"I'm fine. So who next? Olivia? Can you hurry up so we can be done?" Elliot said impatiently.
"Ok, sure. I will go." Olivia sighed as she knew how hard this would be. She moved her armchair so she was across from Elliot who was sitting on the couch.
"Elliot, I am worried. When we were partners we had gone through many incidents however I never seen you like this before. I can only imagine how much Jenna's shooting still affects you today. And now Kathy died in front of you in such a tragic way. Sometimes as hard as it is, we have to accept help from someone who can help us deal with our pain." Olivia wiped a tear away and she looked away from Elliot.
"Liv, I know. But I'm fine." Elliot said in a whisper.
"Please, I need to continue. The past year I've gone to many cop's funerals who commited suicide because of the stress of the job and the ptsd became to debilitating for them. Many felt hopelessness, alone and a burden to those who loved them. Even though we haven't talked in ten years I knew you were somewhere. Somewhere out there with Kathy and the kids. I always hoped you were happy. I'm not sure I could lose you. If you would do something or get killed. I.." Olivia paused as more tears came.
"Liv, please." Elliot's voice cracked as he said her name. He bent his head down. He couldn't look at her because she would see his tears.
"I know ptsd because I have dealt with it. Last year I had a relapse when Simon died. So I understand the struggle you are in. A few years after you left.." Olivia paused. "There was an incident. Worse than anything I had gone through before. I broke in half and barely survived physically and emotionally. I struggled a long time before getting help. I was afraid to admit I needed help. Only thing that helped was having support from my friends. And my sweet boy Noah who came in my life when I needed him the most. He saved me in so many ways."
"At first I went to counseling to keep my job which was the only constant thing in my life. Next I went for Noah so I could be a good mom. Finally I went so I could heal." Olivia broke and sobbed uncontrollably. Dickie and Kathleen both rushed over. Dickie rubbed her back as Kathleen held Olivia in a long embrace.
Elliot's phone buzzed. Perfect timing he thought."I'm sorry, I need to go. Bell needs me." Elliot said as he got up from the couch.
"Dad, so what if work needs you. We are your family and we need you now." Dickie said as he stared at his father in disbelief.
"Dad, you can't go now. Olivia just shared something really hard and personal." Maureen said as she followed Elliot.
"Elliot, please let us help you." Olivia said as she walked in the dining room blocking Elliot from the door.
"I'm fine. I have had a few hard days but i'm ok. Bell knows what is going on. And work helps keep me busy." Elliot said as he could feel himself growing more anxious.
"Elliot, please stay. But if you need to go here is a letter I wrote. Please read." Olivia said as she reached out for him. Elliot grabbed the letter and backed away from her reach.
"I love you…" Elliot said as his eyes teared up. He couldn't believe he said it. He said those words to Olivia. Elliot knew he messed up. He could see a mix of shock and disappointment on Olivia's and his kids faces as he looked around the room. "I um... I have to go. I love all of you. I promise I will take care of myself. Noone has to worry." Elliot backed away and slowly walked towards the door.
"Dad, please be careful" as Maureen followed him to the door. "Give me a hug and promise you will call me every day. I love you with all my heart. I can't lose you."
"Sweetheart, I love you. I promise. I will call. I have to go." Elliot gave Maureen a hug and kiss on the cheek and walked out the door.
