Chapter 18

Joan found her way back to her bed in the infirmary and Watts left. Everything seemed to go numb. The world fell almost silent to her. The only sound there was felt dampened, through a thick barrier of glass and echoing around her barely ever reaching. She would have a way to escape. She would be free. All she had to do was… was… let Cinder devolve into a simple beast, overwhelmed, dominated, and controlled by everything bad. Again, Joan felt her cheeks suddenly wet with no explanation as to why.

No one deserved that. Not even the worst of the worst, to have their faculties stolen- stripped away? So much more of cinder grew to make sense for Joan. She didn't think she would do the same, but Joan knew well enough that when pushed up against a wall and threatened with death- or in this case something so much worse… no one could know how they would react. Joan choose not to be shocked when the words 'poor Cinder' first crossed her mind. There were a million and a half reasons that thought was insane, but she only needed the one to accept that she believed it. No matter how horrible Cinder was, no one deserved that. But, Joan didn't deserve to be captive, to be held away from her friends and family; to have her life taken from her one day at a time. Nothing about it was right, and it wasn't like there was another solution. There was no way that both of them could actually live a real life. That made Joan unreasonably sad.

In time, Joan was directed back to her old room by Watts. When there, she rather immediately returned to her bed. She didn't have the energy for anything else. The weight of her upcoming decisions stole away her life, left her with no energy to continue. For whatever reason, despite all the wrong Cinder had done, some portion of Joan in the back of her mind warned her that she couldn't, that she would never be able to go through with it. But she had to. It was the only way to be free, to see her friends again. To even so much as see Pyrrha ever again.

That night, Joan was plagued with endless nightmares. All of them featured Cinder. In most of them, she had to watch- she was forced to watch as the woman writhed in pain and screamed bloody murder as she devolved to a mindless monster. Those dreams alone would have been enough, but intermingled between them, the roles were reversed.

Initially those were the worst dreams, when Joan was the one slowly being eaten away by the monster inside her. She could feel it. The monster inside her, fueling her rage, amplifying and feasting off of her every negative emotion. Just the slightest slip, and she lost all control, the grimm, the pain of it eating her alive, and the fear that accompanied watching it take over. It was horrid, vile, torture- a torture much worse than anything Cinder ever put her through.

Joan had no way to know, but some portion of her believed the sensation of her existence being constantly gnawed away at might be how Cinder felt too. Even if she was wrong, it didn't change the empathy the nightmare spawned in her.

Later, when the roles in Joan's dreams swapped again, she realized for the first time how empathy can, in some ways, be a curse. She couldn't bear to handle seeing Cinder lose to the grim after she endured the same in her other dreams.

Things went on like that for the whole night. Every couple hours, Joan would wake up in a horrible sweat, near screaming. She went back to sleep, and endured the same two dreams again.

Joan's alarm was the only savior she had. She felt exhausted, but still, she was stunningly eager to get out of bed and start her day if only to make the nightmares end.

Back in her room, Joan returned to her routine. Bath, dress, heels, makeup, wait. Like usual, Joan didn't need to wait all too long before Cinder came in with her breakfast.

"I trust you haven't rushed to touch yourself this time? Hopeless whore." Cinder's face seemed to delight in taunting for a moment, but now that she was looking for it, Joan could see how the other woman flinched in pain- how she was clearly trying to hide it behind taunts and cruelty. Had it always been that way? Cinder was never quite the nicest back in her beacon days, but she was never this type of mean or evil. Was it all because of the grimm consuming her? Driving her worse and worse? Ok, maybe not all because of the grimm, but… Joan doubted that could have helped.

"Can… can I even get… anymore?" Joan initially questioned sarcastically, but then it actually began to worry her. Could she?

"Unless Watts really fucked something up, you should. Plenty of dumb animals have been castrated and are still fully capable of maintaining an erection." Cinder snickered and seemed to relax. Did- did making her laugh give her more strength against the grimm? It made some kind of sense. Maybe it wouldn't give her more strength, but Joan figured it was possible that the laughter diminished Cinder's anger, fear, or sorrow and therefore gave the grimm less to latch onto.

"I- well- umm…" Joan found herself worrying over what to say for an entirely new reason. Rather than being fearful of letting the truth slip, rather than fear of punishment. No, Joan was worried over whether or not she could say something else to make her captor laugh or to comfort her further. She stammered another moment or two, coming up completely blank for something to make Cinder laugh. It wasn't like she had a prolific sense of humor or anything. Insted, something else slipped out. Something with no reason, no excuse, not even a logic that Joan was willing to accept. "I- I'll be better. I'll be better Cinder." Joan offered with a lowered submissive posture.

It worked. It worked! Cinder cracked a small smile. Joan's chest fluttered with the rush of success. "Well, that is something I suppose." Cinder sighed and wrung her hands together.

"I- I'm sorry." Joan hung her head lower, but glanced up to see Cinder's face flicker into a slight grin. Her heart thudded and she was soaring once again. "I just- it was so much. And… and I was just so- you had… I couldn't control myself anymore…" The words felt scarily easy. They, of course, were so easy because in a certain light they were true. Maybe in more than just a certain light. Maybe it was simply, just true. That reality would have been easier to swallow if it weren't for how light, airy, almost delightedly floating offering up the truth made Joan feel. It was almost like how it felt when Cinder would edge her and then pat her head. Mhmm head pats~

"Good, it is good you know your place now." Cinder settled with clear and evident amusement. "I don't doubt you are uninterested in sharing what knowledge you have. But, I hope you will see the light soon enough. It would be a shame for you to incur any more needless punishments. Don't you think?"

"I- I'll be good." Joan nodded obediently.

"Good girl." Cinder praised and earnestly looked happy as she approached. Though, maybe that was just Joan's eyes playing tricks on her while her head spun from the term.

"Th- thank you." The words left Joan's lips so easily.

"Are you ready to resume your training? Do you think your ass will be all the needier after being ignored while you were out?" Cinder taunted with evident glee. Her grimm hand even reached out to caress along Joan's face.

That was the first time Joan really noticed it. When she first saw Cinder, it looked like nothing had changed except a slightly higher collar. But no, little veins of grimm crept up her neck, framed the scar on her cheek and looped back to just where her hair had been cut short to. The veins pulsed, they almost looked like little grim arms, threatening to claw, to shred away the remnants of Cinder. But… for a moment, Joan almost thought they were receding slightly. Her plans were working. "I'm ready." Joan nodded and mimicked exactly how broken she felt to earnestly care about Cinder's health of all people.

"Good. I trust you remember the position? I have a larger plug for you today."

Joan nodded weakly and knelt down on the ground. She bent over the bed and hiked up her dress's skirt.

"You will be better for me now, no?" Cinder asked as she prepared the plug and pressed it to Joan's ass. The lube was cold, but the stretch was warm and hot. Joan felt herself grow to welcome it as a moan met her lips.

"Y- yes." Joan cried out and buried her face into the bed to hide her shame.

"You might not cave today, but you are breaking, and you will give me what I want."

Joan nodded and twisted another cry of pleasure into something close enough to confirmation that Cinder seemed to be saited.

"Good girl." Cinder praised huskily as her grimm hand ministrated the plug in and out of Joan. It felt so good, and being praised only left Joan all the more boneless and needy to be filled.

Joan moaned and whimpered only to scream when Cinder finally turned the toy on, its vibrating and rotating inner beads enough to make her think she would lose herself already. But she didn't. Joan had grown adept at sensing and holding her climax since this training bean. With that ability, she rode the plug as Cinder fucked it in and out of her.

Joan adored it more than she should. Every time she began to slip into earnestly enjoying, she brushed it aside as likely some trickery or something to do with the validation of being called a good girl again and again under Cinder's breath. It was just so beautiful to hear. What was a poor girl supposed to do to resist that. She was so needy, so horny, so desperate, Joan found herself rubbing her tits against the edge of the bed for what pleasure it could give her. In the back of her mind, Joan wished to know what it might feel like to have them sucked on, to have Cinder lick one nipple and pinch or play with the other. Oh, brothers it was a beautiful thought.

"Good girl, good girl, such a good slutty, obedient girl." Cinder murmured under her breath with more and more heat as her hand played with the toy in Joan.

Joan couldn't summon the energy or courage to lock back, to witness Cinder's beauty or the horror she faced. Instead, she allowed herself to slowly be broken. To her immense shame she grew to enjoy it, to adore the sweet whispers from Cinder's low breathy voice. It continued until she found herself begging and pleading exactly how she promised she never would. "Please! I- I'm so close! I- I need! Need to! Please Cinder!" Joan screamed out.

"Good girl, beg." Cinder panted and Joan could almost catch the sound of Cinder's heavy breaths. It only ramped Joan's desire further- it almost sounded like moans, and that just made everything harder to subdue.

Cinder demanded she beg, and beg she did. Joan decried out a series of pleading profanities, every part of her body screaming as she lingered on the brink of climax. In every stroke, every minute vibration, Joan could feel herself falling apart, her strength feigning and her body about to release despite all of her strongest efforts to prevent it. "Please! Please! I can't! Can't hold it anymore! I~ I~ I~" Joan felt the toy ripped out of her just at the point of no return.

Joan had never experienced it before, but despite the complete lack of sensation, no touching at anything save some pressure on her chest from the bed, she still came. At least- her body went through the motions of it. She clenched and released, but there was no pleasure. Nothing. Joan's eyes crossed in the torture of feeling her body climax without any of the actual gratification.

It was hard to decide, but despite what pressure had been relieved, Joan decidedly did not enjoy the sensations it left her with. She felt, vulnerable, open, and weak. Completely bare despite still being covered by her upturned dress. She felt hollow, emptied out and honestly, she just needed a good cuddle. She would settle for just Cinder praising her gently once more, but what she truly wanted- needed! What she needed was to be held and told she had done well.

The ruined orgasm wracked through her and Joan slowly began to fall to the floor like a ragdoll. She didn't have the strength or care to stay up.

With a soft groan or a moan, something in-between, Joan hit the floor and her head tilted to see Cinder for the first time since the new session began. She could feel something was different from the start this time, but until Joan spotted Cinder again, she could dismiss it as just in her head or nothing of note. No, she certainly could not dismiss the difference anymore.

Joan wasn't the only one with her dress hiked up. Cinder had hers hiked up slightly from the top of its slit. The moment Joan's head turned to see Cinder, she spotted Cinder's human hand quickly whipping away from where the dress's slit had been maneuvered to offer access to her slit. As if that hadn't been enough proof, Cinder's fingers glistened in the light of the room. There was no denying it. She had been touching herself. By the blush on her face and the way her chest rose and fell crossed with hoe the confident woman looked wobbly on her heels, she hadn't just been touching herself. Cinder had just cum.

If, if Cinder hadn't been so beautiful, so breathtaking from that angle, Joan might have thought to look at the grimm growing up Cinder's arm and neck. If she hadn't been so caught up in denying how her heart fluttered, she might have been able to notice that the grimm, for just a moment, was losing its fight against the woman. It receded- not much, but it did.

"What! What are you looking at!" Cinder huffed. "You are my pet, and I can do whatever I wish while I torture you!" Cinder sneered and the grimm's recession ended.

"Yes- yes Cinder." Joan moaned softly as she nodded.

"F- fine then." Cinder answered, her tone appropriately likenable to a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar. "Well… I- I suppose you were good." She huffed and sat on the bed before extending her grimm arm to ruffle Joan's long hair. Exactly how Joan hoped and prayed, Cinder opened her mouth again. "Good, good girl. Very good." She praised with a certain added hesitant earnesty. Joan didn't know the minutia of it, or what it meant, but she did know that it left her blissed out and delightfully comforted. She fell back asleep there on the ground.

End of Chapter 18