Whoa! Extremely late update. To anyone who's still reading this fic we send you huge apologies. We never meant for this story to go so long without being updated.
DISCLAIMER: We still own nothing.
Chapter 3
Are We There Yet?
Pietro shifted uncomfortably against the side of the jeep, mumbling to himself under his breath. Todd looked utterly bored out of his mind in the middle of the back seat.
John had pulled out the lighter and was playing with the flame, while Lance glanced nervously over at him from the left. Then, to make things worse, he reached for the radio and flicked it onto the country music station.
"Oh for the love of me! Somebody stop him!" Screamed Pietro. "This is cruel and unusual torture. I've been robbed of shot gun, stuff in the back with a roll of fat and a frog, and now I'm being forced to listen to hillbilly music. The world as we know it is ending."
Lance gripped the steering wheel tightly. "This isn't my life. This cannot possibly be my life."
"Turn that horrible noise off, Pyro!" Shrieked Pietro.
"No, leave it on." Wanda sais.
"What?" Pietro yelped. "Why're you siding with him Wanda?"
She snorted. "Because it's annoying you, dumbass."
"No!" Pietro cried, jamming his index fingers into his ears. "I can't stand it. I CAN'T STAND IT!"
"It's not too bad.." Todd said quietly, shrugging. Pietro glance him a terrified glance, and then hid his face.
"I know longer know either you or Pyro!" Pietro announced loudly so that both of them would be sure to hear. "You're boycotted! And disowned! And dumped on your asses!"
"Dumped?" Lance questioned, looking at him in the rearview mirror. "Do you three have some kind of secret relationship going on that we don't know about?"
"Well, obviously if it's a secret you don't know about it." Pietro said in a snippy tone. :And no, we do not have a secret relationship!"
Pyro put on a hurt face, "You mean, you don't want us anymore speedy? My heart is broken!"
He then proceeded to fake cry in a very bad and frightening manner.
"Look what you've done now, Pietro." Wanda glared at her brother. "You idiot. You've got him going."
"Oh woe is me!" Pyro shrieked loudly, pretending to bawl. "I loved you Pietro Maximoff, and you betrayed me! Now Toad and I are left to pick up the pieces."
Toad, picking up where Pyro left off, grabbed Pietro in a clingy hug. "Pietro, please don't leave us! We love you darling! Let's kiss and make up!"
"Ahh!" Pietro screamed as he tried to push Toad off of him. "No! Save me! Waah! I want to go home!"
"Oh no you don't!" Lance snapped. 'You're the one who began this fiasco, and you're going to finish it. Get it?"
"Yeah..."
"Got it?"
"Yeah.."
"Good!" Lance grinned and continued to drive. After a few moments, he reached over and changed the channel to rock.
"No!" Pyro screamed. "My music! Give me back my MUSIC!"
"Turn it back Lance!" Wanda shouted. "I refuse to listen to that racket, and I'm not talking about Pyro."
Grumbling, Lance switched it back. The first strands of Garth Brooks 'Standing Outside the Fire' began playing.
Pyro grinned. "Now this is a song."
"That's because you're gay!" A disgruntled Pietro hollered from the back seat. "You have no taste in music, you tone deaf weirdo!"
"I'm not tone deaf." Pyro growled, shaking a fist at Pietro. "Don't make me singe your eyebrows off, blondie."
"I am not blonde!"
"Blondie, Blondie, Blondie!"
"Shut up!"
"You shut up, Pietro!" Wanda shouted. "Or I might just let him carry out his eyebrow threat."
"You wouldn't!"
"Yes I would!"
"That's not fair."
"And that matters why?"
"You are like the worst twin sister ever!"
"To bad for you, I'm the only one you have."
"Do you still think this was such a brilliant idea, Pietro?" Lance asked form the front.
"Well, I admit, it isn't exactly going as planned. My vision of it was much better."
"And what exactly was your vision Pietro?" Toad asked, somewhat sarcastically.
"Why, I saw myself on the beach surrounded by beautiful girls. You guys were somewhere in the background."
"It sounds wonderful." Wanda drawled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Lance shook his head. "That's something along the lines of what I thought his vision was." He said to Wanda. "We should have known."
"You're kind of a pervert, y'know mate." Pyro said, leaning back on Wanda's seat. "I don't know why girls even like you. They should like me."
"You?" Lance asked in a surprised tone of voice. "Why would any girl like you?" The other guys snickered, but Pyro looked confident.
"Because!' He exclaimed proudly. "For one, I'm damn sexy! Also, I'm sweet and romantic...not to mention sensitive!"
"Sensitive?" Toad exclaimed in shock. "You're not sensitive man, you're downright mean."
"Mean? Mean I don't have a mean bone in my body!" Pyro protested. He sighed as he got skeptical looks from the others. "Okay, maybe I'm a tad mean, but I'm only mean to men, never sheilas!"
"That's true actually." Wanda remarked thoughtfully. "He's never given me any trouble. My curtains are still intact. Huh, you guys suck. I'm the only one who'll never have to worry about him torching my room."
"Why of course not." Pyro exclaimed. "I'd never do anything like that. I'm a real gentleman at heart, eh mates?"
There was a loud chorus of "No" from the other boys.
"Well, whether you believe it or not, I am." He announced. "So you can keep thinking whatever you want, but you'll be sorry when I've got all the girls."
Wanda shook her head. "I like you more than the others, but believe me, you're living in a dream world. Your insanity happens to be a turn off to most girls."
"If only they would look past the insanity, they would find a sweet gooey, sensitive center." Pyro said dreamily. "I'm every girls fantasy."
"I'm sure you are." Wanda said.
Lance grinned. "Wanda, are you flirting with Pyro?"
Wanda grinned back. "Lance, do you want to walk with a limp for the rest of your life?"
Staring straight in front of him, Lance said. "I saw nothing. I heard nothing. I know nothing."
"That's for sure," snapped a sulky Pietro.
Toad on the other hand looked rather worried. "Wanda? Sweetums? My beautiful red rose? You don't like Pyro over me do you? Do you? Oh you can't! Please say that you don't!"
Wanda stayed facing straight ahead of her, but both Lance and Pyro could see the growing grin on her face. "Hmm...well, I'm not sure, Toad." she said thoughtfully, tapping her cheek. "I think I just may like him a bit more than I like you."
Toad's lower lip trembled, and he let out a loud squeal. "Oh no!" He cried mournfully. "My sugar lips" My crimson butterfly! Waah!"
Wanda grinned as toad exploded into tears and random gibberish in the back seat. Her day had been made.
"That wasn't very nice, you know." Pyro remarked.
Wanda shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, you're not the only one with a few mean bones in their body."
Behind them, Toad let out a loud wail.
"Would someone please make him stop that?" Freddy cried.
"Ugh. The little frogboy is touching me!" Pietro yelped.
"Oh man. Lance, are we there yet? I can't take any more of this." Freddy sounded pretty close to tears himself.
Suddenly, Toad stopped crying. "I have to go to the bathroom!" He bellowed.
"He's touching me!"
"Are we there yet?"
"I have to go to the bathroom!"
"He's touching me!"
"Are we there yet?"
"I have to go to the bathroom!"
"Will you all just shut up?" Lance snarled through clenched teeth. He swerved the steering wheel turning the jeep on a fork in the road.
"But I have to go to the bathroom." Toad whimpered, squirming in his seat.
"Tell him to stop touching me!" Pietro whined.
"I can't help it! I'm squished back here." Toad snapped.
"Are we there yet?" Freddy asked again.
"Uh Lance?" Wanda asked. "Where exactly are you going? This is the wrong way."
"We are taking a shortcut," said Lance. "That way, we'll get there sooner. The sooner we get there, the sooner the three stooges back there will shut up."
"Are you sure that you know where you're goin' mate?" The look on Pyro's face suggested that he didn't think so.
"Of course I know!" Lance barked, shutting them all up. "Do any of you know how to drive? Huh? HUH?"
Everyone shook their heads, and he nodded. "Exactly!" He exclaimed. "When you all get your licences THEN you can tell me how to drive. Until then, just shut up!"
Wanda shook her head. She had a bad feeling about Lance's 'shortcut', but she wasn't going to get him madder than he already was.
They all exchanged fleeting glances as Lance continued to drive. All of them fell silent for several moments, and then...
"I really have to go to the bathroom!"
Ah yes, the traditional 'Are we there yet?' scene. Every camping trip should have one. Ours always do. Stay tuned for the next part where we see just how badly Lance's 'shortcut' will turn out.
Shout-outs
Red Witch: The gang will cause tons of mayhem. Some of it factual, some of it not. We hope that you're still reading.
Realtfarraige: Thanks for the review, we hope that you're still with us.
childrenwithblades: Yeah, we made Pietro straight, prissy though he may be. Thanks for the compliments on our story.
