Merry Christmas from me, and Happy Whatever You Celebrate to you. XOXOXOXOXO

In this story, Natalie is 8 months old. Please see profile page for disclaimer.

Dean pushed his way into the room with his shoulder, carefully holding the cardboard coffee tray. He shook the snow from his hair. "God, it's cold out," he complained, kicking the door shut with his foot. He set the tray down quickly on the motel table and rubbed his hands together, his eyes immediately locking on his eight-month-old daughter who was gurgling contentedly in Sam's arms. He had to warm his hands up quickly so he could pick her up and hold her. He'd been gone a whole fifteen minutes. It felt like an eternity.

Natalie let out a squeal of delight upon seeing Dean. It had been an eternity for her too. She waved her arms happily in Dean's direction, causing Sam to chuckle and bounce her on his lap. "Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Sam said wryly to the baby, with a smile. Natalie turned to look at him as he spoke, but not understanding a word he was saying, she simply giggled at him and put her fingers in her mouth. Sam smiled, dropped a quick kiss on the top of her head, and focused back on Dean. "When did it start snowing?" he asked.

"Right as I got to the bean joint," Dean grumbled, moving towards one of the chairs so he could pull off his snow-caked boots. "And it's getting worse." He shrugged off his dark blue jacket, leaving it dangling off the back of the chair, the melting snow dripping to the floor. "Well, 'tis the season. Christmas is like in…what… two days?"

Sam stood up. "Yeah, two days," he confirmed, placing the baby on his hip and making his way to the window. He pulled back the heavy, bland curtains. Thick, white flakes were coming down in droves. "Yikes," he said, low in his voice. "I don't know that we should try driving in this, Dean."

"You're telling me," Dean agreed, shaking his hands hard in an effort to get enough warmth back in them. Normally, he wouldn't care about driving in snow- Baby could take any kind of weather- but having an actual baby, HIS baby, in the backseat was making him think twice about certain things. He stood up, not being able to wait any longer, and made his way towards Sam and Natalie at the window. He held his hands out to his daughter. "C'mere, squirt," he said.

Natalie cooed sweetly when Dean transferred her to his own hip, but stopped suddenly at the chilly feeling of his flannel. She wrinkled her little brow as she felt the cold. This was confusing. Normally, Daddy was warm and soft. But this softness was…not warm. She patted it with her open palm, just trying to figure it all out. The look of sheer concentration on her face was adorable. Dean chuckled and moved towards the radiator in the room. He grinned at the baby in his arms. "So while I was gone, did you barf on Uncle Sam like we practiced?" he asked her in a teasing tone.

Sam just snorted. He could read between the lines of what Dean was saying. "She slime you this morning?" he asked, an ironic smile crossing his face.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, she got me good," he grumbled, remembering the violent reappearance of Natalie's morning formula. "Gonna need to hit the Laundromat sooner rather than later." He shook his head, then his own shit-eating grin spread across his face. "Hey Sam- I dare you to take a whiff of my laundry bag."

"Hard pass."

"I double dare you."

"Alright, getting back to the idea of whether or not we try driving right now…"

"Let's just lay low here. Case is wrapped up, room's paid for. We can have a traditional Winchester Christmas."

Sam snorted, turning his gaze from the wintry parking lot. "What, you mean stuck in a crappy motel room eating Boston Market and watching whatever Christmas special has the least static?" he said sarcastically.

"Yup," replied Dean with a smarmy grin. Sam sighed, shaking his head and smiling.

"Well, at least there's no demon contract this year, so that's a win," he said, acquiescing.

Dean grinned back even wider. "Yahtzee. Good times," he said happily, bouncing Natalie on his hip. She was still patting him, a little more forcefully now, so he moved back to the coffee on the table to try to distract her. "And here's your first gift," he said to Sam, nodding to the to-go cups still in their container. "Special Christmas Blend. The lady behind the counter said it's their most popular roast."

Sam bobbed his eyebrow appreciatively, and reached out for the closest cup. However, he was surprised when Dean snatched it from under his hand and held it up to his own nose. "Dude, what are you doing?" Sam said in a surprised voice.

Dean didn't answer for a moment- he was carefully sniffing at the small opening in the lid. After a moment, he nodded, then held the cup out to Sam expectantly. Sam looked at it once, then back at his brother skeptically. "Yeah, I'm not drinking that," he said blandly.

It was Dean's turn to look confused. "What do you mean?" he asked, holding the cup out to Sam again as Natalie turned her head to look at it. "It's your coffee. Take it."

"You obviously put something in it."

"What? No I didn't."

"Dean, you were sniffing it to make sure that I got the 'right' one. You honestly think I'm going to believe you? You? The jerk who put Nair in my shampoo when we were kids?!"

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I didn't put anything in it! Alright? I…" Dean stopped for a moment, tried to regroup, and came back with as much dignity as he could. "…I got something different, that's all." He sniffed in a manly way.

Sam's eyebrows flew into his hairline. His big brother? Whose blood was at least 40% black coffee? Got something different? "What did you get?" Sam asked, completely befuddled. He was slightly amused to see Dean's face flush a bit, like he was embarrassed. "Dean, what did you get?" Sam asked again, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Dean stammered for another moment, then finally gave up. "I got a hot chocolate, okay?" he said roughly. "There. You happy?"

Sam just stared at Dean for a moment, then began to laugh. "You got…a hot chocolate?" he asked, unable to help himself. "Why the hell did YOU get a hot chocolate? You trying to impress the chick at the counter or something?"

Dean gave Sam a look. "No, bitch, I wasn't trying to impress the chick at the counter." He looked at Natalie a few times, bouncing her up and down, before he could answer. "I just figured…I mean…it's Christmas and…it's Natalie's first Christmas. There ain't no tree, no stockings, none of that crap. I just figured that…y'know, maybe I could give Natalie…something that was kinda Christmassy. And special. That WASN'T from a smash and grab. I dunno." Dean stoically kept his beet red face pointed towards the baby, who was sucking on her fingers contentedly. When Sam didn't say anything for the longest time, Dean finally heaved an annoyed sigh and looked at his little brother. To his immense surprise, there wasn't judgment on Sam's face- just admiration.

"That…wow, that's actually…incredibly sweet," Sam said, swallowing hard. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Alright, see? This is why I didn't wanna tell you. I don't want a chick flick moment outta this, you hear me?" Dean commanded his brother, holding the coffee cup out to him again. "You gonna take this damn cup or not?"

Sam quickly pulled the to-go cup out of Dean's hands, then watched as Dean made his way towards the tote bag full of baby food and dishes. Dean extracted a baby spoon, and made his way back to the table, pulling out a chair and setting Natalie on his lap. She wiggled and squirmed as she always did, full of energy and wanting to be on the go. "Hold up there, Shorty," Dean said to her, carefully holding her in place with one arm, and using his other hand to pick up the lidded cup of hot chocolate.

"Dean, that's gonna be way too hot for a baby!" Sam blurted out before thinking. He instantly realized there was no way that Dean would have given Natalie the drink like that, but the words were already out of his mouth. Dean just stopped and gave Sam a bitch face for the ages.

"Do you seriously think that I'm just gonna give my eight-month-old infant a piping hot drink?" Dean snarled at him, causing Sam to flush red this time. "Really, Sam? I know I'm a piece of shit father, but I do have SOME standards," he growled, his face growing red with anger this time.

"Dean, I didn't…" Sam stammered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…it just…."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Dean interrupted, not making eye contact as he pulled the lid off the cup, making sure it was a safe distance away from Natalie's reach. "I looked it up, okay? They don't SUGGEST giving babies actual chocolate until they're older, but this is basically milk, and she hasn't had any allergic reactions to anything else she's eaten, so chances are, she's totally fine. I did the research." He finally made eye contact with Sam, holding up the baby spoon. "And this is so I can cool it down before letting her have some," he said snarkily. Sam backed away slowly and sat on the edge of the bed, still embarrassed by his outburst. "Anything else you wanna bust my balls on?" Dean said, getting one last shot in.

"Dean, I'm sorry," Sam said softly. "It was…it was just a knee jerk reaction. I know you wouldn't do that. I wasn't thinking. You know that, right?" Sam saw some of the tension around Dean's eyes ease slightly. Dean just nodded in acknowledgment of Sam's apology, but didn't say anything. He dipped the spoon into the hot chocolate, scooping out a bit. He gently blew on the cocoa. Sam watched as Dean effortlessly bounced Natalie with one knee, all the while blowing on a spoonful of hot chocolate to cool it down for her. Sam wanted to say something else, but didn't want to end up stepping in it again like he just had, so he kept his mouth shut, sipping his own coffee in embarrassed silence.

After many careful testings of the temperature, Dean finally felt the drink was cool enough for Natalie to try. "Here, squirt," he said, looking down at the baby. "Let's try this." He brought the spoon towards her slowly. As he expected, Natalie's head swung around and she reached out for the spoon. "Uh uh," Dean said gently, keeping the spoon away so she didn't spill it. Natalie made a displeased squawk and reached again, but Dean just held the spoon further out of her reach. She started to get huffy, dropping her hands in frustration. Dean knew that was the time to strike. He quickly brought the spoon to her lips and tipped the barely warm chocolate into her unsuspecting mouth. He watched her carefully for her reaction.

Natalie froze for a moment as the brand new taste hit her little tongue. Her eyes grew wide, then wider, then as wide as Dean had ever seen them get. Her mouth opened slightly, and her little pink tongue darted out as the incredibly delicious flavor flooded her senses. The heavens themselves opened for her. She had never experienced something this amazing before- or at least she couldn't remember having experienced something this amazing before. It was as if all the wonder in the world was dancing over her tongue in a joyous cacophony of flavor. Her huge eyes dropped down to the spoon- the bringer of the deliciousness. She immediately snatched it with both hands, trying to bring it back to her face and get more of that delicious taste in her as she let out a joyful squeal of pure delight.

Dean's grin wrapped around his head. "You like chocolate, huh baby girl?" he chuckled, gently prying the spoon out of Natalie's iron grip. "Well, most women do," he said, scooping up another spoonful to begin the process all over again. Natalie reached as far as she could for the utensil, desperate to experience that moment all over again, but Dean held it far from her grasp. She began to whine and cry in outrage at the deliciousness being kept from her.

"Keep your Huggies on, gotta cool it down first," Dean said, blowing on the spoonful. He grinned up at his brother, who was watching them carefully. "See, Sammy?" he said proudly, all previous irks forgotten. "She likes it!"

Sam chuckled. "You sound like that commercial for Life cereal," he teased. Dean just shrugged cockily and grinned. After another moment, Sam spoke gently. "Dean, I really wish you'd stop calling yourself a piece of shit father."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on now, Sammy," he said gruffly, the grin dropping off his face as he refocused on his daughter and trying to cool down the drink. He wasn't interested in the same lecture from Sam all over again. He knew he was a screw-up and there was no getting around that, no matter what his brother said.

But before Dean could say anything else, Sam spoke up in a firm tone. "No, YOU come on, Dean. You are doing a fantastic job with her, okay? Why can't you see that? You out of all people should know how hard it is to have a BABY on the road with you when you're hunting. And during that entire time, she's been perfectly happy and healthy. There are people in this world that can't manage that even if they're not hunters. You do your research on what you don't know about babies, and your gut drives the rest. And it's been on track every time. Every time!" Sam finally took a breath. "Please, why don't you see that?" he said in a soft, almost pleading tone. "You've…always been a good dad. You've always been a good one to me, and you're a good one to Natalie."

The silence hung in the air for a few moments between them as Dean took Sam's words to heart. However, Natalie, smart little booger that she was, took advantage of Daddy's momentary lack of focus on her and lunged for the spoon. With the motor skills of an eight month old, she succeeded in hitting the spoon just hard enough for the hot liquid to pour onto the back of her hand.

"Shit," Dean hissed in the split second of silence before Natalie started screaming.

Dean flung the spoon onto the table, pulling the baby into him and standing up so fast he knocked the chair he had been sitting in over. Natalie was screaming louder than he'd ever heard her scream before from the heat on her little hand, and trembling all over from the shock of it all. Dean raced towards the sink in the small kitchenette. Sam beat him there, violently twisting the cold water knob to get it running. Dean carefully took the wailing baby by the wrist and put her injured hand until the cool stream. She screamed even louder for a second, making both boys feel like complete and utter shit.

"I know, I know, I'm so sorry baby girl, I'm so sorry," Dean kept babbling, pressing soothing kisses to her head and keeping her hand under the water. "I know it hurts, I'm so sorry Natalie, Daddy is so sorry." After a moment, Natalie's cries began to subside a bit. Dean kept her hand under the cool water, while Sam raced over to the freezer, extracting one of the teething gel pads they kept for her. He snatched a washcloth from the bathroom, wrapping it around the pad, and ran back to his brother's side. Dean was still trying to calm the crying child.

"I know it hurts, baby girl. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay, I promise, I'm gonna make it all better. I am so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Dean said in a steady stream, barely pausing for breath as the baby's cries calmed. She gave the occasional sniff and shuddering sob, and was still trembling pretty hard, but she slowly relaxed as the cool water drew the heat out of her hand and Dean's voice kept soothing her. She whimpered, exhausted, and buried her face in Dean's chest, rubbing her cheek against the flannel.

Once she was calm enough, Dean slowly pulled her hand out from under the tap. It was just a little pink- not the scalding deep burn his panicked mind had conjured up. He swallowed a lump of relief in his throat- and then the guilt came roaring in. What the hell had he been thinking? Getting a hot drink that close to his hyperactive little angel? What kind of a freaking parent did that?! Sam had just been trying to convince him that he wasn't a piece of shit father- didn't this just prove that that was exactly what he was?

Dean gritted his teeth, letting go of Natalie's wrist. She immediately tucked it up against herself, and Dean knew it was so he couldn't do any more damage to it; he just knew it. He'd lost her precious trust. He made his way towards the couch, cuddling and murmuring to Natalie, trying to soothe himself as much as her. When Sam dropped down on the couch next to him, wordlessly holding out the cool pack for her, Dean took it without meeting his eyes.

"Here, baby girl," he said to Natalie, shifting her a bit so he could see her face. "Let's see if Uncle Sammy's cold pack helps, okay?" He gingerly took her hand and put the pack on the back of it. Natalie flinched for a moment, then relaxed against him. Dean dropped a long kiss on top of her head, before turning his face slightly to Sam.

"So Sam. You were saying?" Dean growled bitterly. "Because I think this proves that all I am is a piece of shit father."

Sam thought very long and carefully before responding. He knew Dean was in a mindset to twist everything he said, so he had to take care. "Dean, accidents happen," Sam finally said, simply. "I know that was terrifying, but you immediately did the right thing. You got cool water on it, you checked it out, you're still treating it." Sam craned his neck just a bit, trying to get Dean to make eye contact. "Accidents are going to happen. That's just part of life. That doesn't make you a shit father."

Dean shook his head, the pain in his heart threatening to overwhelm him. "Sam, I just burned my baby's hand. I just caused my kid injury. And you're seriously trying to convince me that I'm a good father? No. GOOD fathers don't do that."

"Dean, you're acting like you did this on purpose. It was a freaking accident! They happen to us all the time!" Sam said hotly. "Hey, remember when we were kids, and I broke my arm jumping off the roof trying to fly because I thought I was Batman?" Sam raised his eyebrows. When Dean didn't respond, he kept going. "You were right next to me, right? You jumped, same as I did. And I got hurt…because it was an ACCIDENT. You didn't push me or make me do it. It just happened."

"Yeah, well, I should have stopped you!"

"You really think I would have listened to you? I wanted to do it, I didn't care. I was a kid and I wanted to fly. So I did."

"Sam, if you're seriously trying to convince me that an eight month old wanted her hand burned, I'm gonna start throwing punches."

"Will you shut up and listen to me?! This was just an accident. That's all it was- an ACCIDENT. You took all the precautions you could. I saw her hand. It's a thermal surface burn, if that. We put a little burn cream on it, keep it clean, and it'll be gone in a day or two. If it gets swollen, we can give her a little baby aspirin. It won't even leave a scar. She's going to be just fine."

Dean didn't answer- he couldn't. He didn't deserve to try to justify this, he was worthless. Then he looked down at the cooing baby in his arms. Despite it all, Natalie seemed just fine. She was nuzzling her cheek into his flannel, and when she saw him looking at her, she smiled. Dean was instantly transported back to her birth and the first time she smiled at him. His own childhood memories came flooding in, looking at her smile. He remembered feeling love from his mother, protected by his father, and being a hero to his brother, just looking into her sweet, smiling face. The massive surge of love he felt for Natalie in that moment came roaring into his mind, drowning out the doubts and self-hatred.

Sam saw the subtle shift in Dean's features as he stared into Natalie's face. "You have been an amazing father to her, Dean," Sam said softly. "And that's never going to change. Okay?"

Dean swallowed and didn't speak for a moment. "Okay," he finally whispered back. He remembered all the promises he'd made to his baby girl since day one, each one of them feeling like their own individually wrapped Christmas gift. It was all he had to offer, but he wouldn't offer anything less than his total devotion to her. He had to hope it would be enough.

Sam placed a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder and squeezed in support. Dean nodded and managed a half smile, then breathed heavily, looking back down into his baby's face. Natalie's nose wrinkled a little bit in that cute way that she had when she was trying to piece something together. She brought her hand that wasn't encased in the cooling gel pack up, and started tapping her fingers on her injured hand.

Dean's mind spun out for a second- what was she doing? Was she still hurting, and just not crying from the pain? Was she trying to indicate that it was getting worse? But as she deliberately repeated the gesture, a light bulb turned on in his head. "Sam?" he questioned. "Doesn't that gesture look a little like…the hand thingy for 'more'?"

Sam's eyes darted down to the baby. He had been subtly doing some baby sign language to Natalie for the past couple months. He'd found this program called Baby Signing Time. The theme song was annoying as hell, but it was a good program that was actually really useful in teaching babies signs so they could communicate before learning to speak. Sam had never said anything to Dean about it, trying to be subtle in teaching Natalie since he figured his big brother would tease him mercilessly about the nerdiness of it all. His surprised eyes met Dean's, who shrugged, unabashedly.

"What?" Dean said. "You think I didn't notice? I've been watching that baby signing show when you're not around so I could understand her too. The songs are freaking annoying and they won't get out of my head, but if it helps me understand my kid better, I'm all for it."

Sam's grin couldn't get any wider. "See?" he said. "Good fathers do stuff exactly like that." He smiled proudly at his hero. Before Dean could get even more embarrassed, he focused back down on Natalie's hands. "And yeah. It kinda looks like the sign for 'more'."

Dean's wide eyes met Sam's. "Dude, there's no way she's…" He let it trail off as Natalie definitively repeated the gesture. "She actually wants more chocolate? Even after that?"

"I guess she does," Sam said happily, relieved that Natalie was obviously feeling better if she was asking for more. Dean just chuckled and hoisted the baby up into his arms. He crossed back to the table, where Natalie made a big grabbing motion towards the cup and spoon again the moment she could see it.

"Alright, you can have more, but only when it's freakin cold, you hear me?" Dean growled playfully at the baby. "Not a moment before." He began bouncing and tickling his little girl who giggled and laughed back at him. Once he was sure that the drink was at least room temperature, he held another spoonful of it up to Natalie's mouth.

Her eyes went wide in delight- THIS was what she'd been waiting for! She obediently waited for Daddy to put the spoon in her mouth- she wasn't making that mistake again- and experienced the deliciousness of sweet and soothing chocolate. She smacked her lips in appreciation and squealed in delight.

Dean laughed, seeing her so happy. "Merry Christmas, squirt," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. He laughed again when she impatiently waved her hands and made the sign again for more.

Sam sat back, watching it all as his heart expanded. Maybe, for once, Christmas wasn't going to suck after all.