CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Wounds Weapons and Words
Alexis saw Sonny headed her way. Her heart jerked out of rhythm. In reaction, she stood. Much too quickly, it seemed. For a moment, the room swung around her and everything blurred before her eyes. Then, Sonny's hand was at her elbow.
"Hey, hey… .are you okay?" Sonny was looking at her closely.
"I...I'm fine." Alexis said after a moment. "I just stood up too fast, that's all."
But Sonny didn't release his hold on her right away. "You sure."
"I'm sure." Alexis cursed herself for her sudden display of weakness. It was just that she hadn't expected seeing Sonny, let alone him actually coming up to her tonight. She over reacted, stood up too quick, and now she was feeling like a fool. People were already looking at them curiously. She reached for her coat, but before she could slip it on, Sonny was taking it from her and holding it open for her.
To refuse would only make her look sillier than she already had; if that were possible. Left with no choice, Alexis turned and allowed Sonny to help her. Did she imagine it, or did his hands linger on her shoulders a moment longer than they needed to?
Stop being silly, she thought to herself as she turned to face him. But maybe she hadn't been imagining things after all. Alexis found herself looking into his eyes. His eyes were as deep and as dark as ever, deep pools of silence when he wanted them to be…like now. But the iciness she'd been seeing was gone; momentarily thawed by their contact?
There was a long silence as their eyes met and held.
"You look tired." Alexis said as she took in the rest of him. Sonny looked more than that, he looked heart-sore and soul-weary, but tired seemed as good a word as any to use between them. An empty pang echoed through her as she sensed the ache that still echoed from him.
Alexis was suddenly unsure of how he'd take any words of concern from her. He seemed to want to distance himself from her, and she wasn't sure why. A flicker of uncertainty bit into her. He was here with his ex-wife and mother-in-law. Something inside her couldn't help but react to that fact. The instinct she had to reach out to him faded in response.
"So do you." Sonny drank in the sight of her like a thirsty plant in a dry land. There were the faintest shadows beneath her eyes; and a trace of hurt in her gaze. Sonny knew he was the cause of them both and the knowing twisted the knife of guilt that was already lodged firmly in his gut.
"I'm meeting Kristina outside." Alexis said. " …I should be getting the car." They stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then Alexis turned towards the lobby.
"Carly and Bobbie are meeting me by the car." Sonny said, moving with her. "I'll walk out with you." To his ears, their conversation sounded – polite. Neither warm nor cold. Just polite. Had it been that easy for Alexis to detach herself from him? It was his fault. He'd never so much as given her a word of explanation. And maybe he would never get the chance. But isn't that what he wanted?
Two polite business acquaintances meeting by chance; they maintained the façade as they walked towards the entrance. Alexis paused at the pick-up counter to accept her dessert package. Sonny went ahead to the doors, holding them for her as she exited. The scent of her perfume came to him as she brushed by him and Sonny found himself breathing deeply as if to catch a fleeting memory. He watched as she handed her voucher to the valet.
His car arrived., but Sonny only motioned for the driver to wait.
They were alone for a moment, and another strange little silence fell between them. Sonny was the one who spoke first. "I'm sorry things are the way they are." he said.
"Don't we need to talk about that, Sonny?"
Sonny faltered for a moment in his resolve, but only for a moment. He had lived his adult life as a series of strong moments and hard choices. This was just another one, he told himself. Then why did he feel the need to swallow before he spoke to her? And why did his throat hurt so much when he tried? "I...I don't think that's a good idea."
He knew his words would hurt her, but better a smaller hurt now than a lethal one down the road somewhere. Despite that knowledge, Sonny flinched inwardly as he watched Alexis' eyes as they fell away from his for a moment.
"I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do, Sonny." Alexis said, raising her eyes to meet his once more. "I just wish I understood all the reasons why you're doing what you're doing." She took a deep breath and gathered her courage in her hands. "And most importantly, why are you pushing me away?"
He couldn't answer her, and Sonny could see she hadn't really expected him to.
She only shook her head sadly. "I don't expect for you to answer that. Any more than I understand why you're doing what you're doing…" She left the sentence unfinished, giving him every chance to answer. When he didn't, she only smiled sadly at him.
If it were Carly, Sonny thought, she'd be pushing and prodding and needling at him, trying to find out what she wanted to know. But Alexis, she respected who he was too much to do that to him. She understood and cared too much about the man he was to pry at the boundaries where he wouldn't – or couldn't let her in. Was it any wonder that he'd fallen in love with her?
And that was exactly why he had to let her go.
His head told him to just go, walk away, leave her. But he couldn't. Just another moment, he told himself. We'll stand here, she'll speak. I'll listen to her voice as though it's the last sound I'll hear on earth. The last sound of peace and happiness in my life. Her sister will come out, and she'll drive away. I'll watch her go and she'll take a piece of my heart with her.
But until then, I can't just walk away.
She had turned away from him when he hadn't answered her. Sonny looked at her profile. Not a hint of what she was feeling showed on her face. The only thing that gave her away was the rapid blinking of her eyelids and the faintest sheen of what…tears?
"There … there is something I did want you to know." Sonny began. What he was about to tell her should make Alexis happy. Sonny didn't think he could live with himself, didn't know if sleep would come to him at all this night if he sent her away from him with such hurt in her eyes. The truth was, the sight of her pain would haunt his nights for weeks to come, more than it already did.
Alexis turned back to him, her beautiful brown eyes shining in the streetlights. She made an effort to smile, but bit at her lower lip to stop its trembling.
"I talked to Courtney tonight, when she came to baby-sit Mikey at the brownstone tonight. I'm thinking that maybe he might do a sleep-over with her this weekend."
"That's a wonderful thing, Sonny." Alexis' smile was real now. "I know how hard a decision that was for you."
Sonny was glad to see her eyes light up the way they used to do whenever he'd done something to make her proud of him. The look that told him that he really was the better man she always knew was. She knew what a hard-fought battle had gone on inside him to reach this point.
But she had taught him to be a better man. No, she had taught him to want to be a better man. There wasn't a better way he could think to honor the memory of what she'd been to him than this. One day, Alexis, I hope you'll see that.
"I got to thinking about what you told me, and you were right, you know. Michael needs all the people that love him in his life. Courtney is his aunt and he has every right to get to know her as his aunt. And… well, I'm going to try and trust AJ." He ran a hand through his hair. "The truth is, I'm trusting Courtney - not AJ." And you, he breathed silently. "Not AJ; not yet."
"It's a first step. Not just about AJ, but about mending the breach between you and Courtney." Alexis couldn't help herself; she reached out and touched his arm.
"Showing her that you trust her is showing her that you really do care about her. That what she says and thinks is important to you. As for AJ, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think Courtney can keep him in line. And it's not like you won't be having someone keeping an eye on them the whole time."
"That was a no-brainer, Sonny." Alexis laughed softly. "Some things never change – and one of them is your sense of protectiveness."
"Figured that out, did ya?" In spite of his earlier resolve, Sonny felt a flow of warmth at her words and her laughter warmed him from his heart down to his toes. For a moment, it was like old times. The bond they shared was still firmly in place and unchanged. She knew him as well as she knew herself in these times. He could see she was feeling that too.
"You're not going to tell me I'm being over-protective?"
"What? So you can not listen to me?" Alexis answered, taking a chance and daring to tease him. "I wouldn't waste my breath. Of course, if I got started on the lists of your bad habits…"
"…You probably wouldn't be able to stop – and I don't see any brown paper bags handy." Sonny said, an answering smile playing at the edges of his lips.
Inwardly, Alexis felt the faintest flutter of hope. They'd slipped back into their usual easy banter, as though the last little while had never happened. All we needed was a chance to talk. She thought to herself. How can he not see that now?
Alexis had ordered cheesecake, biscotti and espresso mix for dessert. There was more than enough to share, and she hovered on the edge of inviting Sonny back to the penthouse to share it with her. Would he accept? She hesitated. "I think you won't have to worry about a thing. It will be good for Michael."
"I never thought the day would come that I would think Michael being within ten feet of AJ could possibly be a good thing, but with Courtney there, well, maybe it will work out."
. "AJ within ten feet of my son?!" All of a sudden, Carly's voice was shrilling behind them. "Sonny, you must have lost your freakin' mind!"
Sonny and Alexis turned at the same time just as a furious Carly reached them. Bobbie was right behind her, with Kristina a step or two behind. Alexis looked at Kristina carefully. Her normally placid eyes were snapping with anger. Alexis supposed she only had Carly to blame for that.
"What the…" Sonny never got a chance to finish his sentence as Carly turned on Alexis. "And let me guess, you're encouraging this – it was probably your idea. You're as crazy as the rest of your insane Cassidine clan, so I can't say I'm surprised. But Sonny…" she spun back around to face him. "What are you thinking – to let that man anywhere near our son!"
Sonny almost groaned out loud. He hadn't planned on breaking it to her like this. He'd thought that the dinner out would mellow Carly, and then he had planned to talk to her about it on the car ride home.
"Carly – calm down…"he began.
"I will not calm down. My God, Sonny, you're standing here talking about handing that alcoholic maniac our child – we don't know what could happen! Look what he did to Jason – in case you've forgotten!"
"That was along time ago, Carly. AJ has been attending AA meetings at the hospital. According to Monica, he really has been trying." Bobbie caught up with them and tried to appease her daughter.
"Don't tell me, Momma, you knew about this too!?" Carly looked at all of them in outrage. "Is there anybody besides me who didn't know about the plan going on behind my back? Anybody!" She looked around and turned back to Kristina. "You – little miss newfound sister – you had enough to say a few minutes ago – don't you have anything else to contribute?"
"You should talk about plans!" Kristina snapped. "You of all people…"
"Kristina!" Alexis interrupted her sister before she could say anything more.
"You karma must be full to overflowing with bad khatras." Kristina said. "I've never encountered an aura as shadowed as yours."
I don't doubt it – whatever that means. Alexis thought. "Enough, Kristina – don't waste your breath."
"Yeah, let the lawyer do all the talking – that's what she gets paid so much to do. What was this - Alexis, a freebie for Sonny? Or did AJ flash a little cash in front of you to make you drop your – legal briefs."
The insinuation was crystal clear. Alexis flushed with anger at the insult, but kept her head. "AJ or the Quatermaines themselves don't have enough money to buy me. They never have – even though I understand they are used to buying and selling people who are willing to sell." Like you, Carly.
For once, Carly got her message loud and clear. Her face twisted in fury. She wielded her next words like a weapon.
"You would never understand the fears I have – how could you? You've never carried a child in you, never felt it grow. You can't know what that's like."
And then with an almost savage glee, she struck home, with words meant to stab deep into Alexis' heart. "And you know what…you never will. You're just a dried-up old hag – you'll never know that kind of love – you never will because who will love you…"
"Carly…stop it!" Sonny felt his own rage surging up in him. How could so much ugliness come from lips so sweet looking when they wanted to be? He grabbed at her arms and tried to swing her away from Alexis, who had gone pale and begun to shake under Carly's attack. "Are you crazy – are you insane!?"
Carly was almost incoherent in her rage. She twisted in Sonny's grasp to face Alexis, still spitting poison. "This... this is all your fault. This is all your idea and don't think I don't know it. You're using a child – my child to get what you want…and you want my husband!"
Sonny shook Carly angrily. "Carly – shut up!" he roared.
"Shut up?! Shut up!? Does the truth hurt?! She's been manipulating you from day one – and you've been blind enough to let it happen." Carly twisted free of Sonny's hold and turned her fury on him. "Look at you -you're willing to hand over our son to a murdering drunk! If you let the man that murdered our first son have this one too – you're no better than he is – you're just as much a murderer as AJ is!"
Her words echoed in the air and a shocked silence reigned in their wake.
Even Carly realized she'd gone a step too far as Sonny's hands fell away from her suddenly. His face reflected pure shock, then pure devastation; eyes still locked on her face in stunned desolation, Sonny stumbled backwards from her.
"Son… Sonny..." Carly stammered, her rage falling away from her as quickly as it had come. "I didn't mean to… I mean, that's not what…" She fell silent as Sonny flung one hand up to silence her without saying a word.
Alexis stared at Sonny. The blood had literally poured out of his face as Carly's hateful words had stuck home. Before he turned away, Alexis caught a glimpse of his eyes. She didn't think that she had ever seen such raw pain in him as he did at that moment. Now he looked like he didn't see any of them.
She could tell that none of them registered for Sonny after that. They all watched as Sonny began to turn away.
"Mr. Corinthos…?" His bodyguard started towards him, as Sonny began to walk past the car.
"Get them home." Sonny's voice was quiet and flat. And brooked no disagreement.
"But you, sir?"
"Do it." Sonny snarled. He began walking rapidly down the street. Before anyone could react, he turned the corner and was lost to view.
For a moment, no one moved; they were all shocked immobile by Carly's attack and Sonny's reaction. Alexis was the first one to react.
She reached out, grabbed. Carly by the arm, and spun her around to face her. "What is the matter with you." Her voice was almost as cold and flat as Sonny's had been, and the icy rage in it caught Carly off guard.
So off guard that she apologized without thinking. "I'm sorry… it wasn't what I meant to say... I wasn't thinking..."
Alexis' hand tightened on Carly's arm and pulled her closer to her. She wanted to make sure Carly heard every word she said. "You never think Carly… it's always just about you – your wants- your needs. Your tongue is one of your surest weapons and you use it every chance you get to wound anyone who gets in your way. And when you don't get what you want exactly the way you want – you lash out in the most hateful way you can think of and you don't care what you say or who you hurt!"
"Sonny knows I didn't mean it…" Carly looked to her mother for support. "Doesn't he, Mama? He knows how I am when I'm angry."
"Carly, maybe we'd better just go home." Bobbie answered. She could barely look at Carly herself. She too, had seen the utter pain in Sonny's eyes.
"Did you look at his face while you screamed at those words at him. You told him he was murdering his son. Did you see his eyes…" Alexis had seen his eyes and what she'd seen there frightened her. They had emptied of all emotion. No rage, no sorrow – they were so empty. That terrified her and fueled her rage all at once. "Did you see his eyes!"
Carly's eyes, as they met Alexis' answered her. She'd seen them. And it had scared her as much as it had Alexis.
Then Bobbie was there, laying her hand on top of Alexis'. "This isn't going to get us anywhere." She said to the both of them. "Carly's been through a lot lately, Alexis. I'm sure that's what has been the cause of this outburst."
"Do you, really?" Alexis answered bitterly. But she let Carly's arm go.
"Maybe I should go after him…" Carly began.
"No, I think you've done enough damage for tonight. What we need to do is go home." With a nod to Alexis and Kristina, Bobbie led Carly to the waiting car, talking the entire time to Carly in a subdued, but firm tone of voice.
Alexis stood there as their car pulled off. The adrenalin in her slowly died away, leaving her trembling with emotion. Oh God, Sonny, what has she done to you.
Feeling, Kristina come up beside her, Alexis turned to her. "I can't believe that happened."
"I can." Kristina said. "We met in the ladies room. It was – unpleasant to say the least. Then she came out here, saw you and Sonny and Carly went totally ballistic." She paused, here eyes full of concern for her sister. "I know you're worried, but all we can do is go home."
Was it? Alexis turned towards the car. "Can you drive, Kristina?"
"Not a problem. Why?"
Alexis waited until they were seated inside. "I've got a few phones calls to make." She explained, and pulled out her phone.
How long Sonny walked the streets of Port Charles, he never could remember. He'd gone numb inside, dead inside, lost all feelings or capabilities of thought. The only thing he could hear were Carly's words, searing themselves into his consciousness.
Eventually he found himself walking down by the docks. Sonny stood at the waters edge, staring down into the dark, cold emptiness. Overhead the stars were gone, blotted out by the massing storm clouds.
There was movement in the darkness nearby. Sonny turned sharply, not knowing what to expect.
What he didn't expect was Alexis walking out of the shadows towards him.
"I was wondering how long it would be before you came here."
"What are you doing here, Alexis?"
"Waiting for you – what else?" Alexis came a step closer. "Will you trust me, Sonny?"
Alexis held out her hand.
