Hey hey hey SPN fam! I am so sorry it has been so long since I've posted. I had some major issues with the website, but I think we're cleared up now (at least, I hope so anyways). Please know that I didn't get notifications about a chunk of reviews on the last story. I can go in and read them through my account but I can't reply to all of them. If you have an account and you review, you know I do everything I can to reply to every single review, because I appreciate your time and support. So if I haven't replied to a review recently, I am sincerely sorry and very grateful for you taking your time to leave one. I love you bitches and jerks and idjits and assbutts.
So hopefully this will give you some giggles to make up for it :) This story is inspired by a prompt from the amazing Tamilyn313. She is a fount of prompts, great ideas, and patience. I probably have 3-4 stories percolating off ideas from her. Thank you Tamilyn313! Special thanks to Jenmm31 for beta-ing and being the best. I will also have a Christmas one coming out before Christmas, and am sincerely hoping to get back into the swing of things soon! ALRIGHT EMMA ENOUGH-GET TO THE STORY ALREADY.
In this story, Natalie is 2. Please see profile page for disclaimers.
Dean's leg was bouncing like no tomorrow due to the stress and the nerves. He hated this crap. Hated it with a passion. But it had to be done.
They were in the reception area of the Sioux Falls pediatrician's office. It was time for Natalie's two-year-old shots and check up. Dean has put it off for as long as possible, but he couldn't ignore it anymore. He already despised being at the doctor in general, let alone have to go through the irritation of shots. He looked around at all the snot-nosed little hellions in the room, coughing on everything, crying, just being tiny douche bags. None of them were as perfect as his little angel, and he smirked in pleasure at that realization.
His eye roamed. The waiting room was obviously in need of an upgrade- the once soft pink walls looked like someone had covered them in a fine layer of dusty time, making them seem worn out past their years and turning them sickly peach. The chairs were crowded way too close for his liking- what if Natalie caught a cold or something from one of these other little assholes? When was the last time this place had gotten disinfected, anyways?!
Natalie, however, was reaping the rewards of Dean's nervousness and having the time of her life. She giggled gleefully from his lap, enjoying the bucking ride. Upon realizing that he was jostling her like nobody's business, Dean immediately stopped. Natalie's tiny face contorted with displeasure. She twisted around in his lap and pushed her tiny hands into his chest. "Again, Daddy!" she commanded loudly.
"Natalie, don't push," Sam said absentmindedly, thumbing through an old copy of National Geographic from at least two years ago. Natalie pouted for a moment, then turned back around, reaching up and patting Dean gently on both cheeks.
"Please again Daddy," she said, confident that she would get her way. Dean rolled his eyes and began bouncing his leg again, much to her delight.
"Doesn't take much for you, does it kid?" he asked her. She was too busy squealing in laughter to answer. One of the nearby mothers looked over at the noise Natalie was making. She arched an eyebrow at Dean, but instead received a glare back that made her wither. Dumb woman- the little jerk hanging off her snooty-as-fuck lap was making just as much noise and was probably sick, so she was being the jerk here, not his precious little angel. "Bitch," Dean muttered under his breath. Natalie's ears perked up at the word, causing Sam to sigh heavily.
"Dean, can you please stop swearing in front of Natalie?" Sam hissed, his eyes darting around to make sure no one else had heard his brother.
"She's my kid, I'll do what I want," came the stoic response. Sam rolled his eyes at the same excuse Dean always gave when this came up. "Besides, she don't understand what I'm saying."
"You wish."
"Excuse me?"
"I think she does. I think Natalie fully understands what you're saying."
"Okay, well…so?"
"Dude, she is going to start repeating you one of these days."
"Well, I repeat…So?"
"So! What if she does it in public? What if she starts swearing when we're in the middle of checking in to a motel or at a babysitter or…" Sam gestured, indicating the room. "…or now?"
Dean thought about it for a second, then snorted a laugh. "It'd be funny. That's what."
"It would not be funny, Dean."
"Maybe not to you. But to anyone else who doesn't have a giant stick up their ass, it is."
"Dean, two year olds swearing in public draws unwanted attention. You know that. And the last thing we need is unwanted attention."
Dean rolled his eyes again. "Sam, you are getting your panties in a twist over nothing, as usual," he hissed back at his little brother. "People think it's funny, not something to call CPS over. You ever seen 'Kids Say The Darndest Things'? Great show. Made like a billion dollars. People love that kind of crap. So take the damn stick out and relax. She's fine."
Sam huffed, sitting back in his chair and continued to thumb through his magazine without saying anything else. Nothing could erase the bitch face he was giving the magazine, though. Dean shook his head, exasperated. Natalie, who had perked up to listen to their conversation, reached over and patted Sam's arm.
"Na-talie fine, Unca Sam," she said consolingly. Dean smirked at Sam knowingly.
"See? You heard the kid. She's fine." Instead of the pouting look Dean was expecting, Sam's eyebrows were in his hairline- he was shocked. He pointed at Natalie.
"Dean, that's what I'm talking about! She is literally repeating what you said. Not only does she repeat what you say, she understands context better than you think. She just understood that whole exchange!"
"Good god Sam, would you let this go? I got more important things to focus on right now, alright?" Without waiting for an answer, Dean turned a bit, swinging Natalie around so he could cuddle her into his chest and ignore his brother all in one fell swoop.
Sam, of course, could not let it go. "I'm just saying," he said with a shrug. "One of these days she's gonna say something and it's gonna get you in a world of trouble. And I will have no problem at all saying 'I told you so'."
"Well, good for you," Dean grumbled. Just then, a receptionist with a clipboard walked into the room.
"Natalie Winchester?" she called out over the nasty waiting room musak. Natalie waved at the lady.
"Me! ME! I Na-talie!" she said happily. As cute as it was, the receptionist hadn't finished her morning coffee and was not in the mood. She didn't even crack a smile. Her tired eyes shifted to Dean, expecting him to get going. Great start, Dean thought to himself. He hauled Natalie up, setting her on his hip, and followed the receptionist into the back of the office.
The smell of antiseptic immediately assaulted Dean's nose, and he suppressed his gag reflex. These doctors, using all this medical shit to clean everything when good old fashioned whiskey worked perfectly well. Elitist jerks. Natalie was craning her neck all around, looking at all the places and spaces with wide, round eyes. She was fascinated by the world and everything it had to offer still. She definitely wanted to go exploring- she absolutely needed to touch everything- but Dean was keeping a tight grip on her and wouldn't let her down, no matter how hard she tried.
During her last round of shots, Natalie had been fussy and whiny, screaming at the needle and being feverish and needy the rest of the day. Dean had freaked the hell out internally- he didn't want to scare her by showing fear. He had made Sam look up every symptom or article that he could find about normal childish reactions to shots to make sure she was okay while he tried to stay calm on the outside. She was perfectly fine the next day, back to her happy-go-lucky self. However, he wasn't eager to go through all of this again. He wanted her to be safe and have the best of everything and keep her as healthy as possible, there was no way that wasn't going to happen…but this still SUCKED.
The receptionist led them into a tiny room with an examination table covered in crackly white paper. "Please take a seat, the nurse will be with you in a moment," she said in a bored voice, barely getting it all out before she closed the door on them.
Heaving a sigh, Dean bounced the child in his arms a couple times. "Alright squirt, here we go." He maneuvered himself onto the table without having to put her down, feeling very proud of himself for being able to do so. As the paper crinkled upon taking their weight, Natalie's eyes got as wide as saucers again. She craned over Dean's arm to explore, but Dean's firm grip held her back. She grunted and wiggled and stretched, but she just couldn't reach the paper, which was clearly the most important thing in the world.
"Daddy!" she whined, twisting away from Dean's arms. Dean redoubled his grip and shifted her over to the other leg, causing her to wail in displeasure.
"Take it easy squirt, it's just paper," he said, trying to bounce her again. She wasn't buying it. She bucked and twisted again, desperate to explore, but Dean simply moved her tiny frame again, keeping her away from it. She gave one of those frustrated baby grunts that Dean normally found so hilarious, but with her suddenly turning into a lubed-up eel in his arms, it wasn't quite so entertaining as usual. "Natalie, stop it," he scolded, planting her firmly in his lap yet again.
Finally giving up in exasperation, Natalie thumped her tiny fists into her legs. "Da-" she began to say right as the door opened. Dean looked at her curiously, but she didn't continue her words as her attention was now captured by the new person in the room.
The nurse was a lovely middle-aged lady with a sweet smile on her face. Natalie cocked her head to the side, studying the lady with all her might. "Hello, you two," she said in a soft, kind voice. "My name is Maria, I'll be your nurse. How are you two doing today?"
"Good!" Natalie piped up, waving at Nurse Maria. "Hi!" Dean flushed with embarrassment, but Maria laughed kindly.
"Oh, we have a talker, I see," she said to Dean, grinning. Dean managed to smile back at the lady's kindly tone.
"You don't know the half of it," he said.
"I did see in her charts that on her last visit, she ranked more verbally advanced than her typical age group."
"Yeah, and she's added a whole bunch of new words since then as well."
"Fantastic," Nurse Maria said, making notes. "We're going to do wellness checks and see how she's been progressing before we get to the vaccinations." Dean just nodded, then Maria turned to the child. "Hey Natalie! Do you think you can stand up really straight for me on this table here?"
Immediately, Natalie started smacking Dean's arms with her tiny, open palms. "Daddy, down!" she said impetuously. "Na-talie UP!" Rolling his eyes, Dean moved her next to him on the table, but kept a firm grip on her sides so she didn't fall. She tried to push his hands away. "I do it," she insisted, swatting at his arms again.
"Hey," Dean scolded quietly. "Knock it off. You might fall." When Natalie's face scrunched up in displeasure, Maria jumped in.
"Wow, you and your daddy work really well together, don't you Natalie?" she asked as she stretched the tape measure next to the child. "Can you stand up really straight for me please?"
Natalie, always eager to help, stood up as tall as she could with a very proud look on her face. "See, I do it!" she announced to the room. After she'd gotten Natalie's height recorded, Maria gave Dean a sympathetic smile.
"Quite the strong willed one, isn't she?"
"Again, you have no idea."
They went through all the typical check ups. Other than size, Natalie was surpassing almost every category. And when questioned about her smaller size, Maria assured Dean that Natalie was perfectly healthy- just small for her age. There were several times that Dean watched Maria's surprise as Natalie's advanced vocabulary and linguistic skills made themselves known.
"Hey, um..." Dean began, not entirely sure how to phrase the question. "So...she's talking a lot. And that's normal, right? For a two year old? I...there's nothing wrong with that, right?"
Maria smiled the patient smile she reserved for nervous, caring parents. "Well, Mr. Winchester, it's not unheard of for a two year old to be verbally advanced. I will say that Natalie is probably the most advanced child I've ever met, but there is absolutely no indication that anything is wrong with that. Do you read to her a lot?"
"My brother does. And I try to, but he's better at it."
"Does she watch a lot of TV?"
"We listen to a lot of music."
"My guess is that she is just very observant for her age, and her development skills are progressing faster than what is typical. None of that is cause for concern. In fact, I think it's very admirable that she's so advanced- shows that she's getting a lot of the right kind of attention." His heart about to burst out of his chest from hearing that, Dean grinned and ducked his head a bit, trying not to show how pleased he was.
As they progressed, Natalie stopped being so stubborn and reverted back to her precious baby angel status, giggling and being playful and generally adorable. Maria quickly fell under the child's spell. However, when it came time for shots, Dean tensed up before Natalie could.
"So," he said in a rush as Maria was prepping the syringes. "I feel like I need to tell you that the kid don't like needles. She screamed like a banshee last time, so I don't know what she's gonna do this time. I'm just…I'm sorry in advance."
Maria smiled over her shoulder, trying to make sure she was concealing the needles so as to not frighten the child, or the father for that matter. "It's okay, I'm used to it. Happens a lot," she said kindly. "May I try something?" When Dean's forehead scrunched together in suspicion, she gave him a motherly smile. "I promise, it'll help her."
Dean still wasn't sure- this was Natalie-I'm-full-of-surprises-Winchester they were talking about- but what the hell. This lady was nice and Natalie clearly liked her, so if it would help the kid, he was willing to give it a go. He nodded and gave her a thankful grin, which she returned.
"Okay, Natalie, why don't you hop onto your daddy's lap for this next part?" she said brightly. Natalie scrambled over into Dean's arms, sitting up primly and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Maria came over quickly with a smile. "Wow, you are really fast, do you know that?"
"Yes," Natalie answered promptly. Dean suppressed a snicker at her impertinence. Maria laughed a bit.
"So guess what?" she asked the little girl.
"What?"
"I'm going to tell you a story, okay? Is that okay?"
"YES!"
"Geez, kid, don't bust our eardrums," Dean teased. Natalie wrinkled her nose, trying to figure out how to respond to Dean's words. She looked back at Maria.
"Yes," she whispered as loudly as she could. Maria laughed kindly. She took Natalie's hand.
"Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a castle. But the castle was way up North, where it snowed all the time. And it got really, really cold." As Maria got to the word 'cold', she gently swabbed Natalie's arm with an alcohol wipe. Natalie jumped a bit in Dean's lap upon feeling it. Her attention immediately went to her arm.
"Dat's COLD," she said, subtly trying to pull her hand out of Maria's. Dean held on tighter, but Maria kept right on going like she hadn't noticed.
"You're right! It was cold up in the palace where the princess was!" she said, trying to recapture the little girl's attention. "And the princess would walk around all day in her pretty ball gowns, trying to stay warm because the palace was so cold." Out of the corner of his eye, Dean could see Maria prepping the syringe and prayed that whatever part of the story came next, it would distract the kid enough.
"What's your favorite color, Natalie?" Maria asked as she subtly worked.
"Um…purple," Natalie answered, still a bit suspicious but interested in the princess.
"Wow! That was the princess's favorite color too!" Maria said, plucking a purple band-aid out of her stash. Natalie giggled and wiggled in delight, fully invested once again. "Well one day, she was walking around and an icicle fell from the roof and poked her in the arm!"
Right as she said that, Maria gave Natalie the shot. Natalie hadn't noticed any of the prep up until then, but upon feeling the needle enter her arm, her head whipped around so fast Dean was surprised he couldn't hear her vertebrae cracking. Her eyes got wide as Maria worked fast. Since the little girl obviously realized what was going on, Maria hastened to finish the story as she put a Band-Aid on Natalie's arm.
"But the king helped her by putting a pretty Band-Aid on her arm that matched her purple dress, so she could go to the ball that night!" Maria said, carefully patting down the ends of the bandage. Natalie continued to stare at her arm horrified, as if she expected it to grow tentacles. Both Dean and Maria watched her with trepidation.
"Well, kid, what do you think?" Dean finally asked, breaking the silence. Natalie slowly turned her gaze to Maria, her jaw on the floor.
"You have a pretty purple Band-Aid just like the princess!" Maria added with a smile. "Do you like it?"
Natalie inhaled slowly, both adults completely unsure of what she was going to say or do. Was she going to start to cry? Was she going to be excited about the purple princess Band-Aid?
But true to form, she surprised them all.
"Son of a BITCH!" the two year old roared at the top of her little lungs. She looked back down at her arm, furious. Both adults were beyond stunned. Maria's jaw dropped at the sudden vehemence in the two-year-old's voice, not to mention her vocabulary. Dean just stammered for a second.
"Kid, did you just-" he began weakly. But Natalie wasn't done. She glared at Maria.
"THAT HURT, YOU SHITHEAD!"
Maria made a noise of surprise and shock, absolutely flabbergasted beyond words at being cussed out by a toddler. Dean was too surprised to find it funny- the poor woman looked traumatized and he was clearly holding a time bomb; he could feel the anger literally building in his child and who knew what the hell she was gonna do next?
"Kid, you don't-" Dean began as Maria tried to speak at the same time.
"Natalie, sweetheart, I'm sorry that-"
"FUCK YOU!" And then Natalie proceeded to let out a string of profanity that would make the Old Man in 'A Christmas Story' blush while Maria and Dean watched, horrified. Dean suddenly came to himself and realized it was time to retreat, and fast.
"Okay! So, I think we're good here, right?" Dean said in a rush, over Natalie's diatribe. Maria, still completely stunned, had sat down hard on the chair in the room, and just nodded, her mouth still hanging open at the words coming out of the two-year-old's mouth. "Okay, thanks, I'm sorry, she's….just...sorry!" he babbled, before yanking the door open and bolting into the hallway.
Natalie finally took a breath, and Dean snatched the opportunity. He began bouncing her ferociously as he walked towards the payment desk down the hallway, praying she wouldn't start up again before he got her outside. "Hey, you're okay kiddo, you're okay, it's all over," he said as fast as he could, desperately hoping to stem the next stream of words. Angry tears were welling up in Natalie's eyes, and she started rubbing her arm sullenly. "C'mon, let's go home, we can have ice cream when we get home, okay?" He had to get her out of here, especially before Sam heard her. Oh god, Sam was gonna have a field day with this if he found out. Dean could NOT deal with that right now. Natalie gave a heaving gasp as she angrily batted the tears off her face. Dean patted her back soothingly. He caught a glimpse of Sam through the closed reception window as he stepped forward to pay, hoping that he hadn't already heard the diatribe through the thick glass.
"Um, Winchester?" Dean said hesitantly to the man, praying that Maria had somehow managed to get the paperwork out here already. He had no idea what the kid would do if she saw the nurse again. The desk attendant shifted through the piles, and much to Dean's relief, found theirs. He looked up and noticed Natalie's tears. He smiled kindly, but all of Dean's alarm bells went off. Please don't say anything, please don't say anything, please don't say anything…
"Looks like someone just got a shot, huh?" he said in what was usually taken as a kindly voice. Natalie, of course, wasn't having it. Dean's eyes darted down to his daughter's face, where the fury was building like an active volcano. "Would you like a lollipop, sweetheart?" the man asked, holding out a red lollipop to the child, fully expecting her to take it with a giggle.
"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Wait- what?!"
"Oooookay!" Dean said loudly. He yanked his wallet out of his pocket and threw it at the guy. He rushed the door to the waiting room, pulling it open as fast as he could so he could smush Natalie's mouth into his chest. "Hey Sam, wallet's on the desk, pay the guy would ya?" he hollered at his brother as he sprinted towards the parking lot. He just got a glimpse of Sam's utterly confused face as he barreled through the doorway. He was surprised that he didn't shatter the glass on the door, as hard as he slammed it shut.
Dean had had to let Natalie's face free from his chest to close the door, and the two-year-old was continuing her loud and angry cuss-out session from the safety of the parking lot. Dean alternated between bouncing her and rubbing her back, just letting her get it all out while nervously watching the door for Sam. Finally she collapsed on Dean's chest with an exhausted sigh.
"Wow, kid," Dean said, still in absolute shock at just how much his child had picked up from him. "That was…impressive."
Natalie raised her tear soaked, exhausted little face to him. "That hurt, Daddy," she said quietly, before diving into his chest and nuzzling his flannel for comfort.
"I know it did Baby Girl, and I'm sorry. Maria tried to help with the princess story, though, didn't she?"
"Fuck the princess."
"Okay, well that's a no." He rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Listen kid, we're not gonna tell Uncle Sam about what you said, okay?"
"Dat bitch."
"Kid, you can't say that to Uncle Sam."
"You say it."
All of his worst fears confirmed. Sam was right. And he was gonna say 'I told you so'.
"Kiddo, I will let you eat ice cream for breakfast for the next three days if you promise not to tell Uncle Sam what you said OR call him a bitch. Deal?"
"Okay, Daddy." She was too exhausted to care at this point, and ice cream sounded really nice.
Dean bounced her, rubbing her back while keeping an eye on the door. Natalie eventually calmed down enough to relax, with nothing but the occasional whine of exhaustion and overexertion. It suddenly dawned on Dean what just happened. His baby girl said his catchphrase for the first time in their lives. By the time Sam finally made his way to the parking lot, Dean was barely holding back the laughter. Sam walked towards him, still thoroughly confused.
"Dean, what happened back there? The guy at the desk was really clipped with me, and the nurses kept whispering, thinking I didn't notice. Nobody said anything, though, even when I asked. Is Natalie okay?"
"Oh, she's fine," Dean said, fishing his keys out of his pocket and tossing them at his brother. Sam caught them in surprise. "You drive. I'm gonna sit in the back and hold her. She didn't…uh…she didn't exactly take well to the injection."
"Is she okay?"
"Oh, she's okay. She's just fine. And I'm gonna have a hell of a great story to tell in a couple years."
