Disclaimer: yay i finnally wrote a recess story! this one i actually wrote a long time ago and never finished. Then i found it and even though it never got finished i thought i'd put it up here :)

Just thinking

They didn't know how scared I was the day she tried to follow swinger girl.

I'm smarter then any of them will give me credit for, I knew there was no other side. I saw her standing up on that podium in her black dress and newly aquired leather pilots hat, and I knew- I knew that what Spinelli was trying to do could and would only result in pain.

Honestly, I'm embarrassed to say that with this knowledge I was so enveloped with fear that I considered giving up all my Senor Fusion comics just to have her back safely on the ground… and of course, secretly, I pictured her in my arms as well.

I swear to god when Swinger girl stepped out of that car, I could have hugged her!

I also could have slugged her!

What was that idiot thinking, getting my Spinelli in danger? Was her hat on too tight? Does all that bushy hair affect her thinking! Why on earth did she even try and get over that worthless bar?

But I'm getting off track, which is something I tend to do when I'm upset, which is something I tend to be when I think about Spinelli, not that I do that much anymore.

Of course, there were other times I feared for her.

Like when Randall put her on trial.

It wasn't as serious as the whole swinger girl thing, but it was diffidently crisis worthy in my 10 year old mind. I pleaded with her so hard to tell the truth, but she just persisted that she had a "rep" to keep.

The truth was that I would have given her my lucky hat to tell the truth if I didn't have a "rep" to keep as well. A rep may I say, that didn't include letting Spinelli find out I wanted to help her.

Because Spinelli never wanted help, she never wanted anyone to think she was weak, and she never wanted anyone to be her hero.

So I gave her what I could.

I became her unofficial protector, I couldn't help it, whether she knew it or not she needed me just as much as I needed her. I watched over her from a far, worrying that there wouldn't always be another person to make sure she stayed out of harms way.

And in the beginning, I don't think I understood my developing crush. I mean, I'm sure I had some sort of idea; I hope I wasn't that dense. But with everything else going on, I had to keep Spinelli strictly as just best friend, end of discussion.

Not that that kept me from dreaming of her every moment I could, pleading and praying to whoever was listening that they would keep her by my side forever, or else.

Then again, that was when we were 10, forever was different back then.

I'm 17 now, sure I've got a shiny car, a well paying job, and plenty of girls clamoring to be my girlfriends.

But I don't have Spinelli anymore, I don't even have forever anymore.

And I miss her, I miss forever.

AN: okay that was um... interesting :) but i kind of like it even if i never finished it... im tottally debating whether or not to keep it like that since even if i did continue it i have no idea wut I'd do

signing off

-Ash Eyes