CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
A Conversation…A Revelation

On the boat ride back to the mainland, Alexis' mind was busy once more with plans and possibilities. Kristina noticed her thoughtful expression and it excited her. Her eyes were bright with it.

"I can see the wheels turning. What do you think really happened to Carly, Alexis? And more important, tell me what you're planning to do about it!"

"Who says I'm going to do anything about it?" Alexis answered, only a little annoyed that her feelings were so transparent. In too little time, Kristina had shown herself very able to read her big sister.

"I'm just happy to see you finally ready to follow your heart and not your head." Kristina said. She paused, her expression going serious for just a moment. "I didn't say anything earlier, but I saw your face at the funeral when Carly appeared. You looked like your heart had been ripped clean out of your chest. This morning, that look was gone. You're not going to let this change anything between you and Sonny."

"I am going to let Sonny decide what Sonny wants."

"You're not going to fight for him?

Alexis shook her head. "If I have to 'fight' for him against Carly, for his heart, then just what is it that I'm winning?"

"But what about Carly?"

"This has got to be about me and Sonny. I know Sonny. He hates needing people." She couldn't help but remember the look in his eyes that night, when he had at last, admitted that he'd needed her. It had thrilled her, body and soul. And, no matter what else she had been through in her life, she had a woman's pride when it came to love. Sonny had to be left to make his choice for her love freely. Or else it counted for nothing.

"He'll do anything to keep from needing any one. I don't think he even realizes it when he does it, because it's not a deliberate action on his part. And that's where I have to be careful. Sonny is a proud man. Very alpha-male. He won't trust himself to allow someone to be there for him. Sonny doesn't expect trust and caring. He actually expects betrayal."

Alexis slowed, realizing a new truth even as the words came from her mouth. "…And he expects pain. He expects betrayal. And hurt. Sonny doesn't think he deserves honesty and trust and genuine caring. He doesn't think he deserves a love that he can fully trust. He's never had it before. But I…I don't know any other way to love."

Kristina sighed. "Are you ready to admit how much you truly love him?" she knew how much Alexis hated someone invading her private space, but she couldn't help but ask.

"When I'm ready for that, you'll be the first to know – no, the second." Alexis amended with a smile that brought an answering delighted giggle from her sister. "Right now, all I know is that I will do everything to help him be the man I know he can be."

Alexis looked away from Kristina, and out over the water. "It's time for Sonny to break this cycle of pain and betrayals that he's been locked into all of his life.

"I want him to change, but not for me. I want him to change, because I know that he can and more importantly, I believe that he wants to. But he has to be the one to choose it. No one, not even me, can make that choice for him. And I wouldn't want a man that would allow me to make the choice for him. I don't want an indecisive boy; I need a man in my life who knows what he wants, who chooses me, because he sees it as the right choice in his life.

"There's a lot to Sonny you couldn't possibly know, Kristina. And I don't know if I could even begin to explain him to you. He's a very complex and complicated man. But I can tell you this much: in Sonny's mind, everyone has an angle, everyone has a game. And no one is to be trusted. He learned that at a very early age. Sadly enough, it's ingrained so deeply in his subconscious that he doesn't see how it affects his life and the choices he makes. But the results are that no one gets close.

"I even understand he and Carly now. From the beginning, their relationship was built from the very beginning on betrayal, whatever else they may have found afterwards, and this was the devil he knew. Sonny thinks he deserves no better. But when he let me in, it was different from the beginning. He didn't see me as a woman."

"How could he miss that?" Kristina said with a laugh.

"Because at first, I was a just a suit. I got the job done, and I did it well. Very well. Trust me, I enjoyed rubbing the PCPD's nose in the dirt legally, and he recognized that. It was a kindred thought, probably the first that we shared. He was a challenge to work for; I liked it and he knew it. I liked to win – the same as he did.

"But somehow, we became friends. I think that I was the first woman in Sonny's life that was his friend first, the first one he treated as an equal. He had to. As his attorney, he had to allow himself to trust me. And because of who I am, I wouldn't accept anything less from him. But it was a challenge for him, and one for me too… and we both enjoyed the duel that became this incredible, wonderful dance that we've been doing for months and months. The duel of words and lifestyles between us became a dance, and I don't think either of us realized just when that happened. But somehow, I got under his skin, just like he got under mine's."

"And what about Carly?" Kristina persisted; glad to see this side of her sister.

"What about Carly, indeed. I'm going to speak with Nikolas about the men he used in the search. Jax too – maybe. I don't want them to stop. I want them to continue tracking just where Carly was and how she got from there to here."

"You don't think she was in an accident." There was no question in Kristina's voice, but her expression formed it anyway.

Alexis smiled at Kristina, marveling at her naiveté. "I know that you find it hard to accept the things that some people are willing to do to get what they want. But while I don't deny that the accident happened, it just wouldn't be Carly if she didn't find a way to take advantage of any situation that gets her what she wants. Even this. She betrayed her husband on so many levels this last time. Sonny threw her out and shut the door on her. He told me time and time again that he was done with her and to prove it, he rushed the divorce through. Do you know I didn't believe it until the two of them actually signed the papers?
"She was out of his life for good, and he was ready to move on. With me. She saw that. And then she saw us together. She'll be looking to get back in. And if Carly can destroy me – or what's probably more important to her - us – in the process, trust me, baby sister, she will."