CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
A Secret Journey
Even as he reached out for her, Sonny knew he should walk away. He knew all the reasons why he should just turn and leave, leave now, a part of him screamed…keep his heart safe.
His heart safe? No, her heart; Alexis' heart was the real reason why he should walk away right here, right now, before he had to say anything more that would hurt her. Before anything else he could do could hurt her. His mind listed all the reasons why this was the right thing to do. A little hurt now was better than the infinite pain that could come later.
But even as their fingers intertwined one with the other, once they were face to face again, once Alexis' eyes looked into his, truly, from the moment when she reached out her hand to him, Sonny was forced to see that his heart belonged to her and there was no power on this earth or beyond that could have prevented him from taking it.
"How long would you have waited out here?" Sonny asked, his voice quiet, even while his heart leapt in his chest with this newfound revelation.
"However long it would have taken for you to come." A simple answer that shook Sonny to his core with its unmistakable truth.
"You shouldn't…" Sonny couldn't find the words to tell her what he knew he should to. "After everything I've done to you..." his voice trailed off miserably. How could he ever tell her how sorry he was? A part of him was still troubled. What if he were opening Alexis up to even more hurt?
Looking into his eyes, Alexis read his unspoken thoughts easily. She closed the small distance between them, and raised her free hand to first caress his face and then his lips, silencing him. "After everything that was done to you… I understand, Sonny."
"Why'd you come, Alexis?"
"I-I was going to let you do what you wanted - what I felt you thought you needed to do. For yourself; for your family. And if that meant walking away from me…" Alexis paused to swallow heavily, because even saying those words gave her an ache in her throat from the tears she'd refused to shed… she was surprised at herself how much just the memory of them still was able to hurt her so. "… if that was what you needed, then that was what I had to give you."
"But what Carly said - she's right…" Alexis felt the slightest tremor go through his body. His eyes dropped down to his hands. "You can't see the blood on my hands...but I can...What I am…and what it could do to you…" Sonny couldn't give words to his worst fears, that his life would injure hers.
"Carly is wrong!" Alexis said sharply. "And I will not stand here and let what she said matter one minute. I won't let you let it matter either." Her voice gentled. "I know what you are, Sonny. But I know who you are and that's the thing that's important. And that's why I'm here. Forget about Carly." She squeezed his hand. "Trust me, Sonny."
Still holding his hand, Alexis turned and led him aboard the Cassidine launch. As the boat left the dock, the sound of the rushing water and growing winds made talk almost impossible, but Alexis didn't attempt to talk to him on the short ride to Spoon Island. Instead, she simply leaned into him, snuggling into his warmth; somehow Sonny found himself holding her close in his arms. The rush of the waves and the chill breath of the wind left them insulated from the crew and wrapped up in one another; Sonny found himself not wanting it any other way and found himself oddly content.
To his surprise, the boat didn't stop at the main dock of the island, but instead it circled around to the far side, away from the city. At a smaller, inconspicuous and deserted dock, they disembarked. Alexis reached for his hand once more and Sonny let her lead him along the empty beach.
Overhead, the clouds were gathering in angry deep grey masses that swirled across the sky in an ever thickening blanket that stretched from one horizon to the other. Only a pale glow in the sky marked where the moon fought to shine through, but where it succeeded, sent stray shafts of watery moonbeams skittering erratically along the river's slate grey surface. The first rumblings of an approaching storm echoed distantly, but showed every sign of drawing nearer with each successive rumble. But for now, they growled in the near-distance, the sounds trailing off into silence that remained unbroken except the sound of the wind and the waves.
They stopped at the edge of the water and Alexis turned to face Sonny. "I wanted to give you all the space you needed, all the time you needed to come to grips with everything that has happened." Alexis said. "I wanted you to make your choice freely…"
"My choice?" Sonny echoed, not understanding.
"Carly came back, Sonny. She came back from the dead. Things like that have a way of making a person rethink their choices. I wanted you to be able to make your choice freely - not from any obligation you might feel towards me. Because of…because of one night that came out of nowhere." Having admitted her greatest fear, Alexis dropped her head, unable to face him for a moment.
"Obligation? Alexis - you're not an obligation." His hands came up and took Alexis by her arms. He shook her gently, forcing her eyes to meet his. "That one night didn't come out of nowhere. Don't you remember I told you it wasn't sudden…not for me. Didn't you hear what I said? Didn't you believe me?" How could she have ever doubted him - even for a moment? Sonny answered his own question. Because of my own stupid selfishness.
"But that was then, Sonny, and a lifetime has passed since that night. So I had to step back - so you could do whatever it was your heart led you to do."
"It felt like a lifetime since then, yes. But that's because I thought I had to let you go. Not because of Carly - but because of you."
It was Alexis' turn to be confused. "Because of me?"
"I didn't want you hurt." Sonny took a deep breath and admitted the secret he'd been holding in his heart. Because Alexis had been able to share her fears, Sonny found himself able to share his. "Can't you see what my life does to the people around me? My head tells me that I should leave you before I hurt you more - more than I already have... but my heart - my heart never left yours."
"Never?" Alexis whispered. Tears filled her eyes as her voice filled with emotion.
"Never…" Sonny answered, his own voice dropping to a husky heart-felt murmur. The sight of Alexis' eyes, a-shine with sudden tears, broke down the last of his defenses. "Alexis…" Sonny said her name slowly, savoring the sound of her name on her lips. His hands moved slowly up her arms, palms cupping her face. His thumbs traced a light pattern along her cheeks, and then slowly dropped to slide gently against her lower lip. It trembled beneath his touch, and he murmured her name once more moments before his lips captured hers in a tender caress.
His arms tightened around her as his mouth pressed against hers. He drew back momentarily, his breath sighing from his lips. His eyes flickered open to meet Alexis'. Seeing her eyes darkening in response to his touch to him only drove home the point of how much he had almost lost. How had he thought he could have walked away from her? A part of him would have always been lost without her. Sonny drew back for a moment to look at Alexis, delighting himself at the sight of her eyes glowing softly, then at her lips as they unconsciously parted in mute invitation, and it was one he couldn't resist. He drew her closer once more; they stood there together, lost in one another until the first serious storm gust swept across the river's edge along with a heavy whirl of icy raindrops.
Reluctantly, they parted. "We'd better get out of this. Before it gets worse." Sonny said, looking up at the sky. The rain began to intensify even as he spoke and a flash of lightning crashed across the sky. To his surprise, Alexis only laughed. "Alexis?"
"We're both crazy, you know!" she shouted over the rising wind.
Sonny only looked at her, still not understanding."Yeah, we're standing outside having a conversation in the face of a storm breaking right above our heads, so your point would be?"
"You still don't get it! You're trying to protect me, I'm trying to protect you and all we did was make a mess of things!" Alexis explained. Her eyes were alight with joy. Sonny could see the love shining out from them and all of a sudden he began to laugh with her. Oblivious to the wind and the rain, as one, they reached for one another.
Alexis slipped one hand behind Sonny's head. "But we're never going to make that mistake again." She said softly but determined, just before pulling Sonny into another kiss. A sweet and loving kiss that made the storm unfolding around them disappear.
It took an ear-splitting peal of thunder crashing almost directly overhead to end their embrace. Alexis took his hand again and pulled him into a quick run up the beach. Through the rain, Sonny saw the outline of a house just ahead of them. They made their way across the dunes, away from the river's edge. A little further and then they were crossing a stone-flagged terrace and Alexis pausing to pull out a key and unlock the door. The cold and the wet whistled in behind them as they stepped inside.
Sonny looked around in shocked silence. With a few simple steps, Alexis had taken him from one world into another; from a cold and blustery night into a tropical paradise that he thought had been lost in the past. But how could that be? Stunned into silence, he stared all around him at the beauty laid out before them. Nearly every inch of the room was filled with greenery. Miniature palm trees nestled in the corners and against the walls, while pastel containers of beige and brown held brightly colored flowering bushes of hibiscus, ginger and flowering butterfly foliage. Mingled with them were a small forest of potted gardenias and fragrant white roses that all co-mingled to fill the air with their heady scents and delight the eye with their presence.
Across the room, there was a space was left before the fireplace, which with its massive size, looked to be the normally dominant feature of the room, but was now dwarfed by the tropical world that had replaced it. Sonny looked at Alexis and she smiled at him, obviously pleased by his response. He watched as she crossed the room, shrugging off her coat as she went, to kneel before the fireplace and kindle the logs already waiting there and presently, the warm sounds and scent of a crackling fire began to fill the air. Alexis rose from her knees to see Sonny still standing by the door. She crossed the room to him.
I'm don't know what to say." Sonny said. He looked around, a smile blossoming in response to the sights and scents all around them. He looked from the flowering blooms to the now-inviting fire and back to Alexis in amazed delight. "I don't have the words…"
"A first for you, I'm sure." Alexis' dimples flashed into view as she smiled up at Sonny. Before he could answer, Alexis began undoing his coat. Once it was undone, she slipped her arms around him and leaned into him. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt Sonny's arms come up around her again. Alexis sighed, a tiny sound of contentment escaping from her. There were things that probably were waiting to be said, but none of that matter for the moment. What mattered was that she was back where she belonged - in Sonny's arms.
It was the same during the short trip to the island. Except she had been filled such a sense of relief, that it had overwhelmed all else. So much had depended on her knowing that first, Sonny would end up on the docks, and the second, that he would take her hand and trust her. She'd seen the conflicts behind his eyes, even if she hadn't fully understood the why of it then.
Now, knowing that he had finally let her back into his heart, with him here, she could relax; the battle of the day was won. Now all that was left was to win the war. But that could wait for tomorrow and beyond. Tonight was to be all theirs.
"Welcome home, Sonny." At first Sonny thought he'd only imagined the whisper coming from Alexis' lips. But then he felt the vibration from her body as the words came to his ear and knew she had spoken out loud. As she spoke, he felt Alexis' body relaxing into his, and the full import of the pain he'd caused her began to seep into him. There was a hollow space inside him that ached with the knowledge of it. But the warmth of her, the pure sensation of peace and contentment he felt radiating from her slowly filled that empty space, doing away with those painful feelings. His arms tightened around her, and his eyes closed.
He smiled to himself, at peace. As if she sensed the shift in his emotions, Alexis' body moved, as if in response. He felt her hands unlock themselves, felt soft palms firmly spreading themselves slowly along his lower back. But too soon, too soon her warm body was moving away from his own, or so he supposed. Sonny reluctantly let his own hands loosen and begin to fall away. But the expected separation didn't happen. Sonny opened his eyes to find Alexis looking at him, she hadn't moved more than a breath of a step away; she stayed close enough that he could still feel the heat of her body.
A tendril of rain-drenched hair was curled against the sweet curve of one cheekbone, and Sonny reached up to stroke it gently away. His fingers felt her smile before it blossomed across her face, felt the dimples deepening beneath his touch, and very soon his smile mirrored hers. They stood looking deep into one another's gaze, letting their eyes speak in a silent give and take that said so much that words could not.
Sonny could have stood there forever, losing himself in the sable depths of Alexis' eyes, but he felt a shiver go through her body, and realized suddenly, that it wasn't from his touch. The both of them were more than a little soaked. If they didn't want to end up with a cold - or worse, they were going to have to do something about that.
Actually, the thought of getting Alexis out of her wet clothes had a definite appeal to him at the moment. Unfortunately, a sneeze interrupted his thoughts and his intentions. He just managed to turn his head in just the nick of time.
Ahhh-choooo! Sonny had the grace to look a little embarrassed. "Uh… Alexis, as much as I'd like to hold you in my arms in this one spot all night - we're both kinda damp here now."
To his surprise, Alexis' eyes lit up with a twinkle of mischievousness in them, like a playful little girl with a secret.
"I've got that covered." Alexis took a step back and did a small bow, one hand lifting, gesturing to point the way to another room. "If you'll proceed - there, you'll find something to take care of that need."
"Taking care of my needs? All of them." Her teasing enchanted Sonny; he hadn't realized until now just how much he'd missed it; missed her.
"All in due time. First things first." Alexis said. She pointed to the room again. "Off with you, Sonny. Now."
"Giving me orders?"
"My island, my rules."
"Fair enough." Sonny was more than happy to obey.
