Chapter 3

'You're the one whose in love'-- what sort of thing was that to throw in someone's face? Why did she use that, of all things, as an insult? Because it bothered her. Somewhere in me I'd known it would. She wasn't ready for that, wasn't ready or wasn't interested. Except, if she was interested in me exclusively on physical grounds she wasn't good at getting what she wanted. I'd gone all the way with several girls, never with Ren. She was all cuddles and, once in awhile, the most chaste making out imaginable. For Christ's sake, it took like 5 dates before she would kiss me-- I mean, really kiss me, none of that close-lipped Disney stuff. And even after that first kiss, I could probably count all the times we've made out in the three months we've been together on my fingers. In fact, making out with Ren generally consisted of one long kiss. Then she was spent and I was starving for more. So I should say I could count all the passionate kisses on my fingers. I don't know what it is with her, but I never wanted to pressure her.

I shouldn't make her sound like a prude, because she's not. She was nervous around me a lot at first, and that got better. However, maybe she knows what she's doing. She is a better kisser than anyone I've ever kissed. And her hands... She knows how to please me, to say the least, and without doing much or taking off my clothes. I do think I should give her the benefit of the doubt here, she must know what she's doing, giving me the slightest tastes, enough to have me addicted and craving. But not enough that you could call her a 'bad girl'. I really wonder what she'd think of me if she saw what I do to her in the privacy of my mind.

She was staying over that night, all night. Maybe I could get her shirt off at least. If I'm not making Ren sound too conservative, then I should make a point to say I'm not a slut. I've done my fair share of experimenting, yes, but my wanting to be more intimate with Ren is more that that. I've never been drawn to someone the way I am to her. If she actually hinted at wanting to go further with me, I'd probably freeze up. I'd be so nervous, even though I am the experienced one of us, as far as I know, Ren's done more with me than with any other girl. However, I haven't ever asked about what she'd done with guys. I couldn't see much of a limit to what she may have done just before coming to me, her last efforts at trying to straighten herself out, no doubt she'd made some.

Was she even coming over? It wasn't much of a fight we'd had, justa little bickering really. It had become very standard for us. She said she was coming. And she's used my feelings for her as an insult… The more I thought about that, the angrier I got. It was difficult for me to tell her that I loved her, and in the past 12 hours I'd realized how true it was, and how strong my feelings for her were. And at first, she'd seemed startled, maybe a little freaked by my confession, but not altogether unhappy. She said she'd never felt this way about anyone before, but she didn't know if it was love. What the hell was 'this way' that she felt? Either way, I was content with that answer. But for her to throw my confession back in my face…

I wondered how I'd greet her that afternoon, if she came… she would. She knew if she upset me enough I wasn't above going out with Amy and the girls and finding myself a one-night stand. And Ren could be very jealous.

I debated how to greet her for a few hours before a knock at the door broke my concentration. I'd expected it to be her, but it was a guy from UPS.

I spent the afternoon anxiously awaiting her, not wanting to call, sound needy. But she said she'd be there around 2 and it was drawing close to 5 with no sign of her. Maybe she wasn't coming. My heart sank into my gut at the thought, but jumped back into my chest with a sound knock at the door.

I got up from the kitchen table where I'd been munching on a salad on-again, off-again during my long, arduous thought process. This time it was Ren.

"Hey," I said, pulling the door open.

"Hey," She said, barely audible from a dry throat-- curiously enough, she was as nervous before me then as she'd been on the first time she'd come over to my house after we'd decided to try each other out.

Stepping inside she pulled a bouqet of white roses out from behind her back. "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday, before I left."

'You're the one whose in love' rang through my head again. "It's ok," I murmured, taking the flowers. White roses were my favorite. Louis never had been able to remember that.

"No, it's not," She said, not looking at me. "I… it's just…"

She was startlingly bad at communication when it came to topics like this. It had always shocked me, seeing how skilled she was when it came to speeches, debates, arguments, impromptu presentations… it seemed she never had a problem making her point known in a very clear, articulate manner. But when it came to romance, she tended to trip quite a bit. It was as though she was making up for her expert speaking skills in all other areas by failing miserably in this one.

"It's fine, you didn't mean it," I said, slipping my arms around her neck and hugging her close.

I felt her slender arms tighten around my lower back. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

"So, the ever-punctual Ren Stevens was late." I claimed, smiling, as I loosened my hold and pulled back, leaving my hands resting on her neck and shoulders.

"I was not. I've been here since 3. I was trying to plan out what I was going to say." She sighed. "That really didn't work very well though."

"Are you serious?" I asked, in disbelief, and loving the thought.
"Yeah," I was here when the UPS guy came… I," she laughed a little, "I was pacing and when he pulled up I freaked. I jumped off the deck."

"Into the rhododendron?" I laughed. "You are too paranoid."

She smiled. "Well, I'm glad you get some joy from my suffering." She turned to show me the red line of dried blood on her side, just above her hip.

"You probably want to clean that," I led her into the bathroom and checked the medicine cabinet for Neosporin and a bandage.

"This is a nasty cut," I said, as I covered it with the white bandage. "Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore, not really."

I nodded, washing and drying my hands. "Oh, do you have any more?"

"Huh?"

"Cuts? Anymore? I just washed my hands and I didn't even think to check…"

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

"Ok then, come on," I started to leave the room, but Ren caught me by the arm and pulled me back.

"Wait, I…" Her voice trailed off and she started at me.

"What? Is everything ok?" I asked, startled by the sudden change in her mood.

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but instead she pulled me in close and kissed me. She lifted me onto the counter and leaned against me, pressing me against the wall, her hands tangled in my hair, massaging the back of my head, as I tried to catch my breath and comprehend that Ren was actually kissing me. It was one of the rare ones, and more intense than any that had come before.