Sauron's (VERY PRIVATE: KEEP OUT MEDDLING MORTAL!) Journal

Day One

World takeover is going well. Accidentally burst into manic laughter while overseeing the ring-forging elves today, but they were too busy admiring themselves to notice. In other news, my ear itches.

Day Two

Betrayed the elves today. It was quite fun really; I should do this more often. I finally got a good long insane cackle in as my Minions of Evil were finishing them off. The Ring is pretty. Mwaha.

Day Six

Been busy lately; no time to write. Dominion over all the earth is more involved than I imagined. Minions of Evil now total 5. Well, I'm not sure we can count #3, I overheard him singing "When Doves Cry" in the shower today. Not such an evil song.

Day Seven

#3 is definitely not evil. I caught him watching Barney in the rec room today. Am very disappointed as Minion count has now dropped back to 4.

Day Eight

Stupid human men have been corrupted by the power of their rings. Showed up this morning asking to join. This is a great step forward as we now have 13 Minions.

Day Nine

While the humans are definitely evil, they are a bit annoying. They play loud music at all hours and hog the remote. As we didn't have much room left in the house, they sleep in the shed. Whiners keep complaining about the holes in the roof.

Day Ten

It is a sad day. The Nazgul ate the last of the Lucky Charms and the elves and men have forged an alliance. All quite depressing. Think I'll go play computer ping-pong now.

Day Eleven

Found out elves "alliance" consists of Elrond, some king and a prince. Ha! I also beat Nazgul #7's high score at ping-pong. A good day.

Day Eighteen

Elrond has apparently persuaded a few thousand "Champions of Light" to join his cause. This is bad, very bad. Our cable has also been cut off as Minion #5 forgot to pay the bill again. At least the ring is still pretty.

Day Nineteen

Another Minion offered to join today. Actually, I think he was a confused traveling salesman, but at this point we'll take anything we can get.

Day Twenty

Elrond and darned Legions of Light outside in the yard. Apparently, they're unsure as to if they got the right house. Minion #9's angle figurines in the flowerbed probably throwing them off. So far, they've set up tents in the backyard and are using the gazebo as a planning base. Elves have terrible taste in armor.

Day Twenty-Two

Elves discovered my stash of self-help books hidden in the shed. (Nazgul evacuated to the bathroom closet shortly before they arrived.) Elrond is flipping through So You Want to be Evil?, and Take Over the World in 100 Easy Steps! I think he's beginning to put two and two together…

Day Twenty-Three

Was killed by upstart prince on the eve of victory. Darn humans. Ring still pretty.