A Haven From the Storm
Chapter 17 - The Horsey Set
The spring progressed. Every day, I felt a little more comfortable about working on the farm. Every day, I cleared a little more ground, got a little more experienced with the chores - and got a little stronger. One day out of the blue, Karen commented,
"You know, the farm life is doing one thing for you. You're looking pretty healthy now. You're hardening up and you're tanned. When you got here...well, you were pale and out of shape."
"Don't I know it! Working at a desk or a lab bench ten, twelve hours a day does that to you."
Working outdoors was great. A lot of people who get stressed out doing highly responsible and tense work end up paying top G for the opportunity to do some strenuous outdoor activity in order to regain an even strain. I was getting paid for my outdoor workouts. Of course, they also had the opportunity to go back to what they had been doing.
One morning, daydreaming while watering the vegetables, I realized with a shock that I had told nobody in the outside world where I was. Family and friends trying to get in touch with me either at my old apartment or old job were just getting some kind of automatic response on the order of "he's not here, don't know where he is." I took several hours that evening writing brief notes to every one I could think of telling them what had happened and where I was now.
I was getting more comfortable with the strangeness of my dreams also. The lady and I continued to talk every night - still separated by a waterfall. But she was becoming less...well, portentous and stagy. It was more and more like having a conversation with an old friend. Oddly enough, as our conversations grew more normal in tone, they were getting much weirder in fact. She *knew* things. For instance, she knew the land on Erehwon in great detail. One evening after I had been wondering all day where to plant my next patches of vegetables, she advised me as to which areas held water well in the soil and which dried out quickly. Experiments the next day proved her advice completely accurate. I was well and truly spooked out. The only explanation I could come up with was that I was getting a practical sense of farming and my subconscious was working from that sense in my dreams. That was completely unconvincing to me as soon as I thought of it. The whole matter remained a mystery.
***
Where I was making no progress at all was in reconciling Rick and Karen. Rick and I were becoming rather good friends. He greatly appreciated the time I spent with his mother, saying more than once how much better she was after my visits. He'd not given up on matching me again with his sister, but the matter no longer dominated his talk. We talked most about poultry. The man was a born farmer. He had learned everything about the life and work from his father, and was applying himself to the family farm in a masterful manner. And he just *loved* to talk about it. I liked these conversations also. I was getting a free education in chicken husbandry from an accomplished expert. An added bonus was that such talk kept Popuri at bay. A detailed discussion of feed grading was guaranteed to send her running upstairs to her room - hopefully to write another love letter to Kai.
It was when I attempted to turn the conversation to Karen that he turned sullen and unresponsive. I couldn't think of what to say to him that I hadn't said before, and repetition didn't impress him. Neither did Karen and I spending time together at the Inn mean much to him. He rarely referred to the matter, saying only once, "Well, she likes to talk when she's drinking and you're a good listener. And you're the only one here who doesn't know all her songs by heart!" The thing was hung up, and I didn't know how to proceed.
When I visited Lillia, we always ended up talking about our families. She had a seemingly endless supply of old photographs and plenty of stories to go with each one. Hearing them was usually pleasant. One day, however, she gave me quite a shock. She showed me a photo of my grandfather in his 30s, standing with a couple of younger, pink haired women.
"Lillia, those ladies look a lot like you."
"They should; the one on the left is my mother, Nina, and the one on the right is her sister Rebecca. She's your grandmother, you know, although she died some time before you were born."
I was speechless for a second, then blurted out, "That means you're an aunt of mine...and Rick and Popuri are my second cousins!"
"Why, I thought you knew that already."
"I knew my paternal grandmother was named Rebecca, but I didn't know she was related to you. In fact, all the pictures I've seen of her, her hair was dark colored."
"Yes, she started dyeing it when your grandfather was courting her." Lillia laughed. "Rebecca was the serious one - she always said that there was enough candy colored hair in this part of town already."
I was too stunned to hold my tongue. "Rick was trying to marry me to my second cousin!" I shook my head.
"That's legal here."
"Still a little too close for comfort, don't you think?"
I was still shaken up as I walked back to my farm. Having Popuri in my family tree gave me some weird thoughts indeed. That evening, I carefully examined my hair for any trace of pink.
***
Karen was not doing well. There was no dramatic change in her, but each time I saw her, she was a little more quiet and subdued. Her old fire and exuberance were fading. She stopped talking about Rick, and no longer made any effort to match Mary and I. The last evening we spent at the Inn, she didn't bother to sing. We merely sat there, drinking and talking about inconsequentials. On the way home, she suggested we stop meeting in the evenings.
"After all, we're really not accomplishing anything, and I hate to see you wasting your time and money."
"It's not a waste! I really enjoy these get togethers of ours."
I wasn't going to point out to her that even if we weren't making any progress with Rick, at least she wasn't over drinking.
"No, Jack, we should cut it out. I could be doing better things with my time, also." She gave a thin smile. "It's not like we're going to be strangers. You still come to the store just about every day - we'll talk then."
I couldn't persuade her to continue with our meetings, so reluctantly agreed to call them off. Later, I would regret not having tried harder to change her mind.
***
As wrapped up in these troubles as I had been, I'd not been expanding my circle of friends as quickly as I should have. I'd been waving at Barley and May as I passed by their ranch, but had not talked with them since that day at the hot springs. One morning on my way to town, May ran up to their fence as I passed and hailed me.
"Jack! I've been waiting for you."
"Really? What for?"
"You said you'd come play with me, but you never do!"
"You're right and I'm sorry. I've just been so busy with work."
She pouted. "That's what grandpa always says. Nobody's got time for me."
I went in through their gate. "Well, I do." She giggled as I took off my cap and put it on her head. "Look here, I'll show you how to make a bunny rabbit with your hand."
We'd been sitting on the grass for awhile making hand figures when Barley came out of his stable leading a small brown pony. He was talking to it crossly as he walked.
"Come ON, move it now! Haven't got all day! Let's go...oh, hello, Jack. What are you doing?"
"Playing with May. I'd promised to and she's holding me to it. She's very persuasive."
He chuckled. "That she is."
"Hey, what's up with the pony? He doesn't look too happy."
"Ah! This one. He's wild as they come. Wasn't expecting ol' Nellie to get in the family way this winter, but she's a sly one, OK. Thing is, stable's all full up and no room for this one, so I have to keep moving him around. Takes up too much of my day."
He looked at me speculatively. "Say, you've got an empty stable, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, could you do me a big favor?"
"I'll try. What is it?"
"Would you mind keeping this pony in your stable for awhile? It'd be a lot less trouble for you than me, you've got all that empty space for him to run loose on."
A pony! Every boy's dream. And what's a farm without a horse, anyways?
"I wouldn't mind. But I've never kept a horse before. What's involved?"
"Ah, like I say, with your stable and fields, he'll almost take care of himself. Just let him have the run of the fields and he'll feed himself on those weeds of yours."
Now, *there's* a deal.
"Just talk to him every day so he gets used to you. Might want to brush him every day also - you can get the brush from Saibara. Oh, and bring him in to the stable on rainy days so he doesn't get sick.
"Won't impose on you forever - turn of the next year is when I'll do my selling, then I'll have space for him and I'll take him off your hands. So you don't mind?"
"Not a bit - you make it sound easy."
"All right, how about we just take him over to Erehwon right now then. Oh - what are you going to call him?"
I thought for a second. "Charlie. He looks like a Charlie to me."
May ran up to us. "Charlie! Charlie's going to a new home! Can I ride him there, grandpa?"
"'Fraid not, he's a little too wild to ride."
I bent over, picked her up and put her on my shoulders. "You can ride me instead. I'm broken in."
She squealed with laughter. "Giddy up, Jack! Faster!"
When we got to Erehwon, Barley handed the lead to me.
"You can just let him loose now - let him get accustomed to the land."
I did so, and Charlie ran a couple of laps around the farm, then stopped and chewed on a bush.
"Oh, Jack, did you know that the village horse race is in a couple of days? It's in Rose Square starting at ten. People will be bringing in horses from all over the county." He sighed. "Mineral Village won't have anyone in the race this year. I'm the only one who keeps horses and I'm too old to ride. But anyways, it's a good time. You coming?"
"This isn't like the Goddess Festival, right? No dates or dancing or anything like that?"
"Nah, just horse lovers watching 'em run and maybe speculating a little."
"In that case, I'm in. I wouldn't mind getting down some small bets, too. My luck's got to change sometime!"
"Great, see you then. Come on, May, time to go home. Did you thank Jack for playing with you?"
"Yes! Thank you Jack! Come again, I'll be waiting for you!"
"Thank you, May. See you all at the races."
I worked the fields for the rest of the day, keeping one eye on Charlie. He was quite content to run around the far side of the fields, in between weed munching sessions. I considered building a fence to hold him. I wasn't sure but that he'd find fresh vegetables especially to his liking. And I remembered Rick and Popuri's experience with wild dogs and domestic animals.
About six, the field work was done, and I considered going into the hills and cutting some wood. Then, I remembered the weather forecast - rain starting late tonight and continuing through tomorrow. Meaning the horse has to go to the stable.
I walked up to Charlie as he chewed his weeds, talking as soothingly as I could. "Come on, Charlie. Let's go in now. You don't want to get wet." He watched me calmly until I got a couple of meters from him, then he bolted off to the other side of the farm.
Wild one, all right.
I approached him again. "Come on, boy. Good Charlie. Let's go to your nice dry stable." Again he ran off. This time, when he stopped, I could have sworn he was laughing at me.
This went on for about an hour. He must have thought it was a game. It was serious business - lost time - for me. I was getting frustrated, and my talk to Charlie was no longer so soothing.
"FREAKING HORSE! COME HERE, YOU #!$%! LOONY!"
"Jack! Why are you cursing at that pony like that?"
It was Popuri. She'd come into the farm without my noticing.
"I've been chasing him for an hour! I've got to get him into the stable before it starts raining and I'm running behind on my chores. Damn crazy horse!" I took off my cap and dashed it on the ground.
"Jack, no wonder he's running away from you. You're scaring him." She walked over to Charlie cooing, "Nice horsie, pretty horsie, give Pi a big sloppy horsie kissy, OK?"
Charlie stayed put. He let Popuri come right up to him and hug his neck. She took his lead and walked him over to me.
"There, Jack, that wasn't so hard, was it? You just have to be nice to him." She handed me the lead and walked out of the farm as I stared open mouthed. I gave Charlie a hard look as I led him into the stable.
"You like pink hair, eh? I'm not a bit surprised. Loony."
***
It was a beautiful day for a horse race - clear, sunny and cool - more like early spring again rather than the warm pre-summer days we'd been having. I was at Rose Square right at the stroke of ten. I'd been looking forward to this. This was the first pure recreation I'd had since coming to the village. No date, no relationship repairs, no responsibilities, no nothing. Just a bunch of country horses standing between me and Lady Luck.
A quick look around the square confirmed what Barley had hinted at - this was mainly a guy thing. A few ladies had shown up, but just about every man in the village was here. I marveled at how Rose Square was so versatile. A couple of weeks ago, it had served well as an outdoors dance venue. It was just the dancers that had failed. Now, it was a passable, if short, racetrack. Off by the starting post, a bunch of rustics I didn't recognize were tending some pretty impressive looking horses. The out of towners Barley had mentioned. Near the path to the Inn, Mayor Thomas and Zack were manning a betting table. I decided to start there and study the form. Both greeted me warmly as I approached.
"Jack! Good to see you here today. Zack tells me you're doing better than he expected at Erehwon."
Zack laughed. "He sure is! I'm shipping pretty good loads of vegetables and mountain produce out of there every evening. Good work, guy."
I tried not to look smug. "So, that means you're not gonna kick my heinie out of here this week?"
Both laughed. Thomas said, "Not hardly. Zack's right. Several establishments are doing much better than we'd feared because of your custom." He turned serious. "Really, I'm grateful to you for putting forth so much effort so soon. If you keep progressing like you're doing now, the village may escape the hard times altogether."
"I sure hope so. That's part of the point of the exercise. The other part being...I'd like to get rich, too!"
We all laughed together at that. Thomas went on. "Oh, Jack...could I ask a favor of you?"
"Sure."
"You know, the cooking festival is four days away. I know someone who could do wonders with...say...three turnips of the kind you're raising, and..."
"Say no more. When do you need them?"
"Any time before the 22nd."
"You'll have 'em. No charge. Since I can't cook anything - not having a kitchen - call it my contribution."
"That's wonderful. The first race is starting soon. Are you going to get down a bet?"
"Sure. But I'd like to study the form, first."
They both laughed again. Zack said, "Form?! You think this is the Belmont Stakes or something?" He waved at the horses by the starting post. "There's your form! Good old fashioned eyeballing the horseflesh!"
I made a face. "'kay. Give me a bit to look over the talent, then. I'll be back."
"We'll be here. First race starts in 30 minutes."
I walked over to the horses, and saw Karen examining a gray mare with a penetrating gaze.
"Hi, Karen! Good to see you. You like the ponies?"
She turned to me smiling, "You bet, Jack. You know, I always have good luck with the horses. It's the dogs I can't figure out. What do you think of this lot?"
I watched a man calming down an eager looking brown two year old. "I like that one. He looks pretty energetic."
She fluttered her palm. "Too flighty. Might get off to a good start, but after that, you can't depend on him. This gray here looks like she's got staying power."
I took out a coin and started flipping it in the air. "20G says brownie there is the one to beat."
She took out a matching coin. "Side bet, eh? You're covered. Now, let's go to the table and get some tickets."
We got in line to place our bets. Karen's horse, number 3 was going at 4 to 1 odds. Mine, number 6, was paying 11 to 1. We got our tickets and stood together near the finish line.
The horses were lined up at the starting post. Thomas introduced each one, its owner and rider, then rang a bell and they were off.
Number 6 was off to a pretty good start, taking the lead. 3 followed close behind and the rest bunched a length back. The old Karen was back. She was shouting encouragement to her horse, jumping up and down.
As they rounded the half mark, 6 and 3 were nose to nose, the others still bunched close behind, swapping places amongst themselves. Karen was screaming now.
Then, like someone had thrown a switch, number 6 decided that the rat race was not for him and slowed to a trot - evidently reflecting on the meaning of life. The other horses shot past him. I covered my face with my hands.
Thomas shouted, "And the results of the first race: 3 win, 1 place, 5 show."
I handed Karen my coin while keeping my face covered.
"Has he come in yet?"
"He's thinking about it. Not very hard, though."
OK, Karen knew the ponies, all right. She said to me as the horses for the second race were brought out, "I'm not going to take any more money off of you. Suggest that you bet along with me, then you might just finish the day ahead."
I wasn't going to argue. In the second, we played a black stallion who came in paying 5 to 1. After that, I just followed behind her at the betting table saying, "I'll have what she's having."
Walking back from the table before one race, Doug called out to me.
"Hey, Jack! Good races, eh?"
"You bet! This is loads of fun."
"Sure is. I look forwards to this all year - get so excited I can hardly sleep the night before. And it's not just the races - love 'em as I do. This is one of my best weeks at the Inn." He pointed to the out of towners. "All those characters stay the night before and the night of the races. They eat and drink like you wouldn't believe. Especially drink." He laughed. "You'd think prohibition was coming back the way they put it away!
"Say, you haven't heard from Cliff, have you?"
"Not a word. You and Ann haven't?"
"Nothing. You know, I thought he and Ann were getting pretty chummy there for awhile. Then he just up and leaves." He shrugged. "Well, he never pretended he was anything other than a drifter. I feel sorry for Ann, though. She was just starting to think that 'boyfriend' wasn't a dirty word, then this." He motioned to the jockies standing around. "Maybe now that the ice is broken, one of those fellows will catch her eye.
"Hey! Race is about to start and I'm standing here running my mouth. Got to get in my bet! Pardon me!"
I walked a little slower back to Karen. I missed Cliff also. Having him along for something like this would have made it perfect.
Karen looked as if she had forgotten all her troubles. We were together for a couple more races, and she was as excited as I'd ever seen her. The fact that she'd been betting heavily and mostly winning may have had something to do with it. I'd been making modest bets just to keep it interesting and doing not too shabbily - now that I accepted that she'd forgotten more about handicapping than I'd ever known.
After another successful finish, walking back from the betting table, I noticed Gray standing alone at the half mark. He looked at me, then away. He looked more depressed than belligerent, and I decided to go and try to talk to him. I really didn't like being on bad terms with anyone if it could be avoided.
"Good afternoon, Gray. Enjoying the races?"
He looked a little surprised I'd spoken civilly to him. "Ah...they're not bad. Something different, anyways."
"Glad Saibara gave you the time off to come."
"No big favor there. He always closes up on festival days. He came too, but I guess he went home early.
"I see you and Karen are still..."
I decided to nip this in the bud before it got unpleasant.
"Gray, please. I don't want to be insulting or anything, but could you lay off Karen. She's having a very hard time. You should understand people having hard times, way things have been going for you."
He looked surprised again. I went on before he could say anything.
"Look, I don't know why you're so down on her. Honestly, I don't. What's she ever done to you, anyways?"
He was so surprised at my attitude, he blurted out without thinking, "She's turning Mary against me!"
"How's that?"
"Well, you figure it. She and Mary are all buddy-buddy, she comes to the library every morning to talk to Mary. Then, I come in the afternoon and Mary's got that 'what book would you like to read' attitude towards me. I asked her to come with me to the races, but she refused!"
"Maybe she just doesn't like the races. You see how few women are here."
How could I tell him politely that perhaps she just isn't interested in him? I did not know.
I fibbed a little. "Look, Gray, Karen and I are real good friends. She's said nothing to me against you and she's not exactly the secret keeping type. I think you've got it all wrong.
"You see, I think Mary's just the moody type, that's all. Just keep trying. Maybe she'll turn around."
He looked at me skeptically and grunted. "I don't know. What else could it be? It's not like anyone else here is the least bit interested in her."
"Hard to say. Well, I'd better be getting back, race's about to start. Did you get in a bet yet? Lemme give you a tip. Number 2 on the nose. See 'ya."
He nodded and I went to rejoin Karen.
"Well, you two were almost polite to each other. What happened?"
I didn't want to burden her with his attitude. "Decided not to let him bait me, that's all. Hey, they're about to start!"
After the last race, Karen and I lined up at the table to redeem our winning tickets. I discovered that they didn't pay you in cash, but rather in prizes, donated by various merchants here. Thomas explained that the proceeds from the betting went for the upkeep of public places. He elaborated that it went down with the villagers a lot better than taxes would have. I saw his point.
Karen, being a big winner, picked out a bottle of Aja wine for herself. My modest winnings were just enough for a pretty looking charm bracelet, "made by Saibara totally from local minerals!" As we walked away from the table, I told Karen, "Look, I...uh...I don't have anyone I'm sweet on to give this to. But I'm grateful to you for being such a good friend to me." I handed her the bracelet. "I'd like you to have this."
Darn if she didn't look all bashful and blushing as she took it from my hand. "Gosh, Jack...thanks! I wasn't expecting any gifts from you. But I like it." Her expression changed to a normal smile as she put it on her wrist. "I'm going to wear it, too.
"Hey, one good turn deserves another." She showed me the wine bottle. "This is *really, really* good stuff. What do you say we go to the Inn and drink it together. I guarantee you, you've never had anything so good in your life. Then we can sit back and laugh at the out of town horsey set getting rowdy. What do you say?"
I was tempted. It sounded like a good time. But spending the whole day at the races had put me grossly behind on my chores. If I went home and started right now, I might be finished with the essentials by two in the morning.
"Karen, I'd love to, really I would. But I can't - I'm so far behind on my chores." She looked disappointed and I went on. "Look, if you hold that bottle for another night, I'll take you up on it, OK?"
"All right. Another night, then. You'd better hustle on back to Erehwon. I'll just go home, have dinner and go to bed early. Thanks for a fun day." She held up her arm to display the bracelet. "And for this. See 'ya."
I walked back to the farm, wondering if I should have gone with her after all. It was a decision I was to bitterly regret later.
***
It was past eleven. I'd finally watered the last of the vegetable patches and was about to start for the hills to do some wood cutting, when a disturbed voice came from the townside gate.
"Jack! I'm so glad I caught you!"
It was Ann.
"What's the matter?"
"It's Karen! Jack, she's...she's not in a good way at all."
"Where is she?"
"The Inn. She came in right after the races ended. She's in a very dark mood - the kind I know too well. She's been drinking real heavy all evening. Jack, I hate to ask you...but you've been so good for her the past couple of weeks...could you..."
I dropped my axe. "Let's go!"
Ann and I ran towards the Inn as fast as we could. As we got to the door, we could hear Karen screaming. I braced myself for whatever was to come, then opened the door and entered.
Karen was leaning against a chair, weaving back and forth, seemingly about to fall, but never quite doing so. She was staring at Rick with an expression of pure rage, while he looked away in disgust. Nobody else in the inn was saying a word...divided between staring at the scene and looking away in embarrassments. She was screaming at Rick at the top of her lungs.
"...sisteen years, Richard! I've giv'n you sisteen years of MY LIFE! I gave up MY DREAMS f' you. An' now you tell me its nothin'! All a misstake?! Wha' kind'da man ARE YOU?!" She took a slug out of the cup she was waving around. "I'll tell 'ya wha' kind. A mommy's boy! Yer not a real man at all! Whad 'ya doin' here wid' the men? Go back 'ta mommy, 'ya wimp!"
She turned her head and started to take another drink, then saw me standing at the door. Her face changed from anger to naked anguish.
"Jack? Oh God, no! Not you. Not now."
She tried to assume a hard look and went on.
"Well, Jack, now you see it. Th' real me. This's wha' I really am. A drunk'n screamin' BITCH! You like it?"
She drained her cup in one gulp, started to walk towards me - and fell hard on her face.
Ann and I rushed over to her, knelt and turned her over. She was unconscious.
"Ann, she doesn't seem to be injured. Just passed out. I was too late. I'm sorry."
Ann looked infinitely sad. "Never mind, Jack. How could you have known. We can't leave her here. Would you help me get her to bed?"
Ann took one of her arms and I started to take the other when I stopped.
"No. Don't you think she'd be better off at home?"
"I suppose. But there's no way she's going to get home tonight."
"Yes there is. I'll take her home."
"Jack, she can't even walk a step..."
"Then I'll carry her."
She looked at me. "*Can* you carry her?"
"I think so. She's pretty thin. Lemme try." I put one arm under her back, the other under the crook of her legs, then stood up.
"Yeah, I can handle this. Could you drape her arm around my neck? Gives a little more support."
Ann did so. "Look Jack, you really don't have to do this. She's stayed overnight with me before."
"I know, she's told me. You're as good a friend as she could ask for. But it's still an embarrassments - and a worry for her folks. I think this is best."
I started for the door, and Ann ran to open it. She saw everyone staring at us, looked angry and shouted, "The show's all over! Hope you had fun watching a heart break! You can go back to your drinking now!" Most everyone looked away with shamed expressions.
Even Rick looked upset. I whispered to him as I passed, "We'll talk about this later." He started to say something and I cut him off, "We WILL talk about this - damn straight we will!"
I carried her slowly and carefully through Rose Square. The cool nighttime air and the scent of the cherry blossoms revived her a little. She stirred in my arms.
"Jack...wha'r doin'?"
"I'm taking you home."
"Home. OK...I'm sorry you had'da see that. I've tried 't be a good girl. I have."
"I know you have. I'm just sorry I didn't come with you tonight. I'm..."
"Nevermin' Would have happen sooner 'r later. Sometimes I just can' take it anymore."
"Just relax, Karen. Nothing else is going to hurt you tonight." She closed her eyes.
We got to the General Store and I started to the door. She stirred again and opened her eyes.
"Thought you were takin' me home. This issn't Erehwon."
"No, silly. Your home."
She closed her eyes again. My hands were full, so I kicked repeatedly at the door. After a couple of minutes, a light came on and Sasha opened the door.
"Jack? What are you doing..." Then she saw I was carrying Karen. "Oh! What happened to her?"
Something else I hadn't thought out - how to explain this to her folks. I stammered a bit.
"She was...uh...feeling under the weather...kinda, uh, fell down...at the Inn..."
She looked sad and sighed. "OK Jack, I understand. Could you please bring her to her room?"
We walked through the store, back through a large kitchen. Sasha opened a door and turned on the light and we went in.
I carefully lowered Karen onto her bed, then looked around as Sasha bent over her, examining and stroking her. Karen's room was bright, she favored shades of red in her bed coverings and drapes. Hanging on the walls were pictures of various star ballerinas of the last decade. On her bedside table there were recent pictures of Rick and Mary...and me. There was also the same group picture including my grandfather that Lillia had shown me.
"Jack, I think she's not injured. Could I ask you to wait in the kitchen while I tend to her? Get yourself anything you like. I'll come talk to you in a few minutes."
"Sure. Coffee'd be great just now. You want me to make you some too?"
"I'd appreciate it, thanks."
I prepared the coffee in a kind of unthinking daze, and was sipping my cup when Sasha came out. I handed her a cup, she thanked me and motioned for me to sit down at the kitchen table. She did also.
"Jack, she's sleeping now. I guess I don't have to tell you she's terribly intoxicated. What happened?"
I told her the story of the evening.
"I'm just so sorry that I didn't stay with her this evening. Maybe I could have talked her out of it. I was just too damn selfish, wanting to get the chores done. Didn't even think of her."
"Jack, whatever are you talking about? Selfish? You didn't have to go to the Inn when Ann asked you. You certainly didn't have to carry her home. I haven't even thanked you for that! I *am* grateful - for that, and everything else you've been doing for her.
"You don't have to be shy about talking about her drinking problem. We know all about it. She admits it herself, it's the one ray of hope in the situation - that she's honest about it to us, and herself. So I also know that you've been trying to help her with it the last couple of weeks. Selfish? I don't think so!"
I shook my head. "I just get so frustrated. The thing with Rick - that's the root of the problem, right?" She nodded. "I haven't got the slightest idea what to do about that. Rick and I are good enough friends now. But when I mention Karen to him, he tunes right out. I can't make any progress! Do you have any ideas? Anything I can try?"
She didn't answer directly. "You two certainly became good friends quickly. Real friends. You try to help each other. Yes, I know all about that business with Popuri and Mary." I must have looked alarmed, because she went on. "Oh, don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I'm not Manna!
"I just wonder how that came about. Your being friends, that is. She's a little reserved with strangers, you know." She gave me a level gaze. "You know, I think she's fonder of you than she's willing to admit. What are your feelings towards her?"
I'd been asked that question a lot these days. Each time, about someone different.
"Well, it's like you said - we're very good friends, we understand and empathize with each other's problems...no, wait. That doesn't cover it. She's like an older sister to me. She took me under her wing shortly after I got here...goodness knows why...and she treats me like a younger brother who sometimes acts like a dork but still has promise."
Despite our serious tone, she laughed a little at that. "She treats Rick like that, too."
"Yes, and I wonder what he thinks of it. But to get back to your question...gosh, I feel really uncomfortable talking to a woman's mother like this. But we're being frank with each other, right?" She nodded. "Well...I feel an immense liking for her - about as much as I've ever had for a woman my age. But there's no spark there - no chemistry. She's like my sister." I looked Sasha in the eye. "So if you were thinking I might be a replacement for Rick - solving her problem that way, I'm afraid it's no go. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."
She looked a little disappointed, but nodded in acceptance. "All right, I can understand that, and I'm not going to try and push you into something you don't want. Thank you for being forthcoming about her. People are right - you *are* an honest, straight talking young man."
Her look turned kindly. "Jack, just out of my own interest...if Karen's like a sister to you, then could you pretend just for a moment I'm your mother?" I nodded. "You've had these involvements with Popuri and Mary - and this thing with Karen. All these young women have their own merits, in their own way. But you're kept a distance from them all. A romantic distance, that is. Are you in love with someone back in the world?"
"No, there's nobody."
"Then it seems to me that you're keeping your heart closed off on purpose. Do you have some disappointment in your life - other than your lost job, that is? Some secret sorrow? Some loss?"
She was getting too close to what I'd been dreading to face for years. My look must have shown it and she went on.
"You don't want to talk about it, then. Very well - I shan't press you. But...you know, people talk about you. I'm more of a listener than a talker, and listen to them I do. It seems to me you're more than just an ambitious, hard-working young man. You're being driven by something. You're trying to evade something in yourself by drowning it in activity. In the long run, it won't work. Sooner or later, you'll have to face yourself in order to become whole. Not tonight, surely. But if you ever need a motherly figure to confess to, I'm here. You've impressed a lot of people here, Jack. Never think you're all alone in this village. You aren't.
"Goodness, it's past midnight. I suppose you should get to bed. I really must. Thank you again for all you're done for my daughter."
I was still shaken by Sasha's reading my personality like that. I mumbled some kind of farewell as she led me out of the house. I was still in a daze as I walked home - the events of the day had just been too much for me. I decided to blow off the woodcutting and go right to bed.
Chapter 17 - The Horsey Set
The spring progressed. Every day, I felt a little more comfortable about working on the farm. Every day, I cleared a little more ground, got a little more experienced with the chores - and got a little stronger. One day out of the blue, Karen commented,
"You know, the farm life is doing one thing for you. You're looking pretty healthy now. You're hardening up and you're tanned. When you got here...well, you were pale and out of shape."
"Don't I know it! Working at a desk or a lab bench ten, twelve hours a day does that to you."
Working outdoors was great. A lot of people who get stressed out doing highly responsible and tense work end up paying top G for the opportunity to do some strenuous outdoor activity in order to regain an even strain. I was getting paid for my outdoor workouts. Of course, they also had the opportunity to go back to what they had been doing.
One morning, daydreaming while watering the vegetables, I realized with a shock that I had told nobody in the outside world where I was. Family and friends trying to get in touch with me either at my old apartment or old job were just getting some kind of automatic response on the order of "he's not here, don't know where he is." I took several hours that evening writing brief notes to every one I could think of telling them what had happened and where I was now.
I was getting more comfortable with the strangeness of my dreams also. The lady and I continued to talk every night - still separated by a waterfall. But she was becoming less...well, portentous and stagy. It was more and more like having a conversation with an old friend. Oddly enough, as our conversations grew more normal in tone, they were getting much weirder in fact. She *knew* things. For instance, she knew the land on Erehwon in great detail. One evening after I had been wondering all day where to plant my next patches of vegetables, she advised me as to which areas held water well in the soil and which dried out quickly. Experiments the next day proved her advice completely accurate. I was well and truly spooked out. The only explanation I could come up with was that I was getting a practical sense of farming and my subconscious was working from that sense in my dreams. That was completely unconvincing to me as soon as I thought of it. The whole matter remained a mystery.
***
Where I was making no progress at all was in reconciling Rick and Karen. Rick and I were becoming rather good friends. He greatly appreciated the time I spent with his mother, saying more than once how much better she was after my visits. He'd not given up on matching me again with his sister, but the matter no longer dominated his talk. We talked most about poultry. The man was a born farmer. He had learned everything about the life and work from his father, and was applying himself to the family farm in a masterful manner. And he just *loved* to talk about it. I liked these conversations also. I was getting a free education in chicken husbandry from an accomplished expert. An added bonus was that such talk kept Popuri at bay. A detailed discussion of feed grading was guaranteed to send her running upstairs to her room - hopefully to write another love letter to Kai.
It was when I attempted to turn the conversation to Karen that he turned sullen and unresponsive. I couldn't think of what to say to him that I hadn't said before, and repetition didn't impress him. Neither did Karen and I spending time together at the Inn mean much to him. He rarely referred to the matter, saying only once, "Well, she likes to talk when she's drinking and you're a good listener. And you're the only one here who doesn't know all her songs by heart!" The thing was hung up, and I didn't know how to proceed.
When I visited Lillia, we always ended up talking about our families. She had a seemingly endless supply of old photographs and plenty of stories to go with each one. Hearing them was usually pleasant. One day, however, she gave me quite a shock. She showed me a photo of my grandfather in his 30s, standing with a couple of younger, pink haired women.
"Lillia, those ladies look a lot like you."
"They should; the one on the left is my mother, Nina, and the one on the right is her sister Rebecca. She's your grandmother, you know, although she died some time before you were born."
I was speechless for a second, then blurted out, "That means you're an aunt of mine...and Rick and Popuri are my second cousins!"
"Why, I thought you knew that already."
"I knew my paternal grandmother was named Rebecca, but I didn't know she was related to you. In fact, all the pictures I've seen of her, her hair was dark colored."
"Yes, she started dyeing it when your grandfather was courting her." Lillia laughed. "Rebecca was the serious one - she always said that there was enough candy colored hair in this part of town already."
I was too stunned to hold my tongue. "Rick was trying to marry me to my second cousin!" I shook my head.
"That's legal here."
"Still a little too close for comfort, don't you think?"
I was still shaken up as I walked back to my farm. Having Popuri in my family tree gave me some weird thoughts indeed. That evening, I carefully examined my hair for any trace of pink.
***
Karen was not doing well. There was no dramatic change in her, but each time I saw her, she was a little more quiet and subdued. Her old fire and exuberance were fading. She stopped talking about Rick, and no longer made any effort to match Mary and I. The last evening we spent at the Inn, she didn't bother to sing. We merely sat there, drinking and talking about inconsequentials. On the way home, she suggested we stop meeting in the evenings.
"After all, we're really not accomplishing anything, and I hate to see you wasting your time and money."
"It's not a waste! I really enjoy these get togethers of ours."
I wasn't going to point out to her that even if we weren't making any progress with Rick, at least she wasn't over drinking.
"No, Jack, we should cut it out. I could be doing better things with my time, also." She gave a thin smile. "It's not like we're going to be strangers. You still come to the store just about every day - we'll talk then."
I couldn't persuade her to continue with our meetings, so reluctantly agreed to call them off. Later, I would regret not having tried harder to change her mind.
***
As wrapped up in these troubles as I had been, I'd not been expanding my circle of friends as quickly as I should have. I'd been waving at Barley and May as I passed by their ranch, but had not talked with them since that day at the hot springs. One morning on my way to town, May ran up to their fence as I passed and hailed me.
"Jack! I've been waiting for you."
"Really? What for?"
"You said you'd come play with me, but you never do!"
"You're right and I'm sorry. I've just been so busy with work."
She pouted. "That's what grandpa always says. Nobody's got time for me."
I went in through their gate. "Well, I do." She giggled as I took off my cap and put it on her head. "Look here, I'll show you how to make a bunny rabbit with your hand."
We'd been sitting on the grass for awhile making hand figures when Barley came out of his stable leading a small brown pony. He was talking to it crossly as he walked.
"Come ON, move it now! Haven't got all day! Let's go...oh, hello, Jack. What are you doing?"
"Playing with May. I'd promised to and she's holding me to it. She's very persuasive."
He chuckled. "That she is."
"Hey, what's up with the pony? He doesn't look too happy."
"Ah! This one. He's wild as they come. Wasn't expecting ol' Nellie to get in the family way this winter, but she's a sly one, OK. Thing is, stable's all full up and no room for this one, so I have to keep moving him around. Takes up too much of my day."
He looked at me speculatively. "Say, you've got an empty stable, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, could you do me a big favor?"
"I'll try. What is it?"
"Would you mind keeping this pony in your stable for awhile? It'd be a lot less trouble for you than me, you've got all that empty space for him to run loose on."
A pony! Every boy's dream. And what's a farm without a horse, anyways?
"I wouldn't mind. But I've never kept a horse before. What's involved?"
"Ah, like I say, with your stable and fields, he'll almost take care of himself. Just let him have the run of the fields and he'll feed himself on those weeds of yours."
Now, *there's* a deal.
"Just talk to him every day so he gets used to you. Might want to brush him every day also - you can get the brush from Saibara. Oh, and bring him in to the stable on rainy days so he doesn't get sick.
"Won't impose on you forever - turn of the next year is when I'll do my selling, then I'll have space for him and I'll take him off your hands. So you don't mind?"
"Not a bit - you make it sound easy."
"All right, how about we just take him over to Erehwon right now then. Oh - what are you going to call him?"
I thought for a second. "Charlie. He looks like a Charlie to me."
May ran up to us. "Charlie! Charlie's going to a new home! Can I ride him there, grandpa?"
"'Fraid not, he's a little too wild to ride."
I bent over, picked her up and put her on my shoulders. "You can ride me instead. I'm broken in."
She squealed with laughter. "Giddy up, Jack! Faster!"
When we got to Erehwon, Barley handed the lead to me.
"You can just let him loose now - let him get accustomed to the land."
I did so, and Charlie ran a couple of laps around the farm, then stopped and chewed on a bush.
"Oh, Jack, did you know that the village horse race is in a couple of days? It's in Rose Square starting at ten. People will be bringing in horses from all over the county." He sighed. "Mineral Village won't have anyone in the race this year. I'm the only one who keeps horses and I'm too old to ride. But anyways, it's a good time. You coming?"
"This isn't like the Goddess Festival, right? No dates or dancing or anything like that?"
"Nah, just horse lovers watching 'em run and maybe speculating a little."
"In that case, I'm in. I wouldn't mind getting down some small bets, too. My luck's got to change sometime!"
"Great, see you then. Come on, May, time to go home. Did you thank Jack for playing with you?"
"Yes! Thank you Jack! Come again, I'll be waiting for you!"
"Thank you, May. See you all at the races."
I worked the fields for the rest of the day, keeping one eye on Charlie. He was quite content to run around the far side of the fields, in between weed munching sessions. I considered building a fence to hold him. I wasn't sure but that he'd find fresh vegetables especially to his liking. And I remembered Rick and Popuri's experience with wild dogs and domestic animals.
About six, the field work was done, and I considered going into the hills and cutting some wood. Then, I remembered the weather forecast - rain starting late tonight and continuing through tomorrow. Meaning the horse has to go to the stable.
I walked up to Charlie as he chewed his weeds, talking as soothingly as I could. "Come on, Charlie. Let's go in now. You don't want to get wet." He watched me calmly until I got a couple of meters from him, then he bolted off to the other side of the farm.
Wild one, all right.
I approached him again. "Come on, boy. Good Charlie. Let's go to your nice dry stable." Again he ran off. This time, when he stopped, I could have sworn he was laughing at me.
This went on for about an hour. He must have thought it was a game. It was serious business - lost time - for me. I was getting frustrated, and my talk to Charlie was no longer so soothing.
"FREAKING HORSE! COME HERE, YOU #!$%! LOONY!"
"Jack! Why are you cursing at that pony like that?"
It was Popuri. She'd come into the farm without my noticing.
"I've been chasing him for an hour! I've got to get him into the stable before it starts raining and I'm running behind on my chores. Damn crazy horse!" I took off my cap and dashed it on the ground.
"Jack, no wonder he's running away from you. You're scaring him." She walked over to Charlie cooing, "Nice horsie, pretty horsie, give Pi a big sloppy horsie kissy, OK?"
Charlie stayed put. He let Popuri come right up to him and hug his neck. She took his lead and walked him over to me.
"There, Jack, that wasn't so hard, was it? You just have to be nice to him." She handed me the lead and walked out of the farm as I stared open mouthed. I gave Charlie a hard look as I led him into the stable.
"You like pink hair, eh? I'm not a bit surprised. Loony."
***
It was a beautiful day for a horse race - clear, sunny and cool - more like early spring again rather than the warm pre-summer days we'd been having. I was at Rose Square right at the stroke of ten. I'd been looking forward to this. This was the first pure recreation I'd had since coming to the village. No date, no relationship repairs, no responsibilities, no nothing. Just a bunch of country horses standing between me and Lady Luck.
A quick look around the square confirmed what Barley had hinted at - this was mainly a guy thing. A few ladies had shown up, but just about every man in the village was here. I marveled at how Rose Square was so versatile. A couple of weeks ago, it had served well as an outdoors dance venue. It was just the dancers that had failed. Now, it was a passable, if short, racetrack. Off by the starting post, a bunch of rustics I didn't recognize were tending some pretty impressive looking horses. The out of towners Barley had mentioned. Near the path to the Inn, Mayor Thomas and Zack were manning a betting table. I decided to start there and study the form. Both greeted me warmly as I approached.
"Jack! Good to see you here today. Zack tells me you're doing better than he expected at Erehwon."
Zack laughed. "He sure is! I'm shipping pretty good loads of vegetables and mountain produce out of there every evening. Good work, guy."
I tried not to look smug. "So, that means you're not gonna kick my heinie out of here this week?"
Both laughed. Thomas said, "Not hardly. Zack's right. Several establishments are doing much better than we'd feared because of your custom." He turned serious. "Really, I'm grateful to you for putting forth so much effort so soon. If you keep progressing like you're doing now, the village may escape the hard times altogether."
"I sure hope so. That's part of the point of the exercise. The other part being...I'd like to get rich, too!"
We all laughed together at that. Thomas went on. "Oh, Jack...could I ask a favor of you?"
"Sure."
"You know, the cooking festival is four days away. I know someone who could do wonders with...say...three turnips of the kind you're raising, and..."
"Say no more. When do you need them?"
"Any time before the 22nd."
"You'll have 'em. No charge. Since I can't cook anything - not having a kitchen - call it my contribution."
"That's wonderful. The first race is starting soon. Are you going to get down a bet?"
"Sure. But I'd like to study the form, first."
They both laughed again. Zack said, "Form?! You think this is the Belmont Stakes or something?" He waved at the horses by the starting post. "There's your form! Good old fashioned eyeballing the horseflesh!"
I made a face. "'kay. Give me a bit to look over the talent, then. I'll be back."
"We'll be here. First race starts in 30 minutes."
I walked over to the horses, and saw Karen examining a gray mare with a penetrating gaze.
"Hi, Karen! Good to see you. You like the ponies?"
She turned to me smiling, "You bet, Jack. You know, I always have good luck with the horses. It's the dogs I can't figure out. What do you think of this lot?"
I watched a man calming down an eager looking brown two year old. "I like that one. He looks pretty energetic."
She fluttered her palm. "Too flighty. Might get off to a good start, but after that, you can't depend on him. This gray here looks like she's got staying power."
I took out a coin and started flipping it in the air. "20G says brownie there is the one to beat."
She took out a matching coin. "Side bet, eh? You're covered. Now, let's go to the table and get some tickets."
We got in line to place our bets. Karen's horse, number 3 was going at 4 to 1 odds. Mine, number 6, was paying 11 to 1. We got our tickets and stood together near the finish line.
The horses were lined up at the starting post. Thomas introduced each one, its owner and rider, then rang a bell and they were off.
Number 6 was off to a pretty good start, taking the lead. 3 followed close behind and the rest bunched a length back. The old Karen was back. She was shouting encouragement to her horse, jumping up and down.
As they rounded the half mark, 6 and 3 were nose to nose, the others still bunched close behind, swapping places amongst themselves. Karen was screaming now.
Then, like someone had thrown a switch, number 6 decided that the rat race was not for him and slowed to a trot - evidently reflecting on the meaning of life. The other horses shot past him. I covered my face with my hands.
Thomas shouted, "And the results of the first race: 3 win, 1 place, 5 show."
I handed Karen my coin while keeping my face covered.
"Has he come in yet?"
"He's thinking about it. Not very hard, though."
OK, Karen knew the ponies, all right. She said to me as the horses for the second race were brought out, "I'm not going to take any more money off of you. Suggest that you bet along with me, then you might just finish the day ahead."
I wasn't going to argue. In the second, we played a black stallion who came in paying 5 to 1. After that, I just followed behind her at the betting table saying, "I'll have what she's having."
Walking back from the table before one race, Doug called out to me.
"Hey, Jack! Good races, eh?"
"You bet! This is loads of fun."
"Sure is. I look forwards to this all year - get so excited I can hardly sleep the night before. And it's not just the races - love 'em as I do. This is one of my best weeks at the Inn." He pointed to the out of towners. "All those characters stay the night before and the night of the races. They eat and drink like you wouldn't believe. Especially drink." He laughed. "You'd think prohibition was coming back the way they put it away!
"Say, you haven't heard from Cliff, have you?"
"Not a word. You and Ann haven't?"
"Nothing. You know, I thought he and Ann were getting pretty chummy there for awhile. Then he just up and leaves." He shrugged. "Well, he never pretended he was anything other than a drifter. I feel sorry for Ann, though. She was just starting to think that 'boyfriend' wasn't a dirty word, then this." He motioned to the jockies standing around. "Maybe now that the ice is broken, one of those fellows will catch her eye.
"Hey! Race is about to start and I'm standing here running my mouth. Got to get in my bet! Pardon me!"
I walked a little slower back to Karen. I missed Cliff also. Having him along for something like this would have made it perfect.
Karen looked as if she had forgotten all her troubles. We were together for a couple more races, and she was as excited as I'd ever seen her. The fact that she'd been betting heavily and mostly winning may have had something to do with it. I'd been making modest bets just to keep it interesting and doing not too shabbily - now that I accepted that she'd forgotten more about handicapping than I'd ever known.
After another successful finish, walking back from the betting table, I noticed Gray standing alone at the half mark. He looked at me, then away. He looked more depressed than belligerent, and I decided to go and try to talk to him. I really didn't like being on bad terms with anyone if it could be avoided.
"Good afternoon, Gray. Enjoying the races?"
He looked a little surprised I'd spoken civilly to him. "Ah...they're not bad. Something different, anyways."
"Glad Saibara gave you the time off to come."
"No big favor there. He always closes up on festival days. He came too, but I guess he went home early.
"I see you and Karen are still..."
I decided to nip this in the bud before it got unpleasant.
"Gray, please. I don't want to be insulting or anything, but could you lay off Karen. She's having a very hard time. You should understand people having hard times, way things have been going for you."
He looked surprised again. I went on before he could say anything.
"Look, I don't know why you're so down on her. Honestly, I don't. What's she ever done to you, anyways?"
He was so surprised at my attitude, he blurted out without thinking, "She's turning Mary against me!"
"How's that?"
"Well, you figure it. She and Mary are all buddy-buddy, she comes to the library every morning to talk to Mary. Then, I come in the afternoon and Mary's got that 'what book would you like to read' attitude towards me. I asked her to come with me to the races, but she refused!"
"Maybe she just doesn't like the races. You see how few women are here."
How could I tell him politely that perhaps she just isn't interested in him? I did not know.
I fibbed a little. "Look, Gray, Karen and I are real good friends. She's said nothing to me against you and she's not exactly the secret keeping type. I think you've got it all wrong.
"You see, I think Mary's just the moody type, that's all. Just keep trying. Maybe she'll turn around."
He looked at me skeptically and grunted. "I don't know. What else could it be? It's not like anyone else here is the least bit interested in her."
"Hard to say. Well, I'd better be getting back, race's about to start. Did you get in a bet yet? Lemme give you a tip. Number 2 on the nose. See 'ya."
He nodded and I went to rejoin Karen.
"Well, you two were almost polite to each other. What happened?"
I didn't want to burden her with his attitude. "Decided not to let him bait me, that's all. Hey, they're about to start!"
After the last race, Karen and I lined up at the table to redeem our winning tickets. I discovered that they didn't pay you in cash, but rather in prizes, donated by various merchants here. Thomas explained that the proceeds from the betting went for the upkeep of public places. He elaborated that it went down with the villagers a lot better than taxes would have. I saw his point.
Karen, being a big winner, picked out a bottle of Aja wine for herself. My modest winnings were just enough for a pretty looking charm bracelet, "made by Saibara totally from local minerals!" As we walked away from the table, I told Karen, "Look, I...uh...I don't have anyone I'm sweet on to give this to. But I'm grateful to you for being such a good friend to me." I handed her the bracelet. "I'd like you to have this."
Darn if she didn't look all bashful and blushing as she took it from my hand. "Gosh, Jack...thanks! I wasn't expecting any gifts from you. But I like it." Her expression changed to a normal smile as she put it on her wrist. "I'm going to wear it, too.
"Hey, one good turn deserves another." She showed me the wine bottle. "This is *really, really* good stuff. What do you say we go to the Inn and drink it together. I guarantee you, you've never had anything so good in your life. Then we can sit back and laugh at the out of town horsey set getting rowdy. What do you say?"
I was tempted. It sounded like a good time. But spending the whole day at the races had put me grossly behind on my chores. If I went home and started right now, I might be finished with the essentials by two in the morning.
"Karen, I'd love to, really I would. But I can't - I'm so far behind on my chores." She looked disappointed and I went on. "Look, if you hold that bottle for another night, I'll take you up on it, OK?"
"All right. Another night, then. You'd better hustle on back to Erehwon. I'll just go home, have dinner and go to bed early. Thanks for a fun day." She held up her arm to display the bracelet. "And for this. See 'ya."
I walked back to the farm, wondering if I should have gone with her after all. It was a decision I was to bitterly regret later.
***
It was past eleven. I'd finally watered the last of the vegetable patches and was about to start for the hills to do some wood cutting, when a disturbed voice came from the townside gate.
"Jack! I'm so glad I caught you!"
It was Ann.
"What's the matter?"
"It's Karen! Jack, she's...she's not in a good way at all."
"Where is she?"
"The Inn. She came in right after the races ended. She's in a very dark mood - the kind I know too well. She's been drinking real heavy all evening. Jack, I hate to ask you...but you've been so good for her the past couple of weeks...could you..."
I dropped my axe. "Let's go!"
Ann and I ran towards the Inn as fast as we could. As we got to the door, we could hear Karen screaming. I braced myself for whatever was to come, then opened the door and entered.
Karen was leaning against a chair, weaving back and forth, seemingly about to fall, but never quite doing so. She was staring at Rick with an expression of pure rage, while he looked away in disgust. Nobody else in the inn was saying a word...divided between staring at the scene and looking away in embarrassments. She was screaming at Rick at the top of her lungs.
"...sisteen years, Richard! I've giv'n you sisteen years of MY LIFE! I gave up MY DREAMS f' you. An' now you tell me its nothin'! All a misstake?! Wha' kind'da man ARE YOU?!" She took a slug out of the cup she was waving around. "I'll tell 'ya wha' kind. A mommy's boy! Yer not a real man at all! Whad 'ya doin' here wid' the men? Go back 'ta mommy, 'ya wimp!"
She turned her head and started to take another drink, then saw me standing at the door. Her face changed from anger to naked anguish.
"Jack? Oh God, no! Not you. Not now."
She tried to assume a hard look and went on.
"Well, Jack, now you see it. Th' real me. This's wha' I really am. A drunk'n screamin' BITCH! You like it?"
She drained her cup in one gulp, started to walk towards me - and fell hard on her face.
Ann and I rushed over to her, knelt and turned her over. She was unconscious.
"Ann, she doesn't seem to be injured. Just passed out. I was too late. I'm sorry."
Ann looked infinitely sad. "Never mind, Jack. How could you have known. We can't leave her here. Would you help me get her to bed?"
Ann took one of her arms and I started to take the other when I stopped.
"No. Don't you think she'd be better off at home?"
"I suppose. But there's no way she's going to get home tonight."
"Yes there is. I'll take her home."
"Jack, she can't even walk a step..."
"Then I'll carry her."
She looked at me. "*Can* you carry her?"
"I think so. She's pretty thin. Lemme try." I put one arm under her back, the other under the crook of her legs, then stood up.
"Yeah, I can handle this. Could you drape her arm around my neck? Gives a little more support."
Ann did so. "Look Jack, you really don't have to do this. She's stayed overnight with me before."
"I know, she's told me. You're as good a friend as she could ask for. But it's still an embarrassments - and a worry for her folks. I think this is best."
I started for the door, and Ann ran to open it. She saw everyone staring at us, looked angry and shouted, "The show's all over! Hope you had fun watching a heart break! You can go back to your drinking now!" Most everyone looked away with shamed expressions.
Even Rick looked upset. I whispered to him as I passed, "We'll talk about this later." He started to say something and I cut him off, "We WILL talk about this - damn straight we will!"
I carried her slowly and carefully through Rose Square. The cool nighttime air and the scent of the cherry blossoms revived her a little. She stirred in my arms.
"Jack...wha'r doin'?"
"I'm taking you home."
"Home. OK...I'm sorry you had'da see that. I've tried 't be a good girl. I have."
"I know you have. I'm just sorry I didn't come with you tonight. I'm..."
"Nevermin' Would have happen sooner 'r later. Sometimes I just can' take it anymore."
"Just relax, Karen. Nothing else is going to hurt you tonight." She closed her eyes.
We got to the General Store and I started to the door. She stirred again and opened her eyes.
"Thought you were takin' me home. This issn't Erehwon."
"No, silly. Your home."
She closed her eyes again. My hands were full, so I kicked repeatedly at the door. After a couple of minutes, a light came on and Sasha opened the door.
"Jack? What are you doing..." Then she saw I was carrying Karen. "Oh! What happened to her?"
Something else I hadn't thought out - how to explain this to her folks. I stammered a bit.
"She was...uh...feeling under the weather...kinda, uh, fell down...at the Inn..."
She looked sad and sighed. "OK Jack, I understand. Could you please bring her to her room?"
We walked through the store, back through a large kitchen. Sasha opened a door and turned on the light and we went in.
I carefully lowered Karen onto her bed, then looked around as Sasha bent over her, examining and stroking her. Karen's room was bright, she favored shades of red in her bed coverings and drapes. Hanging on the walls were pictures of various star ballerinas of the last decade. On her bedside table there were recent pictures of Rick and Mary...and me. There was also the same group picture including my grandfather that Lillia had shown me.
"Jack, I think she's not injured. Could I ask you to wait in the kitchen while I tend to her? Get yourself anything you like. I'll come talk to you in a few minutes."
"Sure. Coffee'd be great just now. You want me to make you some too?"
"I'd appreciate it, thanks."
I prepared the coffee in a kind of unthinking daze, and was sipping my cup when Sasha came out. I handed her a cup, she thanked me and motioned for me to sit down at the kitchen table. She did also.
"Jack, she's sleeping now. I guess I don't have to tell you she's terribly intoxicated. What happened?"
I told her the story of the evening.
"I'm just so sorry that I didn't stay with her this evening. Maybe I could have talked her out of it. I was just too damn selfish, wanting to get the chores done. Didn't even think of her."
"Jack, whatever are you talking about? Selfish? You didn't have to go to the Inn when Ann asked you. You certainly didn't have to carry her home. I haven't even thanked you for that! I *am* grateful - for that, and everything else you've been doing for her.
"You don't have to be shy about talking about her drinking problem. We know all about it. She admits it herself, it's the one ray of hope in the situation - that she's honest about it to us, and herself. So I also know that you've been trying to help her with it the last couple of weeks. Selfish? I don't think so!"
I shook my head. "I just get so frustrated. The thing with Rick - that's the root of the problem, right?" She nodded. "I haven't got the slightest idea what to do about that. Rick and I are good enough friends now. But when I mention Karen to him, he tunes right out. I can't make any progress! Do you have any ideas? Anything I can try?"
She didn't answer directly. "You two certainly became good friends quickly. Real friends. You try to help each other. Yes, I know all about that business with Popuri and Mary." I must have looked alarmed, because she went on. "Oh, don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I'm not Manna!
"I just wonder how that came about. Your being friends, that is. She's a little reserved with strangers, you know." She gave me a level gaze. "You know, I think she's fonder of you than she's willing to admit. What are your feelings towards her?"
I'd been asked that question a lot these days. Each time, about someone different.
"Well, it's like you said - we're very good friends, we understand and empathize with each other's problems...no, wait. That doesn't cover it. She's like an older sister to me. She took me under her wing shortly after I got here...goodness knows why...and she treats me like a younger brother who sometimes acts like a dork but still has promise."
Despite our serious tone, she laughed a little at that. "She treats Rick like that, too."
"Yes, and I wonder what he thinks of it. But to get back to your question...gosh, I feel really uncomfortable talking to a woman's mother like this. But we're being frank with each other, right?" She nodded. "Well...I feel an immense liking for her - about as much as I've ever had for a woman my age. But there's no spark there - no chemistry. She's like my sister." I looked Sasha in the eye. "So if you were thinking I might be a replacement for Rick - solving her problem that way, I'm afraid it's no go. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."
She looked a little disappointed, but nodded in acceptance. "All right, I can understand that, and I'm not going to try and push you into something you don't want. Thank you for being forthcoming about her. People are right - you *are* an honest, straight talking young man."
Her look turned kindly. "Jack, just out of my own interest...if Karen's like a sister to you, then could you pretend just for a moment I'm your mother?" I nodded. "You've had these involvements with Popuri and Mary - and this thing with Karen. All these young women have their own merits, in their own way. But you're kept a distance from them all. A romantic distance, that is. Are you in love with someone back in the world?"
"No, there's nobody."
"Then it seems to me that you're keeping your heart closed off on purpose. Do you have some disappointment in your life - other than your lost job, that is? Some secret sorrow? Some loss?"
She was getting too close to what I'd been dreading to face for years. My look must have shown it and she went on.
"You don't want to talk about it, then. Very well - I shan't press you. But...you know, people talk about you. I'm more of a listener than a talker, and listen to them I do. It seems to me you're more than just an ambitious, hard-working young man. You're being driven by something. You're trying to evade something in yourself by drowning it in activity. In the long run, it won't work. Sooner or later, you'll have to face yourself in order to become whole. Not tonight, surely. But if you ever need a motherly figure to confess to, I'm here. You've impressed a lot of people here, Jack. Never think you're all alone in this village. You aren't.
"Goodness, it's past midnight. I suppose you should get to bed. I really must. Thank you again for all you're done for my daughter."
I was still shaken by Sasha's reading my personality like that. I mumbled some kind of farewell as she led me out of the house. I was still in a daze as I walked home - the events of the day had just been too much for me. I decided to blow off the woodcutting and go right to bed.
