Disclaimer: I own nothing.
ALONE
I sat on the bench. Observing everyone who passed me by. I sat there all alone, wondering if it was wise in refusing, quite adamantly, to go to school with Phoebe. She insisted quite stubbornly that I sit in with her classes. When she heard my refusal, we had a staring contest, which ended in her sighing dejectedly. After our discussion, she suggested that I meet her at a café where most of her class hang out. I looked at my watch and saw that I had an hour before I had to meet her.
I stood up and started walking. I had no particular destination in mind. I kept walking and I saw the changes that occurred during my absence. There seemed to be more people. Shops were everywhere. I entered one in particular. It was a music store.
I entered and heard a song playing. I stood still and really listened. It was 311's Amber. I closed my eyes and in my mind I saw Matthew singing that song to my ear ever so softly whenever he felt romantic. I opened my eyes and mentally shook my head to clear my thoughts of Matthew.
I began browsing thru the store's collection. Amazing that they had such a collection. I lost myself in the world of classics, pop and rock. I felt a compulsive need to search for a particular CD, yet I didn't know which one. I felt someone staring at me, but I didn't care. I was still absorbed in my search. I heard someone ask me if I needed any help. I shook my head without looking up.
After awhile I got tired of looking, so I randomly picked out a couple of CDs. I marched towards the cashier and put down my selections. I looked at the man behind the counter. He looked about my age, he was wearing an all black outfit. He had the appearance of a musician. He was looking at me with such concentration, as if trying to find out if he knew me. I did the same to him. He did look familiar. I dismissed it and looked at him expectantly.
He started scanning my purchases , with the same stare. "Sorry for staring, you just seem very familiar." he spoke suddenly. I nodded and remained silent. "I'm Brian by the way."
"Nice to meet you Brian." I replied to be polite. He was looking at me expectantly. I stared right back at him.
"This is the part where you tell me your name." he gestured towards me. I shook my head and merely handed him my credit card. He looked at it intently. "Helga G. Pataki." he exclaimed quite loudly. By then I was becoming incredibly impatient. I glanced at the clock and saw that it already was four thirty. Half an hour later than the time that Phoebe told me to meet her. I looked at the guy named Brian again. He was smiling widely. Just as I was about to lose my patience, he cut off my train of thought. .
"You don't remember me do you?" he stated quite plainly.
"I'm sorry. Am I supposed to?" I asked him sharply.
"Hmm…I have two choices here. Either I can tell you who I am or I can withhold that information and leave you wondering who I am." This guy flatters himself, I thought to myself. I'm quite certain that I had enough to worry about, that a guy I met at the store would be the last thing in my mind.
Maybe he knew I could careless if I knew his name or not. "It's me Brainy. You know, the one who's always at the end of ole Betsy there." he pointed towards my right fist. The moment he said he was Brainy, I finally took a good look at him. He changed so much. Gone was the nerdy little boy. In its place was a brooding musician. It crossed my mind that he looked quite handsome, but it was a flitting thought.
"So what are you doing in Hillwood?" he asked me in the middle of my surveying.
"Oh, nothing. Catching up with old friends." I still couldn't believe it was him. "I have to go. It was nice seeing you again, Brian." I told him with sincerity. I took the CDs that I bought from him as well as my credit card and started heading for the door.
I stopped when he called out to me. He grinned at me and said "To you, Helga, it'll always be Brainy." I nodded in his direction and for the first time I smiled without having to force myself to.
Once I was out of the door I looked at my phone and noticed the number of calls I missed. There were ten so far. I took off in the direction of the café. I knew Phoebe would be furious when I got there. The phone was ringing when I finally got to the café. I didn't answer it. I looked at the sign of the cafe. It was called Paris. I took a deep breath and entered.
When I walked in I saw three people look up. I sighed as I saw the irritated look on Phoebe's face. Arnold waved in my direction. I smiled and sauntered towards their table. Gerald and Phoebe were sitting together, so I sat beside Arnold. I uttered a breathless "Hi".
"Where were you Helga? I've been calling you, but you weren't answering your phone." Phoebe reminds me of my mother sometimes.
"I was exploring the city. After all I haven't been here for seven years. I was in a music store for the most part." I answered her question.
"You've been to Touché?" Arnold joined our conversation. I nodded and he started looking through the bag that I put down beside him.
"Nosy much?" I was amused by his behavior.
"Oh, sorry. It's just that they have a great collection there. I wanted to see what you bought. Is it alright?" he was blushing as he asked me this. I nodded in permission. Just as I was about to tell them about my encounter with Brainy, someone interrupted us.
"Well, Hillwood's prodigal daughter returns. And I must say Gerald was exaggerating a tad too much when he said you looked fine, my dear." a voice declared.
All four of us looked up and I knew then it was none other than Rhonda. At her side were two other girls,a blonde and a redhead. Rhonda looked great to say the least, she had on the latest fashion and her posture confirms her status as the rich kid. Although I can't help but I noticed a softness in her eyes. Though she may have changed through the years, a part of her seems a compassionate enough. Nadine also looked great, she too seemed up to date with the fashion. I only hope she lost her passion for bugs, well maybe not entirely lose it, just have it under control.
Lila, was beautiful. I now know why Arnold was completely infatuated with her. Her beauty is complimented by the sweetness she seemed to possess. I saw her looking at Arnold with her brows furrowed.
"Welcome back Helga." was Lila's greeting. That was when two guys from another table looked in our direction. They stood up and walked towards us. I was speculating on who they could be when Arnold said their names, Harold and Stanley.Both were wearing a letterman jacket, from his build I knew he was a football player. I did not know a Stanley back in PS 118. I figured he might be someone who just came after I left. When he spoke I detected a slight accent, I knew then he used to be called Stinky. He was taller than anyone I've ever met. He was probably a basketball player. Both just smiled at me.
Everyone was talking, about how excited they were to see me. I couldn't exactly hear what they were saying. But Rhonda being Rhonda raised her voice and was heard, "How long are you here for, Pataki?"
"Indefinitely." Phoebe answered for me.
I looked at her and shook my head. "I don't know yet, Rhonda. " was the only answer I could muster.
"How ever long you may be here, I must give you a welcome back party. I insist." Rhonda informed me, I felt I had no choice in the matter. Everyone was contributing ideas on what music to play and what food to prepare. I wasn't really listening.
I excused myself and went to the restroom. I stayed inside a stall staring at the door for no apparent reason. When I felt I should go back I went to the sink to wash my hands. As I was wiping them, I saw Lila enter. She smiled at me.She was about to enter one of the stall whenshe turned and faced me.
"Helga. I know it's none of my business, but are you here so you can get together with Arnold?" she asked me directly.
I heard myself give a harsh and bitter laugh. I winced inwardly at the way I reacted. I shook my head in disbelief, that after all these years she would still think I'd be hung up on Arnold. Then I remembered that no one knew of Matthew except Phoebe.
"No Lila. I'm not here so I can try and capture Arnold's heart. I have other things on my mind, that a childhood crush is the last thing that'd drive me back here." with that I turned my back on her and walked away.
When I got back at the table the crowd had dispersed. I was relieved. Whenever I was around crowds I felt intensely alone. But then again I have been feeling that way ever since-, I mentally shook my head, once again to depart from the melancholic emotion that comes over me whenever I thought of Matthew.
Friday Night
Rhonda's party has been going on for hours. It was already eleven in the evening. The band she hired was great. The catered dishes were amazing. The people were mostly strangers to me. I did meet more of my old friends from PS 118.
Eugene, formerly known as "the jinx", is the actor of the group. He starred in the school's latest play, Grease. A musical, go figure. He can't seem to stop talking about his passion for theater. I had to excuse myself to get away from the constant chatter.
Sid was also there. When he saw me he walked right up and gave me a big hug. I felt it was a bit awkward. He told me how much he liked poetry. He also mentioned that he was in the school paper, that he hoped to become a journalist when he finishes school. I gave him a look that was meant to ask why he was telling me all this. He obviously got the message because he said, "It's just that I've always seen you writing in a notebook when we were in fourth grade. I kind of put two and two together and concluded that you were a writer in the making." If you only knew, I thought to myself. I haven't been able to write anything in the last year. As if my talent was dead. Yes, that best describes it.
Phoebe and Gerald joined us and they started talking. Once again I discreetly left the conversation and looked around. I found a door that seemed to lead away from the festivities. Behind the door looked like a balcony. I started for that direction. Along the way people greeted me, I merely smiled and ventured on.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally got out of there. The second breath I took was one that appreciated the evening air. I found comfort in the silence that surrounded me. I was reveling in the fact that I finally escaped the party that Rhonda threw for me, for the sake of throwing a party.
I heard the sound of the door opening. I stiffened at the thought that someone would dare disturb the peace I was looking for. I put up my usual defenses. I turned around and saw Brian. He gave me a tentative smile. I couldn't return the gesture.
"Hey. You're missing a great party in there." he said as he walked towards me. I turned back to the bright city lights. From the corner of my eye I could see him staring at me. I tried hard not to let it bother me.
"What can I do for you, Brian?" I broke the silence that settled over us after he was beside me.
"Nothing. You just looked lonely. Besides I have to tell you what has been going on in my life for the last seven years." he tried to joke. I couldn't laugh. It seemed that Brian knew me well enough, probably because of all the years he had followed me, that he did not say anymore.
Somehow I was comforted by the fact that Brian respected my wishes. It was the peaceful kind of quiet. We both just stared out the city of Hillwood. It didn't last long, though. I heard the opening of the door again. Brian and I turned towards the direction of the sound and saw Arnold standing by the door. He seemed to be debating whether he should come over.
Brian solved the dilemma for him.
"I'm going back in. This was nice, you know, just standing in complete silence. I'll see you back in there okay?" he smiled at me and touched my arm. He nodded in Arnold's direction as he walked back to the party.
I turned back to the view and was still in the not talking mood. I felt Arnold standing beside me. He wasn't talking either. We just stood there in silence, but it had none of the comfort that Brian provided. I did not exactly know why. But I felt a definite tension in the air. A tension that I didn't feel when we were together before.
I shivered slightly and knew I should have gone to the coat room before heading out here. Arnold obviously saw it for he took off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders. It was so reminiscent of what Matthew would have done that I felt my wall of defense lose a brick. It took a moment before I got my emotions under control, but I managed it.
So there we were, two people looking out at Hillwood. Neither one of us was talking. But one action on Arnold's behalf changed something in me. I didn't feel so alone anymore.
Note: I took the liberty of creating the names for the places that everyone went to. Sorry if they are kind of cheesy. I couldn't think of anything else. Anyway,I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Thanks for the feedback. Kudos to Blonde Cecile, in particular.
