Chapter Ten

Buffy snap kicked the female vamp in the face, sending her flying on her back. "And then he looks at me like I'm the She Devil! He's the one that brought up all this 'feelings' business and then he has the nerve to look at me like that!"

"The guy has problems," the vamp replied after she flipped to her feet.

"Thank you," Buffy said, as if it was an accomplishment. She blocked the girl's punch and then staked her through the heart. She brushed a few wisps of hair behind her ear and continued her promenade through the graveyard. She paused when she heard something coming. She jumped out from behind a tomb and kicked the vamp in the face before she swiped his legs out from under him. "Spike!" Buffy said, her hand raised to stake him.

"Yes, a very not vampire Spike."

Buffy pushed herself off and didn't even bother offering him a hand. "What are you doing here?"

"What, you're the only person who can walk through graveyards?" Spike helped himself up and started brushing off his pants.

"I'm the only person with the right."

"Well I came here to work out some anger I have."

"What do you have to be angry about? You have no right to be angry."

"You prescribe emotions now too?" Spike put one hand on the tomb and held his left hand to his face. He felt like he just collided with a wrecking ball. Stupid Slayer strength.

"Shut up. If anyone should be angry it's me. Which I am by the way."

"I could tell by my throbbing head." He gave his ehad a quick shake to make sure he wasn't going to take a ticket to Unconscious Land. "And why are you angry?"

"Maybe it's because you looked at me like I was Medusa when you came home today."

"You haven't been to my house in years so when I walked in I was shocked. That face you saw was shock."

"And horror," Buffy added.

"Why do you always do this?"

"What?"

"You fight with me about the stupidest things."

Buffy moved closer to him, which made him back up a little bit. I guess he wasn't in the move for any punches in the heat of frustration. "How is this stupid? You're the one that tells me you love me and then when you see me you freak out."

"I did not freak out! I looked at you with shock!"

"Whatever." Buffy turned to leave.

"Oh no no no no no," Spike said as he blocked her path. "You are not getting off that easy."

"Getting off what? I thought we were arguing about something stupid."

"You're just fighting with me because you don't want to say what this is really about."

"It's about me being angry at you. Your eighteen year streak of pissing me off is still intact."

Buffy went to move around Spike but he quickly stepped in her way again. "And why are you angry at me?"

"Because you started this. This thing going on between us."

"So you admit there's a thing." Buffy rolled her eyes and continued walking. This time Spike just walked by her side, pleading his case. "I've already taken the very big step and told you how I feel. Why can't you do the same?"

Buffy stopped and looked off to the side. Her right hand fiddled with her stake before she lightly spoke, "It's hard."

"You're making it hard on yourself. I gotta tell you this cat and mouse thing is gettin' pretty old. I can't keep bein' the one that addresses this Buffy."

"What does that mean?"

"That means I want you to decide, no matter what it is, and tell me."

"This is a big thing," she said, as if he hadn't realized.

"Ya know, based on all these arguments and all your frustration with me, I think you already know how you feel." Spike looked at Buffy who was maintaining eye contact with the ground. He then turned and left.

Buffy inhaled deeply and gritted her teeth. She was so frustrated with him. Or maybe it was the fact that he made her realize something she was unable to voice.

The next day at rehearsal, everyone was getting fitted for their costumes. Giles was becoming frantic, realizing his preconceived notions about this day were merely sketches of the real horror it was.

"I said I was a size four. This is a five!" Cordelia yelled from behind a curtain.

"That's why you are being measured Cordelia." Giles removed his glasses and began rubbing his temples.

"And what's with the color? They didn't have any more classy rust colors at the fabric store?"

"Harmony, put down those bells!" Giles ordered. "I told you no."

"Giles, can I talk to you," Buffy requested.

"Is it about your costume?"

"No."

"Great." Giles stepped out of the dressing room. "Harmony wants to sew bells onto her dress so that everyone will know when she enters. I told her that was completely out of the question and would distract the audience. Then she says that that's the point." The English man took a quick look in the guy's dressing room.

"I look like Glenda," Xander said.

"Who?"

"The good witch from the Wizard of Oz. I have puffy sleeves. Why do I have puffy sleeves?"

"It's traditional."

"Traditional where? Munchkin Land?"

Giles rolled his eyes and shut the door. "Yes, Buffy. Sorry."

"It's okay. Uh, I just… I don't think I can be Juliet."

"What?"

"It's just, this thing with Spike-"

"Buffy, this play is going to be performed in two weeks. I am now in the process of fitting people into their costumes and finding them shoes. This is not a good time to tell me that you do not want to play Juliet."

"Should I come back later?" she asked in a sort of childish voice.

"Buffy, as your Watcher I must give you this sound advice for your own good." The Slayer stood and awaited the refined words of her British librarian. "Harmony, drop those bells!" Buffy saw the blonde start running down the hall. "Harmony!" Giles began to run after her.

"Good advice. I'll be sure to right that one down," Buffy said to no one in particular.

Willow stepped out from the auditorium. "Buffy! Have you seen Giles?"

"He just ran after Harmony."

"Is it about the bells?"

"Yeah. Why what's up?"

"Our Mercutio just fell and knocked over a can of red paint and now his costume is pretty much…"

"Red?"

"In the ruined sense." Willow sighed and went back inside.

Buffy put her back against the wall and fell to the floor. I so don't want to be here. Maybe I can go to the library and write some sort of apocalypse thing in one of Giles' textbooks he always looks at. Oh, but they're usually in a completely different language than English. Damn!

"Buffy!" a voice called. Her head snapped up to the figure standing over her. It was Giles, who looked like he already called her name a few times. "I need you on stage now."

She put her hands down on the cold floor and pushed herself up. For the next three hours they went through the play, some dressed up, others enjoying their jeans and t-shirts. Buffy tried to keep eye contact with Spike to a minimum. She knew that she was avoiding her true feelings, but she couldn't help it. She was used to the fact that she repressed her feelings. Being the Slayer made her different and it was always hard for her to let people in and open herself up. Her job gave new meaning to the idea of living each day like it was your last.

When Buffy arrived home, after an hour of training and a half hour walk of thinking, she decided she was going to do something about her Spike situation. She wasn't sure what, but she had to do something. "I'll be back in a few," she informed her mom. She treaded across the grass and knocked on her neighbor's door.

"Buffy," the aged woman greeted.

"Hi Anne. Is Spike here?"

"He's in his room. Would you like me to get him for you?"

"Actually, can I go talk to him?"

"Of course." Anne opened the door more and stood to the side.

"Thanks." Buffy stepped over the threshold. She had no idea what she was going to tell him but she was sure the words would just come out. She opened the basement door and made her way down the steps. She could hear him rehearsing his lines for the play. He was actually pretty good.

"I fear, too early: for my mind misgives

Some consequence yet hanging in the stars

Shall bitterly begin his fearful date

With this night's revels and expire the term

Of a despised life closed in-"

"Sorry for interrupting," Buffy said genuinely.

"S'all right. Mind's ready to explode anyway."

Buffy made down the last step and took a quick glance around. "You cleaned."

"Yeah well, I wanted to be prepared for another hit and relocate courtesy of my crazy neighbor."

She laughed, replaying the event in her head. "Dragging you around wasn't very fun for me either."

Spike smirked but quickly returned to the present. "What's going on?"

Buffy let out a deep breath. "I've been thinking a lot and I discovered that, 1. I really hate thinking and 2. I have problems saying how I feel. No matter what the feeling."

"What was your first clue?"

"It's hard for me. You have no idea what it's like. I'm always so scared to let people in because I know what goes bump in the night and the thought of not seeing those I care about again is extremely real. I worry about people. I know that Willow, Oz and Xander know to carry crosses but what happens if a different demon shows up."

"Buffy," Spike intervened.

"Sorry. I just… I want you to understand."

"I get it. I know about the bump in the night things too."

"But another thing I realized," Buffy slowly walked towards him, "is that not telling you that I love you would be one of the stupidest things I could do."

A smile slowly approached Spike's face. "You what?"

"I love you Spike."

"You love me?"

"Are you gonna have me repeat it or are you going to kiss me?"

"I don't know. They're both good."

"Shut up." Buffy moved in and kissed him.

Author's Note: One more chapter after this!