Envy
"You can't be envious and happy at the same time"
-Frank Tyger
The nauseating smell of Mac and cheese filled the somewhat spacious accommodations that the Winchesters had in Traverse City Michigan. Dean who had only been entrusted again to cook last year on his thirteenth birthday after the unfortunate accident involving a grease fire and poor Sammy's eyebrows. He hated the stuff, Kraft from the blue box with the picture of massive cheesy noodles just made him want to gag, but Sammy loved it and it was cheap. This was the third time this week that Dean had made Mac and cheese, but the last two times Sammy had eaten at his friend Kevin's house, eating casserole, or lasagna, or something else that a mother would make.
Dean dreaded the phone call that would inevitably come to let him know that Sammy was going to stay at Kevin's again. It's not that he didn't like Kevin or his family, it's just that they were so normal, so perfectly happy, the kind of family Dean wished Sammy could have. Dean was okay with their mountain man of a father and their nomadic style of life, it suited him and his warrior personality, but Sammy wanted something more, and although he tried to hide it Dean could see it in his big brown eyes.
John was out on a minor hunt, just your routine haunting, and he had left Dean in charge of Sam for the few days he was going to be gone. Dean took out the dishes, a blue one with some sort of fuzzy purple monster on it that they had gotten from McDonald's for Sammy, and a plain white one for himself. He set the table, just like a normal family, and put Mac and cheese on both plates, then he waited. Sammy's school was only about ten minutes away if you were walking, and had tiny ten year old legs and he had called earlier to ask if he could stay at Kevin's for a little while. Dean said it was alright but he should be home by six. It was now six thirty and there was no Sammy, Dean was about ready to get out and start looking for his brother when the phone on the wall rang. Dean sighed and picked it up,
"Hello?"
"Dean?" Sam sounded out of breath, like he had just run to the phone from the other room,
"Hey Sammy, you're late bro" Dean said trying not to sound too worried,
"Sorry I forgot to call, Kevin has Super Soakers and we got all wet and then his mom wouldn't let us come inside until we dried off a little because she had just washed the floors and so then we had to g-"
"Sammy?" Dean asked cutting the kid off mid-rant,
"Right, sorry, can I stay at Kevin's tonight for dinner?" Dean let out a little sigh that he was sure Sam couldn't hear,
"That's three nights this week kid, don't you think that Kevin's family is getting sick of your ugly mug?" Sam giggled on the other line,
"No…Kevin's mom said it was her pleasure, she said I was a sweet little boy. You'd like her Dean, she's really pretty."
"I'm sure I would, alright Sammy, you can stay but be home by eight okay? I can't have my kid brother walking the mean streets." Sam giggled and said a quick thanks before hanging up. The dial tone was deafening even after Dean had put the phone back in its place. He scooped away Sam's Mac and cheese and sat down at the table to eat by himself. At eight fifteen Sammy came home sleepy-eyed clutching a bag of chocolate chip cookies.
"They send you with a doggy bag?" Dean asked and Sam shook his head,
"No, I had some at Kevin's…these are for you. I told Kevin's mom that they were your favorite and she gave me some to give to you, I told you you'd like her." Dean smiled and took one cookie before putting the rest away for later.
"Hey Dean" Sam said after he was done brushing his teeth,
"Yeah?"
"Can we get Super Soakers?" The question caught Dean off guard and he didn't answer for a minute, "Kevin's got two just for himself, his baby sister is too young to use one so he gets to have two…but I'd share mine with you, you'd like them they're so much fun!" Sam was obviously excited about the toy but Dean knew that there was no chance in hell that their father was going to get them one.
"I don't think so Sammy" Dean said,
"But why?" That was the hardest question to answer and Sammy asked it all the time.
"Because those sorts of things are expensive and we don't have the money right now" Sam looked as if Dean had stepped on his soul right then and there but he quickly perked up again.
"Okay, then can we get Kevin's mom to cook for us?" Sam asked and Dean cringed. The Winchesters did not take charity,
"No, Sammy" Dean said and the look on his little brother's face was truly heart breaking,
"But why?" And there was that damn question again,
"Because she has to cook for her own family, she doesn't have time to cook for us." Sammy looked confused,
"Well, it's not fair" he said staring to sound angry, "Kevin gets to have two Super Soakers and a mom to cook for him, and take care of him, and I don't get either!"
"I know" Dean said feeling dangerously close to bitter himself, "but that's the breaks"
"Well our breaks are lousy" Sam said sticking out his bottom lip and Dean was almost brought to laughter,
"I know, it's not fair Sammy, but Dad tries his best" I try my best.
"Well it still is lousy" Sam said marching out of the bathroom into the room he shared with Dean and falling into a disgruntled pile on the bed. Dean followed him hesitantly and sat down on his own bed, Sammy's words swirling around in his mind. He heard Sam mumble something and leaned closer to his brother's bed,
"What was that?" Dean asked and Sam turned to face him angry tears present on his porcelain face,
"I said I wish I were someone else!" He said and Dean was taken aback. Sam huffed and crawled under the covers his back to his brother. Dean looked at the back of his little brother's head and let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry" he said softly lying back and staring at the ceiling, images of his mother playing like a show for him on the back of his eyelids. A happy family that was ripped from him at an all too early age, a happy family that Sammy never had. It wasn't fair, if anyone deserved to have a happy family it was Sammy, if anyone deserved a Super Soaker it was the boy that had to handle real guns all of the time, but that just wasn't how it was. These are the breaks….and they are lousy.
