I own nothing! NOTHING! Though I would like to.

Redwall Finds Itself

Cluny had arrived at Redwall Abbey. He and his second in command, Redtooth, had just been lead down to Cavern Hole.

Winifred the otter was patrolling the west end of the orchard when Matthias came strolling around the corner of the abbey whistling cheerfully. Winifred was, to say the least, confused, hadn't she just seen Matthias follow Cluny down to Cavern Hole? She strode over and confronted the young mouse. "I say Matthias, weren't you supposed to be guarding the abbot while that rascal Cluny's in the abbey?"

Matthias stopped short and stared at Winifred as if she was crazy. "Guard the abbot from Cluny? Why would I do that? You know as well as I do that Cluny is one of the sweetest guys around. He wouldn't hurt a fly let alone the abbot."

Matthias, Cluny is a cold blooded killer. He'd slice you to pieces and never think twice about it."

"Okay, are you sure we're talking about the same Cluny here. Let's see,… does he wear an eye patch?"

"Yes"

"Does he have an extra long tail and occasionally wear a poison spike on the end?"

"Yes"

"Does he have an unexplainable fear of poisonous snakes, large bells, and hooded beasts wielding sharp pointy object threatening to kill him?"

"…I'm not sure."

"Well it sounds like Cluny, but I'm still not sure."

"I think he's still in Cavern Hole if you want to go see." Winifred ventured, more confused now than when she started.

"Great idea!" Matthias gave a cheesy grin and walked off towards Cavern Hole singing the Batman theme song at the top of his lungs.

Winifred watched him go for a moment, then shook her head sadly and went off to have an ale and forget that this conversation ever happened.

Out on the path a young ferret stood near he back of Cluny's horde. He had been standing there for a little over five seconds and was quickly becoming bored. Leaning over towards the rat next to him, he whispered, "What are we waiting for?"

The rat, Ragear, gave him a weird look and replied, "We're waiting for the chief ta finish talking to the mice in the abbey up yonder."

"Oh" and with that he went back to staring straight ahead. After a minute or two he leaned back over and whispered, "Who's the chief?"

"By the stripes lad, are ye telling me ye were recruited and don't even know the name of your warlord?"

"Oh, I never entered in with any warlord. I just thought we were waiting for something exciting to happen. Like free ice cream or a carnival. But if that's all, then I quess I'll just be going." He turned and walked off in to the woods.

Before he left Ragear called after him, "What's yor name?"

"Veil Sixclaw the Outcast."

On the eastern end of the north walltop Brother Alf was checking the wall gates and patrolling the forest sides of the abbey, when he spotted a strange mouse leaning over the battlements.

"Excuse me but what are you doing?"

The strange mouse turned to face Brother Alf. He looked strangely familiar, as if Alf had seen him before.

"I'm waiting for the pizza delivery boy." the stranger replied.

Before Brother Alf could reply a voice is heard from Mossflower woods. Looking down they saw Veil and a big tattooed otter.

"Well, well, if it isn't our resident outcast and Zan Juskarath Taggarung. How are ya?" the stranger called down.

"Just open the door Warrior." called Veil slightly irritated.

"And why should I?"

"We have pizza!", Tag called holding up a six foot tall stack of pizza boxes.

"Hold on I'll be right down!"

Matthias's chair clattered on it's side as he sprang forward, breaking free from the restraining paws of the Abbot.

"Listen, rat, you don't scare me! I'll give you our answer. You get nothing! Now do you understand that?"

Shaking with furry, Matthias allowed himself to be pulled back on to his chair. The Abbot turned to Cluny.

"You must forgive Matthias. He is young and headstrong. Now as to your proposal, I am afraid it is out of the question. Should you or your army require medical, food clothing, or help upon your way, you will find us only too willing to assist-"

Cluny interrupted rudely by pounding upon the table until the Abbot was silent.

Suddenly from under the table came an irate voice.

"Can't a girl get any peace anywhere in this place?"

From under the table came a rather angry looking 19-year old 'human' girl (me!)

"Oh, hello father."

"Hello my child, might I ask what you were doing you were doing beneath the table?"

"I was taking a nap. That is until someone woke me." She glanced at Cluny.

"Well now if you'll excuse us, we would like to finish talking with our guests."

"Guests? We have quests? Where are they?"

"Right here." Abbot Mortimer gestured towards Cluny and Redtooth.

"Naw way, your pull 'in my leg. Cluny's been here for neigh on two seasons now."

"No, these rats just arrived today."

"No Cluny's been here. Why just last week he helped you bake that seven layered strawberry shortcake."

Awkward silence.

"Come on Cluny, back me up here."

"I don't know what your talking about." Cluny replied shaking his head nervously.

"Matthias you know, don't you. Come on we hang out all the time."

Matthias simply shook his head sadly.

She looked at the group as if they were all crazy then fell to her knees and cried to the sky. "Has the entire universe gone completely upside down!"

Just then a knocking is heard coming from the closet. Everyone turned to look. Slowly getting to her feet the girl walked over to the door and turned the knob. Tumbling out across the floor came none other than Cluny the Scourge.