A Haven From the Storm

Chapter 20 – If the Thing Bothers You so Much...


Apologies to those who read this before under a different title. ff dot net and I had a friendly little difference of opinions about stories that have almost identical titles. Guess who won? This is slightly edited from that version - turned down the preachiness just a tad.
The night after that glorious Cooking Festival my dreams were particularly sweet. My conversation with the lady was short and to the point.

"Um…what happened today…how much of that was your doing?"

"None of it. You earned it all through your own efforts. You people have a cynical saying, 'Nice guys finish last.'"

"I've heard it."

"Well, it's not always true."

It really was a new life that I woke up to. Halfway through my morning preparations for the coming work day, I stopped and laughed to myself in glee. You see, at that time of the day it's my habit to gather my thoughts, list the problems facing me and consider their possible solutions. Well, for the first time since I'd arrived in Mineral Village, all my problems were technical – questions about farming and capital improvements. Not a single personal problem was on my list! It was a beautiful morning.

Well, I did have one personal issue I was mulling over – just where and how I'd be meeting Mary every day. I may have had a license from the villagers to court her, but I knew perfectly well that I was on probation with Anna. And I was going to darn well watch my P's and Q's with her – already that spring I'd had enough romantic problems to last me for ten lifetimes. If it'd had to come down to a 19th century style courtship - Mary and I talking in her living room with Anna sitting between us - I'd have gone along. Anything for a quiet life.

Fortunately, it didn't have to go quite that far.


I'd done my usual morning foraging – I was very compulsive about that as at that time the proceeds from mountain produce still made up about 10 percent of my income – and was heading into town with a few little offerings for Mary and her folks when Karen, standing by the mailbox next to their store, waved me over.

When I got over there, it pleased me no end to see Rick and her standing around chatting pleasantly like the best of friends. After we all traded morning greetings, Karen gave Rick a - well, frankly commanding look - 'Rick, please excuse us for a moment. It's about Mary.' - took me by the arm and pulled me aside.

"Jack, I...ah...sort of took a liberty this morning. I had a little talk with Anna about you and Mary getting together." She answered my concerned look with amusement. "Don't look like that, I'm on your side here you know. Or at least your and Mary's being together side. I told her how you'd always been the perfect gentleman with Mary and she believed me. She usually does. She trusts me." She smirked a little. "So you should be grateful I'm interceding on your behalf with her."

I wordlessly took a coin out of my pocket and offered it to her, and she half-playfully slapped my hand away.

"You! Well, anyways, I got her to more or less agree to some courtship ground rules."

And she proceeded to go over them. Go to her house to fetch her, then bring her back home or to the library. Tell them where you're going and when you'll be back. We could only be together out in the open in public places – 'Rose Square of course, the library, and yes, even the mountain as long as you stay on the main trails.' No more than one hour alone together at a time. Holding hands was OK, kissing – she jiggled her level palm – be discreet and use your best judgment, and definitely no more than that.

"We haven't kissed yet, you know. She's not ready."

That earned me another smirk. "I trust you're not completely lacking for powers of observation. When you see your opening, I do hope you'll have the sense to tell that church-boy to go take a walk."

"Church boys are not total strangers to a little smooching, you know. Ever heard of taking the long way home from Sunday meeting?" Which got her laughing.

"Yeah, I remember you and Popuri under the cherry blossoms. I still think you were going to kiss her and she stuck you with a pin!" She got serious again. "Oh, and I shouldn't have to tell you this, but Anna really insists on it – no drinking around her!"

"Please! You know I only drink with people who are already having a few. And never in the morning. Anyhow, who got more out of hand boozing at the festival, me or her?"

She wasn't angry at that, but looked like she could get that way if pushed. "That was a once in a lifetime thing, Jack. You should have heard her the following day swearing up and down that she'd never touch the stuff again. And anyhow, I'd say it was a draw – remembering how I saw you and Popuri carrying on at the beach afterwards. Talk about happy hands!" I blushed as she went on. "It was a damned good thing I got there in time to break that up. You two were getting out of control."

I honestly admitted, "Yes, we were – and I was grateful to you then, and I am now, for coming up on us when you did." I got philosophical. "You know, I often wonder what would have happened if you hadn't shown up that evening. I guess we probably would have gone off somewhere and gone all the way – she was ready and I was at my weakest moment. And what would that have led to? I get these horrible fantasies about it spreading out and ruining everyone's lives here."

"Hmph. You do have a streak of dark dramatic imagination under that practical exterior. Well, I did get there in time and it didn't happen – and you've made amends for it anyhow, so don't brood over it. It's not healthy. Live on the lightside for a change. Now, go get Mary – she's waiting at home for you."

And with that, we rejoined Rick who was impatiently tapping his foot while waiting at the mailbox. Well, I was prepared to do a little intercession on their behalf so I drew him aside, tossing a curt 'guy stuff!' over my shoulder at a 'rolling eyes skywards' Karen. Once I had him out of her sight, I pulled a bunch of moondrop flowers out of my backpack and shoved them in his hand.

He gave me a puzzled look. "Well thank you I think, but..."

"They're not for you, dolt! Give 'em to her!"

"She doesn't like flowers. Give them to her and she just gets sarcastic. 'You expect me to eat these or something?' Now fine jewelry on the other hand..."

I snorted. "You've been friends since childhood and you still don't know her taste? Look, she likes these flowers. Trust me." I turned him around and gave him a little shove towards Karen. "See you later, neighbor. I'm busy now - I got a date with my sweetie."

Looking back over my shoulder as I headed towards Mary's house, I was rewarded with the sight of Karen sweetly smiling and blushing as she held the moondrops in one hand and touched Rick's cheek with the other.

Like they say, try to do a good deed every day. And I was about to get rewarded for that one.


Anna admitted me into their home with a civil enough 'good morning', and I got a nice hearty greeting from Basil. They'd just finished up breakfast – I declined with thanks Anna's offer to whip something up for me – and they said that Mary was up in her room getting ready. So we stood around trading small talk about Erehwon until Mary cheerfully tripped down the stairs, then I started into 'making nice' mode – mountain produce style.

Rick/Karen's moondrop flowers weren't the only goodies I'd had in my backpack that morning. Mary got her bamboo shoot, which she still accepted from me with a blush and a 'Thank you, but can I really keep it?' Receiving my bundle of bluegrass tickled Basil to no end – 'You're a perceptive man, you know just what I like!' And last, but not least, I handed another bunch of moondrops to Anna – who accepted them with a polite 'Thank you, I like this very much' and a facial expression saying, 'Trying to get on our good side, eh? Well, you might even succeed.'

Having established some good feelings via gifting, I executed the rest of the program, taking Mary's hand – 'holding hands is OK' and besides lots of people, even protective parents, find it sweet – and asking them if it was alright if we took a mountain walk. They gave their consent - Basil with enthusiasm, Anna with reserve - I told them that we'd be up there an hour, then I'd bring Mary to the library in time to open up, and we were on our way.

As we walked out her door, I was – well, aggravated. The whole business of clearing every little detail with her folks made me feel like I was fifteen again. I was grumping to myself, 'For Pete's sake!' – we were both 23 and I'd been handling life on my own just fine for years already. We didn't need parental supervision!

And then I had one of those clarifying flashes of insight. Well, I asked myself, why did young people need parental supervision? Partly because they were ignorant of certain hazards and their judgments weren't well developed of course, but also because their parents are responsible for their behavior and well-being. And what was one of the things I'd been finding attractive about Mineral Village life? The solidarity! The fact that everyone took an interest in everyone's well-being (that it went along with everyone taking an interest – to the point of being nosy – in everyone else's affairs was one of those unavoidable human excesses.)

I thought further. In the city, Mary and I would have just gone and done what we wanted together and nobody would have much noticed or cared – as long as we didn't cause them trouble or cost them money. People think of city life as complex, but in one important way it was a lot simpler than life in the village. Just follow some well known rules – mainly having to do with the protection of property, financial honesty and avoidance of violent conflict – and you were otherwise free to do as you liked. 'Making your own life' as the saying goes.

But in the village people lived their lives according to certain well established patterns – storekeeper, blacksmith, housewife, farmer – and lived them as a member of a close and dense network of personal relationships. When people took a great interest in your living as was expected, it wasn't gratuitous authoritarianism at all – if you diverged greatly from the norm of your role, it would disrupt other people's lives.

Some people couldn't stand living such a closely ordered life, of course. They found it oppressive and constrictive. Such people tended to leave the village as soon as they could – I already knew a couple of examples.

Myself, I wasn't sure if I could handle it either. It seemed something like moving back home – to a really large family – after I'd already been out making my way in the world. A step backwards, it would be.

Or would it? I also reflected on the other side of the proposition. Being enmeshed in such a close interpersonal network also provides each person with support and mutual aid in times of trouble and need. And in one brief season, I'd already seen lots of trouble and need.

I reflected further that I'd already had a taste of that mutual aid – Karen and I helping each other with our romantic difficulties – and I'd liked it. I was profoundly grateful to her for the help she given me, and I'd found I greatly enjoyed helping pull her out of her difficulties. And I'd seen how in the village environment, such things branched out. My helping Karen had put me in solid with Sasha, who in turn (as Mary told me) had used her influence with Anna to soften her attitude towards me. 'Mom regards Manna as an amusing chatterbox, but she listens to Sasha.'

So I asked myself – just what was I getting into here? Was I coming home? Or was I getting in way over my head?

They were questions I'd be asking myself often in the seasons ahead. Time would tell.


As we approached the winery, we saw a typical scene - Duke and Manna standing on their doorstep, low-level annoyance on both of their faces, bickering about some thing or another. Mary and I both decided to be neighborly and gave them a wave and a 'good morning' as we passed their house. They stopped what they were doing, returned our greetings and then went on in lowered voices that we weren't supposed to hear, but did anyways.

"Ah Duke, don't they just make the sweetest looking pair?"

He looked as if he was reminiscing as he replied, "They do, don't they?"

"I'm so glad that Anna's showing some good sense in not insisting that Mary stay away from him. After all, if he's going to stay here...well, a young man needs a wife to help him. Especially on a farm."

"Yeah. You know, I've been skeptical of that boy ever since he got here. But him taking up with Mary – guess he's got some good sense in him after all. If anyone can settle that boy down, it'll be her."

As we passed on we could see that they were looking at each other with some affection.

"Uh...dear, what were we arguing about?"

She laughed. "You know, I don't remember either!"

He joined in with her laughter as he put his arm around her waist and led her inside. "Then it can't have been very important, can it?"

What could we have said to each other about that? We settled on merely giggling together as we walked on.


Mary didn't hold any serious grudge against me for my time with Popuri. But the incident did still cast a shadow on us. Thing about shadows, though, is that you can come out from under them. As a farmer, I can tell you from experience that the trees and bushes that yield the finest fruits grow from some pretty unsavory fertilizer. Not that there'd been anything that ugly about the brief thingie between Popuri and I – 'stupid' and 'silly' were better descriptors. But Mary didn't quite know that and as the old comedian's line went, I had some 'splaining to do.

As we passed by the hot springs hill on our way to Mother's Hill, Popuri saw us and gave a shout and a wave. I'd never understood what she thought she was doing up there – she seemed to just pace back and forth between a ledge and the pond's edge. But whatever it was, it apparently spoke to some depth in her soul as she was up there every good-weather morning excepting Sundays.

Well of course we both gave a wave and a good-natured shout back at her, and she continued her perambulation as we rounded the hill. But the sight and sound of her had put Mary in a bit of a mood. I'd already learned that her getting silent meant she was thinking over something and would bring the matter up to me when she'd formed just the right way to state it. I waited.

We got up to the ledge overlooking the town when she did open up.

"Jack, I'm not throwing anything in your face, but I just have to know – I never did understand what you saw in Popuri. You're such different people. Jack, just what was that about?"

I'd been expecting that I'd have to tell her the inwardness of that incident, and had prepared my little speech of how Popuri had grabbed onto me while I was ignorant of the village and its ways. I went into detail about how I was fearful that asserting myself with her could have offended someone or another and how I'd just taken the path of least resistance, going along with her.

"...so I'm not too proud of myself there. I was acting like a complete wimp the whole time. I'm just grateful to Karen for pulling me out of that fire. At least I know something about my standing in this place now so I'm not going to behave like that again. Now I know I've got a little head room to assert myself in."

She looked just a touch skeptical. "So that's really all it was then? Just a comedy of errors? There were no feelings at all on your side?"

I didn't feel like lying to her. "Well, I can't deny that I found her very attractive. Yeah, if you must know the truth, that helped in keeping me confused. Shoot, a girl like that would turn any guy on. It's just the way we're wired."

Which she responded to with that curious, almost impersonal matter of factness she sometimes showed. "So, you found her sexually attractive, then?"

"That's just what it was." I hastily went on. "But I fought it! We never did anything wrong! Well, we kissed, of course. But that's as far as it went." Remembering the evening on the beach, I corrected, "Well...maybe a little more than kissing. But not a lot more. It was really something like..."

By then it'd gotten personal to her and she looked annoyed. "Never mind! I don't want to hear the details!"

She looked decidedly miffed as she went on. "So, you kissed her, then. You know, I've never been kissed at all – well, by relatives of course – but never the way a man kisses a woman. She's ahead of me! And I'm older!"

"Mary, it's not like a ball game. Nobody's keeping score."

"Even then it's still irksome. Your having kissed her and my never having been kissed at all."

And that time, I got it. OK, I can be slow sometimes but I'm not retarded.

I tried for an expression that looked inviting without being satyric enough to frighten her. "Well, if the thing really bothers you so much, there is something we can do about it."

I must have gotten the mix just right as her annoyance faded into...well, receptiveness. "Oh? And what might that be?"

"I'll show you." And I leaned over and kissed her right on the lips.

I was taking it easy with her, remembering how shy she'd been about physical contact. Nothing deep and sloppy, no passionate embrace – I just lightly held her shoulders and kept it at the 'affectionate smooch' level. But darn if it didn't feel just right.

Our lips were together just a couple of seconds, but just from my touch on her shoulders, I could feel that her heart was racing as if she'd run all the way up the mountain. And when we separated, I saw that her face was flushed and her eyes dreamy. All that from a light two second kiss! That was no lifeless old maid in training, that was a young woman very much alive and vital.

Then I remembered Karen's telling me that her reticence about physical closeness was a matter of her passionate feelings towards me, and her wanting to keep them under control. For you see, she very much held to traditional morality. And our simple kiss was clearly testing her restraint.

As I looked into her smitten eyes, I suddenly felt the need to protect her. You see, the normal male animal would have taken her combination of innocence and desire as a challenge. He would have been working out how to stoke the desire and defeat the innocence. And that brute was in me as he is in all of us – it's the biology that we're born with. He was pushing me to push her as far as I could. But in that moment, I had another of those flashes of insight.

I'd thought I'd been in love a few times before, but they had just been the fancies of childhood. Puppy love, affection, crush, physical attraction, all the usual thrills of teen years, I'd been through them all. But standing there, knowing that her virtue was (probably) in my hands and not wanting to take it because it would be cheap and tawdry – that was my first moment of fully mature love for a woman. Sure I wanted her, but it wasn't time for us yet. She deserved better than that. I deserved better than that. The two of us together deserved better.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

In everyone's life, there are those rare special moments of time, moments pregnant with a myriad of possibilities. At such moments, we realize one of those possibilities with a seemingly mundane action, subtle turn of phrase, even just the right glance – and then the realized possibility becomes our life. Sometimes also, the lives of others around us too.

My decision to let our first kiss be no more than a first kiss started us moving towards the life we've shared for all these years. I am profoundly grateful for that which inspired that decision. I've never regretted it, not in the least.

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing

I gave her just a little bit of a teasing smile as I released her shoulders. "Well, what do you think?"

She considered the question for a moment, then concluded, "I like it." Then she crossed her eyes and wrinkled her nose.

"What's the matter?"

She removed her glasses and started wiping them on the sleeve of her blouse. "You smudged the lenses."

"Sorry."


I went into the Inn that evening as was my usual habit only to discover a bit of a downside to all the wooing that was going on around me. Rick and Karen were sitting side by side at the bar drinking and chatting, Cliff and Ann were sharing a table, a heaping bowl of fried rice and some jokes – and I was odd man out! Just my fool luck, I would have to fall for an abstaining woman!

But when Karen saw me, she excused herself from Rick, grabbed a cup of wine from Doug, came right over to me and shoved it in my hand. She held her cup up and insisted, 'Toast!'

I was game. We touched cups as she gave her commentary on Mary's and my morning.

"Well. All. Right."


OK, I quoted a little from Ecclesiastes 3 up there. If you're not familiar with it, recommend that you find a Bible and read it. It's enlightening, edifying and just plain pretty. I don't own it. looking skywards He does. It's His gift to us all. Enjoy.

Do I have to bore everyone and say once again that I don't own Harvest Moon: Back to Nature? If I did, I would have had it ported to the GameCube/PS2 instead of having AWL written. My apologies to AWL fans but that's how I feel.