Chapter 5
Cinder woke Joan gently the next morning, a nice meal in tow. Meals had been brought to Joan twice after Cinder left the last night, but Joan only nibbled lightly at it and drank the water. Most of both meals lingered in a corner of his cell still.
"Not hungry yesterday?" Cinder questioned softly.
"Just… queasy." Jaune covered herself up with her arms and sat up.
"You'll eat up today though?" Cinder checked with what Joan felt could be easily confused for earnest concern.
"I- yeah." Joan nodded. "I'm hungry."
"Good, because I have something for you." Cinder smiled. "Now, come on, eat up. We have a big day ahead of us."
"Big- big day?" Joan sat up in her bed and furrowed her brow.
"Yeah, but you are up for it Joan." Cinder gave a false but somehow still encouraging smile and pushed Joan's meal towards her.
"Ok… ok I guess."
The meal was good, better than the last. Joan found herself scarfing it down than she felt she normally would after just two missed meals. She gulped down the water- for some reason she felt thirstier than normal. She felt shameful when she turned back to Cinder and idly held up the cup as a request for more.
"I have more set out for you upstairs." Cinder answered. "A whole water cooler actually."
"H- huh?"
"You'll be getting a new room. No more cell."
"Wh- no cell?"
"Nope, no more."
"I- I don't get it- I-" Joan almost asked how she would be forced to stay prisoner. She thought better of it, but apparently it was already too late.
"There will be measures to keep you captive; to keep you good, rest assured. But, for the most part, it should be much more comfortable for you."
"That- that makes... makes more sense." Joan admitted.
Cinder just nodded and waved Joan up to her feet before directing her up a set of stairs and to a room Joan had never seen before.
The room Cinder escorted Joan to was… a bit much to say the absolute least. She knew the instant she saw it that the room was intended for her. Just about everything was a bright bubblegum pink- some was a nice, much more tasteful royal purple, but against the pink, Joan still felt like it was a bit much. For a moment Joan just balked at how in the world Cinder ever felt this could be a punishment ot anything to push her to cave. Then she remembered how Jaune's father used to groan and gripe -although goodnaturedly, he still griped- about all the brighter colors their home had. Joan remembered Jaune had been around their father when he was with his friends. She remembered how many of them teased him for letting his wife and daughters 'girly up the place'. She also remembered his bittersweet conflicted pride when his father patted their head and proclaimed that 'it's all alright, I got my boy, and he'll keep the ol' Ark name n' legacy going- even if the height of it is six beers in three minutes.'
One of them, Jaune or Joan, shed a tear or two when they thought about how proud papa Ark looked when he cheered about the 'fact' that one day his boy would be a man.
Cinder seemed to grow keener about spotting Jaune and Joan's moments of weakness. "Aww, you don't like it?" She pouted more tauntingly than kind. "I'm sure… sure if you had some… information to share, we could find you a more… masculine room? Maybe a haircut? Some pants? Boxers?" Cinder offered up. "If it's good, you might just be allowed to go free- that is, if you want. If not, I'm sure you could make new 'friends' here?"
"What, and become as much a monster on the inside as you are on the outside?" Joan snapped before realizing just how harsh it was or remembering that Cinder too was in fact human- at least, mostly human.
As if to remind Joan that she was in fact only mostly human, Cinder spun around, the grim arm shooting out to grab her by the throat. "You have no idea what I am! What THIS is." She presented her shoulder where it seemed the grimm almost fought to creep further up. "It!" Cinder panted and calmed the grimm arm. "Is power." It slowly released and receded back to it's normal length and hung limp at Cinder's side.
"These accommodations will be fine for the time being." Joan huffed a little snottily.
"Much better." Cinder puffed. "Try something like that again, and you might find my plans accelerating."
"Whatever." Joan tried to pretend that it didn't scare her what Cinder had planned. Continuing the pretense of apathy, Joan spotted the water cooler and went to draw herself a drink. All the while, she kept an anxious eye on Cinder and what she was doing while Joan had her back turned.
"Thirsty?" Cinder questioned with an impatient apathy.
"Ah- a little." Joan lied. "Now what did you want me to do today exactly- or what did you want to do to me?" She rolled her eyes.
"Hmm, a little of both honestly." Cinder offered the hint.
"Ok? So… what do we start with exactly?"
"First? We are giving you a different dress."
"Huh? Oh?" Joan looked down at the one she was wearing. "But I kind of liked this one."
"Too bad, strip."
"Again?"
"You know, I have been very kind. If you would prefer, we can go back to the more literal torture- though, mind you, that will not stop any of this- it would only be additive."
Joan ripped off her dress and tossed it on the ground with quite the display. "There? Happy- oh, no, you want this too." Joan slipped down her panties to her immediate and immense regret. The discomfort hit hard. She hadn't ever really been happy with her body when she thought she was a boy, but now, still wrestling with the growing likelihood that she wasn't, Joan felt pealing off all of her skin might have been more comfortable than staying exposed like that another second. It didn't help that as of late Joan had been feeling more and more insecure about her chest too and that left her with all the more real estate she felt a need to cover.
"I wasn't going to ask you to take those off too, but all the better. We have more for you in this dresser here." Cinder pulled out a drawer filled with some plain and some rather ornate lacy panties. They were all equally distinct in their femininity.
"I- umm, thanks I guess…" Joan scurried over to it to pick out a pair and pull them on before Cinder saw any more than she already had.
"And here's your dress." Cinder pulled out what looked to Joan to be just an adult sized version of the princess dresses her elder sisters wore when they were younger. The ones passed down from sister to sister and then left in a box in their garage for years and years when Joan would have come of age to wear them, but Jaune the boy had no place to do so. Joan had- well, she earnestly had no idea how to feel about it. On the one hand, it was pretty, on the other it was childish. In one way she vaguely remembered Jaune wondering why he couldn't wear something like that when they were younger, in another, she knew perfectly well why they hadn't. Papa Arc needed a boy. Jaune was close enough- or- at least Joan was good at playing the part.
The dress wasn't much to her taste, but Joan didn't fight. She slipped it on obediently if only to cover up. It left more of her chest exposed than she wanted, but almost nothing short of a cocoon would have been enough cover for her. Maybe then she would have been able to blossom in her own time; to figure out what she or he was in their own way. But… it wasn't like Jaune had been putting in any effort to find himself- of he had… he would have likely realized much sooner that there was no he anywhere but in the minds of those who saw her.
Reality, was growing much much harder to deny when each of Cinder's efforts to make her uncomfortable only ever succeeded in giving her a longing nostalgia or a perplexing new sensation of gender euphoria.
"It's very pretty, do you like it?" Cinder taunted.
"Like the room, it's a bit much." Joan wined in what she knew would be interpreted as discomfort with it being femine and not the fact that it was over the top.
"Sit down, we're not done yet."
"I- Ah!" Joan yelped as she was pushed back into a chair.
Cinder paid him no mind as she turned to the dresser where she pulled out- a makeup box? Joan hadn't been expecting that, but in retrospect, she likely should have been. The makeup box seemed to be the type his sisters often asked their mother for, but never actually got to hold in any form other than a hand-me-down. Nice, though not top of the line from what Joan's untrained though vaguely knowledgeable eye could tell. Likely something Cinder or one of her goons stole from someone between murders. "Now, you'll have to learn to do this yourself. You will be bad at first- you'll likely be bad for quite a while, but you will get better at it. I will do it for you this once, and if you need help, I can give you that. But you will be doing this on your own from now on." Cinder instructed with a tone that just begged for Joan to test her on what would happen if she didn't comply.
"And if I don't?"
"You'll see." Cinder threatened quietly. "Now, look up and close your eyes."
Joan complied with all of Cinder's demands to let her apply makeup. She had endured similar, and when her sisters had done it, they were nowhere near as gentle as Cinder. Gentle or no, eyeliner and that damned clawey thingy that gets so close to their eyelid were still hellish. There never really seemed a way to make those any less than savage.
Joan didn't enjoy the process of applying mascara either, but she did love the way her eyelashes batted when Cinder held up a mirror for her. Much like the dress, the room, and what Joan expected to be many other things Cinder would force upon her, the makeup was simply too much. Bubble gum pink lipstick, a blush that made the woman new to being a girl feel more clownish than pretty, and eyeshadow to match. It stunned Joan that she enjoyed any of it honestly. She wasn't surprised that she liked makeup. Like many other things, she could have seen enjoying the activity with her sisters it just as much or more than playing catch with her father if only they hadn't teased her and been so rough about it. So, liking makeup- a conservative amount- seemed completely realistic to Joan, but still liking it- even in the slightest when it was so over the top? It surprised her. It made her wonder how much she would like if it were normal. How would she feel to wear makeup like Pyrrha?
Pyrrha only ever added what seemed like a little bit here or there, but every morning she woke up stunning and emerged from the bathroom with Nora ready to kill with her looks alone- as if she couldn't do it just as well or better with her spear. Joan could only imagine how she might love feeling like that. She once heard Nora instructing Ren that the right amount of makeup made someone themselves but better. Joan wanted that. She wanted to be herself, but feminine. A little better couldn't hurt while she was at it.
"What do you think?"
"It's… a lot." Joan answered a familiar reply. It was true, that made it easy. It displayed distaste, that made it convenient. As long as Cinder didn't know Joan was… well, that she was taking rather well to the idea of being Joan, she was much less likely to allow it to continue. That thought spawned some dark thoughts for Joan. Thoughts of being forced to do things- to be things so stereotypically masculine. She had done her best at that her whole life, but the idea of having to return to it or to go further… the thought alone made her want to- it just wasn't an option. She could not go back to that. No, just… no.
Joan's response to just the thought was so horrible, so strong, that she found herself crying again. For some reason, Joan had felt herself much quicker to cry lately. It was an odd sensation, but, lately Joan's whole emotional range felt… deeper? Wider? Stronger maybe? It was hard to pin down. Maybe just a side effect to suddenly no longer being tortured. Maybe something more. Joan wasn't quite ready to put a label on it.
"Is something wrong?" Cinder checked with a tone that Joan knew was just designed to coax her into caving, to give her information for relief.
"No! I'm crying for absolutely no reason!" Joan snapped, her emphasized emotions getting the best of her as she failed to regulate them the same way she normally would.
Cinder raised an eyebrow challenging Joan to snap at her again.
"I just! I-" Joan shrunk in her seat. She hadn't meant to snap. She just… Joan tried to breathe, but all her emotions felt… more than she was accustomed to- harder to regulate. Shame rushed over her and she felt horribly uncovered, insecure. Incapable of willing herself to dry her tears, Joan pulled her arms over her chest and covered it insecurely. It was all she could do to guard against the growing anxious insecurity that grew in her. It likely wouldn't have been so bad if she knew what was happening to her; if she knew that Cinder had been drugging her and that her transition was more than just cosmetic and emotional. But, being as Joan didn't know, her body and emotions accommodating to a new hormonal balance, the changes were only all the more terrifying.
"Sorry." Joan whimpered, growing docile because that was easier than trying to rage.
"Good girl." Cinder leaned in to wipe Joan's tears away. "Thankfully, this makeup is all waterproof… though, you might look quite beautiful with it all smeared and sobbing." Cinder considered as a way of taunting a treat. "It will be ok tho. You will give in soon enough, and then you won't have to worry for this all." Cinder sighed. "For the meantime, one more accessory." Cinder pulled what looked like a pretty though peculiar necklace from a drawer and sealed it to Joan's neck with the soft sizzle of metal welding between her fingers.
Joan longed for being able to not worry about it all. It was a nice idea, but she highly doubted that she would ever really be able to let it all go after the walls she put up cracked just enough to let Joan slip through."Wait! I- what is this?" Joan snapped from her worries for how long gender might be a challenge for her. Her hand shot up to trace along the necklace. It was cold against her skin, heavier than she thought it should be for its size.
"Just a little something to finish the outfit."
"And why seal it onto my neck?" Joan tried to pull it off as best she could- it wouldn't budge. For some reason, she suspected that even her sword wouldn't be able to do anything to break its chain.
"A girl must always be accessorized. And… if you're ready to give in-"
"I get it. Your semblance can melt it off whenever I cave." Joan huffed, a little close to getting herself into trouble again. Once more, Joan comforted herself with the fact that any anger that slipped through would only solidify for Cinder that her efforts were working.
Cinder rested her grimm hand on Joan's chest where the necklace's jewel hung, the hand's claws pressed into Joan's flesh and began to break the skin, threatening to claw through her. "Be careful now Joan." She leaned in to whisper. "New as you are, you may not yet know how women are punished differently from men; but I am not against showing you."
None of Cinder's words had ever earnestly scared Joan so much. It was rare, but as Cinder grew more adept with spotting Joan's moments of insecurity and weakness, Joan too grew more adept at spotting when a little more truth seeped into Cinder's words. This was one of those times. Joan wasn't sure how, but she was sure that Cinder knew fully well what differences there may be in how men and women were punished. She knew, and Joan could see in Cinder's eyes that the madwoman was all to eager to teach someone else.
Joan's shocked silence seemed to be enough for Cinder, she pulled away and released the grimm hand. "You'll learn." She whispered. "For now, I will give you a break. Get familiar with your new room. A grimm will bring you your lunch when the time comes and I will return for the rest of your day's work not long after.
End of Chapter 5
