"You know I really don't know what I'm doing here." Angela said nervously wringing her hands.
"Angela, you know that's not true. We both know why you're here. Come on in."
Angela nodded and entered through the door.
"It's about Tony. Well you and Tony."
"Yeah,same old same old."
"Yes, I think the last time you came to see me was when you came back from Iowa."
"I remember."
"And you kept telling me how uncertain you were if you had made the right choice in leaving him."
"Yeah. Look Dr Bellows I know I haven't been your patient in years and I'm sorry to just barge in on you like this but.." she took a deep breath. "You know what? This was a bad idea so I'm just going to.."
"Angela, sit down. You came here for a reason. And yes you aren't my patient anymore. But it's obvious you need someone to talk to."
"Okay. Thank you." Angela sat down and Dr Bellows did as well.
"So, tell me what's going on."
"Well you see a few months ago Tony came back to visit me."
"Really? Well that's great. But you don't look too happy about it. "
Angela sighed. "Yeah, because he came back to tell me he was getting married."
"I see. So that's why you are here I take it?"
"Somewhat. He also moved back to Fairfield. He actually got a job offer to teach and coach at Ridgemont. "
"Okay I think I see what the problem is. If Tony had stayed in Iowa with his fiance.."
"Teresa."
"Teresa, you wouldn't have to deal with seeing the two of them. But, now that they're both here in Fairfield you'll have to face them and the decision you made to leave him every day."
"That actually isn't going to be a problem. They broke up."
"They did?"
"Yeah, she didn't want to move here."
Dr Bellows nodded. "Well moving to a new place would be hard to do. But, the fact of the matter is that is exactly what you did."
"Yeah, I remember coming here and asking if you thought it was a good idea."
"And do you remember what I told you?"
"You told me to follow my heart."
"And you did. And I remember you calling me telling me how happy you were living all alone with Tony."
"And I was. I mean we didn't have the neighbors and the rest of Fairfield gossiping about us. It was very freeing being in a place where the rest of the community didn't judge us or talk behind our backs."
"But then after a while you weren't so happy."
"No, I wasn't. And I hated myself for it. I moved to Iowa to support Tony just like he had done for me. But, I just couldn't live there anymore. I felt like I wasn't myself. Like I was some kind of imposter."
"So you made the decision to leave Tony and move back."
Angela sighed. "I did. And I know it was for the best but I still had my doubts. "
"Well, it was a big decision. It's not unusual that you were questioning yourself."
"True, especially since he never came back home."
"That is what you wanted wasn't it? For Tony to give up his job and come back to you."
"Yes. No. I don't know." Angela stammered over her words.
"Angela. You know this is a safe place. You can be honest with me. But, most of all you can be honest with yourself."
"Okay fine! Yes, I wanted him to come home. Well a part of me did."
"Just a part?"
"Yes, Dr Bellows Tony was thriving in Iowa. He was so happy teaching and coaching there and when Dr Graham offered him a new contract he was over the moon."
"I remember you telling me that. I also remember you telling me that Tony offered to turn the contract down."
"Yeah, because I wouldn't let him."
"And why was that?"
"Because I didn't want him to resent me. I didn't want him moving back to Fairfield unemployed."
"Okay, I can see your dilemma. But, do you really think he would have resented you if it had taken a while for him to find a job?"
"Maybe not at first. But what if he never did? Tony loves teaching and coaching. It was what he was born to do."
"Well I guess the matter has solved itself since he is back in Fairfield teaching at Ridgemont."
"Yes, and here's some more news: Tony wants to get back together!" Angela chuckled nervously.
"He does? Angela, that's great! It's what you've been wanting for years. So are you back together?"
"No, we're not."
"Why?"
"Because.." she felt her eyes fill with tears. Dr Bellows handed her a tissue box. Angela nodded her thanks and plucked a few and wiped her eyes. After a few moments she got herself under control.
"Because there's a part of me that feels like I am his second choice."
"Why would you think something like that?"
"Well, because he just broke up with Teresa. I mean he was engaged to another woman! And he told me that the only reason that he wanted to marry her was because he didn't want to be alone the rest of his life. And I can understand that. It's just that this is just another woman that Tony was involved with that he broke up with and now he wants to be with me?!"
"Kathleen." Dr Bellows said simply.
"Yes, Kathleen."
"That was a hard time for you."
"It was. We were building towards something at least I thought we were."
"Until Tony pulled the rug out from under you."
Angela sighed remembering how devastated she had been when she had found out that Tony had spent the night with Kathleen. And how it had intensified when he told her that he didn't know if it was over with her. She had come to Dr Bellows for advice which she had given. And when Tony and Kathleen had broken up she had come back. But, by that time she was involved with Andy.
"Angela, do you remember the first time you came to see me?"
"Yes, when I was afraid I was going to lose Tony to Frankie."
"Yes, and when he was dating Kathleen you were afraid of the same thing."
"Well can you blame me? I mean come on Tony and Frankie came from the same place. They grew up together. And Kathleen.. Well she was younger and he didn't have all this emotional baggage with her. "
"But, with you he did."
"Yea, so much emotional baggage."
"But, isn't that all in the past? I mean Tony is finally back home and he wants to get back together. So what's stopping you?"
"I guess it's because he isn't back in Fairfield for me or for us but because of a job."
"All right, that is true. But, does it really matter why he is back? Isn't the most important thing is that he is back?"
"You know you and my Mother would get along great. She basically told me the same thing."
"She sounds like a very wise woman." Dr Bellows smiled.
"Yeah, and she made some lame joke about what was I expecting? For Tony to show up at my front door in a tux like in some kind of T.V. finale where the two main characters reunite in the last five minutes?!"
"Okay. so obviously that isn't what has happened. But, Angela he is back. "
"I know."
"Angela, do you love Tony?"
Angela chuckled nervously and wrung her hands. "I remember you asking me that when I first came to see you."
"Angela, do you love Tony?" Dr Bellows repeated her voice gentle yet firm.
"Yes, I do." Angela nodded her eyes once again filling with tears.
"Then stop all this nonsense and go be with him! Stop with all these doubts and questions."
"Tony did tell me once that I thought too much."
"Well, in this situation I agree with him."
"He also told me that you don't think these things you feel them. The ironic thing was that I had been proposed to by a guy I was dating and I was unsure what to do."
"Well then Angela don't think. Feel. What are you feeling right now?"
"I love Tony and I want to be with him."
Dr Bellows smiled. "Well there's your answer. Now get out of here and go do just that." She stood up. Angela did as well.
"Dr Bellows?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For everything."
"You're welcome. Now get out of here!" she smiled.
Angela smiled back and they said their goodbyes.
Angela walked to her jag, unlocked and opened it and slid in the front seat. She sat there for a few minutes and took a couple of deep breaths. She started the engine and pulled out of the parking space and headed for homeā¦.
