CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Promises Given


A few mornings later, Alexis was sitting in her dining room, finishing her coffee as Kristina cleared the table away from their breakfast.

"You need to eat more, Alexis," her sister scolded her.

"I know, Kristina. It really was delicious, but I just don't have much of an appetite lately."

Kristina took the dishes into the kitchen, then came back and sat down at the table with her and took Alexis' hand. "I know why. You've been worried about Sonny ever since the car accident with Carly. But if you deplete your own energies, you'll be of no help to Sonny at all either."

"I'm of no help to him now. Other than ensuring that AJ doesn't try anything underhanded and try and steal Michael away." Alexis said, sighing heavily. She paused, not used to sharing her inner feelings. "He's frozen me out. He won't let me in to share his pain."

"My guess would be is that he's trying to protect you form enduring the same pain he's feeling. Sonny is very protective of you, Alexis, in case you hadn't noticed. From the very first night when I met him in Ned's cottage after Helena had kidnapped you, he's been that way. He barely registered anyone else in the room that night."

Somehow Kristina's words gave Alexis some hope and she said so.

"Remember how he came after you as soon as he found out you'd gone out looking for clues about Carly on your own?" Her face still mirrored disapproval at Alexis' unthinking actions.

"Enough already, I got the lecture from both you and Sonny of the errors of my ways... more times then I care to recollect."

"Good. So I won't have to repeat myself again. My point this time, though, is that Sonny came after you without a moment's hesitation. I remember the first time I met him – after Helena had kidnapped you and we were all at Ned's cottage. He walked in and went straight to you as though no one else in the room was even there. Both times, his first thoughts, his first instincts was to keep you safe, and I'd bet my crystals that this is exactly what he's doing now."

Alexis couldn't help but remember either, and how she had fantasized that it was Sonny who had come to rescue her. And then he had taken her right out from under Ned and Jax's noses. How he had known what she needed – not a party, but to a chance to release her fear. She'd smashed several objects in the apartment until she'd been able to admit her fears in a storm of tears. She closed her eyes for a moment and could feel the strength of his arms around her.

"You remember that night too." Kristina said with an understanding smile. "I see him differently when he's around you than from when he's out there in the world being Sonny Corinthos. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you - he wouldn't – won't - let anything hurt you. Not even himself."

"So what do I do?" she asked."If he's protecting me from himself, how do I protect him?"

"Exactly what you are doing... keep caring for him... keep looking out for his best interests the way that only YOU can." Kristina answered. "Don't argue with him about the guards that he's put on us..."

"You don't mind? You hated it when Stefan wanted to assign you a bodyguard."

"That was just about me being some so-called Cassidine princess. I understand where it's coming from this time and it's different. Sonny feels an almost irrational desire to protect you, especially after what happened to Carly. And by extension, since you mean so much to him, that also means by extension, means protecting me, so I've decided not to fight Sonny on this the way I did Stefan. Can't you see how different it is? If it gives Sonny a sort of comfort to protect us, while he's going thorough this, then it's the least I can do. And he hasn't frozen you out – at least not on purpose. Sonny has to come to terms with his loss -"

"He doesn't believe that Carly is dead."

"Yet." Kristina said. "And so he needs to deal with that, and as much as he shares himself with you... there are still parts of him that he can't share. Yet. Just give him time and a little space while he comes to grips with the fact that Carly is probably dead, Alexis. That's what he needs now. When he can, he will come to you. He cares about you too much to stay away long."

Alexis stood up. "When did you get to be so wise?" she said to Kristina with a smile.

"I don't know. When I found out I had a big sister who needed me to be." Kristina answered.

"Well, promise me that you'll keep on doing exactly that. I guess sometimes I need taking care of.."

"That's a promise that will be easy to keep."

Alexis sighed. "Okay, we've had our bonding moment," she said dryly. "And now I'd better go down to the office. I'm sure I have some work that needs tending to."

"And we'll meet for lunch?"

"Is that your not-so-subtle-way of making sure that I actually eat lunch?"

"Subtle? Me?"

"Not-subtle. You." Alexis hugged Kristina impulsively. "Have I told you lately how very very glad I am to have you in my life?"

"Not nearly enough." Kristina said, hugging her back.

Alexis gathered her things into her briefcase and headed out the door. Johnny was across the hall on guard as usual. Involuntarily, Alexis' eyes went to the closed door then back to the bodyguard.
"How is he?" she asked softly.

"Quiet." Johnny replied. "I don't know if it's a good thing or not." He hesitated, as if debating with himself for a moment, and then made a decision and spoke. "He hasn't torn the place apart, so I guess it's good. But the other guys say they hear him up at all hours of the night."

The worry in Alexis' eyes was suddenly mirrored in Johnny's.

"If anything develops..." Alexis began. "If anything happens to him...'

"Don't worry, Ms. Davis..."

"Johnny – please – call me Alexis. We're way past the Ms. Davis part, I think... It's just that I'm worried about him..."

He hesitated for a split second. "All right - Alexis - if anything changes... know that you'll be the first person I call," Johnny promised before Alexis could finish her sentence.

"Thank you, Johnny." Involuntarily her eyes went back to Sonny's door. She wanted to go to him with everything in her, but at the same time, she knew she had to respect his own needs. In many areas, Sonny was a private person. Just as much as she was, and there was no way she couldn't respect that, because she understood it all too well.

Johnny's eyes flickered toward the door as though he'd heard something. He straightened suddenly, a millisecond before the door opened.

"Sonny?" He looked tired. As though he hadn't slept in weeks, although it had only been a few days since Carly had disappeared. There were dark shadows under his eyes. As usual, he was dressed and impeccably tailored, but there was a laxness in spirit that hung in his eyes that Alexis didn't in." He opened the door a little wider for her to enter.

As the door closed behind her, Alexis turned to face him. Before she could speak, Sonny was taking the briefcase from her hand and wordlessly pulled her into a close embrace. His arms tightened around her even as his lips were seeking hers. The intensity of his embrace and then his kiss swept both of their senses away. They stood for a long time like this, not talking, only holding one another, their lips saying all they needed to say without speaking.

Finally they separated. "How are you, Sonny?" Alexis asked, even as her fingers caressed his face gently, as though trying to smooth away the pain she saw etched into his features.

"We're expanding the radius of the search." Sonny answered. He moved away from her, as though mention of the search had brought Carly into the room and left her standing between them. "Your nephew and Jax have both offered to add to my men with people of their own. I decided to take them both up on it."

"I'm sure both Jax and Nikolas are happy to help. I believe that Jax has actually become fond of Carly. He can't wait to get her back running the club. He never was one to be bogged down by day-to-day routines." Alexis said, trying to lighten his mood. "He's said more than once, that Carly has shown an amazing flair for the business."

"Both Jax and Nikolas care because it matters to you." Sonny had crossed the room to glance out of the window to the balcony. Now he turned back to her. "I care too Alexis...and I'm sorry this is happening now. Especially now."

"It's a horrible thing to happen at any time, Sonny. Carly and I never got along, and probably never will, but I would have never wished this on her in a million years."

"Neither would I." Sonny went to the couch and sat down heavily, as though the weight of the world weighed him down. "I wanted to be free of her, but I never meant to hurt her... not like this. I wanted her out of my life... I wanted you in it. But this is not what I wanted at all. And now I've destroyed her life." He raised an anguished gaze to hers. "I don't want to destroy yours too."

Alexis went to him. Sitting beside him, she took his hand. He gripped it with an iron-hard grasp. "How could you, Sonny?"

"I'm selfish, Alexis. I've always been a selfish S.O.B. That night, the night we made love for the very first time; I was the one who took it to the next level. It wasn't enough that you saved my life – literally. I couldn't see what killing A.J would really do to me. But you did, didn't you? You begged me not to go through with the hit – not for your sake, or even for AJ's. But for me. But I couldn't leave that alone and be thankful for that. I wanted more. And I wanted it right then and there. Because it was what I wanted. Right then, right then and there... I wanted you. I needed you. And I didn't think about anything else." His voice turned hard and bitter and was full of self-loathing. "Typical me."

"I knew what I was doing, Sonny. You gave me the choice to walk out that door. And I didn't."

"But maybe we should have waited. Maybe you should have walked out of that door. Maybe I should have made sure that Carly understand that we were totally over and there was no going back. And maybe she wouldn't have come to the penthouse that night.
"And besides, that wasn't the way I wanted it to be for us. Not the first time – or any time. I – I wanted more for you... I used to...dream. About the first time I would be with you."

"You did?" The question slipped out in spite of herself.

Sonny smiled, but a tinge of sadness shadowed it. "Ever since that night at the club when we danced, I knew how much I wanted to be with you. When we were dancing under the soft lights, I was thinking of dancing with you under a tropical moon, of making love with you somewhere far away from here, away from everything and everyone. Where none of this could touch us. We almost had it..."

His voice broke the tiniest bit with all that he was feeling, and the feeling, shared by the two of them, took her heart along with it. "...And I ruined it. The way I ruin everything I touch and everything that touches my life." He let go of Alexis' hand and stared at his hands, seeing the blood on them that Alexis could never envisage. "I can't let that happen to you, Alexis."

"No!" Alexis reached out and took both of his hands in hers. "It won't happen to me – to us. I don't know how we happened, Sonny. But it's right... you and me, somehow, we fit, like two halves of a whole. You didn't destroy my life, Sonny. You brought me to life.You brought something into my life that I have never experienced before. A man who saw me, flaws and all, and accepted me unconditionally. You never judged me and never tried to mold me into what you thought I needed to be..."

"How could I?" Sonny said, momentarily confused..." Mold you into what? Just the way you are, you're everything I need..."

"And so are you to me...See? The empty parts of me, you fill. And it's the same for you. Apart, we're lesser than when we are together. How could that ever destroy us?"

Sonny still holding her hands, raised them to his lips and kissed them gently. "You don't understand, Alexis," he said, looking up at her. "You bring out the better man in me. That man only lives when you're around. But that's not the whole me. There are parts of me that you've never seen. Parts of me that are buried deep inside, and those pieces of me are so dark, and so cold that I can't even stand it, thinking about you having to ever see that part of me. That's the part of me you don't know... and that's the part of me that could destroy you."

The look in his eyes was determined and totally unyielding, and tormented. Alexis could see that Sonny believed every word he said and she didn't know how to convince him otherwise. She remembered what Kristina said about just giving Sonny space and time. In hope of that, she laid her head on his shoulder.

"This is all going to turn out right, Sonny. We're going to be all right. We'll have that night in the islands, I promise you. We will be together, away from everything and everyone, just like you want. And we can dance all night, if you want."

Sonny shifted, his arms going around her to hold her close. Somehow, her head slipped down to his chest, where she could feel the beat of his heart, feeling it slow from agitation towards calmness. She felt him as he bent to her and caressed her hair with a brush of his lips.

"Is that a promise, Alexis?"

"Shhh....can't you hear the music, Sonny?" Alexis said, her voice dropping to a heartfelt whisper. "I'm in your arms, and I'm in yours... holding you close and nothing exists except you and I and the music...if you close your eyes and just listen, we can just dance the night away...just you and me..."

After a long quiet moment, she could feel Sonny begin to rock her gently in his arms. Alexis closed her eyes, knowing somehow that Sonny had done the same. For this moment in time, they were alone, and nothing outside this room existed. All of their cares and fears were banished, and nothing else existed except the feelings flowing strong and sure between the two of them.

"I can smell the ocean and the night-blooming flowers, and most of all, there is the scent of you." Alexis said

"The music I hear is our hearts beating together." Sonny answered.

Alexis lifted her head to look into his eyes, even as her hand moved to lay itself over his heart. "Yes, Sonny. The music of our hearts is all the music we need."

"I wish we were alone right now." Sonny said, lifting a hand to stroke her hair back from Alexis' face. His fingertips traced their way across her cheek and drifted down to touch her lips lightly. Alexis kissed their tips and then drew his lips to hers.

Almost simultaneously, their cell phones rang. Reluctantly, they draw apart. For Sonny, it was news that the searchers were assembled and about to expand into the new expanded search area. For Alexis it was a call from a family court judge she'd had a meeting with a little later, saying that he had an unexpected opening now and would see her. She hurries to assure him that she would be there. Alexis covers the receiver with her hand. "I don't have to go." She said.

Sonny shook his head. "I have to be at the site while they look. And then I have to go and see Michael. He's still asking for his mom, and Bobbie and I haven't decided what to tell him. What you're doing at least keeps me assured that he'll stay with Bobbie, where he belongs... unless... unless he has to come live with me." That hurt feeling came over his face again.

"Come on, I'll walk you out." Sonny said. They rode down to the garage together. Just before the elevator doors opened, Sony reached out and gave her hand a soft squeeze. They smiled at one another as Sonny walked her to the car.

Alexis got in and Sonny leaned down to talk to her through the window. "Thanks for not saying much for the bodyguards." Sonny said to her. His hand rested on the window and Alexis covered it with her own.

"I know it makes you feel better to know that you've got someone keeping an eye on me. So this one – you win."

"That's my girl." Sonny said. He smiled, and Alexis caught a glimpse of his old self.

Alexis smiled up at him. "You take care of me, and I take care of you. That's the way it works from now on, Sonny."

"That's been happening for a long time now, but I like the sound of it anyway." Sonny answered. "Take care of me all you like, Counselor." A hint of his old spark came back into his eyes and he smiled at her, his dimples enchanting her all over again.

"I intend to do exactly that." Alexis answered him, with a flash of her own dimples showing. She drove off, and in spite of their troubles, her spirits felt lifted, almost relieved. Alexis was suddenly feeling a lot better than she had in what felt like a long time.