Chapter Four

"I don't believe you, Moony. I just can't picture it. A student?"

"He isn't a student anymore Sirius. Not in the least. Besides, it's over."

"By the sounds of it I don't see how it ever really began."

"Oh you're right. It's pathetic. I just," Remus turned on the floor and propped himself up on his elbow to face Sirius. "I just fancied him a bit is all."

"He does have nice hair."

"That he does."

"Quite fanciable, that Draco Malfoy is."

"You're mocking me."

"That's what friends do."

"Good. Because it's my turn. Severus Snape?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you just one question?"

"All right."

"Are you mad?"

"Maybe I am, Remus."

"How long?"

"That's two questions…three days."

"Hmm…"

"I think it's as strange as you do, believe me. But I can't help it. It just sort of happened the other day. It's funny really. I was just leaving here when he stopped me in the hall to tell me my pants were on backwards and then we ended up having tea and…so on."

"So after you shagged me you moved on to your next victim, is that it?"

"Hey, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"You know exactly what. And don't do it."

"You're right. Sorry. But did you know that the reason Draco stormed out tonight was because of you and me?"

"How do you figure that?"

"He said something about me having one reason not to and having it be Sirius Black."

"Wait, wait, wait. A reason not to? A reason not to what?"

"Not to…you know."

"Oh." Sirius rolled onto his side. The fire was dying down in the fireplace and the room was only barely lit. "Am I the reason Remus?"

Remus stared at him. Sirius stared back.

"No."

"Oh. Good. I'd hate to be the reason you're not getting any."

"If anything, you're the reason I still get any at all. But I suppose that should stop now. What with you and your um…new thing."

"He doesn't know about us."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Well there isn't really much to tell. Is there?"

"Oh. No."

"Listen I'm tired out of my mind and too drunk to manage back home. Mind if I?"

"You know you can." Remus stood up from the floor and headed for his bedroom.

"I'll take the couch, then?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You'll take the bed with me like you've always done. I don't care who you're shagging, I've got first dibs on you."

Remus lifted Sirius from his place on the floor next to the fire and the two men stumbled through the darkness into the bedroom. As friends. Maybe.

Remus Lupin used to hold his own hand. When he was younger, he, James, and Sirius would all be laughing in the Gryffindor common room far after everyone else had turned in for the night. Remus would be curled up in his favorite chair by the fire, and James and Sirius would be sprawled out on the rug together, holding hands and talking softly to each other every now and then so that Remus couldn't overhear. And in those moments where he was excluded, Remus would hold his hand. Just softly graze one hand to another and entwine his fingers. He would imagine it was someone else applying the gentle pressure, squeezing lightly. But then the moment would pass. Sirius and James would be back to laughing obnoxiously (usually about Remus' face) and Remus would let his hands fall free of each other and go back to gazing at the fire and making the occasional remark until it was late enough to excuse himself.

Now, nearly twenty years later, Remus Lupin was lying in his bed and holding his own hand. Sirius lay beside him reeking of booze and sex. But not sex from you, sex from Snape, Remus reminded himself. He was trying to decide if the whole situation actually bothered him and if so, why? It wasn't Remus' business who Sirius fancied. Surely Sirius would shag him and leave him just like he did with everyone else. It had already been three days, Sirius had said. Maybe day four will snap him back to reality and Sirius will wake up and smell the coffee. Or rather the stench of accumulated grease and potion musk.

"Mmm…" Sirius mumbled in his sleep. Remus smiled. It was good to see his friend sleeping so deeply. Too bad Remus couldn't sleep himself. His mind was too polluted with thoughts of blonde hair and pants buckles and things. Every time he closed his eyes he was back in the living room with Draco, pushing him away. The scene played back in slow motion and every time Draco sneered at him, Remus practically moaned out loud.

"Remus, you are an idiot," he scolded himself quietly. His voice sounded big in the small bedroom and Sirius rolled over. Remus crawled out of bed and pulled on his slippers and robe. It was no time for sleeping, not when there was so much to be mulled.

He shuffled quietly down the streets of Diagon Alley, not really concerned that he was still in his sleeping attire and house slippers. It wouldn't have been too bad of an evening if the wind hadn't been blowing so hard, but it was and it was. Whoever said that walking eased tension was all sixes and sevens because Remus had been walking for thirty minutes and the only thing that had changed was the loss of feeling in his bits.

"In the town where I was born, lived a man who sailed the sea," Remus sang quietly to himself as he walked. "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine…"

"You skipped the rest of the verse."

Remus nearly jumped out of his skivvies when he heard the voice. He turned around and, leaning against the brick wall of The Weasley Joke Shop, was Draco. He held a cigarette in his long fingers and brought it to his mouth slowly, watching Remus.

"Don't you have a house or something? How is it you're always lurking in the exact same spots I am?"

Draco shrugged. "You can't just go skipping The Beatles."

"I forgot the rest."

"Well then you shouldn't have even begun. Never sing a song when you don't know every single fucking word by heart."

"I'll be wary of that next time, then."

"Make sure you are," Draco said. Remus continued his walking down the street. He was surprised when he heard the sound of footsteps following him.

"But if you absolutely need to sing something, Madonna is always a fine choice."

Remus turned around to face Draco. "Why is that?"

"Because no one really cares if you mess up her lyrics. Besides, who doesn't know Material Girl like the back of their hand?"

"This is true."

Draco took a step toward Remus. A strand of hair fell in front of his eyes and he pushed it away with his hand. When he spoke his words were steady. "Are you in love with him, Remus?"

"Pardon?"

"Do you love Sirius Black and does he love you back?"

"Draco, Sirius and I are not together."

"That's good. But that isn't what I asked you."

"No. We're not in love."

"Then why did you pull away from me tonight? Why didn't you let me touch you? I thought it's what you wanted."

"You don't know what I want, Draco," Remus said, surprised at the unintentional cruelty in his voice. Draco must have been surprised as well because his face fell to a frown and he turned away.

"I was under the impression that you wanted me. I'm sorry if I got mixed up."

Remus sighed and took a few cautious steps towards Draco. He lifted a cold hand and made to place it on Draco's shoulder, but Draco grabbed the hand into his own. Remus gasped from the warmth and forced to meet Draco's gaze. "But of course, I didn't get mixed up at all, did I?" Draco asked, knowing the answer already. "I don't have the patience to do this, Remus. I've already wasted my life doing things for other people and now it's time to do things for myself. I'm asking you now, do you want to be with me?"

Remus thought. What did he want? What the fuck did he want?

"I'm not wasting anymore time with this if I'm the only one interested. I may be younger than you but I'm no fool."

There was a moment when Remus squeezed Draco's hand, and Draco squeezed back. Then he dropped his cigarette and put it out with his shoe. He took Remus' other hand and brought them to rest around his waist gingerly.

"You're not the only one interested," said Remus finally. And without thinking, without caring, without knowing whether or not Draco would pull away, he kissed him. The familiar taste filled him and the kiss deepened. When Draco pulled away he was smiling and Remus knew exactly what he wanted.

"Let's get out of here."