Chapter 19
Reflecting, I'm nothing short of shocked that Ren didn't shove me away or bolt to the other end of the room—or anything more Ren-like, more unnecessary nervousness. But she didn't. The kiss lasted for several moments before I pulled away and opened my eyes. My face was barely an inch from hers, my hands holding her face, brushing the tears away with my thumbs. She kept her eyes closed and rested her forehead against mine. She softly spoke my name, clearly intending to say something more, but she withheld.
Together we sat there like that in silence for what seemed like forever.
Then, suddenly the door flew open and in rushed Steve, shortly followed by Louis, Eileen, and Stacy.
Ren and I separated with lightning speed, both rising to our feet, both startled.
The assumptions I made about how they all came to be there were confirmed later—but I knew it was Stacy. She'd followed me and probably called the Stevens along the way, told them how to get there. It was really the only reasonable guess and it was right.
"Ren!" Eileen exclaimed, the first to speak. "Oh my God, what are you doing up here? We were worried sick about you!" She hurried across the room to embrace her only daughter.
I glanced at Louis and I suspected he'd figured it out then, his expression was quite telling.
Stacy seemed to be debating whether or not I was cheating on her, or if we'd just been sitting together, entirely innocent. That was the moment I first realized I'd cheated. I also realized that, while I felt guilty, I wasn't that put off by the notion. Given the circumstance, I can't understand what I would've been expected to do.
Steve, the most threatening figure there, was trying to figure out what he'd seen too. It seems strange to classify Steve Stevens as a threatening guy, he doesn't exactly exude masculinity to a great extent. Nevertheless, this was the one thing he did feel strongly about according to Ren, it was his one condition in the unconditional love all parents supposedly have towards their children.
His arms were crossed and he stood glaring. He said nothing to Ren, opting to prod me first. "Tawny?"
"Yes, Mr. Stevens?" I replied, trying too hard to sound polite. I'd known him long enough to call him Steve, he'd given me the right year's before. But I assumed it had been revoked when he kicked me out of his house.
"What have you done to my daughter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Dad," Louis protested.
"Quiet!" Steve snapped at him. "Ren? Has she done anything to you?"
"Have I done anything to her?" I asked, seeking clarification.
"When I told you to get out of m house, Tawny. I meant for you to stay away from my family as well. I thought it went without saying, but obviously I was wrong."
"You told her to get out of the house?" Eileen clearly hadn't received the details.
"She's a dyke, we don't need her around our kids—especially not Ren."
"Steve!" She snapped angrily, but immediately looked at Ren: a questioning look.
Ren didn't reply, she didn't move. She stood staring at the floor as though she were paralyzed.
Stacy stood quietly against the wall by the door. I think by this point she'd concluded that there might not be a place for her in my life, or at least not the place she wanted. She was clearly uncomfortable with Steve and probably would kick herself for sometime for bringing him there at all. She would say she should've know, although there was no way she could've.
I could tell from the expression on Eileen's face that she realized the situation then, and Louis had it for certain now if he hadn't got it earlier.
Eileen closed her eyes and turned her face down momentarily; she was thinking things over. Then she slowly raised her head and said: "Steve, I think you should let me handle this."
"I have a right to protect my children," he stated firmly.
"You really think Tawny is doing any harm?" She retorted, gently though, so as not to anger him.
"She's corrupting her. You really want a fag for a daughter? 'Cause I guarantee that's Tawny's intention here."
"Steve," she protested.
"I know what I'm talking about."
"No you don't. Let me talk with them, alone."
"This needs a man's opinion. The girl's only aspect is what needs fixing."
"Dad, calm down," Louis interrupted. "So what if they're…well…you know?"
Good job, Louis, I thought.
"So what?" Steve yelled. "I've explained this to you guys a million times this past year with all that gay marriage crap floating around…"
"I know that!" Louis cut him off. "But still…"
"Shut up, Louis. Go back to the car," Steve replied, turning away from his son.
Louis did indeed shut up, albeit grudgingly.
"Steve, Ren is your daughter. Whatever happened here isn't going to change that. Whatever happens in the future isn't going to change that. The only thing that can change here is your attitude, otherwise…"
"My attitude? Ren doesn't have to be fooling around with girls! That can change!"
"But that won't change her feelings," Eileen explained, looking to Ren then. "If that is what she feels, anyway?"
All attention turned to Ren then. Everyone was asking now: what do you feel, Ren?
She looked up, noting that all eyes were on her. Uneasily she shifted on her feet, glancing around at each person in the room individually, her lips slightly parted as though to speak but she held her tongue, always hesitant.
When at last her eyes found me I saw how torn she was. She could still get out of this. Everything could be blamed on me. Steve would accept it all, and Ren knew I wouldn't speak up. I wouldn't incriminate her there and then. She wouldn't be the shame of the Stevens family in that regard at least. And if she told them that, then telling them about the schools would be easier—at least with Steve. He'd be so happy that his kid was straight, nothing else would matter. Everyone would be happy.
Except us.
How many times had I made that case though? How come you're so concerned with everyone else's happiness and not your own? She argue that was selfish, and I'd say it wasn't. I'd say you shouldn't get your kicks at the expense of others, sure. But being happy yourself was just as important as making others happy. I'd ask: why do you care so much about making your dad happy that you'll lie and be miserable when you know he's not willing to do the same for you? Why does he deserve this sacrifice from you? He doesn't. No one deserves to benefit from others' sacrifices unless they are willing to make those sacrifices too. If she lied and pretended to be straight, then just as Eileen said, she's never actually be straight. She's be faking it. And she'd be miserable. Just as Steve might be miserable having a gay kid. Except he wouldn't be. He could be angry, but it wouldn't ruin his life. It could ruin, Ren's. It was her life, after all. It was her choice.
"Ren?" Steve pressed, his voice an uncharacteristically angry growl. "Is that what you feel, or at least what you think you feel? If it is, you're obviously confused and we can get you help."
She glanced back at him, and then nervously back at me. Turning back to him again, she said: "I've tried for four years to fix this problem for you, dad. I can't fix it. I can't. And I don't want to because the best I could do would be to lie to you and that's not fixing it that's just covering it up. And that would hurt me more than the truth will ever hurt you." She looked at me briefly before continuing. "So yes, it is what I feel. And no, I don't want help, I don't need help. I'm in love and it's not your problem."
