdropping?" He says with another lovely blush. I find it hard to control my emotions; he stirred my whole soul with new, unexpected feelings and now I know I won't be able to settle down easily. He's a goner. He's crazy about me. That is too good to be true. But he thinks I don't have strong feelings for him. How can he be so blind?

"Brandon. I'm glad I did, and I'll admit I liked your answers. But I'm also a little… confused, maybe even upset. Do you really think I will break your heart? Isn't it obvious that I only want the very opposite?"

He mutters something and has a peek at my family. Now he knows their true nature. Alice smiles and winks at us. Rosalie glares with iceberg-cold fury. Emmet, the big guy, shakes with barely repressed laughter. Jasper appears indifferent. His casual smile is tight at the edges.

"Brandon, please, tell me what you think."

He looks into my eyes, scared, and yet determined.

"You know how I feel. You know I want to be with you. Maybe I'm not going about it the right way. I don't know. I've never had a girlfriend or dated much. Just being friends was never really what I wanted and it seems to me you feel the same…." He takes a deep breath and a sip of water, maybe trying to extinguish the fires burning in his cheeks. I wish that could help with the flames in my throat and sinuses. But I won't hold my breath in his company anymore. I must learn to live with him. I need to.

"But sometimes you say things that seem to hint at a possible goodbye. If you are already thinking of leaving maybe your feelings aren't as strong as mines." He understands me all too well. And, more importantly, he trusts me. Otherwise he wouldn't talk like this.

I try to stall, bite my lip, look around us.

"You're perceptive. I'm just… it's hard to put into words. You must know I do want to be with you, but I'm also scared I will hurt you, or put you in danger. I never thought this would all go like this. I could never believe you'd have feelings for me even if you found out the truth…. And you still don't fully understand how different I am. Maybe you will run away when you do."

Now he knows what I fear. I feel so vulnerable, but also lighter, like another weight has lifted from my tiring shoulders. At least he might have a better understanding of the situation, of the strength of my emotions.

"I won't." He shakes his head, and then, unpredictable as ever, he's the one to change the subject. "Your eyes are lighter today… Is it because you fed recently?"

"Yes. You are as observant as usual. But you see," if anything, this I must communicate to him as clearly as I possibly can, "my willingness to leave means I care. I would do it to protect you, even though it would hurt me." He frowns, unhappy with my words.

"You think I wouldn't do the same?"

"You will never have to make that choice."

"Okay, well, then tell me, why you are interested in my company at all? I'm just an ordinary guy. I'm not great at sports, or as a musician. Most girls don't look at me twice. I read a lot but that's never made anybody popular in high school, maybe the opposite. Bookworms don't get many dates. Here I'm the new guy so maybe I got a little more attention, but still…. How can I believe you are really attracted to me?"

"Well," I see. His self-esteem is a little low. Maybe his life in Phoenix was rather different. Strange, though. The girls all like him over here. "For one thing you are different from any other human I've ever met. You surprise me all the time. You're really a lot more interesting than you think."

"This sounds like a science experiment…." He grumbles, clearly distraught.

"No," Lightness is just a memory and I know he can see the need in my stare.

"There is something else. Something that is not easy to put into words. An attraction I can't explain well. Needs and desires I didn't know I had…."

"Maybe I feel that way too, then."

I just let the moment linger, in the air, between our eyes. Something unsaid and yet almost understood, somewhere in the depths of our beings. There is electricity in the air.

And then something breaks the spell. It cracks like ice, spills out of the jewel case and into the night skies. I hiss at my sister but it's too late. She is mad. She has figured out Brandon knows the truth and she was already mad at the fact we went public this morning.

"Rosalie's not happy." The understatement of the century, but he doesn't need to know. I'll deal with her. And she won't make a scene here, at school.

"What's her deal?"

"I told you too much already, about us and our family. I'm breaking all our rules. And she's upset…." I might as well tell him the whole truth. "But there's more to it. She likes to be at the center of attention, and she loves it when guys ogle her. Of course she loves Emmet and that will never change, but still, she enjoys the fact that all the males in the school keep sneaking glances at her. You never did, though…" It's all rather ironic.

"Since I got here, I've only had eyes for you. In a sense I'm not sure I get it but…" He must see how unhappy that makes me for a second, and hurries to elaborate "Of course you are very beautiful, but for one thing I'm just an ordinary boy. And for another, the other guys told me you never dated and mostly spent time with your family. I was resigned to pretending I didn't care for you and eventually making my escape from Forks to go to college. The last few days have been really, really surreal."

Surreal, yes, that's one good way to put it.

My mind catches a stray thought and I laugh with abandon for a few seconds. When I calm down, I tell Brandon about the cause of my hilarity.

"Jeff is really jealous of you now, Brandon. To his credit, he cares for you as a teammate and friend, but he can't figure out why I picked you. He never will. When it comes to women his mind is just full of filth."

I must stop listening to him and focus on doing just that.

"Your mind reading certainly comes in handy, but he shouldn't care about me and you, he has a girlfriend now. He hit on you in the past, didn't he?"

I smile when I think of the day it happened.

"He won't do that again…." But another mind has latched on to by using my name and made my senses tingle. Somebody is extremely cross with me. "What is it?" He asks, looking down at his hands resting on the table.

"Nothing. Your other friend is starting to annoy me."

"Who?"

"Jessica. Actually, she's happy to be with Mike now, but she is upset with me. The way she sees it, we were competing and she lost." I should be ashamed of feeling this way toward a puny human, of this sense of victory over a silly child, but I can't help it.

"She's studying our body language. She will report to you that I definitely like you, just in case you still don't believe me." I tell him to try and distract myself.

Time flew by again, it's almost time to go and the cafeteria is almost empty. Alice playfully reminds us we are still in high school.

"Get a room." Emmett thunders as he walks by, and then guffaws loudly. Brandon blushes; I hope he's not scared of my brother.

We head to class. My right arm's sleeve brushes his left as we walk. I feel our connection growing stronger, growing truer. He's everything I need. I know that for me there is no turning back now; he will always be the most important thing in the world to me.